|Man walking in the bottom of a pool, the way I feel when I walk outside on a humid day like today|
Tis now 5:08 pm in the afternoon as I sit at my computer typing this blog posting. I look out my smallest bedroom converted to a home office window and see the birdbath on my green lawn bathed in light so bright one might think a movie was being filmed outside these confines.
The air conditioned cool temperatures 76 degrees inside contrasts sharply with the 92 hot and humid degree temperature on the other side of this modest bedroom wall. I yearn to take my body outside and "mess around" (gardening, replacing bird bath water, breathing in fresh air, et al) but I dare not because I know…..I KNOW…that once I step outside these refrigerator like locker house temperatures to the sauna outside, I will sweat like a Morman at a same sex wedding.
This is the time of year folks that we used to call "the dog days of summer" when I was knee high to a grasshopper (when's that last time you heard that allegory? Why I'm just full of surprises)
So here are some of the random thoughts that are carousing through my deficit short changed brain:
I only have a month to go until I board a plane for the first time since 9/11 and visit my friend Pat in Canada. I am still fretting about what to take and not to take for fear that I will have something valuable confiscated or I will leave something necessary behind and thus handicap myself whilst trying to present the best "Ron" to my Canadian exposure. I've already accepted that I will be treated with disrespect and inconvenience at the checkin at airport security (a misnomer if there ever was one). Oh I know, I've been advised by several blog followers "Oh, it's not THAT bad." Uh huh, I think it is THAT BAD.
|What's next? Deep cavity searches?|
You know what my biggest fear is folks? That I will have to go to the bathroom BAD (this is a Number Two folks) either on the way up to Philly International (a 2 hour plus drive that I have to make to catch the 7:29 am plane out of Philly to Buffalo on August 15th). I have arranged for a co-worker to drive me up (I'm paying, keeping the local economy going, no outrageously expensive airport limo service for me) to Philly International. I have envisioned all kinds of scenarios from "having to go" on the way up Route One in the early morning dawn ("Monica, could you please pull over so I can get out and take a dump?")
|Take me to "wide stance" land……fast!|
to just as I'm being scanned and humiliated in the airport security (again, "security" being a big misnomer) checkin, I have to "go." Folks, this is my biggest fear. I'm seriously considering not eating the day before and taking an enema the night before I leave. Too much information? What can I say folks? It is what it is and this is my biggest fear now. A fear brought about by one of the more unpleasant side effects of my prostate cancer seed implementation last year. And oh yes, Jeffrey (the dear) advised me to "bring a doctor's note" lest my radioactive seeds set off the alarm detector. That I'm not doing folks. Let them confiscate me if that happens.
Now here's another thought about my impending trip. I will not be following the news. When I used to take annual vacations to Provincetown, Mass back in the Seventies and Eighties, I always left the news behind. Guess what? I never missed it. I am looking forward to a news free, crises free (the world is ending!) free mind blast. Oh sure, when I get back I will hear the Mideast peace talks have broken down. Hey folks, all my life "the Mideast peace talks have broken down", no news there.
The Republicans will continue their obstructionist ways, trying to create the latest "Hilary scandal" to try and stop the inevitable momentum that Hilary Clinton will be our next president. Hey Republicans, with that clown car of potential presidential candidates you have plus your continued Tea bagged opposition to ANYTHING Obama does, even if it was an original Republican idea, you're going to LOSE the next presidential election. I won't miss hearing this "news."
Then there is the "crises on our border." Ever wonder why we don't have a crises on our northern border with those damn Canadians trying to get into our country to take over all those landscaping jobs in this hellish heat? Where do those Canadians get their money anyway? I thought Wall Street stole all the money
from the middle class with their rigged stock market in which they skim off any profit by their sophisticated computers which are always a millisecond ahead of us poor, dumb schlubs who think we can invest in the stock market and actually make money. When I come back from my Canadian odyssey the "crises on our border" will still be there.
And then there is the summer time staple "Man (or woman) bitten by shark!"
Oh folks, every summer. Same ole, same ole. In fact I remember clearly, right before 9/11 there was a "Man bitten by shark!" that was the major news story. Do you have any idea of how much this is NOT a news story? And the poor sharks, they have almost been killed to extinction because of this news media whoring and laziness of reporting real news stories.
So folks, I'm eschewing the news for my two week absence from the home front. Bill will get a reprieve from me and I will enjoy a new adventure. It's been a long time folks since I've had a real vacation. Almost all of my adult vacations have been taken solo. A few times I had company (which I paid for) but every time the company deserted me once we reached our destination. I often wondered "Am I really that boring?" This time I'm meeting my friend Pat
|Pat leaving last month after his week long visit to Casa Tipton-Kelly (he took the bus back to Canada)|
with whom we have many similar interests. He's a little concerned that I will have trouble adapting to his "monastic existence" (as he terms his abode, doesn't have an air conditioner or a bed - I'll probably sleep on the floor or an air mattress, he sleeps on a shelf). I'm not worried, I was in the Army and spent a good deal of my time there sleeping in World War II barracks at Ft. Devens Mass. that previously held German prisoners of war. Yes folks, we slept in the same barracks and probably the same conditions (toilets didn't have privacy booths and what not).
|Ft. Devens, Mass - 1964 (I was there in 1960)|
|Yep, we used the same toilets. I don't think they even changed the toilet seats. Very rudimentary living folks.|
Stay cool folks!