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| Christime McD. - one of my kind bosses at the bank - 1994 I caught her by surprise with this photo. She actually has a very nice smile. I will always remember her kindness and generosity to me. Just one of my many fond flashbacks in my prior life. |
These days, in my waning years, I find myself often thinking of my past eighty some years.
It's like drowning and you see your past life flashing before your eyes. That's the way I'm often feeling now when I realize I'm coming to the end of this wonderful life that has been granted to me.
So many things in the past eighty years I remember with such clarity. I've always wanted to write a book about my life but have procrastinated. Maybe now is the time to do it. But I wouldn't be writing it for the general public. I am quite sure not many would be interested in my life. I would only be writing this book, my memoir, for myself and for that "Ron" in the future who researches his (or her as the case may be) family tree and comes across my autobiography. I know how I would fee if I came across one of my ancestor's autobiography. I would devour it. So that is why I would write such a written history of my life.
Yesterday I was on my very expensive Ancestry.com account, looking up family information for a distant cousin. I love researching my family history, especially my Tipton line. I can always find the relationship of any Tipton's because we American Tipton's are all descended from that one Jonathan Tipton who emigrated to this country from Jamaica in 1692.
When I get on my Ancestry.com account on these family tree research expeditions I literally spend hours researching information. My legs are numb when I finally get up. The Tipton cousin I researched yesterday I found that we were sixth cousins, twice removed. That means our grandfathers six generations back were brothers and his grandfather and I are of the same generation. Oh does that make me feel old, but I am old.
This particular cousin had contacted me though my Facebook account. He saw a photo of me and said I reminded him of his father in appearance. I saw the photo and didn't see the resemblance but there you are. He said he father was a gentle soul and had passed from HIV. I don't have HIV but I am thin like his father (don't mine my little pot belly, comes with age). I like to think I am a "gentle soul", but perhaps not. What I am is a survivor though. Lucky also. I had opportunities to become infected with HIV during that era but declined. I always thought I was "missing out" during that era but apparently I was spared. Now I am convinced I was spared in order to take care of Bill. And also to meet Pat. Two of the best things to happen in my life.
Bill has stabilized again but will always need my care for the rest of his life. He needs me to feed him, wash and dress him, give him his medication and provide companionship ship for him. And I am glad to do it and have the opportunity to care for him. And to be physically able to care for him. Again, I am very lucky. Just like my whole life for the past eighty some years.
I used to worry that I would die or become incapacitated while Bill was still alive. These days I worry less about that aspect of my life. Whatever happens, happens. If I should be out of picture of taking care of Bill either by my disability of death, Bill wouldn't last too long. For you see, Bill has had a good long life for which we are both so grateful.
On this sunny but chilly Saturday afternoon in April of 2023, a year that I never expected to survive to, I sit at my computer and type this blog entry, wondering where I am going with this.
I have "Black Magic Woman" by Santana playing in the background, and am in a good mood. This morning I made a fresh batch of egg custard for Bill and potato salad for me. I have some homemade chili waiting for me to warm it up for lunch. I will take Bill for his daily ride (mine too, I also like to get out).
Life is good folks. However many days, weeks, months and or years I have left, life HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME. In addition to my Mother, who did a much longer blog post than I intended (I was just going to list some of the heroes in my life), here are the names of some of the other heroes in my life. That names will mean nothing to the readers of this blog post but listing them gives me comfort in acknowledging them and their kindness and generosity in my life. For anyone who puts up with me has to be a hero.
Bill B. - high school friend and fellow band member. He played the bass drum and I the Sousaphone. We always saved seats for each other on the bus for the away football games. That's because we always were the last to load out instruments in the belly of the bus.
Theodore G. - the Army recruiter who talked me into doing the Army thus causing me to cancel my papers for joining the Navy. Joining the Army changed the course of my life. All new friends and skills learned. Only downside, I never did get to "see the world" like I wanted to in the Navy. In fact I never got off the East Coast during my three year enlistment.
Bob McM. - my first "best friend" in the Army. What fun we had. Could write volumes about our adventures. Then at the end I found out he was gay and I never knew it! Bob is gone now.
Ron H. - another best friend in the Army. Again, more adventures and after the discharge from the Army, Ron was instrumental in getting me at job at a big city bank, my lifelong dream. Again, changed the course of my life.
Bill P. - my longtime boss at the bank. Again, put up with me and saw the good in me past my many faults. Still a friend.
Bill K. - my life partner and husband of the pat fifty-nine years. Literally saved my life many times.
Don McK. - another lifelong friend. Always a comfort to talk to Don. Another friend who understands me. Still a friend.
Pat F. - It will be ten years this August that I met Pat. But he was The One I was looking for in all he wrongs places during my bar hopping years. Pat completes me and I complete him. Hopefully I will end my days with Pat. I will walk off into the sunset of my life with this wonderful man.
There have been many other wonderful people in my life. And of course there have been "the others" who sought to do me harm or at best just took me for granted. We all know who those folks are. And I won't dwell on them. I have survived those people through a mixture of skill and luck.
