Trouble Leaving Comments On My Blog

 Recently I've been receiving complaints from longtime blogger friends that they are unable to leave comments on my blog. I'm sorry but I don't have a fix for this problem. As many users of Blogger (Google supported) know, Google doesn't have a Help line. So we're on our own. 

I just went in and changed some of my privacy settings. Hopefully that will correct the problem some of you have been having leaving comments on my blog. 

I've been toying with the idea of abandoning Blogger and going full board with Word Press. However, I am a creature of habit and I've been using Blogger since 2005 and I am reluctant to leave Blogger. That and I find Word Press harder to use and this old (80) brain of mine isn't becoming any more agile. 

So bear with me folks and I'll try and correct this problem. Perhaps the problem is that I haven't been blogging as much as I have in the past years. There were times I was blogging every day and sometimes twice a day. Longtime followers of this blog know that. 

However, if this problem persists I may just go to Word Press. After all I am paying an annual subscription for the privilege of using Word Press. I started a blog over there years ago but I'm ashamed to admit I never kept up with it. And I like the title of this blog "Retired in Delaware". Much to the chagrin of a certain real estate company which would LOVE to have by blog title for their ads.

Good Morning!

 

This morning I'm off to the eye doctor for a long postponed eye exam. 

Bill and I are settled in for a quiet Christmas. I only have a TeleHealth call today for Bill (his hospice nurse) and a TeleHealth call for me tomorrow then we coast out for the Christmas weekend. 

We don't exchange gifts, haven't done so for years. We used to exchange cards but because of Bill's blindness (he can't see the card) we stopped that last year. The most important thing is for us to be together.

Be safe everyone. There's a new strain of COVID out there. 

Bill's Medical Update

 

Bill on his iPad checking the weather patterns

Being a full-time caregiver for a 93 year old man who has suffered two strokes is perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

I didn't expect this to be easy. It is not. 

I've read a lot about the obstacles that caregivers face. I was prepared for that rough path. I knew my limitations and abilities but I thought I had prepared myself for what I would be living with 24/7 once I brought Bill home from the rehab hospital last February.

When Bill first came home he was little more than like a turtle on its back. No control over his bodily functions, confused and dejected. There were times when I seriously considered the OTHER option of not having him here at his home where he is most comfortable and well cared for. No matter how fancy or expensive the care facility, he would not received the level of care that I give him here at home. 

Over the months since he's been at home he has managed to get out of the "turtle on his back phase" and pretty much move around on his own. Thank God he hasn't fallen. He's very careful about that. When he first came home he used the walker all he time. He doesn't know although it is available next to his recliner chair in his bedroom.

We still have the bathroom issues but not as bad or as often as when he first came home. He does wear Depends all the time now, which we change daily, necessary to contain any accidents, which still happen occasionally. At first he complained bitterly about having to change his "panties" every day (as we call Depends) but now he realizes that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  Like most of us I was squeamish about cleaning up "messes" but I soon got used to that, as I was told by a friend of mine who was his longtime partner's caregiver under similar circumstances. Still, if I can avoid cleaning up a "mess", I'm all for it. 

Bill is still weak, he sleeps fourteen to sixteen hours a day now. He is more easily confused and his cognitive abilities have declined precipitously. It's scary actually that he can't string together the simplest tasks. But as I always say, he knows who I am and he's not in pain. I'm not religious but I say THANK GOD!

One of the biggest problems is his eyesight. Because of his macular degeneration the only thing he can see is shadows, light and color. He has some peripheral vision but zero central vision. I can stand in front of him and he doesn't see me. When I'm out back in out back yard trying to recover our army worm damaged back lawn, he only sees my shadow. When I look at him directly into his eyes it's like looking into the yes of a blind person. He's looking at me but he can't see me and even sadder, I can't see him through his eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul, I can't see his soul.

I feel so bad  for Bill because he tries so hard to have some semblance of a normal life but because of his eyesight he doesn't. When he does attempt something he only makes it worse and then I have to go in and correct the problem he's created. What he did with our portable Hoover vacuum cleaner last week was unbelievable. He couldn't connect the attachments fo he taped them together. The only thing was that he had the attachments on backwards. Then he strung the electrical cord over the HVAC elements around our basement heater.  Why? What was THAT all about?  All he could do was say "I was trying to make it easier for you."  I told him that he could "make it easier for me" if he just left it alone. Then he gets upset and starts crying. 

