Why I am a F.A.G. Volunteer

Some people run a 5k races for self satisfaction while others twist their bodies pretzel like in yoga poses for body flexibility and spiritual enlightenment.  

Me, I've always marched to a different drummer.  I'm a F.A.G. volunteer. 

Me at a family cemetery in the North Carolina mountains 2013

Granted, you're unlikely to see a photo of me in too short shorts in the Cape Gazette running one of the many charity 5k runs. Nor will you see me in some 105 degree yoga studio, sweating my balls off with a bunch of fellow, sweaty women yoga practitioners, seeing if I can hold my pose without peeing myself or passing out.  Nope, yours truly, when I am in the self enlightenment mood will be at either your local cemetery or in some old, forgotten family cemetery in the mountains of western North Carolina.  For you see Virginia I am a Find a Grave volunteer.

What is a Find a Grave volunteer you ask?  We F.A.G. volunteers take photos of headstones in cemeteries and post it to the website called Findagrave.com.  Find a Grave.com was founded coincidently by a distant cousin of mine, Jim Tipton, to record the final resting places of celebrities.  However, in a very short time it became a very popular website for recording graves of everyone, whether they were celebrities or not.  I've been a member for over five years.  I've recorded over 4,500 memorials (graves) and over 9,600 photos.  

For years I've always liked to roam graveyards.  Perhaps that's sounds weird to some but hey, I think running your ass off in a 5k race or nearly passing out and peeing yourself doing "hot" yoga is weird too.  I guess one's weirdness all depends on one's perspective.  But I gain the same satisfaction out of my volunteer work for Find a Grave as do the participants in the previously mentioned activities.  One thing is for sure, you'll never hear an S.O.S. going out for me because I got lost climbing a mountain or collapsed running a 5k race.  Oh sure, maybe I'll faint in a graveyard…..not likely. What's more likely I would fall into one of those collapsed graves (had some near misses on that).

One of my very favorite activities is fulfilling photo request for Find a Grave.  The way this works is someone, whether it be a relative of non-relative, requests a photo of a grave or memorial as we call it; that request is posted to the Find a Grave.com website and those F.A.G. volunteers in the area can claim those requests.  That's what I did this morning when I claimed seven photo requests for the Union Cemetery in Georgetown, Delaware this morning.  

Yep, that was me on this cold and overcast morning, down at the Union Cemetery in Georgetown, Delaware. Nope, I wasn't greeted by hearing crowds nor were there any photographers from the local newspaper to record this event for posterity, fame and glory.  Nope, just me and Bill roaming the cemetery looking for "Ira Short Jan 24, 1894 - Apr 24, 1956".  

Ira Short headstone, Union Cemetery, Georgetown, DE

We found him and the other six requested photos of gravestones of those dear, long ago departed citizens of this southern most Delaware County of Sussex who are buried at the Union Cemetery in Georgetown, Delaware, the county seat of Sussex County. Yes folks, we did our volunteerism without the Roar of the Crowd.

As I mentioned earlier in this posting, I'm not totally selfless in my volunteerism for F.A.G.  I do get a sense of self-satisfaction and that I am helping people by recording the final resting place of relatives and loved ones who are not in the geographical area.  To me all Find a Grave.com is the Digital Age extension of the old fashion cemetery.  With the Internet and computers and the thousands of F.A.G. volunteers taking photos and recording the final resting places or the previous inhabitants of this planet, we are literally making a virtual cemetery.  

Of course with an endeavor that I am in I endure some negative feedback.  There are trolls and negative nabobs wherever one goes these days who will be quick to criticize and says things like "Why would you want to do something like that?" Not so coincidentally those negative comments almost always come from the same folks who criticize everything else I do or others do and yet they DON'T do.  Go figure.  In the Find a Grave.com community we call those people "Find a Grave Drama".  I've had them attack me as have had other Find a Grave volunteers.  But you know what folks?  People like that are everywhere, I ignore them.  

But last week I received an e-mail that made all the hard work of looking for the cemetery (some of these small family cemeteries aren't easy to find), in all kinds of weather (it was COLD this morning) worth it.  This lady posted this comment on my Find a Grave.com account:

Now this made me feel good.  Here I found the grave of the sister of this woman's grandmother's sister who died as an infant (got that)?  She never thought she would find the grave let alone a copy of her great aunt's death certificate.  I also posted the copy of the death certificate because I am also a member of Ancestry.com and have access to death certificate of some of the decedents.  Where I find them, I post them.

Now here is a lady who took the time to thank me for the photo I took of her great aunt's grave in the remote mountains of North Carolina at a small family cemetery that I did have some trouble locating. I remember well this expedition last year, it was raining the whole day I was traipsing around those mountains and I ruined my sneakers. I was soaked by the time the day drew to a close.

I was in this area because it was where my father was born and grew up until he was ten years old at which time the family (he and his eight brothers) were moved to southeastern Pennsylvania in the late 20's.  Each year I've been visiting this area to take photos of the local family cemeteries, looking for Tiptons but also recording the graves of other folks in that area, many of them related to my family (not a small amount of inbreeding in those mountains folks but I won't go into that at this time).  

