Fort Bragg Wedding Ceremony

Ever notice how unbelievably happy same sex couples are when they finally get married?  Ever notice how somber and serious many of the straight couples are when they get married?

Bill sent me this link about two soldiers getting married at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. See here. This one has special significance for me because just last summer I was threatened with physical violence by a distant cousin of mine when he asked me if I was gay (actually he said "There is a rumor that you practice the gay lifestyle?  Is that true?"  When I answered "If you're asking me if I'm gay, I am."  Then he said to me "If you step foot on my parent's property (I was visiting with Bill and my cousin Bob T. and his wife researching our family history) you have me to deal with!  You got that bud?"  

My cousin Jerry R. (the big guy in green) with his parents (his mother is my cousin) during a more friend visit two years ago before he heard the rumors I was "Quare"

Well, I'm not ashamed to admit that I was intimidated because I was in those western North Carolina mountains near the Tennesse border where my father grew up and where homophobia is alive and well and abysmal ignorance like my cousin's flourishes.  They have guns up there.

Bill with my cousin's husband - this shortly after he complained to Bill about President Obama putting "all those quares" in office.  We got a laugh out of his pronunciation at the time.  I didn't realize the seething hate underneath until last year when we tried to visit again.  Must be terrible to live in a pit of hate like this.  I wonder how people like this feel when they see the world closing in around them and they realize there are more people in life and not just straight, white people? And the ironic thing about this man is he is God fearing.  See why I'm not a fan of organized religion?  For someone so "God fearing" to harbor so much hate in their heart and to be so judgmental.  It is a shame.

I was in a section of the country where gay men like me are referred to as "Quares".  This is the same North Carolina that has outlawed marriage equality.  The same North Carolina that has the most restrictive voting in the country.  

I also have a tenuous link to Fort Bragg.  When I was in the Army, I attended Army Security Agency training at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts.  

Goofy me at Ft. Devens (give me a break, I was only 18 years old)

After schooling we were given a choice of our next assignment (which was to last the remainder of our tour of duty, 2 1/2 years for me) based on our standing in class.  I was seventh in my class.  My good friend (who I later found out to be gay) was eight.  I wanted to stay with him.  When it came down to choosing I said "We're going to Ft. Bragg together, right?"  

Me (left) with my buddies Bill A. and Dick E. at Ft. Devens, a break between the classes)

He wanted to be closer to his home in Norwood, Pennsylvania (a suburb of Philadelphia) and said he was going to choose Ft. Meade, Maryland, home of the National Security Agency.  There was only one allocation left for Ft. Meade.  I wanted to be with him because he was my good friend (no romantic interest, never was even after I found out he was gay) but I did have a great friendship with him.  So when it came time to choose I chose Ft. Meade instead and thus had probably the best 2 1/2 years of my life. 
 

Me (fourth from the right in the back) with my buddies/classmates at Ft. Devens April 1960

Even though the NSA and Ft. Meade was notorious for gay witch hunts I survived and made two good gay friends (both gone now).  But every time I see a reference to Ft. Bragg I think of what could have been and how much my life would have changed.  

Sal and Ron H., my gay (and best) friends at Ft. Meade standing before the poster of the Broadway type show they put on at the Service Club at Ft. Mead (I made the poster, they did the show, I missed that "Broadway Show" gene) 

But here I am rambling when I just want to show you this heartwarming video of a wedding in Ft. Bragg.  My, my how times have changed.

Me (second from left) with my Army buddies at Ft. Devens, spring of 1960

Do Ask, Do Tell

Don't Ask, Don't Tell - 1962 version (three gays, I'm on the right)

The repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy is before Congress again.  I try not to post negative of whining, complaining posts to my blog but on this subject I'm having a hard time avoiding it.

I am gay and have been all my life.  I've known I was "different" from my earliest memory which was when I was about four years old.  Of course at that time I didn't know the word "gay."  I only knew I was "different" and that I should keep that fact to myself.

Me, 5 years old 1946

When I went to grade school was the first time I heard the hateful words "fairy", "fag", and worse.  Then I heard the word homosexual.  That was me, a homosexual.

