Are All Nursing Homes/Assisted Living Facilities Bad?

 

From left to right, my Aunt Jeanette, me and my Mother 2005

Of course not.

There are many senior nursing homes and assisted living facilities that are very good and fulfill a need for many seniors and their families at the end of their life.

I may have inadvertently perpetuated the belief that ALL such facilities are bad. They are not. 

Like anything in life there are good places, some not so good and some awful. Hopefully the awful places are found out quickly and put out of business.

I do speak from experience about such facilities. 

My Mother's older sister (see photo above) lived in one such facility for over seven years. She lived in the dementia unit (the one with the locked doors and alarms that go off if one of the residents decided to take a walk). She was treated well, had her own room and always seemed happy when we visited even though she didn't know who we were. Aunt Jeanette lived at that facility for over seven years. When she ran out of money ($424,000 later) she was sent to a state run facility that Medicaid paid for. She died within months of living in the new facility.

When my Aunt Jeanette lived at the facility (I will not mention the name) we could visit anytime unannounced. The facility was always very clean. The staff was always very accommodating and seemed to genuinely care for the residents. 

They never had to sedate my Aunt Jeanette but I did observe other residents who appeared to be heavily sedated. I know if Bill was in such a facility they would sedate him. They did for the two weeks he was in rehab after his strokes. When I confronted his doctor he claimed he didn't but a few minutes later I overheard his doctor telling the nurse to "cut back" his "medication." Yes, the doctor lied to me. To my face.

My friends Bob and Jim (both deceased now) were in an assisted living facility. Again, a very nice facility which I could visit anytime and often did. Jim was fine with the facility but my friend Bob was always attempting to escape.

My friend Bob (in plaid shirt second from left, I am on his right) with his nephews and wife and two friends at the assisted living facility where he was first placed - cost $7,000 a month which quickly ate up his life savings of over $100,000. The man to my left in the tan jacket was Bart. He vowed never to go into such a facility. He died at home alone at 97 years old. His neighbor always looked after him. 

One time Bill had to pull Bob back in by the seat of his pants when Bob tried to make a break for it. I knew Bob well. He was my best friend since 1960. He always vowed he would never go into such a facility. But his Parkinson's disease gradually took over. The last time I saw Bob he was in a nursing home. Pat and I saw him in the dayroom which was straight out of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest." Bob's speech was unintelligible at that time but he knew enough he wanted to get out of there. But of course he couldn't because he couldn't even take care of himself nor did he have anyone to take care of him. A situation a lot of older people are in, even if they do have family. Bob only lasted in that nursing home a few months before he died. The last time Bill saw Bob,

My friend Bob with Bill at the assisted living facility

he couldn't understand anything Bob said. Bill told me that he couldn't visit Bob anymore because it was too upsetting for him. 

My brothers and I promised our Mother we would never put her in such a facility. She was also a very private person and didn't need the social interaction that works for so many who enter such a facility. 

My Mom at my brothers home where they took care of her at the end of her life. We kept our promise and kept her our of an assisted living/nursing home. She like Bill and my friend Bob were too private to end their days at an assisted living/nursing home. Thank goodness they had a family to take care of them. No matter how good a assisted living/nursing home facility, living at home for some is the best option. That is the option I have chosen for Bill and hopefully for myself should I live that long. I can guarantee you this right now, you will never see me in an assisted living facility or a nursing home. That doesn't work for me. If it works for you, I'm happy for  you. 

Admittedly it was a close call towards the end of her life (she was living with my younger brother and his wife) because she became very difficult, keeping them up all hours of the night. My brother and his wife were just about to give up but Mom must have known because she died a few weeks after entering that phase of the end of her life. 

Right now I am having increasing difficulty with Bill. Last night I won't even go into it here but I'll just say caring for Bill here at home is becoming increasingly challenging.

Pat with Bill

He's good most of the day but at night he has hallucinations and goes wandering about.  Of course he remembers nothing the next day. Today I had to spend about a half an hour telling him how to go to the bathroom and use toilet paper. Use your imagination. 

Again, I reiterate. I am not disparaging the option of ending one's days in an assisted living or nursing home facility for everyone. You do what is best for  you and your circumstances. 

Maybe we all live happy and healthy lives to the end.