This is also the same area where I was going to introduce my cousin Bob Tipton and his wife to our cousin, our grandfather was her grandmother's brother (got that)?  As I said I WAS going to introduce the cousins until the son of the cousin asked me the night before, when I had called on the phone to confirm the meeting, "There is a rumor going about you Ron.  I have a question to ask you Ron.  Do you practice the gay lifestyle?"  After closing my mouth, which was agape, I said "If you're asking me if I'm gay…yes I am." There was a pause then he said "Now listen to me and listen good, if you ever step foot on my parent's property (his mother is my cousin - our grandparents were brother and sister), you'll have ME to deal with.  You got THAT bud?"  Well folks, this is North Carolina after all, land of the most voter repression law in the United States and non-marriage equality.  Hillbilly country where you won't see ONE minority in those hills be they black, Italian or Romanian. One of the last outposts of homophobia.  Where gays like me area called "QUARRS" (as the husband of my cousin called our President during our last visit). Oh yes folks, this is the U.S.A.  So I probably won't be going back anytime soon to Deliverance Country.  

Me in the North Carolina mountains - 2013

I probably will never go back again after last springs Welcome Wagon reception from the son of my cousin (he's my cousin too whether he realizes it or not.  Just imagine, he has a "quarr" for a cousin.)  But I am glad that I received this thanks from this lady last week for my small act of volunteerism.  Sort of gives me hope that not all people are hateful and perhaps some are even appreciative of what this one, insignificant, non-celebrity volunteer does, expending time and money and sometimes, at personal physical risk, to do something good.  

My cousin's husband during a visit in 2012 before he knew I was "quarr" - I was allowed in his house then.  Now that my "lifestyle" has been identified I am no longer welcome

This past week hasn't been good one for me folks. First one of my sister-in-laws gets offended (too easily in my opinion) because of a photo I posted on Facebook of my Mother getting her hair combed by my niece (said sister-in-law's daughter).  Some folks noted the dress my niece was wearing (floor length with a ruffled apron) and teased my niece about her choice of clothing.  My sister-in-law promptly sends me an e-mail saying that I attacked her and then mentions something about my "lifestyle."  A remark that was frankly beneath her and hurtful.  I didn't know know THAT was simmering beneath the surface of our relationship.  

The offending photograph - my niece combing my Mother's hair Christmas 1979

Then on the same day I was having a casual conversation with my longtime friend Bill B. on the phone and same sex marriage came up.  I forget what brought it up, maybe the fact that I sent him a Christmas card that shows me and my husband on the front of the card during our marriage ceremony.  My "friend" said "What's next?  Marrying your pet?"  There you go folks.  You never know what just beneath the surface of people you know.  People who are self-proclaimed "Good Christians".  You know the kind, judgmental.  Well, as I wrote about it before both occurrences left me feeling sick in the stomach.  Little did I know that these two folks, who I thought liked and respected me really considered me "less than."  

Me with my friend who asked me if I'm going to marry my pet next - I never cease to be surprised by the latent homophobia of some of those I have known all my life who I considered my friends 

I tried to have a reasonable discussion with my friend, telling him that he had just insulted me and didn't understand what he was talking about but you know folks, there is just no reasoning with people like this.  They have their horse blinders on, blinded by their so called "faith".  They will never change their minds.  In their mind I am "less than" and always will be.  So I am letting them go folks.  I am tired.

This morning, in the cemetery, looking for those graves to fulfill the Find a Grave photo requests I felt a sense of peace and tranquility that I didn't feel with my relative and friend this past week.  

Me at my great-grandfather Hiram Tipton's grave in Limestone, Tennessee

When I received that thank you from that lady for taking a photo and posting her great-aunt's memorial, I felt like I was appreciated.  For all I know she may be just as homophobic and prejudicial towards gay people as my relative and friend but at least she said "thank you".  And that means a lot.  

Me with my pet Sparky, who I never intended to marry

Share the Pain

No folks, I'm not talking about the Republican hate of Obama fueled government shutdown (although I could write about this absolute stupidity but what difference would it make?), I'm talking about what's going to happen to me tomorrow morning at my appointment with my urologist.

Yes Virginia, I'm going to get my stent removed.  Remember about three weeks ago when I had a procedure to blast out my two remaining kidney stones in my right kidney?  Well, they left the stent in my ureter canal just to make sure neither one of those extra large (.6 mm) kidney stones got stuck in my ureter canal.  By the way, the ureter canal is the small tube leading from the kidney to your bladder and then to your penis (guys) so you can urinate.  The past three weeks have been very uncomfortable (but not unduly painful) for me.  I will very glad to get this stent out so I can go back to peeing normally.  

The stent - not pretty and I do feel it  but it doesn't hurt - just feels like "something" is in there that shouldn't be

I think I'm getting my stent removed. I believe my urologist will first take an X-ray to make sure the kidney stones are gone.  That was the reason he put the stent in the first place, so I would have to go through that eight day Hell I went though over Labor Day weekend when he advised me to "wait" for my other .6 mm kidney stone to pass.  As you all know it didn't pass and I had to have surgery to blast it out.  

