Torture and Miss California

When I started this blog, my intention was not to have a political blog. There are more than enough blogs on the Internet expounding the whole spectrum of political views. What difference would mine make other than to add to the cacophony of angry voices?
However, recently several hot subjects on the political landscape have made it almost impossible for me not to add my voice to the range of opinions being expressed in the public forum.

One subject is same sex marriage. I will address that subject in a future blog. The other subject is torture. Ironically, the recent news has connected these two subjects. Last week, Miss California answered a question about same sex marriage this way:

At the Las Vegas pageant, Prejean, 21, was asked by judge Perez Hilton how she felt about legalizing gay marriage. "In my country, and in my family, I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman,"

Note the phraseology that Miss California uses: “in my county, and in my family” In the country I grew up in I was taught that we did not torture……………..anyone. It didn’t matter how reprehensible the subject of the torture was, WE DID NOT TORTURE. Our country was better than that.

This is an interesting country that we live in now. Many on the Right regularly warn about the end of civilization as we know it if same sex marriages are permitted. Yet, many of these same people see no problem with torturing prisoners. These are the same people who proclaim themselves “good Christians.” They go to church expounding on their “family values.” Hypocrisy is no stranger to their church pews.

Put aside the fact that torture doesn’t work. There is no valid proof that torture has ever provided accurate information. If someone tortured me, I would tell them anything they wanted to know just to get them to stop. It has been proven over and over again information can be obtained by much more subtle means than brute physical torture.

The Bush Administration went to great pains to rewrite the legal laws to provide cover for their torture polices. When the atrocities were first revealed at Abu Ghraib, I literally could not believe it. This was our country? We permitted this to happen? Then when the administration blamed it on a “few bad apples”, I knew they were lying. I was in the Army. Part of my training was not to torture or abuse prisoners. Why in the world would a “few bad apples” take it upon themselves to stack naked prisoners in a pile on the floor? Sic dogs on them? Smear them with feces? No, these were orders from on high.

Now the torture memos have come out. There is a great deal of scrambling for cover. The Republicans are saying the Democratic leaders of the house were informed of the “methods” used for “enhanced interrogation.” As if this justifies the torture. It doesn’t.

Obama is in a bad situation. He has stated that he wants to “look forward” and “not backward.” But, the simple fact is that laws were broken. It appears that the laws in this country against torture were broken from the very highest levels of the government. The highest levels of government means President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Secretary Rumsfeld, Under Secretary Wolfowitz, and Douglas Fieth along with others yet to be named.

I remember reading a book about the Nuremberg War Crimes trials in which the Allied judges refused to accept the “just following orders” defense before passing sentences on the German war criminals. I thought at the time, what would our country do if the situation were reversed? It seems to me, as bad as the Nazi’s were, somewhat unfair to hang the lowly soldiers for just obeying orders. What were they going to do, have a mass revolt? But now it appears that the “just following orders” defense will protect those who carried out the torture of terrorist suspects. What remains to be seen is how our country will deal with those at the top of our government who callously disregarded over two hundred years of American values and ordered torture that accomplished nothing but to put our country in further danger and almost destroy our moral reputation among the community of nations in the world.

Just as Miss California said “In my country and my family, the way I was raised…..”; I will also say “In my country and my family, the way I was raised you didn’t torture.” It is as simple as that. Our country does not torture. George W. Bush made that statement when asked at a photo op some years ago. He angrily replied “The United States does not torture!” Of course we all know he was lying now. Only one of the many lies the Bush Administration told this country.

I’m not sure what should happen now to those who ordered the torture and those who carried it out in the Bush Administration. A great deal of damage has already been done and some will perhaps never be undone. It will take a long time, if ever, until our country regains our reputation as the moral force in the world. One thing I am very thankful for though is that these practices have stopped. I am thankful that all this information is being made public. While it has been proven time and time again that most of the members of the Bush Administration have no shame (a common flaw all the religious self righteous have), the rest of us can show the world that we care and this is not the way our country operates.

Barack Obama was elected by the majority of the American voters. The majority of the American voters have rejected the politics of division that the Republicans so successfully ran over the past decade by using the fear of gay marriage to get their conservative religious base out to vote. So Miss California, same sex marriage is coming whether you like it or not. Torture is out. That is what is happening in “my country and my family” this time. We do not torture.

One of the Biggest Lessons in Life

A friend sent me this prescient message in an e-mail that I received from him this morning:

I think that one of the biggest lessons to learn in our lives is to be happy with who we are. We all spend so much time trying to be something or someone else and are never happy. When we can accept who we are and look at life through our own eyes, then life unfolds before us and we welcome the challenges and joys.

What a beautiful, life affirming message. This message has much more relevance to me than the “you are a sinner and you must be saved” message from my other friend and former classmate from my school days. My former schoolmate friend thinks that I should be attending church services in order to save my soul. I tell him that I cannot attend most Christian church services because they condemn homosexuality and since I am a homosexual, I am automatically discounted the moment I walk through those church doors.
My friend berates me by saying “Why do you always have to bring up the subject of homosexuality and play the martyr?” Apparently he believes in the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in church as well as our military. In other words, stay in the closet. Keep your homosexuality a secret. Don’t upset the “good” folks in the pews. Play along. Then if you admit you are a sinner and pray for forgiveness, then maybe you will be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Forty six years ago I broke down my self imposed closet door. It was the spring of 1963 and I decided to stop living a lie. I decided to stop substituting “she” for “he” when talking about relationships. I decided to stop sitting in church pews listening to preachers rant and rave about “fornicators, rapist, thieves, murders, and homosexuals” (notice how the bible thumpers always have a habit of lumping in homosexuals with the worst elements of society.) I told everyone; my family, my friends, my neighbors, that I was gay. Remember, this was before the Stonewall riots. This was before “Will and Grace.” This was before it was fashionable to be gay. I was stepping into Unknown Territory.

