When I Fall In Love

Have you ever been in love?  If you're among the fortunate few you can answer "yes."  

Love comes in many forms.  Parents love their children.  We love our pets.  If you're really lucky, you love your job.  You may love where you love.

Some love food, and some others love to travel.  But the love I'm talking about is old fashion romantic love.


I remember as a 10 year old sitting in the Roosevelt movie theater in my small town of Downingtown, Pennsylvania watching the twenty foot high beautiful men and women of Hollywood kissing.  I thought to myself "This is what I should aspire to. This is what life is all about"  But something wasn't clicking.  Although the men and women (especially the women, the beauty of Hedy Lamarr just took my breath away) were certainly beautiful, I knew I didn't look like that.  Watching all that face sucking just did nothing for me.  I knew I was missing something.

Hedy Lamarr - most beautiful film actress - ever

Then came the day I saw the actor Farley Granger in a movie.  OH.MY.GOD.  I thought Hedy Lamarr took my breath away....when I saw Farley's beautiful, soft, sensuous features I just melted in my seat.  It was then and there in that darkened movie theater in which I paid 20 cents to enter that I "got it."  I.WAS.IN.LOVE.  

Farley Granger

I think I saw every movie Farley Granger was in, including that whole series with Shelley Winters.  I remember being so jealous of Shelley because she had him and I didn't.  

Shelley Winters and Farley Granger

So Farley Granger was my first big movie screen crush.  How ironic that many years later I saw him on a soap opera.  He was still attractive although aged quite a bit and had lost that youthful luster that he projected on all those old black and white movies of the Fifties.  I'm on of those gay guys who find older men, even in their 70's and 80's attractive - always have always will. However, when I saw him on a talk show promoting his autobiography I was very disappointed.  He turned out to be just another New York "theatah" queen. He even tried to peddle that he was bisexual. Give me a break.  But be that as it may and I'm getting off subject.  You see folks, I never have a problem writing about ANYTHING on a blog.

Farley Granger - New York theatah actor

So let's get back to our program in progress about falling in love.  Farley was my first "love"....albeit from afar.

Farley doing a pretty good job of faking it on the beach a la Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr

Well, in the ensuing years since that 10 year old boy naiveté, I have been so fortunate that I have fallen in love several times.  I'm talking about good old fashion romantic love. The love I have for Bill (my spouse) is totally different.  I love Bill but it is a love that has grown over the almost fifty years we have been together.  It is not nor has ever been the storybook romantic love that many of us have dreamed about.  But Bill and I will be together as long as both of us are alive.  Our love for one another is unbreakable. 

Now I know what some of you are thinking.  Was he in love or in lust. Well folks, I'm the first to admit that I'm no Goody Two Shoes but romantic love has always been my preference than just notching up scores on my gun holster.  

The thing is about me and love is that once I'm in love with somebody I've never fallen out of love.  So what happened?  They fell out of love with me. Everyone. Maybe they weren't in love with me in the first place but in lust or just looking for a sugar daddy place to live.  Been there, done that.  Oh have I ever.  The scars are still tender.

Burt and Deborah in "From Here to Eternity"

I know what it is like to be in love and it is the absolute best feeling in the world.  You know when you're in love when all those love songs have real meaning. When your world is in technicolor now instead of black and white.  When little things don't bother you anymore because you have someone who you love and loves you in return.  

Doesn't it seem like we're all just marking time until we can find that one special person with whom we can fall in love with?  And when you do then you realize why you were born and what the purpose of life is:  to love and be loved in return.

The Love of My Life Part 2

Brad (right) during our trip to Provincetown, Mass July 1980
Also pictured are my friends Bob (bottom left) and Gino (middle)

So to pick up where I left my last post.  I spent my first night with Brad at a place where he was crashing because he had no place to live.  Yes, he was homeless.  From the bits and pieces I got from him, he had met a bartender during an earlier Philadelphia visit from his home in Cincinnati and had decided to move to Philadelphia to be with him.  Only one problem, Brad was an alcoholic.  He also had a drug problem.  Marijuana and pills.  Also had no job.  

At this time of my life I had two homes.  I had just sold our home at 24th and Naudain Street.  Construction on our new home in Chester County, Pennsylvania wasn't completed.  I had rented a small fourth floor walk up apartment at 22nd and Spruce Streets in Center City Philadelphia.  I needed a place to live in Philadelphia because of my job at the bank.  

After our First Night, Brad and I talked about his situation.  I told him he could stay at my apartment on Spruce Street until he found a job and could get a place of his own.  He moved in that following week.

I noticed immediately that Brad was hooked on pot.  Uh okay, I'm hip.  I wasn't into drugs myself and stayed away from pot because I was afraid using it would start me smoking cigarettes again.  I stopped smoking July 15, 1967 and no intention of going back, no matter how cool I wanted to be.  Remember, at this time I was the Old Guy (just like now).  I was 39 years old and Brad was 23 years old.  

In addition to my physical attraction to Brad (which was a biggie), I felt protective of him.  This was/is always a turn on for me.  I don't know what it is within me, but I've always been drawn to damaged individuals, especially hunky guys.  I was going to SAVE Brad.  Uh huh....I can see you all now nodding your collective heads.  Yep, I was the FOOL.

My Moment of Truth with Brad came when I arranged a job interview for him with a real estate friend of mine.  I took off work to be there for the interview.  My real estate friend was gay so he understood what I was doing, doing my boyfriend a favor and trying to save him at the same time.  

I went to my friend's office about fifteen minutes before 2 p.m, the time of Brad's interview appointment.  Two o'clock rolls around.  No Brad.  2:15 p.m.  No Brad.  2:30 p.m.  No Brad.  Finally about twenty minutes before 3 o'clock Brad shows up, drunk.  Yep, DRUNK.  To say I was embarrassed and mortified doesn't even come close.  

I apologized to my realtor friend and left with Brad.  Of course there was no interview because Brad was so bombed.  Nice, really nice.

We went back to my apartment.  Brad apologized profusely.  Of course I forgave him.  He said he was "sick" as in a cold and took too much "cold medicine."  Uh huh.  

To be continued.

Brad (yellow shirt) and me (red shirt) for a boat ride Provincetown Harbor July 1980