Today is the tenth anniversary of my Mother's death. I didn't realize this until I hung up the phone on my younger brother who was screaming at me "You're a fucking Democrat!"
How did this happen? I called my brother to inquire about our other brother who is gravely ill. While I was on the phone with him I asked if his granddaughter had another child. I am updating my will and I wanted to included all my nieces, nephews, great nieces and great nephews. He told me that she got divorced from her husband and is now sporting a nose ring and dating a black guy. However he didn't call her new date "a black guy." Yes, my brother is a racist and a Trumper. And he has a temper. A scary temper. He said she was just like her mother who had an affair with a black guy which resulted in the divorce. I saw where this conversation was going so I said "I don't want to talk about this." We've had some awful rows in the past because of our differing political views and I just didn't want to talk about it.
Next thing I know he's saying "You know George Floyd killed himself." I told him "No, I saw the video and a cop killed George Floyd by kneeling on his neck for eight minutes and forty-two seconds." Then he said "You didn't see the video of what happened before." Oh, here we go, the old cop excuse "You didn't see what happened before." Yes, my brother is totally in the Fox News Bubble.
I told him "I saw a cop kill George Floyd by kneeling on his neck until he died" and I don't want to talk about this anymore. That's when he screamed at me 'YOU'RE A FUCKING DEMOCRAT!" Yes folks, that is my brother. For years I had to put up with his usual greeting to me when Clinton president "Clinton the Rapist." I usually ignored him but sometimes I just had enough and came back at him. We have had some scary rows. One of the reasons I was glad I moved from our home in Pennsylvania was because of his hateful attitude. He's actually scary as are most Trump supporters.
This incident comes on the heels of me just recovering from my first ever case of hives. Yes, I had painful and ugly hives on the back of my hands and lower arms and upper chest. I thought I had an attack of psoriasis. Last week I saw my dermatologist. She gave me a steroid prescription to alleviate the itchiness.
What brought my hives on? Bill has been slipping more lately. My goal now is to make Bill's life as comfortable as possible even as he becomes more confused. More than once he's trying to put on his outside shoes on while he still has on his inside moccasins on. A couple of weeks ago he came into my bedroom because he couldn't figure out how to turn off the microwave. Why is he coming into my bedroom at 12:30 AM? Yes, I go to bed late. Bill gets up then to have his breakfast. Yes, he gets up in the middle of the night to microwave a bowl of oatmeal. This night he couldn't figure out how to turn off the microwave. I came out and turned off the VENT fan, which is what he was hitting and hit the OFF button. Then he said "You can go home Bob." I said "I'm not Bob." He said it again. I went back to bed. The next morning he asked "Why was Bob (our neighbor) in your bedroom last night?" I said "What?You thought I was Bob?" I told him Bob wasn't in my bedroom, that was me. He couldn't believe me. He said "I was wondering why Bob was in your bed reading a book." This is my life now folks.
I'm not complaining, just stating the challenges facing me now. I'm very concerned about the Criminal in the White House and his Congressional Republican enablers (remember their names). I'm not so concerned about the Trump Cult, they're lost. They will never change no matter how many times Trump brags about grabbing a woman's pussy, calling our fallen soldiers "losers and suckers", and the greatest monumental catastrophic failure of leadership in our country ever, the almost two hundred thousands deaths of the COVID virus. Now the Trump Team and his Roy Cohn Attorney General William Barr and his criminal Post Master General Louis DeJoy are trying to cheat to win the election.
The video above of Bill walking through our backyard a few days ago is what I try to take in these days to balance all this anxiety that is in the world. I often tell myself things could be a lot worse, I could have a beautiful home that is burned to the ground in the California wildfires. I could have COVID and be on a ventilator, fighting for my life. I could have a fatal illness like my other brother and only months to live. Putting things in perspective, I actually have it pretty good.
A ray of sunshine came into my life last week. One of Bill's nieces found me (called my work number) and was inquiring about Bill. Bill hasn't had contact with his family for fifty-six years ever since his sister said "We know all about you" at their mother's funeral in 1963. What she was referring to was that Bill's mother discovered Bill was gay shortly before her death from a brain aneurism. That was when Bill cut ties with his family, which is what I am doing now. I am cutting ties with my Trump cult brother. This is an action long overdue. I'm tired of tiptoeing around him fearing of setting him off like I did today just because I'm not a Trump cultist like he is. Sad but a necessary step to take if I am to keep myself calm at this time of my life.
My hives has mostly gone. I don't want them back nor anything worse. This country has to get through the election and we all know this is going to get worse before our lives get better.
Some people go to therapy, others do what I do. Try to find a path which helps me maintain my calm while dealing with every day challenges. My backyard (which I love) and caring for Bill does that. Also blogging, which is the best therapy for me.
Peace and calm folks.
The above photo is of Bill with his niece and a neighbor boy - taken in 1963 in Toccoa Georgia
19 comments:
It is good to hear from you. Some family are not worth the pain.
Is that his niece who called? He was an incredibly handsome young man. The hives may not be stress. Anytime I come into contact with anything new, I get hives. I don't talk to some of my relatives because I know their political bent. Trump followers are scary. I read Mary Trump's book. It explains lots. Have you read it? Older people with dementia are a trial, and I know you are not complaining.
I was getting ready to employ my "Murder She Wrote Skills" to check-in on the boys...Glad to see that your doing well...More so Bill...Glad you are making his days pleasant...Hives can be really uncomfortable...One of my jobs-towards the end-was so stressful that I broke out in shingles on the back of my neck...Had one of my doctors comes to my office to check me out...Take care of yourself...Don't forget self-care...Your groupies would like check-in at least once a week...
