Reflections On An Old Man Sleeping In A Chair

 

Bill with his electric blanket staying warm

This morning I read a blog post by my longtime blogger friend "Spo" of "Spo-Reflections." 

His post this morning was about watching his father asleep in his chair. This week is "Spo's" turn (he and his brothers take turns caregiving for their 85 year old father) to watch after his father. See HERE for his blog posting. 

Reading his blog post is prompting me to write my own blog post about my situation of watching "An Old Man Sleeping In a Chair." That old man would be my partner and husband of fifty-seven years. 

Bill spends sixteen to eighteen hours a day in his chair, mostly sleeping. 

He has two recliners. One in his bedroom in which he sleeps in (see the photo of him covered with his full length electric blanket at the beginning of this post). His other recliner is in our sunroom where he spends most of his daylight hours.

Bill doesn't get undressed for bed. However I do undress him every morning to change his Depends and every third day is Shower Day, which he hates. This morning was Shower Day. 

Like Spo's father, Bill is always cold. ALWAYS. Even now that he is off the blood thinner Eliquis, he's still cold. For a while we had a space heater in his downstairs bedroom that we constantly had to adjust to keep his room somewhere between 80 and 90 degrees. That was very expensive last summer when we also had the air conditioning on. 

This year, thank goodness Bill has gotten used to the full length electric blanket which I tuck around his neck before I put him to bed at "night" which is usually around 6:30 PM. He gets up when I get up in the morning somewhere between 7 AM and 8 AM. 

Other than his breakfast of oatmeal in the morning, Ensure or a chocolate milk for lunch, and more oatmeal for dinner followed by a pudding (Bill has no teeth and has trouble swallowing), Bill sleeps most of the day. The one exception is when I take him for his daily ride. Sometimes I kill two birds with the "daily ride." Yesterday I visited my dermatologist which resulted in a quarter sized blister on my right foot to remove a stubborn skin abnormality (third time trying this). I am now limping around in pain from the blister. But that's another whole avenue that I'm not going to traverse right now. 

Bill is legally blind (macular degeneration). He is hard of hearing. His cognitive abilities are decreasing. Yesterday he got confused during his morning walk around the neighborhood cul de sac and I had to retrieve him from our next door neighbor's garage which Bill insisted was our house (oh the embarrassment). Sometimes Bill get the wrong driveway but this was the first time he insisted he was in the right garage (he wasn't). 

Bill in our neighbor's garage yesterday reluctant to leave because he thought it was our garage

Bill has always worked on "projects". Sometimes now, actually most of the time, get frustrated and dejected saying "I'm a worthless piece of shit! I'm good for nothing." I have to calm him down and reassure him is not "worthless" and after a lifetime of hard work it is now time for him to rest. But that is not in his nature.

Several months ago he asked for a small radio so he could listen to the news. I ordered a transistor radio from Amazon. Bill couldn't operate it because he can't see the dials. He didn't use it. Prior to this he was using his old radio in his basement workshop but I had to stop him from using it because he was going to break the tape player. That radio is a combination radio/tape player that you can't get anyone. He pushes any buttons and usually ended up using the "Pause" button and then the "Play" button which will eventually break the belt that runs the tape player, something he's done to another tape/radio player we have. I thought the transistor radio would work for him but no.

A few weeks ago I got the idea to order an Echo Dot for him, much like Spo's father has one. I thought that would work for him. Well, it "sort of" works. For one he was having trouble pronouncing "Alexa" to start the darn thing. He would say "A-LEX-E-A". Poor Echo Dot couldn't that explanation. Now I say "A-LEX-A" for him to start the contraption. 

Bill like to listen to the news. I say "Alexa, current news headlines." Guess what" ALEXA DEFAULTS TO THE LOCAL FOX NEWS STATION! 

WTF????????

