The Three Stooges

Which stooge are you? Below is a penetrating social analysis by Ivan Stang, the brains behind the Church of the Sub-Genius.




There are three kinds of people in this world. I know you've heard that before. Everybody has their 'three types' of people, or their four types or five types. Many only list two types: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't. But there are three, and the models for these types come neither from psychology nor ancient religion. They come from Columbia Studios, and they are archetypal embodied in The Three Stooges.

 The Stooges unwittingly --of course -- left us a rich legacy of deft interpretations of the most primal human behavior patterns. Their short films, seen as a whole, form a tapestry in which the interactions of people as individuals, corporations and nations are distilled to a microcosm, a pure essence of existential folly.

 There is but a small percentage of Moes in any given population: perhaps 5%. There are even fewer Curlys. The vast bulk of humanity are Larrys.


(Though represented by male characters, the three types also apply to women.)


THE MOE PERSONALITY

 Moe is the active personality, and if not always dominant, always striving to be. Moe is the one who spurs the others into action. He devises plans to better their lot, but when his plans fail the other two suffer the consequences. But is Moe any less the fool for that they follow his plans?


He is a natural manipulator, only partially because the others are waiting to be manipulated. He would want to manipulate them anyway, even if they weren't so willing.


But Larry is a born follower, a blank slate that only reacts (and slowly at that) to exterior stimuli. He never initiates action. He is Moe's absolute tool, the truest 'stooge.' When Moe's abuse finally does make him angry, he lashes out not at Moe, but at Curly. No matter how he suffers under Moe's yoke, he never really rebels. He argues, but gives up easily.


THE LARRY PERSONALITY

Were it not for the presence of his friends, Larry probably would live in peace -- a dull, flat, mechanical peace. Though clumsy, he is still the most employable of the three -- for the other two are incapable of following orders, although for different reasons. Most people are Larrys.


Larrys divide people into those who don't divide others into two types, and those who do. But they do so only because they grew up hearing it.


THE CURLY PERSONALITY

Curly is the only likeable one, a truly rare human model. He is the holy man, the Divine Fool. He is as creative and active as Moe, but it is a spontaneous and joyous kind of creativity, no good for the kind of plotting and scheming required by a Moe-dominated society. He is a free spirit, but correspondingly unable to function well in a world of Moes and Larrys. He, like Larry, is perpetually abused, but he intuitively understands what is happening to him and reacts far more angrily -- if equally ineffectually. He is everyone's favorite Stooge because he is the funniest; through his innate nobility and natural humility he constantly bests Moe, but it is in an unconscious way, and it is only apparent to the outside observer. Curly himself is hardly aware of his talents; his weakness is that he does not know his own strength, and cannot trust his own luck.


In real life, Curlys are usually branded by the Moes and Larrys around them as retarded, schizophrenic, mal-adjusted or just plain stupid, whereas in reality, it is only Curly who understands the truth. Remaining cheerful through adversity, he wins battles not by fighting, but by 'accidentally' unleashing 'accidents' in which his enemies injure themselves.


Alien to feelings of avarice or ambition, he is the opposite of Moe, yet the two are drawn together by some inexplicable balancing force of nature. The Larrys, though, are ever the in-between, slug like nonentities caught in the crossfire of cosmic dualities -- yet remaining there by some herding instinct that makes being a casualty of the Moe-Curly battle preferable to life alone with other Larrys.


Only the existence of the blameless, bovine Larrys makes that of Moe or Curly possible. They are able to maintain their level of glandular brutality and senseless destruction only at the expense of the unquestioning, loyal worker drone whose income partially supports their excesses. Were he not there to diffuse Moe's anger by becoming another recipient of his blows, Curly would have been killed long ago, and Moe would have committed suicide out of loneliness.


The horror of it all is that the three types need each other to survive. Of all nature's cycles of parasitic symbiosis, the one involving the three human types is the most nightmarish. It rages around us all the time in real life, spreading death and madness, yet when we see it on the screen we call it "comedy."

So where do I fall into this pantheon of Stoopids? Those of you who know me personally know that without a doubt I am MOE! Coincidentally I have a very good friend who is named Larry. I’ll let him decide if he is the “Larry” of the Three Stooges described in Ivan Stang’s treatise.



I happened across this article while reading a copy of Uncle John/s Second Bathroom Reader (yes, I’m one of those folks who reads in the John.) This article reinforced by belief that most people in this world fall into only a few categories. I really couldn’t articulate my beliefs any better than this article by Ivan Stang.

So, which Stooge are you?

My friends Larry (yes), Stuart and me October 1957

Religion

Here is the first of my many future posts on religion. Yes, I have decided to take on the BIG SUBJECT, religion.



