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| Bill and I during his last days at the hospice center. So grateful I was able to be with him at the end of his life. |
This morning my X-10 remote controls stopped working. Whatever I did, they didn't work including trying brand new X-10 remote controls.
Bill installed all those X-10 remote controls. Those are old tech. Bill never got past the old electric technology. WIFI and the new tech escaped him.
I feel that Bill presence left Casa Tipton-Kelly (and yes, I am keeping the name!) last night. I have felt that since Bill passed on February 24th, his spirit was still hanging around me to make sure I was all right. I can admit now, there were a few days, especially right after Bill passed, that I did not want to continue. That's right, I wanted to join him. I missed him that much and just wanted this panic and pain of losing him to end. But I also knew that is not what he wished for me.
I think I said this before in one of my blog postings, but last month Bill had a "serious" talk with me. He said he "felt something different happening" and wanted me to know that he was glad that Pat was in my life and he wanted me to be happy. That was Bill, he always wanted me to be happy.
In this world of billions of people there are many great love stories. I feel so fortunate that Bill and I were one of those great love stories. I don't know if there is a God or angels but whatever, fate chose me to be the recipient of the love of this man for fifty-nine glorious years. But now it is time to move on. I feel Bill's spirit or soul feel's confident enough that I can manage the rest of my life without him. Of course he has a funny way of showing it, botching all those X-10 controllers. That's Bill's way of letting go. Maybe this rationale is all in my mind, who is to know. What I do know is that I had the greatest love that anyone could have for fifty-nine years of my life and now I am ready to move on.
I will remove most of the references to Bill on this blog. Not all of them but I don't want this blog to turn into a memorial for Bill. I will always remember him and the wonderful memories of our fantastic life together but it is time now to make new memories.
Note:
The photo at the beginning of this posting was one I took by a self timer on my iPhone when I was with Bill at the hospice center. I was reluctant to post it but decided to anyway. I am so appreciative that we could spend our last days together. Even though Bill was unconscious the three days he was at the hospice center, I feel he knew I was with him. That time with him I will never forget the rest of my life.
6 comments:
You were indeed very lucky to have Bill in your life all those years. I had to look up ‘X-10’ controllers, I had never heard of that technology. What all did they control in your house? It sounds to me like you are making good and rapid progress to get on with the rest of your life. I’m glad you decided to continue with it, I’m glad you realized what Bill wished for you. That hospice room sure is a nice looking place. It’s wonderful that you had that place and those folks to help Bill transition from this life to the next and to help you as it happened.
Jim
Indeed, life does move on. I think putting your previous material things away is a good idea. It helps you turn the page in your next chapter with no disrespect to Bill. You have those memories in your heart. Otherwise, I think we tend to stay 'stuck'...and that's not healthy. A new house.... a new beginning .... and live it to your fullest. New adventures await you.
Paranormal John
Jim,
The X-10 is the old Radio Shack technology for remote on/off control of appliances and lights. Bill had it controlling the outside lights and some of the inside lights. Last night I managed to figure out with the new Feit modules which interact with Alexa. That's the way I'm going to go forward. By the time this new WIFI controlled technology came on, Bill could never figure it out. He was impressed with it though.
Yes, Bill wanted me to go on with my life. He spoke to me about it when he had his "serious" (his words) converstation with me a few weeks before he died. He knew he was dying. He said he "felt something is happening." I think that was his body telling him it was going to shut down and indeed, his body did shut down a few weeks after that.
Jim, the hospice cener was so peaceful. I had heard so much about it before they took Bill there. Everything I heard was true. Not only a peaceful, tranquil setting, all the staff were so nice. I will always remember and appreciate what they did for me and Bill and the end of his life they were wonderful.
Ron
Paranormal John,
I am removing some things from this house, actually quite a bit over time of me and Bill's life together. Not everything though. I will basically keep his bedroom unchanged for the time being. All of these changes I will do over time. No rush. But I am moving on to the next and probably last chapter of my life. I don't think I have that long to go, maybe a good five years. So far I'm way ahead of the game, I've had a great life. If my life should end tomorrow, I will not feel cheated. It's all gravy now.
Ron
It is good to know, that Bill would want you to be happy. Take your time. He will always be a part of your life, will always be a part of your blog.
I'm glad you posted it. It was respectful and loving.
I also think is it HILARIOUS that Bill messed up the remotes!!! You are very good at reading his messages!
Julie
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