You may have noticed that there are no women on my list. That doesn't mean there haven't been kind and generous women in my life. There have been. Two that come to mind are Joanne D. and Christine McD. of my time at Fidelity bank. Most women I have encountered in my life who were friendly to me were looking for a romantic entanglement and/or marriage, which I avoided of course. At times it seemed the only women who weren't after me were lesbians, which I could always tell because they would have nothing to do with me. It took me a while to realize that because I was so used to fending off most women who were friendly with me. But with Joanne and Christine, both who were my bosses at different times at the bank; they were just kind and generous to me without that extra pressure of expecting "something" from me which was refreshing. I was so used to being on guard with friendly women that at first I didn't know how to handle my relationship with them until I realized that they were just nice people who happened to be my boss. I know some women will probably take offense to what I'm just writing now and think I am being full of myself but hey, this was my life experience. Or at least the way I experienced it. I better stop taking about this now before I did my self deeper in the hole that I have dug. I will always remember what my friend Bob C. said when he moved into a new neighborhood. A few days in his house, he got a knock at the door. At the door was his neighbor, a widow lady with an apple pie. She wanted to welcome him to the neighborhood. Bob looked at her and the apple pie she was holding in his hands and said "I'm gay." That took care of that. That would be the last apple pie he received from her.
Time for Bill's ride.
Have a great day everyone!
5 comments:
You are lucky to have so many good memories. I guess I’m glad I joined the Navy instead of the Army. I did see some of the world but it was during Vietnam and most of what I saw was in that area. About half of my four years was spent participating in that ‘war’, at least as much at the Navy did. Being there in the Army would have been much worse.
Jim
There you go again using that talent of remembering details that in my mind would be buried under the cobwebs.
Maybe that memoir will be leaked and land on the New York Times best seller. I know I have pushed this idea quite a few times. In my hearts of hearts, if pitched just right you DO have pearls of wisdom for the younger generations.
I have thought about the HIV period. I was 27 in the early 80s when I first heard of HIV. I had a physical relationship with a married man from my church and brought it up. He said I did not need to worry. I went off to basic training and my first assignment was in Wiesbaden, Germany. I was hit with HIV messages like a two-by-four. It was now 1984. While in my first assignment, the Air Force started testing regularly for HIV. I had many fellow friends in the military who now tested positive for HIV. Where was I when this HIV thing was bubbling up? Living in CA prior to joining the military I led a very sequestered life. I rarely ventured outside of my bubble. Joining the military was my opportunity to pop that bubble. I too was spared. I was never a have to get laid as often as humanly possible type of person. I was not a prude but not the other end of the spectrum. The bar scene was not really my type of thing. The smoke would kill me. And things started too late for me. I am not a night owl.
I was supposed to graduate high school in 1975. I graduated in 1976. My brother graduated in 1974 and had his draft notice and number. The Vietnam War was real in the Cooper household. If the war went on any longer I would have been in a jungle screaming for my mother. I had a fellow military instructor who served in the Vietnam War and asked him what he remembered most about serving in the war. He said the density of the jungle. He said the jungle was so dense with vegetation that one could not tell if it was night or day. Also, always being wet.
I better close. I don't want to be one of those who always post a book on your blog. Just want to chime in.
Have a great Sunday!! Give Bill my best!!
Ur-spo,
You are so right! I have had and continue to have a lot of "good guys" in my life. I've also mad more than a few of bad buys but mostly I've had good guys. I'm very lucky.
Ron
Vic,
I don't mind you posting a book on my blog. You have led a very interesting life and I suspect you continue to life that interesting life. I too barely missed being in the Viet Nam jungle. I alsmot went. As my three year enlistment was coming to an in in January of 1963 I was asked if I wanted to "extend for a year." The Army would send me to warrant officer training school. They also offered me a re-up bonus. I always wanted to go overseas. I didn't know where Viet Nam was. I twas told it was "Indo-China". That sounded so exotic. When I mentioned the "opportunity" the Army was offering me some of my former ASA classmates=, who had returned from a tour of duty in Viet Nam told me exactly how "glamorous" a tour of duty in Viet Nam would be. Of course I declined the Army's offer after hearing the helicopter I would be in the back of, would be shot down and I should pray I die in the crash. If I didn't and the Viet Nam would capture me they would first torture me then they would probably cut my private parts off and stuff it in my mouth as an "example" to my fellow soldiers. The tings they don't tell you. I dodged another bullet.
Ron
Jim,
I was all set to join the Navy. I love the water. One factor that I didn't consider though was the close quarters on the ship. I'm somewhat claustrophobic. I didn't want to join the Army because I didn't want to take a chance on being in a combat unit. I didn't want to shoot a gun or kill anybody or, more import, be shot at. Yes, I am afraid. But if I was called to do so I would have done it. I fifes I had more of a chance of avoiding combat by joining and choosing where I wanted to go; The catch was I had to pass all the tests at the six month school for ASA which I did. I've been very lucky in my life.
Ron
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