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Finally, I am coming to terms with my new life without Bill.
I knew it would be bad when Bill died. But never in a million years did I think it would be this bad. It's bad folks, real bad. But I think I'm finally coming to terms with what my life will be like without Bill.
Of course I will miss him each and every day for the rest of my life but I do know this, Bill's suffering has ended and he is in a much better place than all this turmoil here in this life we live and endure ever day on this earthly planet.
All the cliches apply. I have all these wonderful memories of Bill which I relive every day. So many wonderful memories. Even the rocky times we had, and we did have those, are all a part of my adult life with Bill. All treasured memories. And I do believe that when my life comes to an end, my spirit will be reunited with his.
But for now, I am ready to adjust to my new life without Bill. My period of mourning is over.
I have developed my new routine now. Never again will I work at a job, full-time or part-time. I just don't have the physical energy and now I don't have the desire. I love that I have time to do all the work I can manage in my backyard. I absolutely love my private oasis here in southern coastal Delaware.
I love that I can get up anytime I want to. I was privileged to be Bill's full-time caregiver for the last three years of his life but it did take a toll on me. At this time of my life it just takes all my energy to take care of myself. My goal is to stay out of any assisted living facility. Since Delaware finally came to its senses and passed the Right To Die law, I am so relieved to know that should I come down with a fatal illness that I can pull the plug on myself. More about that Right To Die Law in a future blog post.
Not only can I get up anytime I want to, I can lay down and take a nap anytime I want to. For the first time in my life I have no obligation to anyone or any job. Freedom! I love it!
8 comments:
Stay well, and know when enough is enough.
Yes Stay Well.... Glad to have read this Post
Thank you David.
Thanks Tommy.
Ron
Enjoy your freedom, Ron, it is truly a reward for all the previous hard work you have done.
I used to have that freedom until I got seriously ill. Now I'm trapped by doctors, medications, and my own physical limitations. Hopefully I can eventually get out of this Rehab Hell and go home.
Take care. Jon
Jon,
So good to hear from you. I understand the "trapped" feeling you have now that you are living at a rehab facility. One of my biggest fears, being "trapped" like you are now. That could easily happen to me because should I have an accident like falling of a heart attack, (my blood pressure has been consistently high lately), that's where I would end up. I have no one to take care of me. Pat could come down from his home in Hamilton, Ontario Canada but that wouldn't be fair to him. That's why I am ever so careful these days. I value my freedom to move around so much, just like you do. I hope some kind of miracle happens and you can go to your home again in those beautiful Tennessee mountains.
Ron
Good for you!
Thanks Spo.
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