Sometimes folks I just want to lie down and not wake up. I feel like I'm trapped but I can't let him out of my care. Now don't anyone give me suggestions as to what to do, I know best how much I am capable of and if and when the time comes that I can't control the situation anymore. The most important thing now is to keep Bill comfortable and the best way to do that is to keep him here at home with me and his surroundings. To put him in a facility would be a cruel end to his life and cause me sleepless nights wondering about him. No, he stays here. At least as long as he can get around on his own. 

I can help him deal with his frustration and depression over his lack of eyesight and no longer being able to work on his projects, which has been his life for the past ninety-two years. We have our daily rides, which he so enjoys and our routine, which even if he complains sometimes I think gives him comfort. 

His hospice nurse visits him once a week. Takes his blood pressure and asks him a series of questions. He blood pressure continues to be below the norm that the medical care workers were sending him to the emergency room. We couldn't live like that, that's why he's on home hospice care.

In a couple more months he will have been on home hospice care for a year. I don't know how long that continues. I guess I'll find out. 

Interestingly one of the hardest things to deal with now is his speech. I have a hard time understanding him. Sometimes I can but about half the time he slurs his words so heavily it's like he's speaking a foreign language. I think he talks like that when he gets tired. If I can understand a few words I can understand what he's talking about. And when I can understand his words, often he uses the wrong word. Then I have to try and translate what he's saying.

Then there are the cognitive issues. One thing he can use is checking the weather patterns on his iPad. But the thing with the iPad is that it is touch sensitive. He doesn't understand that so I'm continuously having to clear off a multiple range of website on his iPad so he can see the colors of the weather pattern. I try and tell him not to drag his fingers across his iPad but he doesn't understand. So this is something I have to do several times a day, clear out all the screens he's accidentally brought up with dragging his fingers so he can see his beloved weather patterns. 

I can list so many cognitive things we take for granted but that would be boring and perhaps perceived as being cruel, but her's another one. About half the time he gets out of the car he doesn't remember where the door latch is and he only succeeds in hitting the child lock mechanism and locking us in the car.  I never used that mechanism but you better believe I know how how to clear it after being locked in the car and trying to figure out how to get out. And you know what? He'll do it again.

Bill's waiting on my now to put him to bed. He goest o bed when darkness falls, which now is early. During the summer he, of course, went to bed about three hours later and had no trouble sleeping. Now that he's going to bed at 5:30 pm instead of 8:30 pm, he had trouble sleeping. We (his hospice nurse and doctor) had to double his sleeping pill dosage. 

Our routine at night is I give him his nighttime pills (he also has morning medications). He goes down to his basement bedroom by himself. I go down later to make sure his room space heater is on, because he's always cold because of the blood thinner medication he takes. I make sure his hearing aid is out and he's comfortable. Before I go to bed at night I check in on him at night to make sure his heater is still on, because sometimes it turns off by itself (safety feature I guess). 

This morning I had a scare. I woke up dizzy and nauseous. My occasionally reoccurring vertigo was visiting me. This is when I really worry, what would happen to Bill if I could no longer care for him? I don't even want to think about it. I managed to get get up and go downstairs to Bill's basement bedroom and get him ready for his every third day shower. He hates that but it is necessary. I don't know how I managed but I did and I was exhausted and had to lie down after I gave him his morning medication and prepared his oatmeal breakfast.  Who would take care of him like this if I wasn't around? No one, that's who. I'm not religious but I pray that I will be able to take care of Bill for every day he has remaining on this earth. 

Tornado!

 

Devastating deadly tornadoes tore through five midwestern US sates last night. 

The loss of human life and property is almost incalculable. I just cannot imagine if one of those tornadoes landed here at our home in southern coastal Delaware. 

My days are consumed with caregiving for Bill. I'm sure that there are were many caregivers in those states that were hit by the tornado last night. I always say to myself, when I'm having a difficult time with Bill (last few days have been a challenge as his cognitive and memory deteriorate), "it could be a lot worse." At least we have a basement. 