I've tried  "NBC News" but no go. I can get CBS news but there is a lot of mumbling guests and fast talking women anchors that Bill can't understand. The Fox News is good on the headlines for about two minutes then it digresses in to it's usual treasonous propaganda format. I refuse to let what is left of Bill's brain after his two stroke, be brainwashed by a news station that is so unAmerican as Fox News whose sole format is to demonize anything Democrats even attempt to do and favor the Orange God King Traitor Criminal who was the former president. Ain't going to let that happen in this house folks. 

I've put music on but Bill can only take so much of his favorite German polka music and I can't listen to my MSNBC TV station because we're both in the space open kitchen/sun room/living room space. So most days Bill is nodding off in his chair in the sunroom or listening to my truth telling station of MSNBC and don't anyone dare to leave a "Both sides do it" comment. That bullshit and you know it. There is only one propaganda Putin loving station in this country and it's Fox News.

I'm contemplating looking for a podcast that Bill would like but I have to do more research in that field since I've never listened to a podcast in my life. Isn't a podcast the same as a radio station except that's it's coming through the Internet? Yeah, that's what I thought. Sounds good if you're on a commute in your car or you disdain TV as being beneath your time. I listen to TV and occasionally watch it like "Judge Judy" because of the facial expressions. I also give my TV my sole attention when watching a Netflix rental movie but the rest of the time I have TV on it's while I'm doing something else like eating lunch, playing online Scrabble on my computer, composing a blog like I'm doing now, writing in my journal. So I guess you can say the bulk of my TV watching is actually like a podcast but with pictures. I was always a comic book type of guy anyway. 

But I digress, back to "The Sleeping Man In A Chair." 

I see the way Bill spends most of his day. As I have said many times before I am thankful that Bill is at home and I can care for him rather than a minimum wage health care worker in a nursing facility. I couldn't sleep at night knowing Bill was in one of those warehouses waiting death. Better that I can care for him in the comfort of his own home. And he deserves it for all that he has done for the many years we have been together.  This is hard work folks but it is a labor of love. I will always be thankful that Bill was returned to me and his home after his two consecutive stroke last January of 2021. 

Bill's hospice nurse for her weekly visit. Last week she asked me if I was Bill's only "son." HA! Much to her shock and embarrassment I informed her that I was Bill's husband. I should have told her I was Bill's grandson.

Of course I've given plenty of thought to my situation should I reach Bill's age. I'm eighty now, not that far away from Spo's father's age of eighty-five. Like Spo, I probably won't have anybody to be my caregiver. Nor do I want to put someone in that position. Pat? He's my good friend and we enjoy our trips together but do I really want to do that to him? No I don't. I don't want to put anyone in that position of changing my Depends every day and showering me every third day, nor prepare my oatmeal and give me my pills and take me out for my daily ride. I'm not criticizing others for choosing that path. I also wouldn't choose the path my recently deceased brother choose, medical treatments for over three year and over five hundred medical appointments to lose his life from "the cure" (chemotherapy). John went through Hell for three years. Absolutely no quality of life. His choice though, not one I would choose. 

I have options should I reach that state of my life. Delaware is still debating the assisted suicide law and probably will be for the next twenty years, that's how squeamish most Americans are about having the choice to end their life in dignity and free of pain. Even if they do enact the law, which I doubt, there would be so many hurdles to jump over, that it wouldn't be worth the effort to even try. What we do for our aged and suffering animals we don't seem to be able to do for our fellow human beings who are suffering or who have decided they have lived long enough and want to check out.

I only have to find out how many pain killer pills to take to effect a successful end of life. Then there is the trip to Belgium, they offer a solution that doesn't require unreasonable obstacles for that Final Decision. Nothing violent for me like hanging or gun in the mouth. Too messy , traumatic or painful and if nothing else I am neat and organized about things in my life including the End. One thing is for sure, no nursing home for me. You won't see me drugged up and nodding my head off in the Final Exit Manor. I just hope that if and when that time comes I will still posses enough of my wits to make that decision. 

I've mentioned this subject (death) before and my friend Spo always responds with "You'll outlive us all!" I hope I do folks, I actually hope I do. But it won't be as an Old Man Sleeping In A Chair." 

