Bill is still in the ICU unit of Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia.
I was able to talk to him via FaceTime yesterday. This was the best conversation we had yet since he was airlifted to Thomas Jefferson last Thursday evening. Bill still can't quite see me on the iPhone FaceTime but he did catch glimpses. Mostly he put the nurses's iPhone to his ear so he could hear me because he is hard of hearing.
When I first called yesterday I couldn't get through to him because he had a choking incident while he was eating an English Muffin for breakfast. Oh my God, he can't eat anything like that which I immediately told the nurse. Bill has had trouble swallowing for years because of his restricted esophagus. I told them that he loves oatmeal which they were glad to know. They also have now put him on a pureed food program.
Bill wants to come home. He thinks he's ready to come home now but he isn't because he can't even get up by himself. He would need enough rehab so he can be somewhat mobile. Then he can come home.
Bill does look better now, but still pretty beat up from where he fell in his bedroom last Thursday morning. I feel so bad for him. I don't know how long he was on the floor of his bedroom with his head twisted next to that Yield House hallway stand where he hangs his bathroom. I'm moving that piece of furniture today out of his bedroom, that's the picture at the top of this posting.
I don't know when Bill will be able to come home, his doctors haven't talked to me since last Friday. I expect to talk to them today because the weekend and holiday is over now. But when Bill comes home I'm going to try and take care of him here, his home where he so wants to be now at this time of his life.
Now once he comes home, which I suspect he will, I have to work out a plan to make sure he doesn't fall again. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do that but I'll figure something out.
I woke up this morning for my bathroom visit at about 6:20 AM. I tried to get back to sleep but couldn't. However, I am so thankful I was able to get a good sleep last night after I went to bed around 12:30 AM. I'm a heavy sleeper which I did last night. I was also able to get a good sleep the previous night. the first two nights after Bill was in the hospital, I didn't get a good sleep. I am exhausted.
I have little appetite but I eat something. I've lost fourteen pounds already, which is what happens to me when I'm stressed out. The last time I was so stressed, was when we were having a problem selling our Pennsylvania house. I lost so much weight that I looked ill. I'm hoping I can stabilize soon.
Yesterday, when I woke up in this empty house without Bill's loving presence, was the first time since Bill went to the hospital that I actually felt I could survive him not being here ever. That thought is still almost unbearable painful but maybe, just maybe I can survive. And the only thing that is getting me through that is knowing that Bill would finally be at peace. While he's still alive he's worried about me, misses me and misses our home. When he's gone, he doesn't know anything. We've often talked about that in anticipation of our deaths. Just like going under anesthesia Bill. He understood that. But while he's still alive he's hurting, not just physically but emotionally.
My friend Pat has been a lifesaver with his support at this time of my life. He would be down here but can't because the border is closed between the U.S. and Canada but we talk on FaceTime everyday. Pat is having his own issues right now in the middle of a condo move so I so appreciate his support.
My co-workers at the hotel are also very supportive as are some of my neighbors. I hate to ask for help but one neighbor who offered help, I told her I might need her help to drive me to Philly to pick up Bill when he comes home. Good people are lifesavers at times like this. I just cannot imagine how I would cope without all this support.
Now to move that dangerous contraption in Bill's bedroom.
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| Bill's bedroom, he sleeps in that chair. He collapsed on that floor and his his face on that hallway stand. I'm moving it today. No more obstructions. By the way,, I see a reflection of a pastel charcoal picture of me done in 1974. Bill has put so many pictures of me in his room that it's embarrassing but it gives him comfort. |
9 comments:
Been reading and praying for you, Ron. This has been a terrible time.
I have been checking in...I love the wife in you setting the nurses straight on what Bill can/can't eat...You know your man...
Reminds me of a funny story-to temporarily place your mind off things...
