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| Bill's daily leg wound dressing |
Wow! It's been a week since I posted to my blog. So what have I been doing? Same thing as I've been doing for the past two years now, caregiving for Bill.
Bill is still recovering from his latest hospital stay. His leg wound is taking longer to heal. In the past, when Bill had a leg wound, it usually healed within a week. This wound is going on three weeks now.
Today his new hospice nurse came by for her weekly checkup visit to Bill. I asked her in her experience is this unusual taking so long for his leg wound to heal? She said "No, something it takes quite a while." One good sign, his leg wound isn't getting worse (thank goodness). But it does look like we're in for the long haul.
Because of the daily change of dressing of his leg wound, that's added about an hour to getting Bill ready for the day.
I also have to liquify Bill's oatmeal. He drinks his twice a day main meal of oatmeal. I also have to crush his pills. More time taken. Altogether this is adding another two hours or more.
Bill is getting weaker. He gets confused more often now. It's hard to have a regular conversation with him. Now days I have to frequently repeat my conversation to him for him to understand what I'm talking about. I feel so bad for him, he's trying so hard but he's slowly slipping. And he knows it.
We both agree that the best option is that he pass away peacefully in his sleep. He tells me almost every day he's "ready." He looks forward to passing over the Rainbow Bridge to join his beloved pets Babydoll, T, Horace, Sparky and Hamburger. Perhaps if there is a Heaven he will finally meet his father who died when Bill was only a year old. His father was twenty-one years old when he died in an automobile accident.
I told Bill's hospice worker that Bill was ready to go and he hopes it is peacefully in his sleep. She said "Unfortunately, that's not the way most people die." Well, that wasn't encouraging but I am thankful that he's not in pain and that he is here at his home that he loves so much.
These days he sleeps about twenty hours a day, half the time in our sun room. He listens to his transistor radio because he can't see to read. He doesn't even look at his iPad anymore. He used to like to watch the color of the weather patterns on the satellite display on his iPad. He's not interested anymore. He also has lost some of his appetite. He doesn't even eat those labor intensive crescent shortbread cookies.
I feel so sad for him. I feel sad for myself. I will miss him when he's gone but the Bill I used to know has been disappearing for the past two years now. Just a slow decline.
We both joke that this way of dying is because he led such a healthy lifestyle. No smoking, drugs, drinking or eating unhealthy foods. But no matter how healthy one's lifestyle, the Grim Reaper eventually catches up with us all. We talk about that Jeep Laredo that he had for over twenty years. It was a good vehicle and ran well for a long time but eventually that vehicle ran out of gas too.
So we take each day as a gift.
Each day that he is pain free.
Each day that we can love each other.
Each day that we can laugh together over some memory of long ago that we share.
Bill often tells me stories of his time in the Army in Germany after World War II and his time in the Air Force in Japan after that same war. Even though I've heard these stories many times I never correct him. Just this morning he was telling me the story of seeing General MacArthur ordering Emperor Hirohito to meet WITH HIM, turning down Hirohito's invitation to visit him in Imperial Palace in Tokyo.
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| General Douglas MacArthur with Emperor Hirohito |
Bill will tell me this story again and I will patiently listen. He is so happy recalling these memories. And in the future, should I be alone again I will always remember this memory of Bill.
8 comments:
You have been a good and faithful friend to Bill all these many years. I stood beside both of my last two husbands as I vowed in the beginning "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death us do part." Did I think the end was going to be easy? Hell no! I loved my men so much. It was not just a duty to care for them until death so mercifully took them from me but it was an honor to do so. I was a good, faithful and trustworthy partner until the end. I never candy coated anything and told them the truth when informing them about their conditions. My last husband E suffered horribly. For some unknown reason when I relived a nurse so he could have a break during the night E would rally and whisper "Love You" and his pain level would lessen greatly. I knew he could no longer see me and was totally blind but the sound of my voice, the words that I spoke, and the touch of my hand upon his assured him that all was well. Near the end which was only minutes away I said that I had told him that this was going to be bad but I never thought it was going to be this bad and I started to cry. He said I should stop crying and do it later because right now I want only to hear your voice telling me how much you love me. He squeezed my hand so hard that I stopped crying again and he died withn seconds with his face turned towards mine as he heard me say I will love you forever. He slipped quickly away and his hand slipped from mine. He was gone. I remember screaming NO! NO! NO! and felt the nurse put his arms around me and whisper into my ear Woody, Breathe! Or you are going to make yourself sick. I asked if he had heard me say I love you. The nurse said that E smiled as I had said it so loudly. They heard you in heaven. So Ron, my friend, remember Bill can sense when you are near, feel your touch, and hear your words. And be aware that death comes quickly and often unexpectedly. The hospice nurse is your friend and support during this journey. Be careful as you go about your normal daily routine at Casa Tipton-Kelly. Be safe as you go out among the crazies and go about doing your errands. Be happy and smile. Remember, Bill loves you. Woody in Ohio sharing his life with you hoping that in some way it helps even if just a tiny bit.
