Saturday, October 04, 2014

Bill

Bill and I having a "talk" this afternoon - he says my feet stink (they don't by the way)


With all the sad news I've been posting about my friends lately, it is time I've posted some good news.  Bill, my partner for 49 years and legally married spouse for one year is doing fine.

For those of you fortunate enough to meet Bill, you all know what a wonderful man I married.  Half a century folks, that's how long he's been putting up with me. And I am the first to admit I am HIGH MAINTENANCE.  No one else could put up with me. NO ONE.

Bill and I have an unorthodox relationship (to say the least). He's not a social butterfly.  By that I mean he likes to stay at home. I like to get out and roam around. I'm a social butterfly. That's our agreement and it's worked pretty well for the past fifty years.  


Thanksgiving 2003 at a friend's house - I go alone as I do on vacations - Bill prefers to stay at home

Way back in the Ice Age when he was courting me, he wanted me to move in with him.  I told him I would like him as a friend but that I was basically a loner.  I am still a loner. He said he wanted me to live with him but that he wouldn't "restrict" me.  And that folks, has been our agreement this past fifty years.  I have my friends and he has had his friends.  Sometimes the twain doesn't meet.  But we will always stay together. This is what works for us.

Have there been tensions occasionally? Oh sure, what relationship doesn't have it's ups and downs but one thing remains true.  I love Bill and he loves me.  Some people don't understand our relationship and I don't expect them to because they can't step outside their own views of what they think a relationship should be.  This is the way I look at relationships.  Whatever two individuals work out between them is their business, no one else's business.  

So there you go folks. Bill and I are working on number 51 . . .  and 52 . . . . and 53 and onward as long as we're both alive.  And at the rate I'm going, Bill will outlive me.  


Bill putting a puzzle together at the Tunnell Cancer Center while waiting for me to finish my appointment with my oncologist - Bill spends way more time taking me to my doctors' appointments than I do his - he rarely has any

But nothing has changed and Bill and I will continue to live together as husband and husband.  That's our "lifestyle." 



And as the old Dinah Washington song says "Tain't Nobody's Business What I Do."

12 comments:

  1. I think you wrote that Bill retired at the age of 50 and you have been supporting the two of you. I am always curious about what he does to fill his days since he does not go out! That is over 30 years of staying at home! How does he occupy himself?

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    1. Tony,
      Actually Bill retired at age 55. We had use moved into our newly built house in the middle of the woods in Pennsylvania. I was commuting 2 1/2 hours daily to my job in Philadelphia and Bill was traveling around the country for two or three month assignments with his job at GE. We were worried about the security of our house so I suggested that he take early retirement and take care of the house and grounds because I was making enough money to support the both of us. The irony was a few years after that I lost my job with the bank and had to scramble for another job. However, I've been doing fine since although I never again made that much money. What does Bill do all day? At the house in Pennsylvania he put an addition on the house and built a terrace and many other things. Here in Delaware he mows the grass and does all the maintenance. I have zero mechanical ability, he does. My talent is shopping. I take care of running the household (bill paying, cooking, etc) and Bill takes care of the maintenance We both clean. A few years ago I got him an iPad. He spends a lot of time on his iPad surfing the Internet. Bill is a very hard worker. He has devoted his life to me and has always treated me like a prince. I am a very lucky man.
      Ron

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    2. Thanks for shedding some light. I am sure that maintenance takes up a good amount of time. I suppose he likes the solitude, unlike you, who is very social.

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    3. Tony,
      Bill LOVES his solitude and I make sure he has it. That is one reason we don't have house guests.
      Ron

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  2. Bill is your soul mate. As long as he is a good man and you both respect each others, it is a good relationship.

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    1. Nadege,
      You are so insightful. Yes, Bill is my soulmate. We will always be together as long as one of us is alive. Bill is a good man and we do respect each other. He has devoted his life to me and I him. Yes, we have a good (if not perfect) relationship. I am one lucky man!
      Ron

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  3. I wonder if the 'success' of marriage is more or less keeping separate lives?

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    1. Dr. Spo,
      In our case it is. That was our agreement from the first day I moved in with Bill. I didn't move in to be a caged bird. Bill said if you truly loved somebody you let them fly free. That was Bill's genius for making our relationship strong. Any relationship I have now or in the future, I will continue to lead a separate life. That's what works for me.
      Ron

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  4. My marriage is in its 45th year and I identify closely with what you have posted here. There is love, respect and understanding in concert. Arguments? Of course, and very constructive they are too. I just wish more people could combine their cohabitant dynamics in the right proportion and find such solid happiness. My compliments to you and to Bill.

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  5. Geo.,
    Again, you are exactly right. Love, respect and understanding. Arguments? Of course. Bill and I are very lucky (an smart) that we could combine our cohabitant dynamics (I like your wording) in the right proportion and find solid happiness. Our formula has worked for us for 50 years how as yours has worked also. I'm so glad we found the key to success so many years ago and not had to live a wasted life of jealousy and recriminations.
    Ron

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  6. Hey Ron - I know you list yourself as hi maintenance - but in a general way we all can be. I applaud any relationship that sticks together thru thick and thin. I've always been a loner - lived alone - it's what I'm used to. Sometimes when asked why I am that way - i've joked that I don't want to ruin someone else's life. But there is seriousness there too. Not everyone is necessarily meant to be in a relationship. Always huge congrats to you and Bill.

    Pay

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    1. Pat,
      You're right, not everyone is meant to be in a relationship. Actually, I've always considered myself to be one of those people. Not that I didn't want friends and a "special friend" but I always wanted to live by myself, ever since I was 12 years old. How ironic that I have spent the last fifty years of my life living with another person. I like having friends and a relationship with someone but not 24/7. I do need my space. And of course that need to "be alone" has always been the one source of unpleasantness between Bill and I but we have managed to compromise over the years, sometimes to the confusion and misunderstanding of onlookers. As I said in my blog post, "Ain't Nobody's Business But Our Own." (smile, smile, smile). We don't abide by anybody's rules but our own, especially what is accepted as the societal norm. This works for us.
      Ron

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