Fort Bragg Wedding Ceremony

Ever notice how unbelievably happy same sex couples are when they finally get married?  Ever notice how somber and serious many of the straight couples are when they get married?

Bill sent me this link about two soldiers getting married at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. See here. This one has special significance for me because just last summer I was threatened with physical violence by a distant cousin of mine when he asked me if I was gay (actually he said "There is a rumor that you practice the gay lifestyle?  Is that true?"  When I answered "If you're asking me if I'm gay, I am."  Then he said to me "If you step foot on my parent's property (I was visiting with Bill and my cousin Bob T. and his wife researching our family history) you have me to deal with!  You got that bud?"  

My cousin Jerry R. (the big guy in green) with his parents (his mother is my cousin) during a more friend visit two years ago before he heard the rumors I was "Quare"

Well, I'm not ashamed to admit that I was intimidated because I was in those western North Carolina mountains near the Tennesse border where my father grew up and where homophobia is alive and well and abysmal ignorance like my cousin's flourishes.  They have guns up there.

Bill with my cousin's husband - this shortly after he complained to Bill about President Obama putting "all those quares" in office.  We got a laugh out of his pronunciation at the time.  I didn't realize the seething hate underneath until last year when we tried to visit again.  Must be terrible to live in a pit of hate like this.  I wonder how people like this feel when they see the world closing in around them and they realize there are more people in life and not just straight, white people? And the ironic thing about this man is he is God fearing.  See why I'm not a fan of organized religion?  For someone so "God fearing" to harbor so much hate in their heart and to be so judgmental.  It is a shame.

I was in a section of the country where gay men like me are referred to as "Quares".  This is the same North Carolina that has outlawed marriage equality.  The same North Carolina that has the most restrictive voting in the country.  

I also have a tenuous link to Fort Bragg.  When I was in the Army, I attended Army Security Agency training at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts.  

Goofy me at Ft. Devens (give me a break, I was only 18 years old)

After schooling we were given a choice of our next assignment (which was to last the remainder of our tour of duty, 2 1/2 years for me) based on our standing in class.  I was seventh in my class.  My good friend (who I later found out to be gay) was eight.  I wanted to stay with him.  When it came down to choosing I said "We're going to Ft. Bragg together, right?"  

Me (left) with my buddies Bill A. and Dick E. at Ft. Devens, a break between the classes)

He wanted to be closer to his home in Norwood, Pennsylvania (a suburb of Philadelphia) and said he was going to choose Ft. Meade, Maryland, home of the National Security Agency.  There was only one allocation left for Ft. Meade.  I wanted to be with him because he was my good friend (no romantic interest, never was even after I found out he was gay) but I did have a great friendship with him.  So when it came time to choose I chose Ft. Meade instead and thus had probably the best 2 1/2 years of my life. 
 

Me (fourth from the right in the back) with my buddies/classmates at Ft. Devens April 1960

Even though the NSA and Ft. Meade was notorious for gay witch hunts I survived and made two good gay friends (both gone now).  But every time I see a reference to Ft. Bragg I think of what could have been and how much my life would have changed.  

Sal and Ron H., my gay (and best) friends at Ft. Meade standing before the poster of the Broadway type show they put on at the Service Club at Ft. Mead (I made the poster, they did the show, I missed that "Broadway Show" gene) 

But here I am rambling when I just want to show you this heartwarming video of a wedding in Ft. Bragg.  My, my how times have changed.

Me (second from left) with my Army buddies at Ft. Devens, spring of 1960

Another Old Photo Find!

Friends - Army Security Agency Training School - Ft. Devens, Mass - April 1960

Hey folks!  I found another old photo surprise!  You know me and my photos.  Oh yes, my friends, neighbors and relatives know that I can sometimes be a pain with my picture taking and I become discouraged, but it is at times like this when I am glad I am a pain in the ass photographer.

The photo at the top of this blog is of me. Can you spot me? I am the tall guy in the back on the right behind the guy with the cigarette dangling out of his pie hole.  It was taken in the spring of 1960 (April I think) during the time I was attending the Army Security Agency Training School at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts.  This photo was taken during break in one of our classes.

I have some other photos from that same day which I have posted previously to this blog but I haven't seen this picture since I took it fifty-two years ago.  

Where I lived at Ft. Devens, Mass - old World War II barracks

I think I was the only soldier who had a camera (a cheapie Brownie) in our class.  I don't remember anyone else taking photos.  My only regret is that I didn't take more photos.  

