The recent deaths of two of my longtime friends and my estrangement from my family members, the time has come for me to redo my will. I called this morning and made an appointment to have new wills drawn up for both me and Bill as well as new powers of attorney and health care directives.
During his life I often asked my late friend Ed "Do you have a will?" He said he did not because once he was dead he didn't care what happened to him or his estate. Well, that's him. In my case I do care. I care who has the power of attorney if I am disabled. I care who inherits my estate (modest for sure) that I have worked my whole life for and am now working to keep me in relative comfort until my time comes. I care.
I am presently estranged from my brothers. Their problem is that I am openly gay. They have a gay brother who decided to publicly get married and not apologize for it. Oh, it was all right all those years when I had my "friend" Bill. All so "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" but now that I am in the open with it, publicly, that is not acceptable to both of my conservative brothers, or their families. I put on a family reunion, they don't come even though one brother and nephew lived on a few miles away. I never receive birthday or Christmas cards from anyone in my family. No one. Nada. Zip. Nothing. Unbelievable isn't it? My "crime?" I got publicly married to Bill.
They're still my brothers and I love them just the same in spite of their willful ignorance of the reality of my life. They will never change and I will never change. So what am I going to do at the end of my life if I go down slow like my former friend Ed? Have one of them care for their "choose the wrong lifestyle and embarrass us" brother and uncle or someone who really cares for me? I think you know the answer. I know the answer.
So it's done, and I will not have that on my mind if and when it is my time to take that slow trip from this life.
Hard decisions folks, hard decisions.
Tomorrow I get back to posting photos and videos of my wonderful ten day state in Lotus Land, with people who like me just the way I am. With people who care for me and don't look upon me as a defective human being.
This too I will put behind me just as I am putting behind me some other recent developments in my life. I don't know how much time I have left (hopefully many, many years) but this I do know. I will live it on my own terms and anyone who doesn't like it can go their way.
10 comments:
Since you are legally married now, be sure to have the deed to your home updated to ensure you and Bill benefit from the protections married couples enjoy.
good idea. A fall back POA and health proxy are a good idea. I have heard of people who named a partner or
younger relative as POA or proxy and when the times come that person isn't capable or even alive.
Thanks for the tip Mark. I'll bring this up with my lawyer when I have my wills redone.
Ron
Anonymous,
That is one of the reasons I'm having my documents updated. People I've named in them are now gone or are not capable.
Ron
It's important to do, Ron. And your last sentence says it all.
Peace <3
Jay
Kudos to you for looking ahead and dealing with things that many people would rather stick their head in the sand about. Other items (your attorney will probably have a handy checklist) you might need to consider are how any joint accounts (checking, saving, etc.) get handled and access if you have a safe deposit box. ~~ NB
Thanks Jay and you're right, the last sentence says it all. For too much of my life I've wasted time trying to please other people, get them to like me but with some people, no matter what you do, they will find fault and strike out at you. I'm just tired of it and at this time of my life I just don't care or have the time to care, even if it includes members of my own family or people who I thought were my friends. If they can't accept me the way I am then they're gone out of my life. I don't need them as they obviously don't need me. I know who I am, a generous and nice person albeit a bit too naive. For the rest of my life I only spend time with people who accept me as I am, flaws an all. I'm just tired Jay, tired of all the BS.
Ron
NB,
No joint accounts, we decided that years ago to protect our hard earned assets from family members who didn't view us as a legitimate married couple. This will is very simple. I name an executor who I trust and who respects me and my wishes and I take care of Bill, should I predecease him. Very simple.
Ron
You are doing the right thing, select the agent with care and update as needed.
David,
This is necessary. Something I've been putting off too long.
Ron
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