Maybe it's an inherent part of my DNA but I absolutely refuse to succumb to that deep well of sadness. I do not give up.
Like many of you, my faithful blog followers (and you new ones too), I have had those "friends" who belittle and criticize me, attempting to drag me down to their level of hopelessness.
I have had (some) family members who have taken me for granted. Who have disapproved of me and my "lifestyle" (gay) and treat me like a defective human being who must seek forgiveness for simply being who I am (gay).
A few years ago I cut loose those people. And you know what folks? My life is oh so much better.
I harbor no hate or malice in my heart for those people. They just "are." I wish them nothing but the best but they will not ever again drag me down.
A good blogger friend of mine said not too long ago (and I am paraphrasing here) "If anyone says he has no regrets in life, he is lying."
At one time I thought I had no regrets in my past life. But you know what folks? I DO have regrets. Actually, many of them from that time I stood up Vivian B., in 1958 for her Senior Prom. I couldn't borrow my father's car so I stood her up. To this day I regret that stupid and selfish move. I am sorry Vivian and I have never forgiven myself. I hope you can.
|Vivian to the far left|
Do I have other regrets? More than I wish or can post here. But one of the biggest regrets I have in life is that I didn't cut myself loose from all those people who tried to drag me down either because of envy, jealousy or just because they didn't approve of me just existing.
These days, in my senior years I have found the true path to happiness.
It's not fame and fortune but having friends who truly appreciate me for who I am and who in turn accept my love without reservation.
I am a good person, I've always known that.
In spite of all my flaws (and I have plenty, believe me), I know I am a good person. I've always known that fact even though I must admit that at times I have doubted it because I was lonely and wanted acceptance at any price.
Those days are over folks. History.
I don't believe in prayer folks but I do believe in wishing well those who don't wish me well.
So to those folks, take your drama elsewhere. I don't need that in my world.
I am one of the fortunate few. Even though I wake up every morning in arthritic pain and need a daily nap to get through the day, these days are the happiest of my life and that is because I have chosen the path to surround myself with those who enhance my life and allow me to enhance their lives.
One of my favorite paintings is of a ship that hangs over my bed. Bill gave me that painting on our first Christmas in 1964. That painting to me folks represents my ship of hope and happiness.
That ship will take me Home to everlasting peace and contentment one day. That I know.
That would be me at the far right, sitting with my Sousaphone wrapped around me playing in my high school concert band, circa 1958 in today's banner photo.