Now if you'll excuse me it's time for my afternoon nap.

Paused

 Some days are better than other days. 

Usually when that happens, I don't post.

I'm changing that dynamic.

When things aren't going well I'll post a short message "Not a good day."

Yesterday wasn't a good day. Someone tore off my mailbox lid. That has to be replaced.

Yesterday morning was especially difficult getting Bill ready for the day.

Then to top everything else that I had an "issue" with someone who I care very much for. Probably my fault. 

This morning I have yet another dermatology appointment. I am so sick of all these doctors' appointments. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

The Slap Seen Around the World

Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Academy Awards

 Were you watching the Oscar telecast last night? 

Did you see Will Smith slap the shit out of Chris Rock because Rock made a joke about Smith's wife's lack of hair?

For God's sake! What have we come too? 

For me Will Smith has always been overrated. 

Will Smith is no Sidney Poitier. 

Later, when Smith received the Best Actor Oscar he offered somewhat of a strained "apology" to the Academy but none to the man he assaulted on stage. 

Again, are there no consequences for violence committed so openly by a famous person?

The past month I've been sick to my stomach watching the destruction and killing of a peaceful people, the Ukrainians by the sub-human soulless Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. 

I usually watch the news, mostly as background to me doing something else like cooking or on my computer.  Now I mostly turn off the TV when pictures of the destruction and killing of innocent Ukrainians appear on TV.  

The Ukrainian leader Zelensky begs for help from the allied NATA countries but receives little but lots of platitudes. 

Biden stumbles his way through another read speech yet doesn't directly help Zelensky and his country stop the incessant bombing that is destroying his country.  

I realize I am very fortunate to live in a country that is surrounded by two large oceans that protect us from sub-human butchers like Putin but still, it makes me sick to my stomach to see the monster Putin get away with his aggression on his peaceful neighbor.  Why? Just so he can add Ukraine to his portfolio of countries that he controls?

I was born in 1941, a month before our country was attacked by Japan at Pearl Harbor. All my life I've lived under the threat of war as have all of us.

In grade school we were told to get under our desks if atom bombs were dropped by Russia on the United States. Even then I knew getting under my desk wasn't going to save me from that hot skin peeling atom bomb blast. 

During my adult years I just missed Viet Nam. Pure luck. Lot of guys and gals my age weren't so lucky. 

Then there was Afghanistan and Iraq. Again, many of our fellow young Americans died and injured.

So Will Smith walking on the stage at the Academy Awards and slapping Chris Rock for a joke?  Not a good move Will Smith. 

Apologize to Chris Rock and the public for your tasteless display of violence Will Smith. You're not cool.

A New Day

 

Me and Bill back in the day. Philadelhia rooftop of our center city townhouse 1976.

My brother John is in the ground now. I hear this internment ceremony went well. My other brother and his son and daughter-in-law all agreed that brother John got a proper sendoff. 

It's still hard for me to believe that I'll never be able to call John whenever I felt like it and to just talk and chat with him. Just another adjustment in my life at this time of my Last Act. 

Bill continues to hold steady. This morning was Shower Morning, which he absolutely hates. Every third morning is Shower Morning. The other mornings we just change his Depends and wash down is private parts and lower legs which have edema and open wounds. The one open wound is almost healed this morning so maybe tomorrow morning I can dispense with the dressings.

Our backyard is slowly recovering from the Army worm devastation of last summer. Still big patches of brown, dead grass but new patches are popping up. Today we had rain which will help more grass to grow, especially from all that seed that I spread last year.

I notice lately I've been losing my appetite which of course results in my losing weight. I need to lose about five pounds and a couple inches around my waist. Tired of carrying this "baby" around my middle.