After graduating from high school I joined the Army.  On my application to join the Army I lied when I answered the question "Do you ever have homosexual tendencies?"  I knew if I answered truthfully that the Army would reject me.  So I lied about who I was so I could survive and serve my country.

Me, basic training Ft. Dix, NewJersey 1960 all growed up

As fate would have it the Army assigned me to work at the National Security Agency at Ft. George G. Meade, Maryland.  In order to work at NSA, I had to have a top secret clearance.  Again, I had to lie when I filled out the application to work at NSA.

Me in my "summer tans" 1962 - check the sharp creases

Ironically, I met my first gay friends during the 2 1/2 years I worked at NSA.  We all lied about our sexual identity just to survive during our tour of duty.  Periodically, the NSA and the Army would have purges of gays.  You didn't have to be involved in sexual activity to lose your clearance, only to be accused.

Me with friends at Ft. Devens, Mass 1962 - good times

I had a good job when I worked at NSA.  I loved being in the Army.  At the end of my tour of duty I could have converted to a civilian status and kept my same job at NSA.  But  because I was gay I did not.  I wanted to make the Army a career but I did not.  The reasons I made these decisions is because I knew sooner or later I would be found out.  I didn't want to start out on a lifetime career only to have it ended once I was outed or came out.

Me (standing on the left) with my friends at Ft. Devens 1962 (no unit cohesion problems here)

Thus it is with much interest that I have viewed all the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" controversy.  Of course gay and lesbian members of the armed forces should be allowed to serve openly.  A person's service should be based on behavior not who they are.

Me (on the right) on the firing range at Ft. Meade, Md. 1962 with another gay service member - we both qualified

There is an assumption that all gay people are sex obsessed.  Of course some gays are sex obsessed just as some heterosexuals are sex obsessed.  But to assume that once gays and lesbians are allowed to serve openly that "unit cohesion" will suffer is wrong.  Trust me, I know.   I am the expert.

The Department of Defense is conducting a study of what the effects would be on the armed forces if gays are allowed to serve openly.  A study?  What's to study?  Most service members now know who is gay and who is not.  Congress and the DOD doesn't give the average member of the services much credit.  Most service members don't care who is gay.  Of course some do.  We will always have those among us who feel threatened by those who are different than they are.  And there are some who are closeted gays themselves who don't want to be outed for their own selfish reasons.  Usually, these are the sex obsessed gays.

Friends -  Ft. Devens, Mass 1960 (I'm kneeling on bottom left)

Bob, Duane, Unknown, me, Bill and Dick         

One the most ridiculous suggestions I've head being made in this "study" is separate housing for gays and lesbians.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Isn't this the same thing that happened with blacks before former president Truman lifted the separate living quarters of blacks serving in the armed forces?  Haven't we as a country moved past this?  Apparently not.

 

Me in the barracks - harmless even with my pants off (back when I smoked)

I never thought in my lifetime I thought I would see as much progress that has been made in the public arena of acceptance of gays and lesbians.  I even resent using the word "acceptance."  I don't need to be "accepted." I don't need someone to "tolerate" my "lifestyle."  Just what is my "lifestyle" anyway?  Swinging from chandeliers while having wild sex?  That never was me nor will it ever be.  I just am.  The only difference between me and my straight male friends is that I was born with a sexual attraction to members of my own sex.   I didn't chose.  It just was.

Me with one of my boyfriends, Brad - not permitted while I was in the Army

So here we are again, debating the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."  Why there is even a discussion about this absurd policy still baffles me.  To me it is so clear.  Let people be who there are.  If they misbehave themselves, straight or gay, then hold them accountable for their behavior not who they are.

Even though I was prevented from choosing a career in the Army or a civilian career at the National Security Agency, my life has turned out pretty well.  If I had stayed in Army or worked at NSA I would never have met my Life Partner Bill.  I left the Army in 1963.  I met Bill in 1964.  We have been together ever since, 46 years.  And they say gay relationships don't last.

My Life Partner Bill - Air Force 1953

Just to show you how strange life is, Bill, my Life Partner was also a career service person.  He was in the Army and then Air Force for seven years before he had to leave to support his widowed mother.

Thus the irony, of two former service members who, if permitted to stay in the service, would never have found lifelong happiness outside the military.

Me and Bill 1972 - Philadelphia, PA - plaid was in