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| Scott putting in the new toilet rails |
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| Bill shower before the grab bars |
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| Scott installing the grab bars in Bill's shower |
Bill is still very unsteady on his feet and these grab bars give him confidence when he takes a shower or goes to the bathroom. He still uses the pee jug for the #1 but for #2 we've managed to avoid the portable bucket and instead use the toilet. With these handrails on either side of the toilet Bill now can go to the bathroom and get up off the toilet without my help.
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| Bill in his new grab bar shower |
Now that we've made the decision to go into home hospice care, we're settling into a routine. The first hospice worker hasn't arrived yet, it's the weekend but we'll probably see her (or him) next week.
I'm administering Bill his medications but I'm no longer taking his blood pressure, per advice of his doctor. We'll take one day at a time.
This morning we had two rides, both to the local supermarket. I'm making homemade tomato soup (which I LOVE). The reason I had to make two trips was I was halfway into making the soup and I realized I didn't have any tomato paste. It never fails, with all the food I have stocked up here in the house it seems I'm always missing a key ingredient. No problem, just an excuse for another trip on this sunny cold Sunday.
Last night we had a little setback. Bill gets confused sometimes when he's sleeping. Last night he pushed his emergency button bell that he has hanging around his neck. I was watching "Curb Your Enthusiasm" in the Tipton Cinema (my bedroom movie theater, where I usually watch movies on Saturday night). I go rushing downstairs only to find that Bill had to take a pee, immediately. I helped him into the bathroom and to do his business. Then I helped him back to his recliner in his bedroom where he sleeps and I asked him why he didn't take a pee on his own, which he has been doing for the past three days. Out of the blue he got angry with me, very angry. Where did that come from? He thought I didn't want to help him, which wasn't the case. I tried to reason with him but it was hopeless so I left him and went back to my bedroom. I couldn't watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm" nonsense anymore, my sense of humor dashed for the night. When I got up this morning and went down to see Bill he was his hold self. He said something about "we got into a fight and I don't want to do that." Well, actually we didn't "get into a fight" but I let it go.
Several years ago I realized Bill was bipolar. I think that was what happened last night. And since his fall, his memory is very sketchy as to what he did the day or night before. I want to keep him here, take our rides like we did on this sunny day. I hope we don't have any more episodes like last night and I'll do everything I can to avoid them.
Folks, being a full-time caregiver is challenging. If any of you end up in that situation during your lifetime, be forewarned. You'll learn that basic fact.
Now to wrap up this blog and puree that homemade tomato soup.
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| Bill relaxing in his favorite place in our sunroom |
8 comments:
Ron--
I have read you blog for years and years---you and Bill are an inspiration to me---my wife and have been together 30 years and I can only hope we end up where you are.
I am sending much love and support. My 90 year old father lives with my sister and I honor her every day the trials that she goes through for him. He too sleeps in a chair and pees in a urinal at night. He rings a bell after each use and she comes downstairs to cover him back up. I wanted to pass along that once she switched to having my dad sit on a shower chair in the shower and added one of those shower heads on a hose type things she said the whole process got much better for both of them! He also uses a heating pad to help keep warm in his chair. I also agree with the other person who commented about having an emergency bag that is always in the car. In addition to their great food suggestions I would add underwear, socks, pants, blanket a days worth of medications--basically pack a small suitcase for you both :-)
I hope you enjoy your soup today and Bill's heart is at ease. He is so loved.
Take care
Julie A.
This all parallels what my brother is doing for our father.
I can only hope when I am Bill's age I will have someone like you who cares for me.
Julia A.
Thank you too much for your comment. It is always helpful to know that I'm not the only one who is in this situation of being a caregiver. So many of us. I thought about getting that hose attachment for Bill's shower but decided not to because even with the grab bars Bill still has to hang onto me to steady himself on his feet. A heating pad for his chair? Now that's something I'll look into because Bill is always cold because of the blood thinner medication that he takes.
Tomorrow a hospice care worker is coming in to evaluate Bil's situation then we begin hospice care instead of emergency room visits every time Bill's blood pressure drops below 90.
Ron
Ur-spo,
You aiming for 92 years of age? I doubt seriously I'll ever make it to that number. I hope you do though. Tomorrow Bill is evaluated for hospice care. With that cares comes a seven day respite for me once every ninety days. Hey! Maybe if this COVID thing ever goes away, I can visit Philly again with Pat. Oh how I would like to get away, even if only for a week. Bill was sad about it but he understands that I would need a break like your brother (#3) probably needs a break to restart himself. I think about him often and his selflessness in taking care of your father.
Ron
I imagine that the hardest part is meeting him where he is right now, in the moment and releasing expectations that are woven into the relationship over all the years. The one thing that you have for which there is no substitute is the knowledge of what is likely to bring richness and joy to his life. If it is two trips to the market today and it can be done safely, well extra joy.
Be well.
Will Jay
I've been faithfully reading all your blog posts, but haven't commented very often. I appreciate all the details that you reveal and your complete honesty. These are extremely difficult and challenging times for you (and Bill). You're handling everything beautifully and heroically. Take care and my very best always.
Will Jay,
Bill and I are so fortunate that we together again, here at our home in southern Delaware which we love. So many have died alone because of COVID restrictions, we are lucky that we have this opportunity to be together at this time of our lives. We've both had a great life. So many great memories.
Thank you for your heartfelt comment.
Ron
Jon,
I know you understand how difficult this is for both me and Bill now but we both know we're so lucky to be together again at this time of his life. Our wish (for both of us) was to die peacefully at home. So many have died alone in sterile hospital settings, I feared that would happen to Bill. Today we transition to hospice care. I'm waiting for the hospice care representative to come in and do an evaluation. Both Bill and I have had a wonderful life. All things come to an end though. We couldn't ask for better the way this is turning out. Thank you for your comment Jon.
Ron
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