Update On Bill

 

Bill with his hospice nurse this afternoon

This afternoon we had a visit from a representative from Delaware Hospice. She certified Bill continuance in the home hospice care program Bill has been in Since February. 

Bill has been in home hospice for over six months now. His blood pressure is consistently below what he recommended. When he was on home health care, his low blood pressure always triggered the home health care weekly visitors to advise him to go to the emergency room. We did that once and it solved nothing other than exhaust us from waiting around the emergency room all day and increasing both of our blood pressures. We couldn't continue that routine that's why we opted for home hospice care instead of home health care.

The goal of home health care is to keep the patient alive. The goal of home hospice care is to keep the patient comfortable.

This is what I explained to Bill again yesterday as we returned from our biweekly trip to BJ's Wholesale Club (always a big "event" for both of us here in Lower Slower Delaware). I pointed out the vehicles that were passing us and told Bill "We're all going to die. Everyone in those cars is going to die. No one gets out of this life alive. Fortunately for you you're probably going to die in the comfort of your home." 

Bill and I often have this life and death conversation although he doesn't to have it. He says his biggest fear about dying is leaving me. I've told him over and over again that I'll be just fine. Actually I won't, at least for a while but eventually I'll manage. After you've lived with someone for fifty-seven years, then one dies, that is difficult. But of course I won't be the first person who experiences this loss. 

I try to comfort Bill by telling him that when he dies he will have earned a well deserved rest. I remind him that death is probably like when he went under anesthesia, he doesn't remember going under and doesn't remember that blankness. If there is an afterlife it will be like that scene in the Robin Williams movie where he dies and wakes up in a field of flowers and realizes he's in Heaven when he hears his long departed dog romping through the flowered meadow to him. Wouldn't that be wonderful if that's what happened if we die?  Of course none of us knows what happens but it's nice to think of that scenario. But that was just a movie.

Neither Bill or I believe in the conventional Christian scare stories about Heaven and Hell. That to us is just man made threats for those in power to keep others subjugated. It is not my intention to disrespect those who have conventional religious beliefs. I've always said that is your religious beliefs gives you comfort, I'm happy for you. My only problem with some religious people is that evangelism, seeking to convert others to their beliefs. What really offends me is when a friend tells me they're "concerned about my soul" and that's why they're trying to convert me to their religious beliefs. Their arrogance is breathtaking. I tell them in the nicest way possible "You take care of your own life and I'll take care of mine." I'm slipping into a religious discussion which I don't want to get into here so I'll get back on the main track of this posting.

Bill and I have settled into a routine here. He still needs help dressing, bathing, eating and taking his medications. His blindness is a big part of the problem. But he's not in pain and knows who I am. And that folks is how we are so fortunate.