Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Uncle Bill

Uncle Bill with his nephew Ikey and niece Karen - 1975

This morning on Facebook this photo appeared on my timeline. Facebook has this function that reminds one of photos posted years ago. This particular photo said "42 Years Ago.  See Your Memories"  Facebook gives me the option of posting this photo on my timeline for my Facebook friends to see, which I did.

This photo was taken March 29, 1975.  At that time Bill was known to my family as "Ron's friend."  A member of the family but not quite equal. I have five nieces and one nephews. I also have ten grand nieces and nephews now and even one great-grand niece but that's a subject for another blog posting.

All of my nieces and nephew love Bill.  Bill has a way with children that I don't have. I've always thought it was a shame that Bill never had children of his own because he loves children so much. Of course back then in the Dark Ages of Gay Life a gay couple couldn't adopt a child.  I wouldn't want to adopt anyway not that I have anything against adoption.  I did fantasize at one time about making an arrangement with a willing lesbian to have a child but that situation was fraught with complications.  I decided to get dogs instead. 

Seeing this old photo and realizing that Bill is their legitimate uncle gives me a great feeling.  He truly is "Uncle Bill" now.  

Bill hasn't seen his nephew and nieces for years.  Nor have I since I am estranged from my brothers, which is a shame. Ironically what lead to the estrangement was Bill and I getting married officially. I don't think either one of my brothers approved of our marriage.  My brothers aren't bad people and I will always love them and wish them well. But I will not accept their attitude towards me and Bill that we aren't a legitimacy married couple. 

But one thing remains true, Bill is their uncle and he is my husband. 


14 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:25 AM

    This made me tear up. I'm too old for it to be hormonal!

    Deedles

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    Replies
    1. Deedles,
      A lifetime of being treated as "less than." I've always refused to be treated as less than Some people just cannot reconcile themselves to that fact. And that is on them. It is a shame but that is the reality of my life.
      Ron

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  2. I'm in the same boat with Bill. My husband's sister called me "uncle Jim" to his niece and nephew until the Evangelical preacher came to town. Then, they were separated from us. I wouldn't recognize them if they passed me on the street. BUT, if he should pass away before me, they would try to clean me out (in the name of Jesus). Fortunately, I have that button hole sown shut! I'm so happy to be out of North Carolina!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a shame isn't it Jimmy, the way some family members refuse to accept us a equal. They prefer to think of us as "less than." My youngest brother is an evangelical preacher and I think I embarrassed him when Bill and our marriage was in the news. As you might know my father was born in North Carolina. His family moved to Pennsylvania when he was ten years old. I used to visit North Carolina to research my family history but the last time I visited I was threatened when my relatives found out I was gay. And these are all good "Jesus" people. So much for that brand of Christianity. Whether my family likes it or not, Bill is my official spouse. And guess what, the country didn't fall apart. It would be nice to be with my family again but it's their decision.
      Ron

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  3. Great Entry.... !!! Reminds all of us how far we have come and how far we have to go also. I always enjoy your postings.

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    1. Tommy,
      Still hard to believe that Bill is a real Uncle but he is. Whether my brothers believe it or not. It's interesting, but I think they like Bill but they never quite accepted his legitimacy.
      Ron

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  4. Ron:
    Bill is great - you are great. And you are a wonderful caring couple. And no matter what - that's what counts. I don't think for a moment your brothers dismiss you and Bill. I honestly believe they probably miss you. With their ingrained upbringing they feel awkward. They just don't have the life experience - they have a background, not their fault, of a society with a different set of values.
    Pat

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    Replies
    1. I think you're right Pat. But we are at an impasse.
      Ron

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  5. It's such a shame that bitter relatives with petty grievances always manage to break up families and cause havoc. That's a sweet photo of Bill with his niece and nephew.
    I have never been able to relate to children and definitely never wanted any in my life. Good grief, my cats are more than enough to handle......

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    1. Jon,
      Something else we have in common, I too never have been able to relate to children. It's just as well I never had children. I don't hate them and some I think are cute but I would rather not, thank you. However, Bill has always related well to children. I think he would have made a great father. But he doesn't like cats where I do. (smile)
      Ron

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  6. Have you tried bypassing the brothers and reaching out to the kids? Unless their minds have been poisoned, they may be wondering why?

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    Replies
    1. David,
      That probably won't work. I'm not that close with my grand nephews and grand nieces. And my nephew and nieces, while probably ambivalent about my marital status, don't want to jeopardize their relationships with my brothers. They're caught in the middle. At this point in my life I just don't have the energy to fight this battle.
      Ron

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