Where my stent is (right side from kidney to penis)

So here I go again tomorrow having my private parts invaded again.  I thought I would "share the pain" and post a You Tube video of a fellow male who went through the same procedure of having his stent removed.  Oh sure, I've heard all the stories that "not every stent removal is the same." Uh huh, well why don't you try it then?  All I can say is that I am NOT LOOKING FORWARD to this but I will get through it.  What choice do I have?  

My final "home."  Yep, I have already purchased my "lot."  Nice "view" of the valley of my old hometown of Downingtown.  This is where I will end up some day.  All visitors are welcome!

Me standing on my plot - I haven't bought a headstone yet.  Something I probably should do this year.  I'm not getting any younger.......or healthier.  I'm open for suggestions for headstones.  I have them narrowed down to about six different styles but being the gay man that I am, I just can't make up my mind.  I do lean towards the tan one that glitters when the sun shines on it (of course I do).

One of the "finalist" headstones for Ron but leave out the "father" and substitute "lover"

This has been some year folks, what with my prostate cancer, biopsy, volume check, seed implants and the resulting side effects which I am still suffering (I will spare you the details but I do have to change underwear more frequently).  But then I am consoled that my situation could be a lot worse.  I consider myself fortunate that I will only have to undergo some momentary discomfort and pain tomorrow.  Then I should be good to go.....for a while anyway until the next piece falls off this old jalopy.

Where I will be for eternity when I'm done this present Journey - on a hill overlooking Downingtown, Pennsylvania, in the sun just on the edge of the woods - perfect for my final rest

Saturday at the Cemetery

Rehoboth Presbyterian Cemetery

Nothing spectacular to write about today.  Just a daily update.  I didn't do my "Weekly Update" last week so this will have to do.

The weather was very mild today.  We'll take it!  

Bill worked out in the backyard cutting down the last rose bush practically to the ground.  I keep telling him that he prunes them too much.  Our backyard is outlined with knockout rose bushes.  This year they were over eight feet high.  Some trimming was in order.

This morning I full filled two Find a Grave photo requests. One was at the Rehoboth Presbyterian Cemetery at Midway by the busy Route 1 in Rehoboth Beach.  Man, you're taking your life into your own hands going into that cemetery with the traffic whizzing by.

Rehoboth Presbyterian Cemetery - Rehoboth Beach, DE

The other photo request was at the Bethel Methodist Cemetery in Lewes, right next to the Beebe Hospital.  I still can't get over that a HUGE cemetery is right next to the hospital.

Bethel Methodist Cemetery - Lewes, DE

As if often the case when I visit cemeteries I come across "stories."  This is one such story.  His name is Scott M. Emory.  He was only 34 years old when he died.  I did not know anything about him when I saw his marker.  I'll search the Internet now and see if I can find his obituary.  What stuck me is how young he was when he died.  

It is at a time like this, when I am feeling a bit melancholy because I know my time is running out that I get one of these wake up calls and realize how lucky I am to still be here, alive and well.

The old hour glass may be running out on Ron but I do know that I am one of the lucky ones who are still here.

I just did a search for Scott M. Emory at the funeral home.  I could find nothing.  I also searched the Internet, nothing.  Well, at least he will be remembered here.  He was here once, he mattered. He will not be forgotten.

Update:  I just found out who Scott M. Emory was.  He was killed while walking across Route 1, the same Route 1 I mentioned earlier in this blog that you take your life into your hands.  As a matter of fact, where he was killed with his girlfriend was right near the Rehoboth Presbyterian Cemetery on Route 1.  He and his girlfriend were finishing working their shift at a local restaurant on the strip of stores and restaurants that lead into Rehoboth Beach. This is really strange isn't it?  I just left that cemetery next to the road where he died and then I see his grave.  

Six Feet Under

Me at one of my favorite places...a cemetery!  This one St. Peter's Episcopal Church Cemetery, Lewes, DE - during one of my F.A.G. searches for headstones

As regular readers of this blog know, I am a longtime member of F.A.G. (Find a Grave.com).  I have always been interested in cemeteries, headstones and stories behind (or underground as the case may be) of those dear, departed folks who occupy those spaces Six Feet Under.  Now don't anyone send me a comment about how "hurtful" my blog posting is.  I just received another one of those comments again yesterday, which I will not post to my blog.  If anyone reading this blog is "hurt", well move on.  Don't bother me with your sensibilities being jarred because of things I write in my blog.

Now that I have that off of my chest, the reason I'm writing this blog is to tell you all that I finally saw the first episode of the HBO series "Six Feet Under."  Actually I saw the first three episodes last night on my 60" inch Sharp flat screen TV in the privacy of my  bedroom.  Oh how I do like watching movies and TV series in my on "movie theater."  In addition to now being much safer (unlikely a crazed gunman will burst into my bedroom with an automatic rifle and put me out of my misery and bitchiness), I don't have to be annoyed by other movie goers who talk during the movie, bring babies into the movie, and just generally annoy me because of their rudeness.  I doubt that I will ever again enter a movie theater.