There were only two times I took photos.  Once during this class day.  The other time was one of the rare weekends that I spent on base.  Most of my fellow soldiers took off on weekends.  One of the weekends I didn't go home to Downingtown, PA I walked around the base and took random photos.  

Isn't it interesting that in this day and age I doubt if photos would be allowed at any Army Security Agency training facility.  Ah yes, those were indeed innocent times.  Great times too, I had a lot of friends.  We were in it all together.  I think that is what makes our Army the best in the world, the camaraderie between the fellow soldiers.  Those days (from April to October 1960) were some of the best in my life.  

It was all good.

By the way, I learned last month that the World War II barracks we lived in were used to house Italian prisoners of war during World War II.  Those barracks are of course no longer there. Strip malls now occupy those spaces.  History disappeared.  

My Friend

2010

My friend, who shall remain nameless to protect his privacy will be moving into an assisted care facility next week.  Actually, he needs total care but his partner is with him and will help him.

This picture was taken in the summer of 2010, the last time my friend visited me and Bill at our home.  He almost backed into the house.  Backing out of the driveway, he almost knocked over our neighbor's mailbox.  After those near misses we decided that was the last time we could have him drive his own car over to our house.  Actually, we were more afraid that he would injure himself or someone else on Route 1, which he has to cross to get to our house.

I won't go into all the details of my friend's decline only to say it is a combination of Parkinson's and dementia.  The last time I saw him was last week.  He was very confused and paranoid.  I'm not sure if he even knew who I was.

 I'm kneeling in on the left, my friend standing behind me- Ft. Devens, Mass - 1960

I met him when I was in the Army in 1960.  We both went to school together at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts.  Best friends, we never knew each other was gay.  No, we didn't have secret crushes on each other, we're not each other's "types."  However, we did remain good friends over the years.

Surprise birthday party for my friend - Philadelphia 1982

We both worked in center city Philadelphia for many years.  Then came a time when my friend grew tired of the rat race and left his job for the anonymity of rural southern Delaware.  His income took a major hit but he was happy.  He was free.  No more  daily commuting to Philadelphia from his home in Norwood, PA.  No more jumping through hoops for his bosses.  No more stepping over the homeless on his way to and from work.  Freedom!

One of the many lunches we used to have when we both worked in Philadelphia

After he moved to Delaware I often visited him at his single wide trailer on twenty-acres of wooded land which he called "The Ranch."  It was a getaway for me, him and many of his other friends.  We all just happened to be gay but no orgies.  Well, maybe a few if we got lucky at the bars but that's another blog entry.

Weekend at "The Ranch" 1980

When it came time for me to retire of course my first choice was southern Delaware where my friend lived.  I loved the relaxed way of life.  I loved the low taxes.  I loved the growing gay community where I felt more comfortable to be who I am.  Freedom!

About ten years ago I started to notice certain signs that things with my friend weren't quite right.  I pushed them out of my mind.  However, over the years these "signs" began accumulating until I no longer felt I was imagining things.

Gradually, my nightly phone calls to my friend to exchange the latest gossip, complaints,  jokes and endless repeating of war stories from our Army days drifted off to a few a week, then a few a month and now I don't call at all because no one is at the end of the line.

The last time I visited him was last week.  I don't think he knew who I was.  This morning Bill went down to visit him and his partner, they were there but didn't answer the door.

Next week I understand they are moving into an assisted living facility.

Many of my friends from my Army days have died.  Many of my classmates have died.  I still have two good friends left from high school, one of which I talk to almost everyday on FaceTime.  I make every day count.  I take nothing for granted.  Time is slipping away.

Probably never to be repeated again - one of our many dinners out at local cafes in Delaware

Ft. Devens, Massachusetts, 1960

Ft. Devens, Machussetts was the location of the Army Security Agency Training School.

I joined the Army in January of 1960.  After I completed my eight weeks of basic training at Ft. Dix, New Jersey (which was a LOT of fun in the dead of winter), I was assigned to attend the Army Security Agency Training School at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts.

After a week's leave at home with my family, I got on a train in Philadelphia, PA and traveled BY MYSELF to Parts Unknown to this young and innocent (and naive) 18year old soldier.

My arrival at Ft. Devens was much less traumatic than my arrival at Ft. Dix, which was a relief.  After eight weeks of basic training I thought my permanent name was "You Dumb Fucking Trainee!"  God, if I had a quarter every time I was call that name and invested it in Apple stock I would rival Bill Gates in wealth today.  Well, maybe not THAT much money but I would have a lot more than I have now.

