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| Bill enjoying a Viennese Crescent cookie |
Here is the latest medical update on me and Bill.
We're both doing fine. Bill has much improved since his two back to back strokes in January of 2021.
Bill still needs and will probably always need help dressing, washing, eating and taking his medications. His cognitive abilities are not what they were before his strokes but he has stabilized. Bill, bless his heart, still is able to get around on his own.
Every morning I wash him (every third day is Shower Day which he still hates), change his Depends, give him his medications and prepare his breakfast. His diet is still the same. The two main meals are oatmeal with extra sugar and half and half cream. I have to fine ground his oatmeal because he can't swallow regular oatmeal. Lunch time is a high protein Ensure. During the day he snacks on thin cookies, his favorite being crescent cookies that I make for him. They are shortbread cookies consisting of butter (lots of butter), flour, sugar (both regular and confectioners) and a dab of vanilla. Those are his favorite cookies. Labor intensive to make for me (I always end up with an aching back after I roll them out for the umpteenth time in confectioners sugar) but well worth it for he so appreciates them. He also likes caramel candies. Doesn't seem like a varied diet (where are the fruits and vegetables you ask?) but this seems to be working for him.
This week we both have doctors' appointments. Mine is tomorrow with my VA care provider. Annually I give blood for my labs and my care provider goes over the results. This year he's ordered a CAT-SCAN for me. I don't know why but I'm not doing any more bone marrow tests or that test where they stick an instrument with a camera on the end up your penis into your bladder to check for bladder cancer. My brother Isaac just had that procedure. Twice I've turned down that procedure. Once about twelve years ago when a doctor at the VA in Wilmington was pressuring me and another time with my former urologist who scheduled the procedure for me without even informing me or discussing the NEED for that procedure. That procedure must be a profit center. No thank you.
My arthritis is gradually getting worse. Not much I can do about it other than take Advil when my back aches become too painful. Advil will give me a few hours of relief. I'm also having more trouble with my legs. If I get down on the floor I have trouble getting up on my own. I have to grab something to grab onto help life me up. This problem has been creeping up on me for the past twenty years or so. Again, not much I can do about it other than to take my regular walks.
My mental health is doing fine these days. For several months after Bill came home from the rehab facility and I became his full-time caregiver, I was feeling trapped. Even though I was thankful to be able to care for Bill here at home where he is most comfortable (I just cannot imagine him living in a nursing home like facility) I felt like I had a ball and chain around my ankle. I don't feel like that now. I am resigned (?) or comfortable with the fact that for the foreseeable future, even though that may be years, I will always be here at home taking care of Bill. We have a very comfortable home and life here in southern Delaware is like a permanent vacation. Of course I miss my trips to Palm Springs, Philadelphia and Canada with Pat, but I didn't have those trips before I met Pat. Again, life could be a lot worse. These days I compare anything I complain about with life in Ukraine. Extreme yes but true.
One thing that is making life easier around here is my discovery of hour long continuous club music on You Tube. All these years I've been paying for a premium membership in You Tube and I haven't been taking advantage of this free music! I'm making for lost time now.
The one thing I do miss though is my part-time job at the hotel. This January it will be two years since I left my job abruptly to take care of Bill. Hard to believe so much time has passed by so quickly. Maybe someday I'll go back, if they'll have me that is.
Have a great day everyone!
8 comments:
What a lucky man Bill is.
Anonymous,
Bill has devoted his whole life to me for the past fifty-eight years. I could do no less for him. I owe Bill my life. I am so thankful that I have this opportunity to care for Bill at this time of his life
Ron
Jim,
Thank you again for your always insightful and kind comments.
Ron
I said it before, I'll say it again: love is not just a word, it's action. Anyone can say I love you. Fewer are able to show they do.
Sassybear
https://idleeyesandadormy.com/
When my late husband asked me "why are you doing this" and then said "just let them take me away and I will be gone in a few days and you will be better off" I got pissed off Big Time. He was worried about me. I was 15 years younger and he wanted me to have good life after he was gone. It's like the wise and wonderful Sean/breenlantern says it's more than saying I love you. For me, when the chips were down, I was determined to make the very best out of the situation and that meant to me showing him how much I loved him with my "never leaving his side" actions. I nurtured him with never ending daily care at home for a year when they had only given him a few days to live earlier on. I had 24/7 care givers who grew to love him which they were not really allowed to do as professionals. They told me later on that when I finally went to sleep late at night he would wake up and demand a full report on how I was doing. Apparently he expressed time and time again that he was only still alive because of my love and care. He would tell the care giver "I love that boy" and then he would go to sleep. His last words to me were "I love you so". Ron, there is a time to say I love you but nothing ever says it better than your actions. I and others "see" your love for Bill through your actions as you report them to us here on the blog. The photo of Bills contentment with a cookie, and a lapfull of them in a basket, that you personally made for him just says it all, LOVE. Hey, everyone! Be safe. Be careful. Be Happy. Adieu
Woody,
I didn't realize you were the full-time caregiver of your husband who was fifteen years older than you. You probably told me before but I ask your forgiveness for not retaining those facts. Yes I do love Bill. I want to make his final days as comfortable as possible for him. This is a sacrifice for me and yet it isn't. I could not do otherwise. As I said many times before, I literally couldn't not sleep at night knowing that Bill was in some impersonal facility getting minimum care and miserable. I am so fortunate to have him here at home and also fortunate that he is able to get around some on his own and his mind isn't totally gone. Yes, there are days that are challenges (like today) but we work through them. Each day Bill and I can spend together in relative comfort and our love for one another is a gift. Thank you for sharing your personal story and your kind and generous comments.
Ron
Sean (Breenlantern),
Oh I do love Bill. The "love" part snuck up on me because when Bill and I first got together it was an "arrangement" for our mutual benefit. He traveled a lot with his job, sometimes up to six months a year. He never held me back for my roaming eye ("A caged bird never sings" he always said) but overtime I grew to love Bill. Even those we have many differences (yes, even after fifty-eight years) there was only one option when it came time to take care of Bill at the end of his life now. I am so fortunate that I can do it.
Thanks for your comment and encouragement,
Ron
I lost track of time it has been two years since you worked. I suspect they miss you too.
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