But getting back to the original subject of this blog posting, here is my take on the HBO series "Six Feet Under."

Yes, it is interesting.  However, I have two main complaints about the series as I do almost all American made movies and TV series.  The characters tend to be two dimensional, there is way too much face sucking (called "kisses" in the movies and on TV), and lots of over the top, chew up the scenery acting.  I much prefer British made TV series like "Downton Abbey" that have actors who portray characters who are more nuanced (look it up in the dictionary) and three dimensional.

Another problem I have with American made productions is when the character becomes sad, angry or generally upset they throw things and clear the table tops.  This ALWAYS happens in the movies.  I have NEVER witnessed it happening in real life and believe me, my real life has had some pretty interesting times but never, NEVER have I cleared off a tabletop of dishes and salt and pepper shakers nor thrown dishes at a person.  NEVER.

This kind of action in American made movies is as predictable as when you see a fruit or vegetable cart in a   movie scene, you JUST KNOW that at some point that cart is going to be overturned by a chase sequence or a fight and the cart vendor throw his hands into the air in dismay.  Same thing when there are chickens pecking around the old homestead.  You JUST KNOW a car is going to run through those chickens sending them squawking.  Ever notice how you never see any of those chickens flattened out?  Just saying.

So I watched the first three episodes of "Six Feet Under" on my Netflix DVD rental last night and here are my succinct summations of the characters of said series:

Ah, the prodigal son.  He's supposed to be a hunk.  Not by my standards.  He's short and squat and annoying.  Not interesting except when he's pushing his gay brother David's buttons.  I love that interaction.  I'm wondering if Peter Krause is gay himself (NO COMMENTS PLEASE about me saying "hurtful" statements)

The "good brother", who also happens to be gay who actually runs the family funeral home since dad got creamed in his new hearse by a city buss while lighting one up.  Yet another annoying, whining character.  And here is something I will NEVER UNDERSTAND.  His character is gay but he goes to bed with his former fiancé?  What's that all about?  Probably a straight person who wrote the character who assumes that gay men can go to bed with women and men with equal passion.  DOESN'T HAPPEN, at least not in my world.  His intimate scenes with his policeman boyfriend are NOT BELIEVABLE probably because two straight men are play acting.  They can do all the face sucking (with loud smacking sounds yet) they want to, but this isn't true passion between two men who turn each other on.  What is it with Hollywood producers who think they HAVE TO HAVE straight men play gay roles?

The mama of the two dysfunctional brothers who run the funeral home.  Like her sons, her character is very annoying plus Ms. Conroy has a tendency to chew up the scenery.  Tone it down a bit honey.

The Daughter.  I said the two brothers were annoying, this whinny bitch is ten times as annoying as her brothers.  WHAT A BITCH!  How she ever manages to get a good-looking boyfriend who wants to plug her if beyond belief.  God, SO ANNOYING.  She not a good actress (or is it "actor" in these politically correct days)?  I'm not surprised that Ms. Fisher isn't a big name "actor" in movies these days.  She just isn't good.  Go away.

Oh I like this woman!  I like her character "Brenda" and I like the actress.  She plays her role with subtleness and conviction.  She is totally believable and interesting.  What in the world she sees in Nate Fisher other than a good (you fill in the spaces, this is now a "family blog"), is beyond me.  But I am glued to the screen when her character is on.

Hey!  I like "Frederico" too!  Totally engaging and interesting.....and cute.  Why haven't I heard of Freddy Rodriguez before?  His role is much too small but when he is on screen, again I can't take my eyes off of him.  He's funny, believable and (did I say this before?) INTERESTING!

I'm on a roll here folks!  I like the dad, recently deceased after getting smashed in his new hearse by a monster city bus.  Richard Jenkins plays the role of the dad with fun and whimsy (look it up or ask Dr. Spo).  It's a shame that his character is dead because I would like to see him for the entire series.  Maybe he is in the entire series which would be a good thing.

"Keith", the gay, policeman boyfiend of David Fisher.  Mathew St. Patrick, who plays Keith is a very handsome man.  And that's about it.  Not believable at all as the boyfriend of the whiney David.  SO NOT BELIEVABLE.  Also, he is obviously a straight man playing "gay."  Come on Hollywood, we can have a gay man (who isn't a queen) play a gay man.  We're all wearing our big boy and big girl underwear.  We can handle it.

So there you go folks, my politically incorrect review of the cast of characters (and actors) of the first three episodes of "Six Feet Under."  Even though I have my complaints about the predictable characters and some of the boring actors, I'm hooked on the series.  I guess I'm so used to the sub par movie production and acting of American made films that I'm numb to the two dimensional aspects of most American made movies and TV series.  I often wonder is it this way because of the lack of talent of the writers or that they know that most of the American public will accept this dribble?  I think the answer is a combination of both.

Now if I haven't offended or caused "hurtful feelings" with this blog I'm not doing my job.

Let me know folks!

