|Changing a flat tire on our Chevy Corvair st Skyline Drive, Virginia 0966 (posed picture - Fake News!)|
This is a post a long time coming.
A fellow blogger (Dr. Spo) recently posted a list of thing he can't do. That gave me an idea to do my own post of things I can't do. Or more appropriately I can't do well or I won't do.
Fasten your seatbelts, here goes:
- Changing a flat tire. Yes, I admit somewhat shamefully, I've never in my life changed a flat tire. I joined AAA in 1982 specifically so if I ever had a flat tire, I would have to change it. Of course I've never used AAA to change flat tire (I had one once but I drove home on the flat and had Bill change it). The annual dues I've spent the past thirty-six years to AAA would have made a nice down payment on a new car but hey, I won't have to worry about breaking my fingernails changing a flat. The picture at the beginning of this blog, it was posed. Fake.
- Running. I can't run. I can sort of gallop like a drunken ostrich but I can't run. My junior year in high school I was on the track team. I "ran" the mile and high hurdles. I always came in last. A few years ago when I tore my quadricep muscle on my left leg as a result of slipping on the ice and dislocating my knee, my orthopedic surgeon showed me X-Rays of my legs. He informed me that my knee sockets are off kilter. He expressed amazement that I haven' dislocated my knees more often. The last time I dislocated my knee was when I was in the Army on the early Sixties, I dislocated my knee in the other leg.
- Jumping. Every year Pat and I attend a "Price is Right" TV show taping. I worry about not being able to jump up and down in excitement if and when I'm called to "Come on down!" Now I know why I can't jump, my ill fitting knee joints. No way I'm jumping if I'm called to "Come on down!" I can see it now, I'm standing next to Drew Carey and I win a car and I jump and down and promptly dislocate my knee. That would be a tape they would put on the loop and show to future attendees.
- Screaming. I never could scream. I try and I just can't do it. I notice little girls can emit ear piercing screams with ease. I try but all that comes out of my throat is like I'm gagging. One time I did scream though, or something like it. I was stepping out of our car at our new wooded property in Chester County, Pennsylvania. When I saw my foot almost step on a coiled up snack I screamed like a little girl. So that scream is within me, I just have a psychological barrier to screaming. . . . like a little girl.
- Heterosexual sex. Can't do "it" folks. Oh sure I tried, way back in the Sixties when I was stationed at Ft. Meade, Maryland. Her name was Judy. Very nice woman. I won't go into details for obvious good taste reasons (in fact I feel a little uncomfortable even discussing this "I can't" here), but a certain body part didn't work. And you men know, THAT part has to work. Haven't tried since. I didn't want a repeat of that embarrassing incident. Thank goodness "Judy" didn't spread the word about my failure to "show up". I probably would have lost my security clearance at NSA where I worked at that time. Thank you Judy
- Algebra. Never got it. My brain doesn't work that way. I managed to pass an algebra course in college to get my degree but I've forgotten all that logic. Besides, why would I ever need algebra anyway? To measure a room? Maybe, occasionally I'm asked how big our hotels rooms are. Now that's when I could use algebra to figure that out.
- Anything mechanical. Thank goodness Bill is mechanically inclined. I'm useless in that area. However, I put a nail in the wall to hang a picture.
- Sky diving. My first boyfriend surprised me one Saturday morning visit with a sky diving adventure. My response was "Are you crazy? I'm not jumping out of any plane? Why would I do that?"
- Sing. Oh how I wish I could sing. I was in men's and mixed chorus in high school but my tone deaf voice was drowned out by those who could sing.
- Dance. I love to dance. But I have to admit I do the "Elaine Dance." I dance anyway.
- Hunt. Like in killing animals. When I was ten years old I killed a robin that was innocently sitting on a telephone line with my new bee bee gun. As I watched that robin fall silently off that telephone line to the macadam road, a feeling of nausea swept over me. "What did I just do?" Why did I think I had the right to kill this living thing that was just enjoying a sunny summer day of rest on that telephone line? I decided then and there I wasn't cut out to be a macho hunter. I was a sissy. At least I thought so (that I was a sissy) at that time. Later on in my life I found out that I wasn't the only person who felt like this about killing. I can kill a mosquito and a fly but that's about it. I even give snakes a pass. The real snakes that is, not the human ones.
- Speak a foreign language. One of the great regrets of my life is that I didn't learn to speak a foreign language. I've always been interested in languages and I think I would have been a good student. My fantasy was to live in a foreign culture a year or two to learn the language from the roots. Alas, this was a fantasy of mine that has never been realized. Spanish would be my first choice of course.
- Play the piano. I think I would have been a good piano player. I have long fingers, I love music and I an an excellent typist. I used to envy some of my classmates in elementary school who complained about going to their piano lessons. I wish my Mother had sent me for piano lessons. That was not to be. However, I did learn to play the Sousaphone in senior high school. I got to go to all the football games and play in concerts. Loved it!
- Eat seafood. Seafood literally gags me. Even thinking about that fishy smell causes the bile in my stomach to rise to my throat. In the past I could manage a tuna fish sandwich but as I've gotten older, I can't even stomach tuna fish.
- Vote Republican. I started out my adult life as a Republican. My first vote for president was for Barry Goldwater. I believed Nixon during the Watergate scandal. Needless to say, it was an eye opener when I found out Nixon was a crook. I continued to vote predominately Republican most of my adult life because I believe in Republican principals. I changed my registration in 2001 when president George W. Bush and his administration tried to take away my promised veterans' benefits. Benefits that were promised me when I signed up for a three year enlistment with the Army in 1960. However, since I change my registration, I still occasionally voted Republican. No more, the Republican party as I knew it no longer exists. It is now the Trump party. The Republican/Trump is the party of cowards and traitors. I'm an American. I am proud of our American ideals. This president and those cowardly elected Republicans who mindlessly still support Trump in spite of all his outrages are not patriotic Americans. Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan? Cowards. Traitors. Self serving. Out to destroy my life by destroying the social safety net (Social Security and Medicare) and reverse rights like Choice and LGBT marriage equality. This period of time will go down in history in as much infamy as those politicians who approved the internment of Japanese American citizens during World War II. Cowards and traitors is NOT too strong a word.
Now, I didn't mean to end this list on such a negative tone but I am very concerned for the safety and welfare of our country. And right now folks we are at a very dangerous time for our country, the most dangerous in my lifetime and that is no exaggeration.
My next list will be things I CAN do. Positive!
Have a great day!