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| Young Homo 1947 - when I first knew I was "different". |
How's that title to grab your attention?
Actually this post isn't about me but a new blog by my blogger friend Tony Davis of Los Angeles, California.
I followed Tony's blog "Leaving California" many years ago until he abandoned that blog.
I've met Tony twice in person during visits Pat and I made to Los Angeles. As Spo says "He is well over four feet tall" and a very pleasant guy.
I've often thought of starting another blog with my own reflections of an old homo, which is what I am now folks. I probably will never start that new blog because I barely have enough time to keep up with this blog. And besides, I've already done a lot of old homo reflections. And believe me this old homo has a lot of reflections that I haven't even posted yet.
These days I am smart enough to realize whatever I post on my blog that I have to be very aware of respecting the privacy of others who are and were involved in my "old homo reflections." At one time I thought if those guys died, I could post about them but maybe not. I have to be aware of their family's right to privacy.
One of my earliest "reflections of an old homo" was the first time I was seduced by a man. He was married at that time. He had three children under five years of age. He had two previous children by an affair with an Eskimo during his Coast Guard stone in Alaska. I mentioned his full name in my blog post. His grown daughter saw my post through a random search of her father's name. She brought me up to date on his life since I broke off with him in 1964. By the way, after a brief affair I did break up with him, even though I liked him a lot, because I didn't want to be his "mistress." I was young and wanted to meet my Forever Husband.
His daughter told me "We always wondered if dad was gay." I told her "He was when he was with me. He was the first man I ever had sex with." And he had to seduce me to have sex with him because I was sure nice guys didn't DO THAT but just kissed and cuddled. I knew other gay guys did a LOT more than kiss and cuddle but I thought only degenerates did more. Little did I know. You have to remember I grew up in the late Forties and Fifties in a small town in Pennsylvania. There was no Internet nor information about being gay. The only thing I knew was that I was QUEER (because I knew I liked guys) and that was a BAD thing. I never felt ashamed that I was gay or queer, it just was what I was like I had dark brown hair and I was tall and shy. I never made a "choice" to be gay. I always knew I was "different" since I was four years old. I know it's hard for many straight people to understand this, "how can a four year old kid know he was gay?" You have to understand straight people, it wasn't necessarily a sexual thing at that age but there was definitely an awareness that I knew I was enjoying those "horsey" rides when Earl, the thirteen year old friend of my Uncle Bruce (also thirteen) would come by and play with me and my little friends, both boys and girls. We would jump on Earl's back and he would play Bucking Bronco and playfully try to knock us off of his back. Again, nothing sexual but I knew I was enjoying hoping on Earl's back a bit more than my playmates. It is hard to explain WHY I was enjoying riding Earl's back more but I knew that I was.
Ironically many years later, when I attended my Uncle Bruce's funeral, I saw his friend Earl. I saw this man who I recognized but I couldn't place him. As I looked at him he returned my stare then averted his eyes guiltily. He knew who I was! At that point I knew who he was. WOW. Now I knew why everything was falling into place. My Uncle Bruce never had children. My father had ten brothers. All had married and had children. Uncle Bruce was married once, briefly, but divorced and never had children. Maybe Uncle Bruce was gay? I'll never know but it seems so. By the way, all during my childhood I was never, NEVER sexually abused by ANYONE. My Uncle Bruce used to babysit me, because he lived with us after both his parents (my grandparents) died while he was still a teenager and going to school. After hearing all these child abuse stories these days by priests, teachers, and family members I guess I should consider myself lucky because no one even came close to sexually abusing me. And I was a cute kid! At least I thought I was.
Well, now I'm listening to MSNBC now because the Georgia Grand Jury just released the indictment of The Criminal Donald J. Drumf (his real last name, like everything else about Trump, "Trump" isn't his real last name of course). I'm distracted now so I'll pick up on this blog later.
But I want to wish my friend Tony well with his new blog, "Reflection Of An Old Homo." Same here friend Tony!
