Thursday, February 02, 2017

My New Toilet Bidet

Hey folks! Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you all a break from my political rants.  Not that there isn't a lot to rant about. In fact it's hard to keep up with the daily outrages of the incompetent, Keystone Cops antics of the Trump administration regime.

Time to catch up on the latest doings here at Casa Tipton-Kelly.  

We're getting a break from the seemingly endless succession of doctors' appointments. And to think I used to tease my Mother about her days being consumed with one doctor's appointment after another.  I remember back to my halcyon youth when I would go YEARS without a doctor's appointment.  No more folks, the Old Guy here is gradually falling apart, just like an old classic car.  No matter how much you take good care of your new car, inevitably parts start to go.  That's where I am at in life now folks, trying to keep the parts in working order.

Well, one thing I did last week has made my life so much easier is the installation of a toilet bidet.  Yes folks, after years of wishing that I had one of those toilet bidet contraptions that shot cold water up your ass after a dump, I got one!  

I have read that toilet bidets are common in other countries.  In our country I've read that many Hollywood celebrities get their ass cleaned out after moving their bowels.  I envied them.

Ever since my prostate procedure (seed implants) I have had a bowel "situation".  I sorry if I'm grossing any one out by being so blunt but that situation did and does exist.  This "situation" is one of the unfortunate by products of prostate cancer treatment.  Thankfully I don't have urinary incontinence, which is what my oncologist was concerned about.  But the other problem does exist.

I used these so called disposable wipes, which as you know really aren't disposable. 

We have a septic tank here at Casa Tipton-Kelly, which I quickly filled up last year. When the honey-pot septic cleaner guy came by last summer he advised me to NOT dispose the wipes in the toiled but put them in a trash can like his wife does. Hmmmm, doesn't that sound nice?  Hardly.

I tried a half-way measure, some in the trash (the ones that weren't too messy) and the others in the toilet.  Still, I was going through those wipes fast. 
What to do?  Stop pooping?

I had checked out different bidet attachments before and they all looked so complicated.  Then a few weeks ago I saw one on Amazon that looked simple to install and didn't require electricity. It  got excellent reviews.  It only cost $39.99.  I ordered it.

It arrived two weeks ago.  Now to install it.  I don't care how simple it claims to install I am NOT mechanically inclined. And I especially didn't want to take a chance with water connections.

I hired one of my neighbors (Scott) who is a handyman and did some work for me last summer.  He replaced the roof tiles on my garden shed. 

Scott installed my toilet bidet last Saturday.  He tested it. The water shot right up to the bathroom door! It works!

I tested it later in the day.  Folks, it was fabulous!

I was a bit concerned with the cold water but that turned out not to be a problem.  In fact, it felt rather ("rawther") good to have that cold shot up my anal cavity. And the best part, I felt clean.  

One of the postive reviews I read said "You wouldn't clean mud off of your driveway with a paper towel. You would use a hose with water. Why not clean yourself the same way?"  Indeed.

Just another small step in making life more comfortable and easier to get through the day folks. 

Life is good.  Now if we can just do something about that orange faced narcissist in the Oval Office who is making a laughing stock out of our country and making us less dangerous.

You didn't think I was going to let one day go without just one little political jab did you?


WARPed said...

The jokes will write themselves for this post...happy hosing!!!



nitewrit said...


Well, I have oft heard the expression "need a shot in the arsenal", I see you took action on it. Cold water, I don't know? I guess that does get you on your feet. Warm water might just trigger another round. I'm glad you're enjoying the royal life these days.

Does it work automatic when you flush or do you step on a pedal? I just wondered for if you got what I had this week you could have ended up with a face full of water. Nothing like having diarrhea and as it flushes you are sliding off the toilet to you knees to upchuck a gusher. It was not a pleaent time.


Ur-spo said...

I have heard the logic and testimonies of bidets for years.
I think Yanks don't do them as it sounds 'European" and 'different'.
No doubt Hair Furor will ban them.

nitewrit said...


I see spellcheck got me in my comment. I wrote "arse ". and it printer "arsenal". Sometimes you need a spellcheck for the spellcheck.