Me with my Mom at my paternal grandparent's grave in Unionville, PA - 2002

Same Sex Headstones

My former neighbor's headstone - they were together forty years

A few weeks ago I posted about gay headstones in a cemetery.  As regular readers of this blog know, I am a Find a Grave volunteer.  I take photos of grave headstones in cemeteries and post them to a website called Find a Grave.com.  Occasionally I come across a headstone with two male names (or female) on a single headstone.  Since most of the grave headstones I take photos of are of folks who died back in the dark ages when homosexuals were all in the closet and had to hide their true feelings for one another.  As I came across some of these headstones I often wondered if some of these gay folks tried to do an end run against the ignorance and hate of our shameful past era and try to proclaim their eternal love for one another with a single headstone.  I think so.

However, one of the comments I received stated that perhaps the two male names on the single headstone were of brothers.  Maybe but not the headstone I pictured in my blog.  On that headstone I had done my research (Ancestry.com) and found that the one man was born in Poland and the other man born in the United States.  Still, not for certain they weren't related but probably not.

Now I have proof positive that two gay men are on one headstone.  The picture of the headstone at the top of this blog is of my former neighbor and his partner.  Don and Al were together for forty years.  I knew Al was buried near Princeton, New Jersey, where he grew up and worked most of his life before he moved to our neighborhood here in Delaware about the same time Bill and I moved here (2006).

Don, Al and I reading for a Halloween outing (you didn't think I would wear a dress did you?)

Al died a few months ago.  I requested a photo of his grave through Find a Grave.com.  Another Find a Grave.com volunteer was kind enough to take that photo and send it to me.  I have to say I was surprised when I saw what Don (the surviving partner) did.  Good old Don put it right out there for the world to see.

This gives me encouragement.  I would like to do the same for me and Bill but I know Bill is definitely against it.  Bill is of the old school of homosexuals where if you're gay you stay in the closet and don't dare tell anyone.  He says he sees no reason to "throw it in their face" the fact we're gay. To me, short of having sex in public, acting normally isn't "throwing it in their face."  This difference of opinion has always been a source of contention in our relationship.  I don't think Bill will ever change and I know I certainly won't.  I came out at 21 years old in 1963 and I never went back in the closet since.  At times it hasn't been easy folks, especially those early years but it is the only way I could live.

I have to be me.  I will not and cannot live my life the way others expect or want me to live my life.  It ain't happening.  If that makes some people, including my friends (and former friends), tough.  I would rather not have the friendship if it is to be on those (their) terms.

So it was with great pleasure that I saw that my neighbor Don put this headstone out there for all the world to see.  Bravo Don!

Al and Don out for dinner with their neighbors - yes, Don is giving me The Finger

Find a Grave Cemetery Hunt Part 1

Last week Bill and I embarked on our "Great Adventure" which in reality was to give Bill a taste of the mountain scenery, which he loves and me an opportunity to search for old family graves in the mountains of western North Carolina, where my father was born and grew up until he was ten years old.  Wow, that was a long sentence.

As regular readers of this blog know I am a Find a Grave.com volunteer.  That means I search for cemeteries and take photos of headstones and record that information on the website Find A Grave.com.  I have been a member of Find a Grave ("FAG" for short, see the irony?) four years, two months and fifteen days as of today.

Searching for those out of the way, family cemeteries and taking photos and recording that information on Find a Grave.com is my passion in life now. Perhaps to some that may sound like a weird hobby but again, as regular readers of this blog know I march to my own drummer.  Just last week I received a comment on my blog (which I didn't publish) from a person who felt the need to inform me that they "cringe" sometimes at what I write and that they no longer will be reading my blog.  You know what I say to that don't you?  BYE!  Of course this person signed as "Anonymous".  Notice at how cowardly the negative commenters are who feel the need to disparage what I write about?  I never cease to be amazed at how some people constantly try to tear down.  But I digress.

Back to something more positive.  This morning I posted all the videos I took with my iPhone while on vacation.  I'll be posting those videos to this blog and future blogs.  The video I'm posting today was the first cemetery Bill and I came across our first day out.  Oh, by the way, it was raining the first two days we went cemetery hunting.  That didn't deter us though, I had my hat and rain proof jacket and Bill had his rainbow umbrella.

The first cemetery we discovered was off Pigeon Roost Road in Green Mountain, North Carolina.  Bill and I stayed at the Hampton Inn in Johnson City, Tennessee which is right across the border from North Carolina.  The mountains form the border between North Carolina and Tennessee.  My father was born and raised (until he was ten years old when he and his eight brothers and mother and father left for Pennsylvania to work as farm laborers on his uncle Don Byrd's farm) at the Bailey Settlement, which was the next road ("holler") over from the road we were on last Monday.  His mother, my grandmother, was born and raised on Pigeon Roost Road, Green Mountain, which was the road we were on this day where I took this video.

The cemetery where I took this video was up Elvis Edwards Road.  How is that for a pure hillbilly name?  Sure fits doesn't it?  Well, this is pure hillbilly county of which I am very proud to announce as my roots.

