Monday, November 11, 2019

Thoughts On An Autumn Evening

Lewes-Rehobth Canal November 11, 2019

As I begin my 79th year, I've been reminiscing more than usual. 

I'm having very intense dreams. Of course I can't remember those dreams now but I do know how intense they were because I wake up exhausted. When I have dreams like this they usually portend something significant to happen in my life. Often these dreams are followed by a passing of someone very close to me. The only two people I can think of now who are in danger is my youngest brother who has had very serious multiple medical issues the past year. In my seventy-eight years I have lost many friends, relatives and co-workers. Some have affected more than others, often to my surprise. I'm the oldest of the three "boys" of my Mother.  I'm supposed to go first. If one of my younger brothers goes before me I will probably feel like when I lost my Mother. Part of me is gone, never to be the same. In fact, I'm having a hard time even imagining him gone, even though he lives in a different state. 

The other person I am concerned about is Bill.  He's ninety-one years old now and slipping.  His cognitive abilities are not the same.  I've seen this before with my late friend Bob McC. With my late friend I tried to tell myself I was imagining things and overreacting but fate proved me wrong. I'm seeing the same thing with Bill.  Now, me without Bill?  Folks, I have to tell you I have serious doubts how I would survive. Bill has been such a part of my life for so long (fifty-five years). Living by myself, I can't imagine that life. In fact I don't want to imagine that life.  I had a taste of it briefly when I was twenty-one years old. I didn't like it.  I do not know how I would handle that life. But then I wouldn't want to leave Bill on his own. I suggested jokingly to Bill "Maybe we could go together."   During my fifty-five years with Bill, several times I seriously considered leaving him and taking up with someone else. Thank God I came to my senses and never did that.  Those guys didn't care for me and only used me. I will never let that happen again. 

As usual, this is one of those blog posts that I do the stream of consciousness ramblings I often indulge in, this one I can see has too many negative connotations. Now to see if I can round the curve and end this post with a positive outlook.

Tonight I'm working at my part-time job at the hotel in this little historic town in southern coastal Delaware. The hotel where I work is next to a canal, a photo of which I took with my new iPhone X Max Pro camera. While cleaning out a meeting room near the canal I happened to catch sight of a beautiful moon hanging in the nighttime autumn sky.  Looking at that luminescent lunar light show sort of took my breath away. Positive thought washed over my mind how fortunate I am. 

I have this lovely job at a boutique hotel. I meet nice people (a New Zealander tonight, last week a South African). I work with (mostly) nice people (there's always one isn't there?)  I love our home and the one acre of land it sits on. This morning I spent about an hour cutting back flower stalks killed by recents over night frosts. I'm watching a fabulous series at the Tipton Cinema on the weekend ("Better Call Saul".) 

I love experiencing the change of seasons. Today I planted two new clematis plants to debut next spring with a burst of purple beauty. 

My body aches all over (arthritis)(scale of one to ten, a constant three). I have a nasal drainage condition which results in a phlegm buildup in the base of my throat which I often have to clear during the day.  But other than those two health conditions, I'm in good health.

I have a super good friend in Pat, my Canadian Travel Buddy.  Pat and I play online Scrabble and talk almost everyday on FaceTime. My other good friend is Lar who I've known since third grade. Too many people my age don't have any close friends, I am indeed fortunate to have Pat and Lar. I can't imagine them not in my life.

I love reading. I've been reading since elementary school. It's hard for me to believe that someone like Trump hasn't read a book cover to cover in his entire life. My late friend Ed never read a book either. They don't know what they're missing life by not reading a good book. But then both Trump and my friend had other goals in life, accumulating a lot of money and cheating in which they were and are very good at. Unfortunately for Ed he couldn't take any of his millions with him. I don't have their millions but I do always have a good book or two at hand which I'm reading. That is my wealth.

A year from now I will be entering my 80th year when I turn 79 years old. I may not be here but I suspect I will and no doubt I will have more "Thoughts On An Autumn Evening" to share.


Practical Parsimony said...

When, in 2001, my brother one year younger than I died, I was so shocked that he died before me. I understand.

"Tommy" said...

Your Blog is an inspiration to "togetherness and friendship".

For my two cents, I hope Bill and you are around for a long time to come..

Ron said...

Practical Parsimony,
Yesterday I talked to one of my brothers. He updated me on our other brother. We're all dealing with our medical issues but we all still have our sense of humor. All three of us have had a good life. We're on bonus time now and we know it.

Ron said...

I'm one of the lucky ones having Bill my whole adult life. Truly blessed. I too hope we have many more years.