Birthday boy Here, #80!

A little celebration is in order my friends. Today I turned eighty years old. Oh my God, how did THAT ever happen?

Back in the day, I thought I would be lucky to make it past sixty. And yet here I am at eighty! Officially an OLD MAN.

I will write more on this momentous occasion but for now enjoy this band that I recorded at the Tonga Hut on February 16, 2020 when Pat and I last visited Palm Springs.

Life these days is much different with COVID restrictions and my 24/7 caregiving responsibilities to Bill. But maybe someday in the future Pat and I can return to the Tonga Hut and have a proper celebration of my birthday. I just hope it's not my 90th birthday!

Day Light Savings Time 2021

Me relaxing at the Latham Hotel in Philadelphia 2013, the one year I didn't change all my clocks back from Daylight Savings Time to Standard time

 

This morning I had a rude awaking. All my clocks were wrong. Ah yes, Daylight savings time ending last night. "FALL BACK!"

I love clocks. 

I have too many clocks.

At last count I have about fifty clocks. Yes, FIVE-O.

Do I need all those clocks? Of course not. But for clocks are one of the few things that give me a sense of comfort and security. 

I don't go out seeking to buy new clocks these days but if I see one to appeals to my comfort fancy, I'll buy it. 

I can always find a place for it.

So there I was this morning, reading to sign on to my weeping 10:00 AM Zoom meeting with my friends Stuart, Larry and Pat.  I booted up my computer and the time was 9:00 AM! Whoops! Time to change all the time pieces Ron.

You know what's interesting and frustrating about all the clocks I have. Most of them have a different way to access the function they have to change the time. Digital clocks, batter operated clocks, thermometer clocks and I still haven't change my microwave and standard oven clocks. Just remembered them! And I'm sure I've forgotten a few clocks that I have tucked away. Once clock I'm not changing is the one above the door to our back deck. It's too high on the wall. Would require me to climb a ladder and I'm not that steady on my feet these days. I'll justify not changing that clock by saying I need one at Daylight Savings Time.

What does the photo at the beginning of this blog have to do with Daylight Savings Time change of clocks? Every year we change back to Standard Time (with the exception of the great state of Arizona) around my birthday in November. That photo was taken on my birthday in Philadelphia at the Latham Hotel with my first trip with Pat. That year Bill changed the clocks. 

What Pets Want The Most At The End Of Their Life

 

First, I have to apologize for leaving that picture of Jason from "Halloween" on my blog post for several days after Halloween. What an awful thing to do to my faithful blog followers. I'm not ready for a new posting yet (too much going on recently) but I did come across this valuable information about how we treat our pets on a Facebook post today.

I've had at least a dozen pets put to sleep during my lifetime. In my family, I was the designated family member to take the family pet to the vet to have him or her put to sleep. No one else could bear such a sad task. It was sad for me too but I realized that putting a pet out of their pain and suffering was best for the pet and their family. 

It wasn't until recently that I realized that I should be holding my pet when they're put to sleep. I was holding my Horace (my Pomeranian best friend) when he was put to sleep. He was peaceful. I wish I could go back in time and hold those other pets rather than just turn them over to the vet. I will always feel guilty about not holding those pets in my arms when the vet injected them with a fatal solution in their from paw.

I've expressed my wish many times that when my time comes, I want someone with me holding my hand when I slip out of this life. Would that I would be that lucky to have someone with me at the end of my life.  Unfortunately, we as humans cannot chose our time and place of our passing other than suicide. But be it  known here and know, if I should be so fortunate as to slowly fade away from this earthly existence I want a person who cares about me helping me to pass. Just holding my hand as I enter my Eternal Rest.

Below is the posting about being with your pet at their end of their life.

Pets, it turns out, also have last wishes before they die, but only known by veterinarians who put old and sick animals to sleep. Twitter user Jesse Dietrich asked a vet what was the most difficult part of his job. The specialist answered without hesitation that it was the hardest for him to see how old or sick animals look for their owners with the eyes of their owners before going to sleep. The fact is that 90 % of owners don't want to be in a room with a dying animal. People leave so they don't see their pet leave. But they don't realize that it's in these last moments of life that their pet really needs them. And Hillcrest Veterinary Clinic in South Africa has posted on their Facebook page for all people with pets. Veterinarians ask the owners to be close to the animals until the very end. ′′ It's inevitable that they die before you. Don't forget that you were the center of their life. Maybe they were just a part of you. But they are also your family. No matter how hard it is, don't leave them. Dont let them die in a room with a stranger in a place they dont like. Vets are very painful to watch this. On how pets cannot find their owner in the last minutes of their life. They dont understand why he left them. After all, they needed his consolation. Veterinarians do everything possible to ensure that animals are not so scared. But they are completely strangers to them. Don't be a coward who thinks it's too painful for you. Think about the pet. Endure this pain for the sake of your pets. Be with them until the end ".

Happy Halloween 2021

Me (guess which on) Halloween 2009 - Rehoboth Beach

 Yes, I'm still here folks! 

Now trick or treating this year for me this Halloween. 

The photo above was the last time I ventured out dressed to the gillies for Halloween. 

Oh how I used to look forward to Halloween. Not so much these days.  

Earlier our doorbell rang. Whoops! I forgot it was Halloween.  I checked my Ring video and sure enough, a young lady out there with a child. I have no idea who it was. I didn't answer the door. Bah humbug, that's me these days.

My caregiving continues. 

Bill is slowly getting weaker. He has a hard time talking and his cognitive abilities are slipping further but thank God he's not in pain and he knows who I am.