Bill and I drove up the narrow lane, past the double wide (which obviously thee Elvis Edwards lived in) and hopped the fence to the cemetery.  We were met by a friendly dog (which is featured in this video).  A short while after we were in the cemetery a black T-shirted sheriff and his likewise black T-shirted deputies came up the road and asked me "Are you Elvis Edwards?"  Oh God no!  I'm thinking to myself "Do I look like an Elvis Edwards?" (now no negative "cringe" comments please because I won't publish them).  I told him I wasn't Elvis Edwards.  He then asked me if I knew where he was.  I told him that we were from Delaware and visiting relatives (which we were actually, my second cousin lives up the road).  By the way, their T-shirts had "Sherrif" and "Deputy Sherrif" emblazoned in white on the front.  Some adventure huh?

After they left we heard church bells.  We turned around and saw the small church summoning its parishioners for the Sunday service.  We had forgotten, this WAS Sunday.

Bill roamed around the cemetery while I took my photos (in the gently falling rain) of every headstone.

Thus we began our first day of our Find a Grave Cemetery Hunt.  I love it!

Ron and Bill's Excellent Adventure Day Four

Me after my dining experience this afternoon

We're at the Hampton Inn in Franklin, North Carolina tonight.  We checked in this afternoon.  We wanted to extend our stay at the Hampton Inn in Johnson City, Tennessee but they were full.  So we had to go to our backup plan.

Since we're a day ahead ourselves (today seems like Wednesday and not Tuesday just like Sunday seemed like Monday and Monday seemed like Tuesday).  We wanted to get on the other side of the Smoky Mountains to position ourselves to make a run for Talluhah Falls Georgia.  Bill wants to visit his hometown of Toccoa Georgia on Thursday.  This will probably be his last visit.

The picture at the beginning of this blog is of me in the front of a local barbecue restaurant just below the Hampton Inn where we're staying.  Willy's Barbecue, notice that there isn't a line waiting to get in.  This isn't Panera Bread or Outback Steakhouse.  Oh well.  Bill had French Fries.  He usually get soup but they didn't have any (of course).  I got a grilled chicken (OK), French Fries, and barbecue backed beans (which were very good but probably because I was hungry since I haven't eaten since breakfast).  I'm eating a chocolate decadent brownie that I stocked up on from the Chick A Fil A in Johnson City.  My sweet tooth is insatiable.

This morning we had time so I took advantage and visited the 3,000 grave Evergreen Cemetery in Erwin, Tennessee.  Erwin is located on the Tennessee and North Carolina at the base of the Pisgah mountains where I spent the last two days visiting those small family cemeteries.  I have Tipton relatives also buried at the Evergreen Cemetery.  I found them!  Mission accomplished.

After taking about 800 photos of headstones, I got back in our rented Dodge Caravan and headed south to Asheville, North Carolina.  My great-great grandmother is buried in a small church cemetery just outside Asheville.  Again we had great stress traveling on unfamiliar roads.  I used my iPad Map to navigate and Bill drives.  Bill is depending on me for step my step driving instructions but by the time I give him the turn instructions he's already passed the street or exit.  Part of the problem is that he has a hearing aid which he refuses to wear.  He also has trouble seeing the road signs because he's concentrating on driving.  I think this is probably our last road trip unless we can figure out a way to go where we avoid heavy traffic patterns.  We're just too old to contend with all these stress.

We found the Berea Church Cemetery in Ashville, were my great-great grandmother Tipton is buried.  What a thrill!  I never thought I would even know where she was buried let alone visit her grave.  Her husband John, my great-great grandfather was killed by Confederates in 1864 during the Civil War in those North Carolina mountains where I have been visited the past two days.  My great-great grandfather has an unmarked grave somewhere up there in this mountains.  When he was ambushed and killed by a Confederate Calvary, his body was delivered to his widow and she and her neighbor buried his body on their property, the location of which is no lost to history.  I feel fortunate that I found her grave and was able to visit it today.  I am having a very productive vacation.  Now it's Bill turn on this vacation.

After spending a couple of hours this morning in that cemetery taking pictures we both loaded our weary bodies back into our rented van and headed to the Great Smoky Mountains Expressway.  This is the first time we have been on this road.  What fabulous views!  I took pictures which I will share on a future blog posting.  We wanted to get over the mountains and find a nice clean, comfortable place to stay for the night. We found it!

We're staying in a beautiful Hampton Inn which has a lobby that looks like a mountain ski lodge resort.  We got in at around 3 pm, washed up and they headed out looking for a place to eat.  This Hampton Inn is located off of the I-26 highway so our choices are limited.  We drove around a bit but decided to go to Piggy Wiggly's "Willy's Barbecue".  First clue was there was only two other folks in the restaurant (other than the cashier, waitress and cook).  And that person obviously was a friend of the waitress and a single mom there with her four year old boy.

Of course we were waited on immediately. Our waitress handed us our menu and the first thing I noticed was "Catfish Hoagie."  Uh....okay.  "We're not in Kansas anymore."  Panera Bread Wiley's Barbecue isn't.