One last point I want to make. We all hope forsome one to be with us at the end of life. Don't count on it. A 50 year old man named R that I had known for 20 years imposed himself upon me. There is nothing like an old fool. I fell into a trap. He asked a friend of mine "Whats Woody going to do with his money when he is gone?" My friend said suddenly the hair stood up on the back of his neck and he got a really worried. He didn't tell me right away what R had asked him. I then had this very serious blood clot problem happen and R was present when there was a discussion between the doctors and my attorney. The doctors had told explained about dangers death could happen most anytime. The doctors had asked if I had "put my papers in order". Well R had heard the attorney say yes and that all was left to designated charities as there was no family or anyone else to leave anything to. A few days later I came home from a doctor appointment which a transport company takes me to and from in a wheel chair accessible van. R was putting things in his car. When he came into the house after the transport men were gone I asked what is going on. R said I am leaving and not coming back and that I would be wise to call my visiting nurse /carer service and tell them. I asked why he was leaving. He said I am not going to take care of an invalid for the rest of his life and not get anything for it when he died. I said what? He said I was an old lonely invalid now I was going to require all his attention and I wasn't leaving him a dime in my will. A chill ran through me and I almost panicked but didn't. I said that things always happen for a good reason and I was glad that he was leaving if he felt that way. I told him that I had been blinded by his flirtations and what turned out to be false acts of affection. I wished him well and asked him to bring me my man bag which he did. I opened it and handed him the envelope from in the side compartment. Take this and I never want to see or hear from you again. It contained the 5K that I kept at the time in house for emergency purposes. I called the attorney in front of him and told him the situation and asked that the locks and security codes be changed immediately which he did get done a few hours later. I did ask for the car keys, garage door remote opener and debit card back which he did. He left, I was such a fool and cried. The neighbors came over when they saw the locksmith truck in the driveway. I told them the story. They told me that they had not liked the guy ever and were happy I took back control of my life. So yeah, Ron, becareful because we are easily preyed on by fortune hunters and good looking men way younger than we are. And all the rest of you out there in blogger land be careful. Con men and women are out there and you got to be careful. Just became aware of one of my grocery delivery service drivers being way too nosy and asking too many questions. The delivery service manager said that they train drivers to be aware of elderly in need of help and ask discrete questions if it seemed necessary. The driver came back and apologized. He said it was best that he would not be my delivery person anymore. We got to be careful at all times. Those of us who are isolated much of the time are the most vulnerable to scams and schemes. Take care everyone! I hate using Ron's blog as my soap box for my lectures. I thought I would get the word out while the painful incident with R was fresh in my mind. So long from Woody in Ohio
Ron, you are an inspiration.
Dear Father,
Please gather Bill and Ron into your loving arms and hold them close as they go through the preparations of Bill coming home to you. They have dedicated their lives to each other, weathered every storm, stood fast in their love for one another. Two fine men you have made need your love and grace in the days ahead. May Bill come to you peacefully without fear, without pain and with the diginity he deserves for living a life dedicated to his love for Ron.I know Ron is afraid give him peace and comfort, put into his heart that he need not worry, that you will take care of Bill. That he should not be broken but understand that Bill is no longer old, in pain but restored to youth in his heavenly home as Ron will be when he arrives. Love will live forever even in a different world, a new place, to start again, to relive all the joys of true love.
Dear Ron, I am not a religious nut but I do think that some kind of God exists. I hold onto that. I am a widow and I want to see my husband and all the others I have lost someday, so I choose to believe it is possible. I want you to believe it is possible too. There will be days that this thought will help you cope and keep going. I think you have many years ahead with Pat, so know that Bill will be okay and waiting. He would not want you to have a happy life when he leaves. He knows you love Pat, he is happy that you will not be alone. What a gift he leaves to to you, but of course that is Bill.
Sorry, I thought I double checked this well before I posted, it should say he would not want you to have an unhappy life when he leaves.
Please remind me before i forget.
Woody,
Tears came to my eyes when I read your comments. I am so thankful that Bill isn't going through the pain that your husband went through at the end. Even though Bill is blind, he's not totally blind like your husband. He says he can see my shadow. We both hope and pray (neither one of us is religious so I use "pray" for lack of another more descriptive word) that when Bill's end comes it will be peaceful, hopefully in his sleep.
My response to your warning about fortune hunters taking advantage of an old man, I am quite aware of that. We have one down here whose name I will not mention that preys on old single gay men. I do have to admit he takes care of them during their final days but the stipulation is that those men name him as the sole beneficiary in their will. He has done quite well for himself. It's an even tradeoff for him and the older single gay men without a family but that isn't going to be my way and I informed him of that bluntly many years ago when he tried to establish himself with me. I've also encountered several health care workers who were more than casually interested in what Bill and I had here in this house. No, no, no. I don't want them here. I also have a former co-worker and friend who is more than nosy. I distanced myself from. him as well. I've already taken care of my final arrangements. When I die, hopefully Pat will be with me to hold my hand as I pass. I only hope I can do the same for Bill.
Thank you so much Woody for your heartfelt comments. Please go on as long as you want to with your comments to my blog, always appreciated.
Ron
Texas,
I feel as you do. I am not religious nor is Bill but I feel there is some kind of Greater Power that foreordains our lives. I feel so blessed to have had such a long life with Bill and my last wish is that he pass without pain and in peace and comfort. It will be hard for me when he passes but no harder than millions of others who have lost their loved ones. I am so fortunate to have Pat in my life. There are a few more adventures for this old man (81) here with his "younger" pal Pat (74). I've had quite a life and I'm not done yet. But for right now I have this last bridge to cross with Bill's passing. Thanks again for your from the heart prayer for us and your always comforting comments.
Ron
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