Since I last posted we've had several developments. Depressing at first but I've rationalized them and put myself in a "life goes on" mode. 

My annual labs and medical checkup at the VA revealed a "spot" on my left lung. My NP has recommended I get a CAT-SCAN. Also, my white blood cell count is down. I'm not sure what that means. I'm not HIV-Positive. 

I got my COVID booster shot last week. About eight hours after the booster shot I had some troubling after effects, feeling blah and shortness of breath. Actually very scary. I don't know how much was in my mind and how much was actual physical reaction. However, when I woke up next day all was back to normal.

In a couple of weeks I'll be eighty years old. And I ask myself "How in the hell did THAT happen?" 

Taking everything into consideration I still feel very fortunate I've reached this grand old age and the life I've had. A truly wonderful life for an "slightly" below average guy of intelligence and looks. Pretty darn good I say.

Have a happy Halloween everyone!

Caregiver Update

 

Bill with his hospice nurse last week

Regular followers of this blog have no doubt noticed that I haven't been posting on a regular basis. 

I've been blogging since 2005, right before we moved to Delaware. 

For long stretches I've blogged almost daily, sometimes even twice a day. 

These days, since I assumed full-time caregiving for Bill in February of this year, my blogging pattern hasn't been the same, to say the least. 

I've felt guilty about it, because I feel a responsibility to keep my regular blog followers up to date with my sometimes chaotic life. 

Why should I feel guilty? 

That's the way I was brought up folks. To feel guilt for anything that veers from the expected pattern of what others expect of my life. 

Granted I've come a long way from those days (Day One to late teens) feeling guilt just for existing and taking up space on this earth. This the result of a constant barrage of verbal and metal abuse by my father who didn't want children. 

He was a very selfish man. It wasn't until I left home at age eighteen and joined the Army that I began to experience a different view of the world and myself. That I actually had value as a human being and I didn't have to feel guilt for taking up space on this earth. 

Then I met Bill and for the past fifty-seven years he has been my biggest support in life. I have been one of the lucky human beings in having this loving and lasting relationship. Big movie star sex symbols like Marilyn Monroe haven't been as lucky as I have and continue to be. 

At this time of my life my waking hours and sometimes my resting hours are consumed with caregiving for Bill, my loving relationship of the past fifty-seven years. 

I do not regret that responsibility and am thankful that I have the opportunity to take care of my love at this time of his life. However, it is exhausting and does take up my life now. I am literally on call 24/7, ready for the latest emergency.

Bill is fading. He is getting weaker every day. His cognitive abilities are worsening. He is wearing Depends full-time now. This after a very messy accident last week.  Yes, Bill is now completing the full cycle of his life, starting out with diapers and ending his life in a diaper. He has accepted that fact, after initially resisting but after several "explosions" and then cleanup by me, he has acquiesced. He has also acquiesced into letting me have a respite from caregiving.

The hospice center can take him for a week every three months (ninety days) under their caregiver respite protocol. Initially Bill was totally against anyone but me taking care of him. Now he realizes that perhaps I can use a break. And I can folks. I am exhausted. 

I don't know when I'll take advantage of this "respite care" break but it's good to know that I have that option. I may never use it but I get some relief knowing that I could.

Every morning, when I treat Bill's edema on his lower legs, Bill tells me he tired of living. I can understand how he feels. He can't see, he's weak and getting weaker. He can't read. He can't do his projects. But he says he doesn't want to leave me. 

We're caught in a quandary folks. Sure, I know I'm to the first caregiver to be in this position. And my position could be a lot worse and for that I am thankful it is not. I keep reminding myself Bill knows who I am and he's not in pain. He can move around albeit shaking and slow but he can move. 

With all this said folks, while I'm in this situation I won't be posting as much as I did before Bill's two stroke in January. 

I am Bill's full-time caregiver now. I am a nurse/companion/live in EMT support.

With what time I do have off I have to engage in activities like playing online Scrabble, talking with my friends on Zoom and Facebook and reading to balance my life. 

For those of you who have been with me on this long journey since I began my blog in 2005, my    apologies.  Yes, I do still feel guilty.

Now I have some Scrabble games to update.

Have a great day everyone!

Happy Birthday Bill

 Today is Bill's 93rd birthday. He's surprised that he's reached this age. 

Bill continues to do well after having two strokes this past January. He's gradually getting weaker but still manages to walk without help, go to the bathroom by himself, and knows who I am and not in pain. 

We treasure each day we're together. 

The photo above was taken on our wedding day in July 2013 in Georgetown, Delaware. 

Army Worm Update

 This morning our local twice weekly newspaper, the Cape Gazette, featured an article about the army worms that decimated our back yard. 

Yes, that's me pouring soapy water on a patch of my grass to bring out the army worms to show the reporter who wrote this article.

The army worms have finally stopped eating my lawn but the damage remains and probably will the rest of the year. There is a slight (very slight) green haze (if you look at it with the right angle of sunlight) where you can see the grass trying to make a comeback. It is my understanding that the cold weather of the fall will kill off any remaining army worms. However, my grass probably won't recover back to its former glory this season. Oh well, I'll look at the bright side, less lawn mowing for me. Not really though, I do like to mow the lawn. So relaxing.

During my morning walk this morning through our development I see where the army worms have chomped through one of my neighbor's front lawns. These army worms are very selective, just chooses certain lawns to lay waste. 

One of my neighbor's lawn laid to waste this morning by the marching army works. Total destruction.