Bill asked if they had soup.  Not surprisingly, our waitress said they didn't have soup.  Grease yes, soup no.

Oh well, Bill ordered a basket of French Fries.  I ordered a grilled chicken, French Fries and barbecue beans.  The barbecue beans were obviously out of a can but since I had not eaten since breakfast, the beans tasted great!  I filled my stomach up.  I was no longer hungry.  We could have went to the KFC that is on the other side of the Hampton Inn.  That's the problem with staying at hotels off the Interstate instead of in a city, dining options are limited.

Tomorrow we head south to the natural wonders of Georgia and visiting Bill's hometown of Toccoa, which is a dying dead town.  Toccoa's problem is that it isn't near a major road and what little industry they had (threads, like in sewing) was outsourced long ago.  Bill if fascinated walking down the deserted main street of Toccoa.  It's like "High Noon".  This is the third and probably last year we visit Toccoa.  There is NOTHING going on in that town.  Bill likes to visit his old haunts which I understand.  I like to do the same thing in my hometown of Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

After visiting Toccoa we'll swing up to Greenville, South Carolina and visit my brother John.  He wants to show me his new church construction.  I am so happy my brother has a job that he loves and does so well.

It is now 8:15 pm.  I am sitting at this wonder desk setup at the Hampton Inn.  Things have change at the Hampton Inn since I last worked there in the late 90's.  I love this setup.  It is so comfortable.

Bill is sleeping and I'm thinking about taking a shower and just vegging out watching TV tonight before I drift off to Dreamland.  We're leaving early tomorrow for the next leg of Ron and Bill's Excellent Adventure.  I hope we don't run into any more confusing, unfamiliar big city traffic patterns.  We'll be ready to veg out at home after this adventure.

Ron and Bill's Excellent Adventure Day Three

The church on the mountain top with the most fabulous view I've ever seen in my life

A very productive day today folks!  Of course it was raining AGAIN when we started out this morning.  I decided to head over to the "homeland" over the Tennessee state border to North Carolina mountains, where my father was born and brought up until his family left for Pennsylvania when he was ten years old.

I wanted to find a few more of those family cemeteries in those hillbilly mountains before we left for Bill's hometown of Georgia tomorrow.  We got lucky and had a very productive day!

Unfortunately we again had confusion getting out of Johnson City, TN where we are staying at a Hampton Inn. Both Bill and I are older now and we both have problems handling heavy traffic in a city in which we are unfamiliar with the traffic patterns.  Bill is doing all the driving and I am navigating.  So far so good, with only a few glitches which was this morning getting out of Johnson City.  But once we were on I-26 headed towards the North Carolina mountains we were alright.

This morning I contacted the man (Glenn)who I met eighteen years ago who now lives in my great grandfather Ike Lewis' house on Upper Pigeon Roost Road.  His wife is my second cousin although we've never met.  Her grandmother Pansy Tipton (yes, "Pansy", no smart remarks from the Peanut Gallery) was the sister of my grandfather Fieldon Tipton.  I thought Bill and her husband would hit it off and they did.  Both of them are 83 years old and both veterans.  I was so glad Bill had somebody he could connect with instead of just wandering around cemeteries while I take my pictures.

I asked Glenn to ride shotgun in our rented Dodge Caravan (he was suitably impressed) and show us where the cemeteries were located.  I was so happy he agreed because I would never have found these cemeteries on my own.  All of those small family cemeteries up there in those mountains are up little winding paths on the very of the mountains.  They don't have any cemeteries on the low parts of those mountains, too much water.  There seems to be a stream everywhere  If they had cemeteries near those streams...well you know what would happen.  I don't have to paint that picture.

While talking to Glen he casually mentioned a rental property right above his house that he and his wife take care of while the owner was away.  A rental property?  I was just talking to Bill yesterday that we WOULD LOVE to rent a house for a week or two in the fall.  I know my brother John would rent a house for a weekend, he and his wife Barbara are only two hours away.

Glen told me the owner (an airline pilot) was there today but he was leaving tomorrow.  I asked if I could see him and his cabin.  He said "Yes!"  I met him and I liked him!  Great.  I his house/cabin!   It is small and rustic but right next to a babbling stream. I LOVE IT!  I know my brother would love it.

Bill so loves the mountains and hates the shore where we live now.  I like both the mountains and the shore.  I told Bill I would rent the cabin for a week in the fall.  I've never seen the fall foliage.  I bet it is just beautiful up there in those mountains.  I would love to see it and I will.  When I get home I'll check my work schedule and see what week is open. I'll probably go the week after my Tipton Family Reunion in October.

We got a break today and it didn't rain until I finished taking photos of my last cemetery.  That cemetery is located on top of a mountain with the most fantastic view I've seen in my life.  It was literally breathtaking. Bill said he would like to build a house on that hill and live the rest of his life looking at that view.

When I get home I'll upload a short video I took of that view and post it to a future blog posting and share it all with you.  I wish everyone could see this view in person.  Absolutely breathtaking.