As a result of coming out, my Mother dispatched my brothers and father to “rescue me.” They appeared at my apartment and tried to physically take me to the hospital for the “cure.” Unbelievable as that sounds, that was the scene that chilly spring Saturday morning outside my apartment in Coatesville, PA. Both of my brothers pulling my by my arms outside while my father had his truck, motor running, waiting to rush me to the hospital. The scene played out that morning was bizarre, surreal, and out of this world.

They were unsuccessful in “rescuing” me. I resisted and they gave up. The struggle probably didn’t last more than fifteen minutes but it represented a irretrievable break with my former life of hiding, lying, fear, and guilt. I broke free in more ways than one. What followed were several years of estrangement from my family. Contact wasn’t made again until I was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner. By that time I had moved from Coatesville, PA and was living in Pennsauken, New Jersey with my “lover” (now called "life partner".) By the way, I am still living in sin with my "lover", 45 years later.

I accepted their invitation with one caveat; I would only come if I could bring Bill (my partner) with me. They reluctantly agreed. I don’t remember exactly how that first Thanksgiving Dinner went other than it was somewhat subdued (except for me of course, I was my usual ebullient self – I always had a hard time feeling guilty about being gay because to me it seemed so natural.) Over time Bill frequently accompanied me on visits to my parents and brothers. In fact, both my Mother and Father became quite friendly with Bill, once they discovered that he didn’t have horns growing out of his head.

Gradually, over time I would encounter people from my “previous life” who would look at me in askance when meeting me again with this new knowledge about my personal life. I encountered the usual comments like “I would never know that you were gay.” “You don’t look gay.” “You don’t talk gay.” Then I would get the well meaning folk who would give, what they would think anyway, the ultimate permission statement “Some of my best friends are gay.” These comments have continued on over the years. Perhaps my favorite was my cousin who, upon discovering I was gay (hide the kids!) said after a telling pause “Will and Grace is one of my favorite programs!” Oh, that’s wonderful. Straight people playing gay but you will never see two men kissing on that TV screen (here’s a flash, gay men kiss in real life if not in reel life.)

Straight homophobia comes in all forms and sizes. Some well meaning and some just mean spirited. I’ve experienced it all. What I am getting very, very tired of is people trying to “save” me. Save me from what? Myself? As my friend said this morning (who, by the way is gay but also was married and has two beautiful, straight children – so much for “catching” the gayness):

"….be happy with who we are. We all spend so much time trying to be something or someone else and are never happy. When we can accept who we are and look at life through our own eyes, then life unfolds before us and we welcome the challenges and joys."

I remember a few months ago watching Ted Haggard (looking haggard by the way) on Larry King Live with his wife trying to explain away his “sickness” of being gay. I felt no anger towards this former preacher of the gospel. I felt pity for this gay man who is ruining his life by trying to be something he isn’t. Watching him through the TV screen, I wanted to embrace him in my arms and say “It’s alright Ted, be who you are. Don’t try to be what others want you to be.” But, unfortunately Mr. Haggard seems resigned to living the rest of his life as others in his church hierarchy have determined. They have already passed judgment on him. He will live a life of misery and denial. How sad to live one’s life by the will of a group of self righteous, dogmatic, self-appointed experts of a man made church. I feel profound sadness for this man and his family. My heart goes out to him.

There was perhaps no better display of the ugliness of this self righteous, homophobic bigotry recently when a contestant at the Miss USA contest (Miss California) was asked her views on same sex marriages by one of the judges, Perez Hilton:

Hilton, who is openly gay, asked:

"Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalise same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit. Why or why not?"

"I think it's great Americans are able to choose one or the other," Prejeans answered. "We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.

"And you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman.

"No offence to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be between a man and a woman."

This is a perfect example of the self righteous arrogance that many Christians, especially those on the right of the political spectrum, have. They don’t see it. My friend brags about his horse blinders that I accuse him of wearing. He says it keeps him “focused.” To me this is a form of mental cowardice. He is afraid of being exposed to other ideas because he is scared to death he might change his mind and his whole world would come crashing down around him.

After Carrie Prejeans didn’t win the crown of Miss USA, Miss California responded to the ensuing controversy by saying:

..........she knew instantly after answering the question that she would not win, "because I had spoken from my heart, from my beliefs and for my God".

Note the usage of “my God.” Is this the same God that gays like me are supposed to confess our sins? Is this the all inclusive God or the God just for a select few?

This young lady has every right to live her life convinced that “her God” only accepts “opposites” in marriage. However, she doesn't have the right to tell me how I should live my life no more than I have the right to tell her how to live her life. What she needs to do is drop her self righteous attitude that God is only on her side and accept the world as it is, full of diversity and different views. Miss California may have been beautiful on the outside but she showed her inner ugliness by her answer which casually dismisses the rights of same sex couples to marry and enjoy all the legal and financial benefits that straight couples now enjoy.

It wasn't all that long ago that another beauty queen, who was also a runner up for the big prize, (Miss America) had similar warped views of reality. Anita Bryant had a very successful singing career and a role as a spokeswoman for the orange juice growers association until she decided to show her true ugliness and go on a crusade to wipe out homosexuality from America.

However, times have changed since Anita's crusading days against the "scourge of homosexuality." Carrie Prejeans, Miss California, runner up to Miss USA need not worry about where her next job is coming from. Fox News will be calling soon.