This morning at 10:00 AM I have an appointment with my urologist to review the results of my recent PET-SCAN.
That PET-SCAN did not indicate that my prostate cancer had spread throughout the rest of my body. That's the good news. The bad news is that my PSA keeps rising at a rapid rate.
Six months ago, when my doctor noticed my PSA score dramatically increasing he wanted to start radiation and hormone therapy treatments to "get me a couple more years." He also wanted to do another biopsy to see if and how much of the cancer was still in my prostate gland. I turned him down immediately on both counts. He then suggested that I get a PET-SCAN and see him again in six months. That's where I am now today.
So today I will inform my doctor that I will not seek any further treatment for my prostate cancer.
No radiation therapy.
No hormone therapy.
No biopsies.
At eighty-four years old, I am not going to subject this old body to more stressful "treatments" to hold the possible spread of prostate cancer.
After seeing what my younger brother went through the last three years of his life with "treatments" only to die "cancer free" but of organ failure, that's route I'm not taking
After seeing my friend Rich S., who was first diagnosed with prostate cancer back in 2013 the same time I was only to have it return in 2019 and he got radiation and hormone therapy treatment only to have his urethra destroyed by scar tissue and now he has to pump his urine out of his bladder with a device while the doctors try to rebuild his urethra with flesh from the inside of his cheek, I'll pass on that "treatment" too.
I will tell my doctor the only thing I need from him is a diagnose of six months or less to live, if it should come to that. I may die of something else besides prostate cancer. It is well known that most men die WITH prostate cancer but not OF prostate cancer.
I will tell my doctor that I'm taking the "Watchful Waiting" route. If and when my prostate cancer spreads, then give me that six month prognosis so I can make plans for my Grand Exit.
This is one thing I know, I will not leave this world the way my brother did or the way Bill did. I will leave this world as I am now. Fully functional and taking care of myself. No prolonged, undignified, dependent on others, exit for me. I know that is the usual way in our Western culture for dying human beings to go. I have decided to go the way I help seven pets of ours go, on our own terms.
Today is just a formality. After my appointment today I go back to my day to day living the best I can with my stooped over body, aches and pains, calcified heart and slipping memory. My main objective right now is not to fall and injure myself.
Have a great day everyone!
2 comments:
Ron, you are one of the most thoughtful men I know. The path that you have chosen can not be argued with. Making one's personal decisions is very courageous and humbling. Thank you for that honest, forthright discussion. But I do hope you have many more moons to go.
Tommy,
Thank you for your very generous compliments. I'll take them! I have a feeling that I have several more years left. But if I do go downhill fast, I really don't want the last several years of my life to be like Bill's. He suffered so much and was so unhappy. The only solace we both had was that I was able to keep him at home and take care of him. However, I don't want to put anybody else (it would be Pat of course) through that at the end of my life. Hopefully I can keep on bopping along until my Final Day and just check out. In the meantime I'm living each day to the fullest.
Ron
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