I have to post some of the cemetery pictures I took today, make my personal journal entry today and then to bed.  I was up until 1:30 am last night or this morning posting cemetery photos to my Find a Grave.com account.  I can't do that tonight because we're leaving Johnson City early tomorrow morning.  The rest of our trip South is for Bill now.  He wants to go to Talulah Falls Georgia tomorrow then to his hometown of Toccoa Georgia.  Then we'll swing up to Greenville, South Carolina to visit my brother John and his wife Barbara on Thursday.  John wants to show me all the new construction around his church.  I'm looking forward to seeing that.  I am very proud of my brother and what he has accomplished at his church in Greenville.  He is in the perfect job for him.

So there you go folks.  The adventure continues!

Bill and Ron's Excellent Adventure Day Two

Bill in the rain at one of the cemeteries in the mountains we visited today

Today folks we ventured out into the steady rain and visited family cemeteries over the border up in the Pisgah Mountains where my father was born and grew up until he was ten years old.


After a nice breakfast in the Hampton Inn lobby this morning, I gathered my cameras and we headed over the border to the mountains that form the border between Tennessee and North Carolina.  I was hoping to visit the cemetery where my great grandfather Isaac Lewis and his wife Mary Jane Hughes are buried.  They are on the top of a mountain at the end of Pigeon Roost Road.  Last year when Bill and I visited, we couldn't find that small Lewis family cemetery.  We found it this time but not without a lot of effort.  They are way on the top of the mountain.  I was exhausted by the time I reached the top.  The last time I visited this cemetery was eighteen years ago when I was 56 years old.  Now I'm 70 and I'm telling you I felt it this time.  But I got there and took pictures which I will publish when I get home.

Next we drove around those "wiggle roads" up in the mountains looking for family cemeteries.  We were successful beyond our wildest hopes!  I found five cemeteries, including one cemetery containing many of my direct ancestors in Tipton Hill.  Pictures and videos will follow when I get home and can post them to You Tube.

The only problem today in addition of not being sure what roads to travel, was the constant rain.  At least it wasn't raining hard.  This was actually a good rain because it was light and steady.  The hills and valleys seemed to be washed clean with the birds chirping their approval.

We returned exhausted.  Bill is sleeping now.  We spend one more day here and then we take off to Bill's hometown of Toccoa, Georgia.  Bill wants to revisit where he grew up and of course I will be taking pictures of as many cemetery headstones as my legs can take the constant knee bending to take those photos.

We had dinner at Panera Bread this evening.  Wonderful!  I can't wait for the Panera Bread to open in Rehoboth Beach.

Hopefully the rain will end tomorrow.  This must be like what it is to live in Seattle or London.  I don't like it.  The rain is good but.....let's have a little sunshine.

Time for me to end this missive and start reading my new book "The Real Romney."  A real page turner I'm sure.

Gay Headstones?

Me standing over my two cemetery plots at Northwood Cemetery

As regular followers of this blog know, I am a long time member of FAG. For those of you who don't know what FAG is, it is Find a Grave.  I am a Find a Grave volunteer.  I take pictures of gravestones and post them to the Find a Grave website.

I am now at the point in my life where I am going to choose my own headstone.  However, I have a dilemma.  Do I order one of those dual headstones that so many married couples have?

In my cemeteries wanderings I have seen literally thousands of these "married" headstones.  I have wondered, what kind of headstones do gay couples have after they die?  Of course back "then" there were no gay couples.  "Back then", gay couples stayed in the closet, even in the cemetery.

Well, I think it is time for all of use to come out, even in the cemetery. Sure, one has to take into consideration that a headstone with two male names on it would be a prime object of cemetery vandalism.  Yes Virginia, gays are fair game for bashing even in the cemetery.

So it was with great interest that I came across this headstone this morning as I was posting my latest cemetery information to FAG.

So here we go folks.  I discovered this dual headstone of two men, approximately the same age and obviously not brothers.  I researched these names on Ancestry.com and discovered that Lester Webb was listed as "single" on the 1940 U.S.Census. He lived in his sister's house with her husband and family.  Could Lester be the gay uncle?  Ah ha!

The only information I could find on Joseph Hayward was that he lived in Sussex County, Delaware.  I could find no U.S. census information. I could find no wife.  I could find no family for Joseph Hayward.  Could it be that Joseph was Lester's "friend?"

Just this weekend, as Bill and I were looking for two FAG requests at the Odd Fellows' Cemetery in Milton, we discussed what type of headstone I should choose.

After my father's death in August of 2000 I purchased two cemetery plots at the Northwood Cemetery on a hill overlooking Downingtown, Pennsylvania.  At that time I was not ready to purchase a headstone for Bill or myself.  Bill always said he wanted one of those metal military plaques on his grave.  We both like those plaques and I had even briefly consider having one of those myself.  However, I have since decided that I want a more substantial headstone.  I am not one of those people who decided that I want no trace of myself when I leave this earth.  I want a remembrance for which I do not apologize.  

I like these military grave markers but I think I have decided what I'm going to do.  We're going to go the way of Joseph and Lester and have a dual headstone.  

What do you think?

My marker at Northwood Cemetery