Ron said...

Dr. Spo,
I'm telling you, this bidet is great! Fabulous! Stupendous! Should have had it years ago. But I think you're right, we iconoclastic Americans think a bidet is "different", i.e. French. To me a clean ass translates in any language.

Ron said...

You should try it, what a wonderful feeling. Another small improvement in my quality of life. I love it!

Ron said...

I was wondering what that "arsenal" thing was all about. My bidet is all manual. I just turn the dial to regulate the water pressure ring up my "arsenal".

Nghi said...

I really enjoy reading your posts as you have your way to write about things that makes me often laugh ...ce que vous écrivez est souvent très imagé ....( sorry , don't know how to explain this in English) .and just when you think you are done with laughing , then comes the last part about your president ( how you described him without naming him is really something )
I totally understand why you like your toilet bidet as I have experienced it just last summer when I travelled to Japan ....

Jon said...

An interesting and unusual post, Ron. I've never had cold water shot up my ass (not while I was sober, anyway)but there's always a first time. I never knew bidets were available here in the U.S. - but the price was reasonable.

You're fortunate that you can post political rants and never get any negative comments (or do you delete them?). I wrote one recent political rant and received so many HATEFUL comments that I actually considered abandoning my blog. And perhaps I still will. Sometimes I get very weary of blogging....

Ron said...

You should get one of those toilet bidets. I got mine through for $39.99. Very easy to install and well worth it. It will pay fir itself by the money you save on toilet paper. I receive only one hateful comment on my political blogs but it's from a known Internet troll, a hateful woman who just trolls to get a response. I accidentally posted one of her comments but I have deleted subsequent comments from her. I can understand you getting tired of blogging after receiving so many negative comments. I would probably feel the same. But I keep blogging and I think you should. You're just stating your feelings which you have every right to do. Just don't post their comnents.

Anonymous said...

I really appreciate you making this post. I obtained the exact one you pictured and I think it’s the best purchase I’ve ever made, though I wonder if that is really the one you have. I got it from Amazon for $25+ not the $39+ you stated. The installation was easy and it works great. It’s a new experience for me and a great improvement over the conventional paper use. I wish I’d known about this many years ago.

Ron said...

You're right, I paid $25 for this toilet bidet from Amazon. It was discounted from the original price of $39+. You're also right, this is a great product. No longer going to the bathroom is a negative experience. I feel so good being clean and saving on wipes clogging up my septic tank. I'm going to go on Amazon's website right now and write an excellent review for this bidet.

Ron said...

Thank you for your comment. I'm glad I am able to make you laugh. I would like to think I am a funny guy who doesn't take life too seriously.

Andrew J said...

Those of us who have experienced the bliss of bidets know what you are talking about! I was gifted a pretty expensive ($300+) electric bidet seat last Christmas and have since been trying to spread the word about how great they are to anyone that will listen! I understand your health issues as my father had colitis and has since had his colon removed and continues to struggle. He was a big inspiration for why I started an online retailer attempting to spread the news about these life changing devices for those with similar conditions.

Also, No one makes more money from toilet paper than the Koch brothers. So depriving them comes with perks as well :)

Great and interesting post Ron! Love hearing about fellow bidet users and what their "origin" stories are!

Ron said...

I cannot give enough praise to the benefits of using a toilet bidet. Since I have had a bidet installed my life has improved so much. I no longer have underwear with "skid marks." I no longer have the uncomfortable feeling that I'm not clean. And, I hardly use any toiled paper! I did not know that Koch Industries produced toilet paper! Just another reason for installing and using a toilet bidet.
Thank you for your comment Andrew!

Unknown said...

Recently, i just came to know bidet. it is a great idea and i want to thank to the inventor because we have been wasting so much cash on toilet papers yet doctors say that somehow it is best for health though i checked online for different retailers which are offering them and found that is one of the best plus their prices are pretty normal. i have also availed discount through Tushy Promo Code from website named couponscop. Their collection is already on sale right now. plus they offer $5 to new users luckily i saved a lot then i expected.

sainath said...

Simple, clean and informative.... Thanks