Lately I've been giving a lot of thought to an eventual move to Palm Springs. A time when I will need a caregiver. Entering an assisted living facility is totally out of the question for me. I'll end my life before I consign myself to one of those fancy prisons. Good for some people but not for me. A slow death for sure.

I'm not surprised at these tornadoes. Just a few days ago it was freezing around here. Today the temperatures reached seventy degrees. Tomorrow we're back to freezing. What the hell is going on? Climate change, that's what.

We are living in tumultuous times folks. I remember growing up in the boring Fifties. Even then I knew those time were boring but I'll tell you what, I'll take boring now. What with our very democracy being threatened by the Traitor Trump and his enablers, something I always took for granted living in the United States. We would always have our democracy. But it appears that we were very naive in taking our democracy for granted. This is a subject for another blog post so I won't go down that rabbit hole now.

Be safe folks and be grateful that those tornadoes didn't hit you. Notice I don't says the old "thoughts and prayers" because I don't believe but I do have compassion for those folks. Even the Trumpers.

Random Observations on a December Morning

Late yesterday afternoon sun on our cozy home (in the background). 

 What? Yet another selfie of yours truly in a hoodie on his property in southern coastal Delaware? Why not?

Every morning I send out a good morning meme to a select few of my friends and fellow bloggers. This photo was taken late yesterday afternoon at the edge of our almost one acre piece of Heaven here in Sussex County Delaware. This was this morning's meme. I got the idea to send our "Good Morning" memes from my fellow blogger and friend Ur-Spo (aka "Dr. Spo"). I find it's a nice way to stay in touch with friends to let them know I'm still alive and of (somewhat) sound mind.

Now for random observations:

I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas Mood. I haven't even selected my Christmas cars yet. For several years now I've sent out personalized Christmas cards with photos of me and Bill. I'm not going to do that this year. We're too far gone physically to spoil our friend's Christmas by sending a scary of Two Old Men. Not a pretty sight these days of moi and my husband. Sounds harsh but true.

Yesterday was my annual full body check at my dermatologist. I've been having these annual full body checks since 1994. Almost every time I have actinide keratosis spots burned of various parts of my body. Yesterday was no exception. I'm always embarrassed by exposing my body in my old age. Even though I weigh about the same as I had in my youthful heyday, (160 to 170 lbs), my skin has sagged. And I have developed a stubborn small annoying pot belly. Sorry to disillusion any of my blog followers who have only seen my photos of my slim, hardened six ab body. That body is long gone folks, just a memory. But there I was yesterday, stripped down to my Fruit of the Loom underwear, wearing one of those hospital gowns with an open back, awaiting to be examined by a young lady (why aren't their handsome young men in dermatologist's offices)? I was examined, five keratosis were burned off from my forehead to my right foot (whole body) then as a "bonus" she spied a small inflammation on my right collar bone that looked "suspicious." She decided to take a biopsy which resulted in her giving me one stitch. I sit here typing this entry sore on my right right collar bone from that cut in my flesh. Oh the joy. I return in two weeks to have the stitch removed. 

Bill's hospice nurse visited us after we returned from my dermatologist's office. Bill's been on home hospice care for ten months now. He's plateaued health wise but still weak. Not getting better (he never will) but weak enough for him to continue to be on home hospice are. He also had a TeleHealth visit from another nurse who asked him a series of questions. Periodically the hospice care company has to verify continuation of home hospice care. Bill continues to need care.

Yesterday I got a load of mulch. Normally in the fall I hire a couple of local Mexican landscapers to do a fall cleanup. Since I'm not working at the hotel this year, I cannot afford that luxury. In the past I've paid $1,000 for that fall cleanup. The year I asked Jose to "do $400 worth of cleanup" which he did. He did a great job and well worth $400 but he did leave quite a bit for me to do. Yesterday I worked on the far border of our backyard (which is recovering nicely by the way from this summer's army worm invasion) laying mulch. My old saggy body is feeling that workout now, but it's a "good" ache, if you know what I mean. Not a bad ache. I plan on laying more mulch today. I love working outside in our almost one acre of Heaven here in southern coastal Delaware. Like formers president's Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush who found relaxation in clearing brush on their estates, I like to do yard work in our backyard. By the way, remember my campaign to rid our garden shed or mice? After catching about thirty-three mice, I think they send they word out though their mouse community (I wonder if they have a mouse Facebook account), our shed appears to be mouse free. Empty traps the past few days.