Every night for years I've been having a snack before I go to bed. Oh I know eating before you go to bed is bad for you but this habit developed many years ago when I started a discipline of eating nothing between meals. I had gained about fifty pounds (from 160 to 202 pounds) during my hernia surgery recuperation. I had a hard time losing that weight but once I got my self down into the 160 range I would treat myself to a small snack in the evening before I went to bed. I weighed 162 as of this morning but those pounds have shifted from muscle to flab around my middle. Oh I know this sounds disgusting and probably boring but this is the state of this once young svelte 6'3'' Ron. Now I'm just one of those old skinny men with a pot belly. 

Oh, by the way. Something funny happened the other day when one of Bill's substitute hospice nurses stopped by to check on Bill. During out chat she asked me if Bill "had any other sons besides me."  Well, that UPLIFTED my spirits. I've been looking rather haggard lately and feeling really old. Of course I told her "I'm not Bill's son, I'm his husband. We married VERY YOUNG." Poor  woman, she jerked back initially shocked they quickly regained her composure. Later I told Bill "I should have told her I was your grandson." The nerve.

That's it for today folks. I didn't want to leave that picture and posting of my brother's casket on my blog for days like I do some other blog postings.

Life Goes On

Screen shot of the live stream of my brother's services last night at his church

 Last night I watch the live stream of the church service for my late brother John Lee Tipton. 

I am so thankful I could watch it live stream. I almost missed it because I didn't activate the stream when I signed on to the church website fifteen minutes before the service started. I missed the photo collage my sister-in-law had established by Power Point. However, after the service started and I had no video I knew I was doing something wrong so I signed in again and viola! I got the live stream.

I also recorded the service which was long (one hour and forty-six minutes). 

I watched it along with Pat. 

I have to say the pastor who gave the John's memorial "got" John. He knew my brother and what he was like. I appreciated that. 

I got a chance to see my other brother who was there with his son and his daughter-in-law. His name is Isaac. Later he texted me that he was the only one there without a white shirt. Nor a tie I might mention. His son, Isaac III didn't have a tie either. Oh well, the very conservative Christian Southern Baptist Evangelicals have probably seen worse. They'll get over it. 

I'm still disappointed that I wasn't able to attend. And here I even had my dark blue pants let out. Oh, and I would have worn a white shirt and tie. Probably best I didn't attend. I wouldn't want to show up my brother and nephew. Once a hillbilly, always a hillbilly. Hey bro, don't worry about wearing a suit at my service, if I have one. 

This morning I had my bone marrow biopsy. Don't let anyone tell you it doesn't hurt. It does. Not a "passing a kidney stone" hurt but not comfortable either. Although the nurse did everything possible to make me comfortable prior to the procedure when the instrument was stuck in my back hip bone and bone marrow extracted with took about five minutes. Seemed more like fifteen minutes but probably only about five minutes. 

Pitiful me this morning just prior to my bone marrow biopsy procedure. You can't tell but I'm  trying to smile behind that mask. I should have taken the mast off.

Followup with my doctor in two weeks.

Funeral Services For My Brother John

My brother John with wife Barbara, and daughters Vickie and Nancy. Me (with the ice cream cone) and our Mother during a visit to their home in Windsor PA October 26, 1974. This was before John became a pastor. Me with the ice cream cone?

 Funeral services will be held tonight at 7 PM, EDT at the Mount Calvary Baptist Church in Greenville, SC for my brother John Lee Tipton. For those of you who are interested to know what a treasure and joy by brother John was, you're invited to attend the live stream of his services. Go HERE.

Rev. John Lee Tipton

My brother John was the care pastor of his church for over thirty years. It was his job to comfort and console those who were ill and at the end of their life. John loved his job. I mean he LOVED his job.

Many years ago, after he lost his new born son at childbirth and almost lost his wife, he vowed to devote the rest of his life in service to his church helping others as appreciation for God saving his wife's life. 

John had to previous children, both daughters before his son was born. His wife had difficult pregnancies with those births. He was warned not to get his wife pregnant again but he wanted a son and thus took the chance. He lost his son and almost lost his wife. Because of almost losing his wife, after being given a warning, he left his lucrative career and moved to Greenville, South Carolina and attended Bob Jones University to obtain his degree to become a pastor. John was one of those old college students in his early forties (or maybe late thirties). 