I had broken up with my partner and was living down the street. I heard through the grapevine that he was in the hospital. I called to check on him. We were no longer together but I am not a burn the bridges type guy. I could tell he was anxious. I knew his routine better than anyone. I said don't worry I will take care of things. I still had the keys to the condo and knew the security code. I swept through that house like a wife on a mission. I arrived at the airbase a few hours later with a suitcase and bags in hand. Heads were turning. I calmy asked what room Major so and so was in. I heard someone say "it's him!" Yes, the bitch is here. I walked into the room and the look on his face. He was in shock. I stated I knew him better than anyone and knew his daily routine. My ex is high maintenance and particular in what he wears and eats. I had all the bases covered. He was also a man that did not want anyone to know he was gay. Well, I blew that out of the water. We talked about my arrival/entrance for days.
Be well Ron! Eat something!! As you know, only worry about what you can control. The rest let it go. Easier said than done at times. Bill is being taken care of. They will call you if his condition changes. I know you two have been married a long time. We are all wishing for a speedy recovery for Bill. I want to get Bill back into his familiar surroundings just much as you do. But we have to do it in due time AND look out for your needs at the same time. Dear, you are not 40 anymore.
XO-Victor
Victor,
Oh so good to hear from you Vic. Thanks for sharing your story about your ex. You know what? i would probably have done the same thing. We have to do what is right. You did take my mind off of my situation for a while, which helps. I have a couple of stories of friends who were in the hospital and they couldn't get their partner or former partner to check them out. One, his long time lover/parter lived here (and still does) but would not go to see him or care for him at the end of his life. So sad. I wonder how many people are in that situation who have no one to care for them.
There is good news with me and Bill. He will be leaving tomorrow or the next day and be transferred to a rehab facility near me. He is so happy. He still wants to come home so bad but he needs physical therapy. so he has some mobility. I'm getting things ready for him here. He had such a good conversation, albeit very emotional, conversation on FaceTime late this afternoon. I love that man so much,, I just want any time he has left to be at home with me so I can spoil him with attention. When he does go, hopefully years from now, I want to be with him as he passes away peacefully with me holding his hand. That's the way I want to go to Vic. I've already told Pat that is his job, to hold my hand when I pass. I don't want Bill to have any more traumatic falls like this one. Thank God he didn't fall down the stairs he goes to his cellar bedroom. He ould have boken his neck.
I still haven't talked to his doctors since Friday. I requested today to talk to them. I was only to get information from his nurse. I'll ask to talk to his doctors tomorrow when I call him for our daily FaceTime call.
I know things are getting better, I was finally able to eat a halfway decent supper. Still not a lot but at least some of my appetite returned. I've lost fourteen pounds so far. Bill says he's lost weight too. And thanks for the warning for me to be careful and take care of myself. I have to because of Bill. You're right, I'm not 40 anymore. Wow, I'm WAY over 40. Almost double.
Right now I'm keeping busy, cleaning Bill's bedroom and other clean up projects.
Thanks again for your always thoughtful comments and advice Vic.
Ron
good news -- onto rehab may you both take care
Love and well wishes for you both
Ivy Green,
Thank ou for your concern. We got a ray of hope today. Bill will be transferred to a rehab facility tomorrow or the next day. Thank God. Hopefully Bill is over the worst. He just wants to come home again and I want him here.
Ron
kent,
Hey, another follower of my blog I didn't know about. Thank you kent for your concern. The news that Bill was being transferred to rehab is the most positive news I've received since his accident last Thursday. Hopefully he'll be home in a week or two.
Ron
I am amazed that someone of 92 and failing eyesight did not trip and fall earlier .
There are so many objects in your house you can trip and fall over . Very lucky indeed .
And why does he sleep in a chair , while he is in a proper bed in hospital now ?
I know you are too proud to ask for any help , you say so yourself .
But isn't is about time ?
Please do , ergotherapy can make certain issues easier at your place .
My thoughts are with both of you .
Anonymous,
Bill prefers to sleep in his chair. He says he gets a more comfortable sleep there. I'll try and convince him to sleep in a bed when he returns. You're right, we have too many things for him to trip over in our house. I'm addressing that now. Thank you for your advice.
Ron
Veery nice blog you have here
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