It didn't take me too long after my arrival at Ft. Devens to make friends.  The photos on this blog were taken by me on one Sunday day in spring when most of my fellow soldiers had left for the weekend.  I usually went home too but this weekend I decided to stay on the base for a long forgotten reason.

A few of my friends were still around, drinking beer and smoking which is what most of we soldiers did on our off time.  I didn't smoke or drink then, I was still innocent.  As I said, this was a LONG TIME AGO.

So here for better or worse are those photos I took that long ago Sunday.

The barracks where I lived - the second floor of the middle building - home sweet home

Somebody had a sense of humor.  We used to get in formation on these daisies.

One of my buddies.  I forget his name but I know he had red hair and lived in Massachusetts but never went home on the weekends - which I thought was very strange but he never explained - nice guy though

Here is another picture of "Red."  We soldiers spent a lot of time polishing our shoes and boots.

Guess who?  Yep!  It's yours truly...young and innocent and naiveté personified. 

My buddy "Red."  He was cute but I'm pretty sure he was straight.  We were just buddies.

"Red's" again.  We lost touch after I was moved to a different company on the base.  He was a pretty nice guy.

Oh I remember this guy's name.  It was Bob Merritt.  I got into trouble once by thoughtlessly patting him on his ass once.  He angrily turned to me and said "What are you!  Queer?" As I said earlier, I was very naive.  I dodged a bullet on this one but we were never friends again.  He stayed clear of me.

Another photo of Bob.  This was before the Ass Patting Incident.  We were still friends.  He did have a nice ass though.

This was another buddy of mine who lived in our cubicle (four to a cubicle).  I forget his name also but I knew he was a Mohawk Indian, which I thought was pretty cool.

Another picture of "Reds" doing what comes naturally to soldiers who are left alone on the weekends in the barracks.

Some of the other guys just hang out on their bunks.  Looking at these photos now it looks like I was concentrating on their behinds.  I didn't realize that until just now.  Wow.

Another one of my buddies giving a Peek Show.  Reds is too the left.  I guess we were pretty good friends.  

I took a walk around the base taking random pictures.  I probably wouldn't be able to do this these days in the Age of Terrorism. 

The base church where my friend Big Bob and I used to attend on Sundays.  I went because they didn't rant again homosexuals, it was a real Christian church.

A street where the officer's and their wives (and families lived).  Quite a bit difference from our barracks.  I envied them.

The new barracks that Big Bob and I had to move too when our MOS was changed.  This was F Company.  We were in C Company before we failed to qualify at school for Morse Code Intercept.  I guess this was the Losers' Barracks.  I left a lot of friends behind in C Company who I never saw again.  But I made new friends in F Company, even though we were all probably losers.

This was the Army Depot.  I never went into this place.  I wasn't a Truck Driving Soldier.  I was a Paper Pushing Soldier.

The base PX.  This was our store. Man oh man, we got all kinds of bargains here.  Who needs Walmart when you have access to a PX?

More of my Sunday afternoon walk.  Ft. Devens was pretty big and a great place to take a walk.

In the distance are the buildings where we went to school daily.  We would march from our barracks in formation to go to school every morning and march back in the afternoon.  I almost always had a hard on by the time I arrived at school from marching behind all those fabulous behinds of my fellow soldiers.  I've forgotten a lot but I can remember trying to deal with my "aroused state" by the time I arrived at school.  I didn't want any of my fellow soldiers to notice.  So you see, it's not easy being gay in the service.  So much eye candy.  

Me (kneeling on the left) and my new buddies in F Company.  And yes, I remember all their names.  From the back Bob McCamley, Duane Osten, Hagerstrom (forget his first name) and in the front kneeling me, Bill Allen (sitting and he was from St. Louis, Missouri) and Dick Egan.  Big Bob, Dick Egan and I used to hang all the time.  Great friendships! Funny thing, after I got out I discovered my BF Big Bob was also gay!  I never had a clue nor did he of me.  We're still friends and he is the reason I moved to Delaware, where I live now.  

Bob (center) and me (on right) in Provincetown, Mass many years after our time at Ft. Devens.

Me (on the left) and Bob (on the right) at lunch at a local Delaware restaurant 

Two old Army Buddies - lots of stories here

Do Ask, Do Tell

Don't Ask, Don't Tell - 1962 version (three gays, I'm on the right)

The repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy is before Congress again.  I try not to post negative of whining, complaining posts to my blog but on this subject I'm having a hard time avoiding it.

I am gay and have been all my life.  I've known I was "different" from my earliest memory which was when I was about four years old.  Of course at that time I didn't know the word "gay."  I only knew I was "different" and that I should keep that fact to myself.

