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| Bill's shelf in our refrigerator. He only drank apple cider, loved whipped cream and chocolate milk. What do I do with these items now? Reminders of Bill all around Casa Tipton-Kelly |
Today I completed the last of two of my annual followups for health conditions my doctors have been monitoring.
Tuesday I saw my hematologist. Three years ago I had a bone marrow test (that was fun) to test my white blood cell count. My VA nurse practitioner thought I was border line for blood cancer. Last year I had a followup with my hematologist doctor. This year, after checking my labs he said "I don't want to see you again." I told him "I like you Dr. D but that's good news that I don't have to see you again."
This morning I had my annual checkup (EKG) with my cardiologist. I've been seeing him for ten years now. The last few years he was monitoring a aneurysm that I had. Last year he said it mysteriously disappeared. Today, after checking my EKG results, he told me I'm doing fine and he'll see me again next year. He did remind me to keep exercising by walking which I will do as soon as I finish typing this blog.
How is my mental health doing during my grieving process for Bill? I'm still grieving but I feel more acceptance now. Especially since I now have the feeling that Bill's spirit has left Casa Tipton-Kelly after hanging around for about a week to make sure I didn't do something foolish. I did feel his presence but no longer. I feel that he is very happy now wherever his spirit is.
A few nights ago I was having a conversation with my friend Glenn M. of Palm Springs. Glenn had lost his long time partner Michael W. three years ago. His partner was a longtime follower of my blog. We have been consoling each other ever since three years ago when I received a card from Glenn telling me of Michael's passing. Glenn has been literally a life saver in helping me cope and I helping him cope. He told me that even after three years he still misses his Michael. We discussed about what happens when we die and Glenn brought up the theory that "there is something bigger" where our soul or spirit goes. That seems to make more sense to me than the old Heaven and Hell trope that's been force fed to the masses over the ages by organized religion to keep them in line. Glenn told me that "life is a lesson." I understand that because I've often thought we keep coming back to life in different forms and learn until we get it right. I think that is Buddhist thinking.
What I do know now is that I that same level of comfort that those who have experienced a near death moment and have come back to life. I don't know if I'm just psyching myself out or what, but this is working for me. Of course I miss Bill terribly and will the rest of my life. After all I spent my whole adult life with Bill. And now I'm going solo. I am so thankful I have Pat. Pat isn't Bill but he is a good friend. A friend of this old man. I think of others my age straight and gay who have lost their mate and have no one to finish out their life with. How awful that must be. I am so fortunate.
This morning while discussing Bill's death with my cardiologist he told me "You had fifty-nine good years with him. Think of that. You have your memories and now you're healthy enough for many more good years." I do like my cardiologist. He is right. I am so fortunate.
Time for my walk now before it gets dark. Even with daylight savings time now in effect, darkness still falls every day. Just at a later time.
4 comments:
Sounds like your health checks are all good news. I expect your cardiologist is right, you’ve got many good years yet to go. I remember John’s passing, that was a sad time too. I live only a short distance from where he did, I rode by his house. I was going to go film his funeral for you then I found out it was going to be broadcast and that made it unnecessary. I still think of him when I pass his church on the road. I also think of Bill whenever I go by or hear a mention of Toccoa. You’ve been a part of my life for quite a while now. I will continue to follow yours as long as you keep posting.
Jim
Jim,
You are very nice. I'll keep posting as long as I'm able too. I appreciate you.
Ron
It is that time of the year again when us older folks have at least two doctor visits but usually three. I go next month to my hematologist. I have has something "mysterious" going on with my blood since I was born. I have had so many bone marrow aspirations in my life but they tell us little or nothing. Invasive medical procedures like this are not only painful-you can not imagine the pain-but they mess with your immune system. Well, ten years ago I said "no more". Besides that they whole darn test cost about 1500USD to about maybe 2000USD. A money maker for the doctors and labs. Once I stopped the torture my immune system improved about 50%. No more invasive procedures for me. Next is the cardiologist. One appointment and test they see something and the next they don't. I have had a large heart and a murmur since birth and it has remained constant. I was born with it and I did not develope it. It works just fine but you think the doctors in emergency medicine will believe you? No they don't so my insurance pays out thousands each time I appear before doctors unknown to me. They treat synptoms needlessly but medicine is BIG business. I do enjoy the visit to the foot care doctor because he tests the blood pressure in my legs which lets me know if my circulation is okay or not. I also get the absolute worst pedicure of my life and Medicare pays for it. Wish they had something like that for haircuts, Haha! My PC says I am the most healthy unhealthy patient he has. Dermatology is my problem right now. Most appointments are 18 to 24 months out! I have a problem with cancer on my left ear, my nose and the top of my head. It's basal cell but I am a carrier of "golden staph" and it causes a big problem like those you see on YouTube. I came near to death in November and December. The doctors would not admit me to the hospital and from the ER ai was sent home with nursing care. Seems the dermatologist does not want me in their surgery clinic so I don't infect others and the hospital is the same way. It is a fact that if I have anything more than a needle prick I will most likely die. It is a Catch 22 type of thing. The nurse who comes to visit 3 days a week wears PPE. It is a problem that I have to live with. I have to agree with Ron on the subject of the spirit hanging around for awhile and then one day it disappears. My experience has been that some immediately are gone and away at moment of death. I can feel it. But then there are those who hang around for weeks and months.It can be rather annoying and very unsettling. I could tell more but will not. I will say this that you must be receptive of it or you won't notice it. That bucket of soapy water being spilled was Bill saying to you HEY! Ronnie,take notice that I was here but I am going now. Bye. So Rom, my friend, do take care Ron and keep on blogging as it is good for us all out here in blogger land. Be good, be careful, be safe and BE HAPPY. So says crazy Woody in Ohio
Crazy Woody in Ohio,
I too like to keep the invasive medical procedures down. Several times doctors have tried to give me a cystoscopy. It is NOT necessary in my case. The first time was about twelve years ago one of the doctors at the Wilmington VA wanted to check for bladder cancer because I had blood in my urine. The blood in my urine was caused by my kidney stone. I didn't see the necessity of that very invasive medical procedure. I refused it. The second time was my former urologist. He want to "just check." Sorry, not happening. My late brother had several cyctoscopys, one damaged the tissue of his penis. I have better luck with seeing my dermatologist, which I have been seeing for years. I can usually get an appointment within a month. He only is in the Rehoboth Beach area on Fridays. Probably because I'm a longtime patient. Last year for the first time he found cancer. A small basil cell on my right ear. So now I can add two cancers to my medical resume, prostate and skin cancer.
Just tonight I was thinking again about Bill's presence in our home a week after he died. I am convinced he was here. I don't have that feeling now. Interesting isn't it?
Ron
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