The March Winds Blow Cold

Bill on the lookout waiting for the trash trucks this morning

 Cold, cold, cold and windy this March morning here at Casa Tipton-Kelly. 

Bill is at his usual spot on this trash pickup day. Every other week is recycle pickup. Wouldn't you know it, today is extra windy.  Our neighbor's trash was packed as it usually is (they have two young daughters) and this wind blew open the top of their trash can so now we have some their trash in our yard. I've already picked up some on this cold, cold, cold and windy day. Oh how I long for some warm days. I've had enough of the cold. 

For the second year in a row we didn't receive any significant snow here in southern coastal Delaware which is just fine with me. I'll enjoy the snow I see on TV, I don't need to experience it especially since I fell on the snow and ice a few years back and tore my left leg quadricep muscle. That leg hasn't been right since but I walk again for which I will be forever grateful.

Bill continues to improve but he will never be the same Bill he was before his stroke. He's very weak. Often gets confused. Is hard to understand (he often slurs his words). But he does manage to get around on his own but I still have to help him dress and undress and shower, which I probably will have to do for the rest of his life.

Our morning ritual is for me to change the dressing on his legs where he has a severe case of edema. His hospice nurse sent in another prescription of antibiotics to combat any infection. His lower legs are so swollen that his pant legs almost don't go over the dressing. I will have to buy him a bigger pair of pants today. He doesn't like the yoga pants I had purchased for him. No zipper. 

We got our stimulus payments this week. I can use that money since I'm no longer working at the hotel (I'm on hiatus as long as I need to care for Bill). I have some big bills coming up. Home insurance, car insurance, spring mulching and cleanup and the usual high heating bills. Thank goodness most of our medical expenses are covered by Medicare Part A (Bill's Philadelphia stay) and the VA Community Care Program. I have to say that the VA is taking excellent care of Bill. 

These days my social life consists of FaceTime and Zoom calls with my friends Pat, Larry, Glenn and Don. Thank goodness for digital media. Oh how I look forward to the day when life can return to pre pandemic normal.  Pat and I had a nice routine, getting together every three months in Philadelphia, Canada and Palm Springs, California. Next week I get my second COVID vaccination shot. Maybe then I can travel again. I just about have Bill talked into letting me taking a respite vacation by staying at the hospice center for a week. The home hospice program we're under provides me as Bill's caregiver, a "respite" every ninety days up to a week.  At first Bill was totally against that but now he is coming around to realizing that if I get a week off every three months, that will be good for both of us. 

Waiting For Bill's Hospice Nurse

 

Bill's leg wound dressing by Ron

Right now we're waiting for Bill's hospice nurse to arrive this morning. She visits us once a week, usually on Fridays. 

Since I decided on hospice home care for Bill, this is a much better option. Previously we had home health aides arriving here several times a week, sometimes two at a time, which was very disruptive. I'm sure they were just doing their job but with two consecutive visits which told us to go to the local emergency room right away because Bill's blood pressure was too low, I decided that home health care wasn't working for either one of us. There was no practical improvement in Bill's condition other than his day was disrupted (mine too) with no tangible result. With his home hospice care, she only comes by once a week, checks on Bill's condition and provides practical help. For instance, Bill's right leg was seeping clear liquid from his edema. She immediately ordered an antibiotic that was sent the next day along with dressing and wound cleanser. The seeping and open wound is almost gone, much to both of us. I expected that his leg wound would continuing indefinitely and the best we could do was keep it from getting infected. Maybe Bill's walking outside helped. Now that the weather is milder (today's temperature high is forecast at 72 degrees), we'll both have a long walk through our development. 

Since I had my talk with Bill about not acceding to his demand to remove his day bed from his bedroom and replace it with a table, he now listens and understands I know what is the most efficient way for me to take care of him. Bill is used to exerting control and usually getting his way (I almost always accede just to keep peace in the family), but now that I am taxed almost to my physical limits in taking care of him, I have to put my foot down on certain things Bill thinks he's "helping" me. As I said before in a previous post, our first major fight and many subsequent ones were Bill's demands that he "help" me.  There are times which he has helped me but sometimes it's not help but just controlling me. Other couples have fights over money, infidelity, drug or alcohol addiction. Me and Bill, the only fights we have were over him "helping me" when I didn't need his help. 