Looks like this will be the second year in a row that Pat and I won't be in Palm Springs. COVID is the culprit. I can't go anyway because I need to be here to create for Bill. 

I am so thankful that Bill is home and I can care for him. It's a job, I'm on call 24/7.  He hasn't had any "accidents" lately but he does wear Depends daily. I have to change them daily, wash him off and put new ones on. Hey folks, it's one thing doing this for a baby but trying doing it for a 170 lb inert man. Quite a challenge but we have the routine down to a system. Again, I always say "Bill's not in pain and he knows who I am."  That's my measure. I don't even want to think what I would do if the situation was otherwise. 

Bill continues to fight depression because of his failed eyesight. He's always used to doing something, working on one of his projects. He can't do that now and it frustrates him so much. Frustrates me to because I can't do much to alleviate his frustration. Yesterday was trash pickup day, I let him bring our trashcan back as well as our neighbor's. It's good for him to do something other than just sit in our sunroom and doze off all day.  He days are only interspersed with me taking him for his daily ride and his meals. It's a cliche but we do take each day one day at a time. 

I don't remember if I posted about that leak in our basement wall from ground water from the outside. The sealant around the sewer pipe failed and after a rain, some water condenses on the wall and drips down to the basement floor, on the other side of the drywall of our wall to wall carpeted media room. I've been in contact with a local repairman who specializes in basement and crawl space problems to fix it. That was three weeks ago he came by, took a look and said he would give me a bid in three weeks. That three weeks was up Thanksgiving Day.  I followed up this week and I was told he would be out yesterday to give me an evaluation. He didn't come out. I called and was told he had a family emergency (take his child to the doctor) and would be out this Monday. This whole basement leak is hanging over my head like a dark cloud and I'll be glad when it is fixed. Same with Bill, whose driving me crazy by keep asking me "When will he be out to fix that leak?"

Do I still have anybody reading this post? I've gone on a lot longer that I usually do in my blog posts. Congratulations if you have made it this far because this post comes to an end now. I'm off for our regular ride and visit to our local favorite supermarket. 

Have a great day everyone!

Thanksgiving 2021

 

Me, this morning Thanksgiving Day 2021

This Thanksgiving will be the first one in years that I am spending at home. In the past I've always volunteered to work Thanksgiving to give me co-workers who have families, to have a day off and be with their families. This year my Thanksgiving will be here at home with Bill. 

Bill and I stopped years ago (perhaps thirty or so) celebrating Thanksgiving at home. It's just the two of us and Bill doesn't like turkey. I actually do like turkey. As a matter of fact, every Thanksgiving I wish someone would take pity on me and deliver me a complete Thanksgiving turkey dinner. One year my co-worker (whose name I have forgotten, can you believe it?) brought me in a plate of Thanksgiving goodies from her family table. That was so kind of her and I was touched.

My Mother used to make fabulous Thanksgiving diners with gravy. celery stuffing (she made the best stuffing) and southern biscuits. For years and years that was my Thanksgiving dinner. As a matter of fact it was a Thanksgiving dinner when my parents first met Bill. The year was 1965 and I was estranged from them after my Mother found out I was gay. No communication at all for almost a year after the big blow up (no pun intended). Then out of the blue I received a letter from her inviting me to their Thanksgiving dinner. I responded by telling her that I would come but only if Bill came with me. She hesitated (of course) but eventually acquiesced and be both arrived for that family Thanksgiving dinner lo these many years ago. And wouldn't  you know it, they liked Bill! Eventually they both became very good friends with Bill. 

Which brings me to something that happened last night. My younger brother Isaac, with whom I've been estranged from since our last conversation several months ago when he tried to lay on me some of his Fox News brainwashed Trump shit and I hung up on him, called and left a message on my voice mail that "we have our political differences but we're still brothers and blood is thicker than water and that he loves me."  A load of cliches there but I appreciated him reaching out to me. I called him later and we reconciled. He brought me up to date on our other brother who has stage four lymphoma (he's in remission now after a brutal experimental treatment). Isaac is having his health problems too as I am (I have to get another blood test this week, my third in a month) because my white blood cell count continues to be register low (TBC). 