I was raised as a Baptist. As a child I enjoyed going to Sunday school. I even have a certificate for perfect attendance at a Summer Sunday School in Downingtown, Pennsylvania, which you know is pretty darn good for a 10 year old kid out of school.



Where I went off the rails with religion was when my Aunt Margaret took me to church with her one Sunday at her church in West Chester, Pennsylvania. The church was a Pentecostal Church. I believe I was about 12 years old at the time.



My one searing memory of the sermon that day was that the pastor who delivered the sermon scared me to death. He was a red haired, pale faced man but when he delivered his sermon his face was red and it seemed like foam was coming from his mouth. The only part of the sermon that I remembered was him screaming "You are a sinner! You were born in sin! You will die in sin! You must accept Jesus Christ as your savior or else you will burn eternally in the fires of Hell!"



As I left church that sunny, brisk day in leafy West Chester, I was shaken. At ten years old I already knew I was "different." I was aware of my homosexuality but I didn't know the name for it other than "fairy" for the ten letter word beginning with "c" and ending in "r." I knew that wasn't me so I didn't know what I was. Remember, this was in the early Fifties (1951 to be exact.)



From that day to this day I have never looked at organized religion the same way again. Oh yes, I have gone to different churches over the past fifty years. But I have never regained the comfort I had when attending Sunday school.



I could never express adequately in words what turned me away from the organized church other than this pastor who obviously relished the fact he was scaring the be Jesus out of his congregation by passing judgment on them over something they had no control (being born.) It wasn't until a recent e-mail exchange with a fellow blogger who is an atheist that I realized what the problem was. The church I went to that Sunday wasn't about peace and love. That church was about obedience. You obey and you get to Heaven because you're born with a major strike against you. You are a sinner. No matter what kind of life you lead, no matter how exemplary your conduct, unless you ACCEPT Jesus Christ as your Savior, you're not getting into Heaven.



Over the past fifty some years I've read a lot about different religions. I've tried some of them on for size. None fit exactly. None gave me the comfort level that they obviously give their many millions of devoted followers. Oh sure, I could tell my friends that I accept Jesus as my savior to please them but in my heart I just didn't feel it. And that is what it is all about any isn't it? You have to feel it in your heart.



It is my belief that this obedience aspect of organized religion comes from our European medieval heritage. Back in the Dark Ages the way the nobility (not us) kept the serfs (us) in line was to promise them a golden after life. They made this promise in lieu of the horrible circumstances serfs lived in; poverty, filth, disease and lack of freedom. The promise was "Sacrifice now for the prosperous after life in Heaven." Does this sound familiar? It should. That's what the terrorist suicide bombers are promised if they sacrifice their life by killing the Infidel.



How did I arrive at this belief? For one thing there is a lot of emphasis in all religions, especially the Christian religion about "praising God." Also, have you noticed God is always referred to as "The Lord?" How did the peasants and serfs refer to their nobles in medieval times? They bowed and said "Yes, my Lord." They also did a lot of praising. This is not a coincidence. It is a fundamental part of the culture of the Christian religion.



So you sacrifice today for a better after life. You do a lot of praying but make sure you give sufficient praise and under no circumstance DO NOT MOCK GOD. To many fundamentalist religious persons, any criticism of The Word or their belief is MOCKING GOD. “Do not mock God!” One half expects Charleton Heston to appear as Moses issuing thunderbolts from his fingertips to zap anyone to dares to question the existence of God.

This is just the first of many future postings I will have on this subject. My stating my religious belief, or lack thereof, I am not demeaning or criticizing those who do find comfort in an organized religion. I do understand that religious rituals offer comfort to many in this threatening and dangerous world. The way I feel about it is that if you find comfort in religion, then I am happy for you. I am happy the same way I would be if you found comfort in sailing a boat or spending time with your family. But when one takes their religion and tries to shove it down my throat because they want to "save" me, that am when I rebel.



It has never been satisfactorily explained to me how Jesus died for me. That he died to wash me of my sins. Sins that I was born with. Again, I remember back to that sermon on that spring day in April in West Chester, Pennsylvania. The thought that ran through my head was, "I didn't ask to be born and here I was born and I don't have a chance because I'm a sinner." The only way I could not be a sinner to take this nebulous step of "accepting" Jesus Christ as my savior.



What does "accepting" actually mean? Does it mean going through this charade even though my heart didn't feel it just to please my friends, relatives, and neighbors. Does it mean living a lie?



All my life I have been pushed, encouraged and then demanded to live a lie just because I happened to be born a homosexual. "Do this or something bad will happen to you." It just didn't make sense to me.