Me, 5 years old 1946

When I went to grade school was the first time I heard the hateful words "fairy", "fag", and worse.  Then I heard the word homosexual.  That was me, a homosexual.

After graduating from high school I joined the Army.  On my application to join the Army I lied when I answered the question "Do you ever have homosexual tendencies?"  I knew if I answered truthfully that the Army would reject me.  So I lied about who I was so I could survive and serve my country.

Me, basic training Ft. Dix, NewJersey 1960 all growed up

As fate would have it the Army assigned me to work at the National Security Agency at Ft. George G. Meade, Maryland.  In order to work at NSA, I had to have a top secret clearance.  Again, I had to lie when I filled out the application to work at NSA.

Me in my "summer tans" 1962 - check the sharp creases

Ironically, I met my first gay friends during the 2 1/2 years I worked at NSA.  We all lied about our sexual identity just to survive during our tour of duty.  Periodically, the NSA and the Army would have purges of gays.  You didn't have to be involved in sexual activity to lose your clearance, only to be accused.

Me with friends at Ft. Devens, Mass 1962 - good times

I had a good job when I worked at NSA.  I loved being in the Army.  At the end of my tour of duty I could have converted to a civilian status and kept my same job at NSA.  But  because I was gay I did not.  I wanted to make the Army a career but I did not.  The reasons I made these decisions is because I knew sooner or later I would be found out.  I didn't want to start out on a lifetime career only to have it ended once I was outed or came out.

Me (standing on the left) with my friends at Ft. Devens 1962 (no unit cohesion problems here)

Thus it is with much interest that I have viewed all the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" controversy.  Of course gay and lesbian members of the armed forces should be allowed to serve openly.  A person's service should be based on behavior not who they are.

Me (on the right) on the firing range at Ft. Meade, Md. 1962 with another gay service member - we both qualified

There is an assumption that all gay people are sex obsessed.  Of course some gays are sex obsessed just as some heterosexuals are sex obsessed.  But to assume that once gays and lesbians are allowed to serve openly that "unit cohesion" will suffer is wrong.  Trust me, I know.   I am the expert.

The Department of Defense is conducting a study of what the effects would be on the armed forces if gays are allowed to serve openly.  A study?  What's to study?  Most service members now know who is gay and who is not.  Congress and the DOD doesn't give the average member of the services much credit.  Most service members don't care who is gay.  Of course some do.  We will always have those among us who feel threatened by those who are different than they are.  And there are some who are closeted gays themselves who don't want to be outed for their own selfish reasons.  Usually, these are the sex obsessed gays.

Friends -  Ft. Devens, Mass 1960 (I'm kneeling on bottom left)

Bob, Duane, Unknown, me, Bill and Dick         

One the most ridiculous suggestions I've head being made in this "study" is separate housing for gays and lesbians.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Isn't this the same thing that happened with blacks before former president Truman lifted the separate living quarters of blacks serving in the armed forces?  Haven't we as a country moved past this?  Apparently not.

 

Me in the barracks - harmless even with my pants off (back when I smoked)

I never thought in my lifetime I thought I would see as much progress that has been made in the public arena of acceptance of gays and lesbians.  I even resent using the word "acceptance."  I don't need to be "accepted." I don't need someone to "tolerate" my "lifestyle."  Just what is my "lifestyle" anyway?  Swinging from chandeliers while having wild sex?  That never was me nor will it ever be.  I just am.  The only difference between me and my straight male friends is that I was born with a sexual attraction to members of my own sex.   I didn't chose.  It just was.

Me with one of my boyfriends, Brad - not permitted while I was in the Army

So here we are again, debating the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  Why there is even a discussion about this absurd policy still baffles me.  To me it is so clear.  Let people be who there are.  If they misbehave themselves, straight or gay, then hold them accountable for their behavior not who they are.

Even though I was prevented from choosing a career in the Army or a civilian career at the National Security Agency, my life has turned out pretty well.  If I had stayed in Army or worked at NSA I would never have met my Life Partner Bill.  I left the Army in 1963.  I met Bill in 1964.  We have been together ever since, 46 years.  And they say gay relationships don't last.

My Life Partner Bill - Air Force 1953

Just to show you how strange life is, Bill, my Life Partner was also a career service person.  He was in the Army and then Air Force for seven years before he had to leave to support his widowed mother.

Thus the irony, of two former service members who, if permitted to stay in the service, would never have found lifelong happiness outside the military.

Me and Bill 1972 - Philadelphia, PA - plaid was in