Hives and angioedema can be caused by:
Foods. Many foods can trigger reactions in people with sensitivities. Shellfish, fish, peanuts, tree nuts, soy, wheat, eggs and milk are frequent offenders.
Medications. Many medications may cause hives or angioedema. Common culprits include penicillin, aspirin, ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin IB, others), naproxen sodium (Aleve) and blood pressure medications.
Airborne allergens. Pollen and other allergens that you breathe in can trigger hives, sometimes accompanied by upper and lower respiratory tract symptoms.
Environmental factors. Examples include sunlight, vibration such as from using a lawnmower, hot showers or baths, pressure on the skin such as from tight clothing or scratching, emotional stress, insect bites and exercise.
Medical treatments or underlying conditions. Hives and angioedema also occasionally occur in response to blood transfusions and infections with bacteria or viruses such as hepatitis and HIV.
It's trying times for us all. Glad to see you back. I always enjoy your posts about your daily life, and Bill. You're doing a great job with him and are a good husband.
You're a good man, Ron Tipton. Carol (a reader in Philly, living in your old 'hood)
Ron, what a relief to hear from you. But the stress in your life must have contributed to the hives outbreak. We are all so sorry about the situation with Bill. Not good. Roderick
Good to hear that y'all are progressing and not regressing ... Life does have some turns to it.. I am glad to see that you are still blogging . and as always... I like the photos and videos that document the Lives at the Casa Tipton
You are an inspiration in these difficult times. Your posts are always welcome and know that many here are silently wishing you the best. Reduce the stress, and carry on!
This made me tear up a little, Bob :) Hugs.
Ron, I love you. You are so true to yourself. It was so nice to see Bill moving about in the yard. He was actually doing better than me and I am soon to be only 68. Ever since my falling 8 years ago severely damaging cervical and lumbar discs and two aneurysms bursting in my brain I suffer mobility issues. The fall also brought on the early onset of Parkinson's Disease leaving me with tremors, chattering of teeth and loss of short term memory and the worst of all the ability to write. Bill's ability to "bed check" you and remember what he saw you doing (albeit that the name was wrong) and his attempts at selfcare are encouraging to me as it shows there is hope for me. While his decline is progressing and you are having to give more of yourself to his care I can see the love and trust you each have one for the other. You each have great smiles and Bill's twinkle in his eyes is precious. I, too, have a few remaining relatives of which most are avid Trumpers and are quick to express their hatred of gays. They can not believe I have a heart full of love for them even though they spew their hearts full off hatred towards me. I have now cut my ties to them and unashamedly concentrate the energy on ME, I, Myself and those around me in need. Ron, do not forget to take care of yourself. Never feel guilt or any angst. Never forget that you are only human but none of us GOD. Above all never forget to ask for help, its all around you. OH! and don't forget that with old age comes "selective memory", just remember to use it now and again! Haha! Love you. Woody in Ohio
Woody.
Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me and followers of my blog. Your situation is much more serious than mine, a fact that I often think of when I bemoan my situation - "it could be a lot worse". Getting older certainly has its challenges doesn't it? More reason to make every day count. Maximize those days when we're relatively healthy. I am so lucky to have Bill and the life we have had since I met him on that rainy summer night fifty-six years ago. These days I often used my "selective memory".
Have a great day Woody!
Ron
Travel (David),
Oh you're so right. My Trump loving Fox News brainwashed brother had his last shout out at me. Wont happen again. He's out of my life now. Should of taken that step a long time ago. But I thought there was still hope he would come to his senses. Won't happen though. Oh by the way, he said I was gay because "I choose to be gay." Yeah, right.
Ron
Pratical Parsimony (Linda),
Thank you for your thought comments. I try to avoid talking politics with my Trump loving brainwashed relatives, friends, neighbors but sometimes they insist (like my late former neighbor). They always seem to be so angry. I'm done with my brother though. I don't have that many years left and I'm certainly not going to waste my time trying to convince him of the insanity of his political views, in fact I've never tried to convince him. It's him already trying to change me which will never happen. Plus there are underlying factors at work here, he has always resented me because he thought I was my Mother's favorite (actually, I was) and he knows I'm right but he's one of those people incapable of admitting he's wrong (there are people like that.)
I think I got my case of hives, which has largely disappeared, from an allergy (grass). I also think my current stress contributed to my outbreak of hives.
I have read Mary Trump's book, which is very well written.
Today Bill had another "episode" which I contribute to his onset of dementia. I'm managing and I think he knows.
Each day is a challenge.
Have a great day!
Ron
VRC-Do You,
Thanks for your thoughtful and informative comments, especially about the cause of hives. I believe that mine was caused by a combination of stress and an allergy to grass (I was handling a lot of it with bare hands thus the hives on the back of my hands and lower arms). The hives are mostly gone now, thank goodness.
Ron
Anontniyus (from the Phikkt hood),
Thanks for your comment. Always good to hear from someone from my old Philly hood home!
Ron
Riderick,
Thanks for your comments. Always good to hear from you. We're managing here and will continue to manage.
Ron
"Tommy",
Good to hear from you! We're managing here and will contuse to manage.
Ron
Travelin Man,
Thanks for your comments. Good to hear my videos and photos are appreciate. I love taking them.
Ron
We have been following you for more than ten years. It's always a pleasure to visit. Many things have changed but I will continue to check in and see how things are going.
Mike and Glenn
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