For many years I struggled with this dilemma, pleasing my friends, relatives and neighbors or be true to myself. Perhaps the turning point came about ten years ago when I was having an in depth discussion with a long time friend of mine who I like and respect in spite of his hard core conservative Republican and religious views.



He told me I would never get to Heaven unless I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. I asked him, "Do you mean if I led an explemary life, harmed no one and then died I would not go to Heaven." He said (as best I can remember it) "Ron, Ted Bundy will go to Heaven before you will. He will go because he accepted Jesus Christ on his death bed (Mr. Bundy, a serial killer was about to be executed)



I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Ted Bundy, a notorious serial killer, would go to Heaven in spite of all the evil he did during his time on earth, but I, a quiet, unassuming, honest, good hearted, woefully naive, guy would not go to Heaven no matter what I did. Plus, I had another BIG strike against me because I would not renounce the sinfulness of my homosexuality. The way I figure it, I was born the way I was for a reason and that reason wasn't some big test of wills.



I think that day was the day I stopped believing and saw through the hypocrisy of organized, or "man-made" religion (as I call it.)



I will continue to lead my life the best way I can. Of course I know I'm not perfect but I'm not an evil person either. I do like to engage in gossip every once in a while and sometimes I experience schadenfreude. But other than that I'm a pretty uncomplicated person who wishes the best for my friends, neighbors, relatives and humanity. If I believe anything it is the belief that those among us who are truly evil will receive their comeuppance either in this life or the afterlife. Maybe there is such a thing as reincarnation and they will come back as a cockroach or some other despised life form. That makes more sense to me than all the contradictory religious teachings and proselytzing of Christians.



One thing that makes perfect sense to me is that if there is a Heaven and I get there some day I know I won't see that preacher who shouted at me all those years ago.

The Power of Prayer

Today's posting is a little different for me. As though of you who know me personally, you know that I do not buy into "man-made" religion. Another way of describing "man-made" religion is that or the organized church. The organized Christian Church left me when I was 10 years old because of my homosexuality. There are those friends of mine who criticize me for "always being the victim." Well, sorry about that but when the man-made church tells me I will burn in Hell for eternity because of who I am, and then I have no choice but to leave that church for the Select Few who were lucky enough to be born with the socially acceptable chromosome makeup.

After I left the organized man-made Christian Church when I was 10 years old I continued to have my own personal religion. Many times over the years I have prayed for guidance in this perilous minefield called Life. Many times I have had guidance from a Greater Power that has helped me through some very difficult times. I don't know whether it was my guardian Angel or Buddha or just a Spirit in the Sky. One thing I do know is that organized religion has never helped me nor has man helped me. The only thing that has gotten me this far in life (67 years) is my personal spiritual belief.

A friend sent me an e-mail this morning that best epitomizes the way I feel sometimes. The friend who sent this e-mail to me this morning is going through a difficult time of her life at this time. She recently lost her job. Then she discovered she had breast cancer. Just last week she lost her father, with whom she has lived with and cared for these many years. Now she is alone except for her brother who is caring for her.



I met my friend many years ago (1965) when I worked at Girard Bank in Philadelphia. She started work a short time after I began working for the bank. We were good friends even after we both changed our jobs and went to work for another bank up the street when Mellon Bank took over Girard Bank.



We worked together at the new bank for about seven years until I left in 1994. Over the years we have remained in touch by e-mail. Her friendship is one of the few I have maintained over the years in all my job changes and travels. She is one of those True Friends. I am very fortunate because I have a handful of these True Friends whose friendship I value more than just about anything.



My friend believes in religion but makes no judgments. My friend doesn't warn me about burning in Hell because I am a homosexual and I refuse to "accept" Jesus Christ as my Savior. My friend does not discount me as a human being because of my homosexuality. My friend does not patronize me by saying she "tolerates" me in spite of my "weakness." My friend accepts me just as I am, a human being created in the image of God.



This is her prayer. It has meaning for me. I want to share it with others who feel as I do. And why do I post an image of a made-made representation of Jesus Christ? It is only a symbol of Peace and Love which in the end is what religion is all about anyway.



 

This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards.



Let's always pray for one another.






The prayer:






Father,


Thank you for each and every day you have


blessed us here on earth.


Thank you for your tender mercies.


Thank you for giving us friends and family to share these internet joys with. I ask you to bless my friends, relatives and those I care deeply for who are reading this right now.






Where there is joy, give them continued joy.


Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy.






Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence.


Where there is need, fulfill their needs.






Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings.














In Jesus' name..






Amen.