John LOVED Greenville and Bob Jones University and his church. John was always my happy little brother but the years of his life living in Greenville were the happiest of his life. His optimism was infectious. Often when I would get down about life, all I had to do was talk to John and I felt better.

One would think that John being a minister of a Southern Fundamentalist church that he would be proselytizing me every chance he got. He did not do that. He never proselytized me. Never. Unlike some of my friends who are also evangelical who often took the opportunity to "save me" and proselytize me. I always took offense to their arrogance in "saving me." I would respond to them "Worry about yourself friend, I'll take care of my soul." 

Indeed, my brother John practiced true Christianity, not the organized Christianity that is practiced by so many evangelicals that assume that they and only they are going to Heaven because they and only they know The Way.  

My brother John always provided me with help, peace and comfort when I needed it. As he undoubtedly did for many of his parishioners who I don't know. 

My great regret now is that I am not able to attend his services which will be held tonight at 7 PM at the Mount Calvary Baptist Church in Greenville, South Carolina. However, our other brother Isaac will be able to attend along with his son and his daughter-in-law. I will be there in spirit as well as watching the live streaming of his services.

No longer the Tipton Trio (The "Tipton Boys") Now there are just us us. 

Hopefully, if I survive Bill, I will be able to visit John's wife later. There are no promises in this life. I may go tomorrow but assuming I outlive Bill, I will visit Barbara (John's wife). 

For now I have John's memories. As my brother Isaac said when I was talking to him on FaceTime last night when he arrived at the Holiday Inn in Greenville, South Carolina, "I'll miss talking to John on the phone." And indeed, I will miss those calls I had with John. There is a big empty hole in my life now. And this is just me. I cannot imagine what his wife and his daughters are going through now. 

The one thing that sustains us is that John is at rest now. His pain and suffering over the last three years as come to an end and he now has his heavenly reward. 

If there is a Heaven (which I still have my doubts), I know he'll be there with that big infectious smile of his and saying "What took you so long Ronnie? I've been waiting for you!"

See  you soon John.

My brother John, gone forever. 

I will miss our calls. 

I will miss his laugh. 

I will miss his wit, wisdom and humor. 

I will miss his ability to bring me back to earth.

I will miss him.

I am less now.

Obituary for Rev John Lee Tipton

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love His appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7–8)

John Lee Tipton of Greenville, SC, met his Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, on March 18, 2022. He was born in Coatesville, PA, on June 10, 1944, to Isaac Walter Tipton and Betty Hadfield Tipton. He leaves two brothers, Ronald Walter Tipton of Milton, DE, and Isaac Walter Tipton, Jr. of Downingtown, PA. He was married for 58 years to Barbara Princo Tipton, and they had three children, Nancy Lee Tipton of the home, Victoria Lynn (Mark) Payne of Gillette, WY, and John Lee Tipton, Jr. (deceased). John also had two foster daughters whom he loved dearly, Jan Loftis Sinde of Greenville, SC, and Cathy Bridges Powell of San Antonio, TX. He is survived by seven grandchildren and three foster grandchildren. He served his country in the US Army 529th Military Police in Heidelberg, Germany, and Washington, DC. He earned a master of arts degree in Bible in 1982 from Bob Jones University and joyfully served the Lord as an assistant pastor at Mount Calvary Baptist Church, Cedar Lane Road, Greenville, SC, since 1983. Visitation and viewing are at Mount Calvary Baptist Church (115 Cedar Lane Road) on Monday, March 21, 4:45–6:45 p.m.; with the funeral service to follow at 7 p.m. Private interment at Coleman Cemetery in Travelers Rest, SC, will be held Tuesday, March 22. In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to the Men’s Ministries at Mount Calvary Baptist Church, 1430 Hampton Ave. Ext., Greenville, SC 29601.