Here is an example of what happened when Bill tried to "help" me when we lived in Pennsylvania, one of many instances.  I had a chicken house built for four pet chickens I had. The chicken house wasn't tall enough for me to stand in, I had to stoop to put in the chicken feed in the feeder. I had a custom made chicken feeder put in to the immediate right of the entrance to the chicken house so I could just stick my head in and refill the feeder. One day I went to refill the chicken feeder and it wasn't there but all the way across the house to the other side, requiring me to to crawl into the house and refill the chicken feeder.  Obviously that didn't work for me. I changed it and put it back where it was.  When Bill found out he asked why I changed it.  I told him it wasn't convenient for me to crawl through the chicken house to refill the feeder and besides I'm the only one who is taking care of the chickens, there were my pets. Bill never refilled the feeder. He got angry and said "You never take my suggestions!" and then proceeded to go off in a snit and not speak to me for about a week.  He took it personal, as he almost always does. Rather than say "Oh, I thought that would help you but since it didn't I understand."  But that's not Bill.  He has a level of insecurity, probably because his father died before he was a year old, that he takes personal offense when his suggestions aren't not taken. Now, usually I have taken his advice, whether I agreed or not, just to avoid an argument. But sometimes, especially when it is NOT HELPING ME but MAKING MY LIFE HARDER, I DO NOT  TAKE HIS ADVICE and he just has to deal with it. 

In my last blog post, an Anonymous commenter left a suggestion that I accede to Bill's control demands and not "threaten  him " with going to a nursing home. First of all, I didn't threaten him with going to a nursing home. I just told him that if he was in a nursing home he wouldn't have the control over his life that he has here at home. He complains about people coming into see him, including his hospice nurse who is on her way here now. I told him if he was in a nursing home they would still see him and here at home they are just trying to help him as I am at the end of his life.  I impress upon him that his care here at home is a lot better than he would get at an impersonal, expensive, and lonely nursing home. And I also impress upon him that my health is just as important as his in taking care of him and if I don't take care of myself there is no one else to take care of him. Those are just the facts. 

I didn't respond kindly to that Anonymous commenter, which is something that I don't like to do but at this time of my life I have little or no patience with anyone suggesting to me to give into every demand of the person I'm caring for, whether they "help" me or not. That I should just humor a "nice old man" who cares for me a lot. This "nice old man" still refuses to pee in the toilet but at least I got him to stop peeing in the skink and instead pee in a jug which I empty several times a day into the toiled and clean up the tile floor below where he misses the pee jug. So you see folks, I'm not quite the unbending ogre who is threatening to send the "nice old man" to a nursing home.  I asked "Anonymous" not to comment any more on my blog. Sorry to be that way folks, but that really pissed me off. 

Bill and I are developing a nice daily routine here now after a bumpy start. I'm able to take short afternoon naps, which I was unable to when Bill first came home from the rehab hospital. Bill goes out for a walk without me when the weather is nice. Today he collected our trash to put out tomorrow, which was his job before his accident.  Bill still wants to feel useful. One of the health care workers was aghast that I was letting Bill collect the trash but I told her I have to let him do somethings by himself so he doesn't feel so "useless" as he's been referring to himself since he came home. Bill would like to do more but his poor eyesight and hearing prevents that. 

I prepare his meals for him twice a day, making sure to puree his food because he has trouble swallowing. I take him out for at least one ride a day and park where the sun shines in on him while I go into the store. Every three days I help him shower. Actually I have to do everything from undressing him to soaping him down, drying him off then dressing him all the while he moaning and groaning how hard it is for him. He should talk to my back. But I don't mind, I'm glad I have this opportunity to take care of Bill and knowing he's not in some impersonal facility like a rehab or nursing home. The big job is keeping all his medications straight and changing his leg dressing every day. Just call me Nurse Ron. 

Speaking of which, Bill's hospice nurse hasn't arrived yet so I think I'll start making Bill's favorite carrot soup. Guaranteed she'll show up just as I'm cutting the onions and sautéing them in melted butter. 

Have a great day everyone!