So what does all this meandering verbiage mean? It means that I am thankful for so much.

I am thankful Bill is home here with me and that I can give him the best care in the world. 

I am thankful that I have wonderful friends like Pat, Glenn, Larry, and Don. 

I am thankful that I have a wonderful neighbor like Bob, who in spite of being a Trumper (something which I will never understand, how otherwise reasonable people continue to stay brainwashed and support this criminal con man who attempted to overthrow a free and fair election just so he could stay in power and drag out country down but I digress). 

I am thankful that I live in a beautiful, comfortable home that is paid for.

I am thankful that neither Bill or I are in pain as we deal with our increasing old age health challenges. 

I am thankful that I live in a country that is a democracy (for now anyway, lest the Republicans controlled by Trump get back in power then we lose our democracy). 

And last but not least, I am thankful I am alive and to be been so fortunate to reach this grand age of eighty years. 

I've had a wonderful life and for that I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Health Update Bill and Ron November 2021

 

Me and Bill at the dermatologist yesterday morning

Yesterday morning I took Bill to our dermatologist for a followup visit.  I asked the dermatologist to take our picture. These days, the only way I can get a joint picture of me and Bill is a selfie. Selfies get old though, the arm is always missing. 

Time for a health update, for me and Bill. I usually do these health updates for Bill only but I'm including myself because caring for Bill is also affecting my health.

First, about Bill. He has somewhat plateaued out. He's still weak.  He will never be the person he was for the past fifty-seven years of our life together. He has trouble talking. He says his "tongue gets in the way." I think his garbled speech is a result of the two strokes he suffered last January. His speech is getting worse.

He's also sleeping more. twelve to fourteen hours a day. Part of this is a result of the ending of Daylight Savings Time. Bill goes to bed when it gets dark outside and our year round Christmas lights automatically go on. That's his signal to go to bed. This summer he was typically going to bed around 7:30 or 8 PM. Now he propels himself downstair to his basement bedroom about 5 PM. 

Last week he was having trouble sleeping, probably as a result of going to bed early. But another problem cropped up, he started to see hallucinations. He says he was seeing "parades"and "people milling about in his bedroom" through is macular degeneration destroyed eyes. He couldn't go to sleep. To try and help him, I increased his sleeping pill. He was taking half of one of those little sleeping pills of 25mg. I'm giving him a whole pill now and he hasn't had any trouble sleeping. Thank God. Few things are worse than not being able to sleep. If Bill doesn't sleep, I don't sleep and God knows I need my sleep.

Another problem is that he was experiencing skin irritation on the inside of his buttocks (a nice was of saying ass cheeks). Now that he's wearing Depends all the time and is slightly incontinent, his hospice nurse says he has to change his Depends at least daily. Of course Bill is complaining mightily about this latest inconvenience but I convinced him this is in his own best interest in keeping him healthy and not developing a health threatening infection.  One of my problems in caring for Bill is that he's never been big on personal hygiene. Sounds awful but that's the fact. I've convinced him the "exercise" (I actually am doing all the work in changing him since he can't dress or undress himself) is that it's his "workout" and that he is "doing it for me." After some persuasion this morning I had him convinced. Bill is stubborn, always has been and one of his personal characters that he has kept through his deteriorating health.

Another problem is that Bill gets depressed because of his eyesight, he can't see (macular degeneration). He's always had projects but now can't do anything and says he feels "useless." I take him out for a ride daily which he likes because he can see light, he just can't make out forms except for peripheral vision. Dealing daily with this frustration of his is a challenge. But I think I have been able to convince him (again) that he's doing it "for me."  

I feel bad for Bill and the best thing would probably be that he just slips away peacefully in his sleep at night. I would miss him terribly (I had a preview of that feeling when I almost lost him this past January) but I understand he understands that each of us has an expiration ("sell by") date. Hopefully our passing (dying) would be peacefully but there is no guarantee. 

Treasuring each day folks, making each day count and being thankful for each day we're together.