Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Ron's Short Comings

My Nebraskan friend Randy blowing bubbles at the last Bloggerpalooza 2014

How about it folks? My last several blog posts have been so serious, with a heavy emphasis on medical.  This morning, while perusing some of my favorite bloggers I came across my dear friend Dr. Spo's recent blog post.  It was titled "Spo Short-Comings" or things he hasn't or can't do. 

We all have those lists. Here for your contemplation and amusement are some of my short comings (some of which are exact duplicates of Dr. Spo's shortcomings):

Throw a ball (football or baseball, I throw like a girl)

Whistle (it's true, gay men can't whistle)

Spell "architect" (which I had to look up just now) and other words like "occasional" - I have a mental block, all my life

Swing a baseball bat or hit a ball (yep, when I try, swing like a sissy)

Dribble a basketball (I can't run and dribble at the same time)

Run (seriously, I can't run. I can walk fast though)

Scream. Of all the things I can do like a girl, curiously I can't scream.

Experimented with drugs (does pot count?)

Had children (yes, a regret)

Have sexual relations with a woman (I tried years ago but couldn't rise to the occasion)

Run a 5K race (or 10K or any race. I can't run, remember?

I can't draw (I wish I could)

I can't play a piano (however, I can play a Sousaphone)

Ron - DHS Marching Band 1958

I can't speak a foreign language (except to greet my landscapers with an "Ola!" which never impresses them)

Drove a car in a city (like Philadelphia or Los Angeles) and I never will

Never sky dived (although given the opportunity many years ago, I chickened out)

Never been off continental North America (only foreign country Canada)

Never changed a flat tire (which I am very ashamed to admit)

Never wrote my autobiography (not too late but I keep putting it off, unsure whether or not to include ALL the salacious details)

Never waterskied (tried once and almost drowned, swallowing massive amounts of water much to the amusement of my friends in the speedboat dragging me mouth opening the water)

My friends waterskiing - this is the boat where I almost drowned because I couldn't' get up on the water ski's, they could! (1958)

There are many more shortcomings of yours truly but I like to keep my blog postings short because I know my blog readers have other things to do today!


  1. Rich pickings here, Ron. I could go on for hours, but won't. (I may come back for more).
    I also throw like a girl - and spelling? It's the word 'separate' that gets me to stop and do a double-take - though there are certainly others, 'occurrence' being yet another.

    I've never had a problem whistling. I remember in the James Bond novel 'The Man with the Golden Gun' it mentions the old-wives tale that homosexuals can't whistle. I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere else. As far as I know other gays can do it, though as you can appreciate, I haven't actually asked any of my gay friends to demonstrate. Perhaps you know others who can't?

    1. Ray,
      I do not have one gay friend who can whistle. None. Nada. Zero. I've asked them. Oh sure, they can do that weak whistle but the one where you put two fingers in your mouth and let out a really loud whistle, can not do.

    2. I can't do the two-fingered whistle, either Ron, If that's what you'd primarily meant then I have to confess to falling into the 'unable to' category. As to the 'normal' ("Just put your lips together and blow") type, no problem - and I don't think mine is a weak whistle either.

  2. First of all, "throwing like a girl", is still throwing. The ball leaves your hand and goes somewhere else, it didn't walk, it was thrown.
    Not diving from an airplane with just a piece of fabric and cords (I assume) is not a shortcoming, it's common sense and self-preservation at work!
    By all means, write that autobiography (get someone else to spel the hard wurds)! The more salacious the better, and you are hilarious.
    Lastly, whistling is highly overrated!

    1. Deedles,
      I thought twice (and perhaps more) about making the comment "throw like a girl" as if it was deleterious to girls. You're right, "throwing like a girl" is till throwing. But the fact remains I could never throw a football "like a real man." I think I tried to throw it once but the experience was so embarrassing that I erased that humiliating experience from my memory bank.
      And yes, I yearn to write my autobiography. We all have a story and for most of us it IS salacious. The only difference is how much are we willing to share with the public? I have to say one thing though, I have had a very interesting life, especially for someone who isn't particularly talented, good-looking for rich. I've had one good life and I'm till living it!

  3. An interesting and amusing list, Ron. I'm considering writing one for my blog (some day). I can identify with a lot of the things you listed - - except that I CAN whistle (how do you think I attract gay men??). I also used to be a good runner (until I hurt my back). Much like you, I can't throw a baseball with any conviction and I definitely swing a bat like a sissy (a BASEBALL bat, I'm talking about...).
    There's no way I would ever skydive or water ski. And I can't spell worth a damn.
    I like the photo with the sousaphone.

    1. Hey Jon,
      For someone tall and thin one would think I would be coordinated but alas, I am not. Never was. Just not athletically inclined. However, I was a good Sousaphone player. Those three years I was in my high school marching and concert bands was some of the best years of my life. For that I thank my music teacher William Ifert for recruiting me one summer to play. I'll have to write about that experience in one of my future blogs.

  4. The ability to play the sousaphone makes up for any deficits you may have.

  5. Ron, we all of things we cannot do and wish we could have or maybe not. I bet if you wrote a list of things you can do it would be much longer. I played the Sousaphone in junior high school and the flute in high school. I have not thought of that in years. Thank you for reminding me.

  6. Knowing many girls and women who play sports of all kinds, I wish I had the skill level to throw like a girl, or any person with ball throwing skills (and other athletic prowess.)

    Also, I can whistle. (How else could I sing the theme to the Andy Griffith Show?)

    When I think of all the things I can't do or have never done (a HUGE list) I remind myself of all the things I can do and have done and that balances it all out.


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