Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Miss Scarlett

AAUGH!

My friend Pat told me last night he's going to see a new movie today.  I asked "Which one?"  He says "Lucy."  So immediately I think "Oh, about Lucille Ball?"  Uh . . . no.  Then I think "Is it Lucy of Charlie Brown fame? The one who keeps pulling the football away from Charlie just as he's about to kick it?" (the Story of my Life by the way).  He says "No."  Sooooooo . . . I put "Lucy" in my Internet browser and this is what I get:


Wait a minute?!?  Is that . . . . . 


Scarlett Johansson?  

The same Scarlett Johansson named SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE by Esquire magazine not once but (are you sitting down) TWICE.  Once in 2006 and once last year 2013.



Excuse me, I know I'm gay and to whom I'm sexually attracted to doesn't travel the Blonde Woman Road but . . . . WHAT?  

Is it me or am I the only one who DOESN'T GET SCARLETT JOHANSSON?  

Sexy to me is:

Hedy Lamarr

Marilyn Monroe

Elizabeth Taylor

Sophia Loren


Even as a 100% gay men, these women, in their prime, caused this gay man to stop and take notice.  At times I actually felt faint (very) stirrings of desire (yikes)!

Now before any of you Scarlett Johansson fans take umbrage (i.e., get your nose out of joint), I don't know Scarlett.  I have no doubt that she is a very nice person.  At least I haven't heard any of those typical celebrity horror stories, "Do you KNOW who I am?" about her.
  



Of course the obvious answer to that pompous and arrogant question is "No, have you forgotten?"

Folks, I'm sure that Scarlett is a WONDERFUL person but here's my question:

WHY.IS.SHE.IN.EVERY.OTHER.MOVIE?

WTF?  

This is the problem I have with Hollywood.  They get a "bankable" star and then they put them in just about every friggen movie.  What happens if one doesn't want to see the twice voted Sexiest Woman Alive in a movie because she reminds one of Miss Piggy?


So Pat asks me "Then I guess you're not going to see this movie?"  Uh . . . . . no.

I'm about as likely to see this movie as I am to see the next Brad Pitt (he of the ever changing hair doo) movie, another "Sexiest Person Alive" that I don't get and who also appears in just about every other movie.


Sexy? I don't get it. (about as sexy as a blonde possum)




Same with old Snaggle Tooth, Tom "Who Cares if He's Gay" Cruise.  


I never "got" this one either. 


Maybe it's me folks. Maybe I'm an old fuddy duddy after all. Maybe I'm one of those Angry Old Men.  

Do you think?


John McCain - Angry Old Man - "I can't believe I lost the election to . . . . . Brrrrrrack OBAMA!"

5 comments:

  1. As I am a scientist at hear 'lucy" means early ancestor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dr. Spo,
      Yes, I know that "Lucy." By the way, with all the "Lucy's", don't cha think that the producers of this movie could use another female name?
      They could of called it "Matilda" or some such. But then again, "Matilda" wouldn't bring in the real "Lucy" fans, thinking they're seeing a comedy.
      Ron

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  2. I've never heard of Scarlett Johansson, but if she's the sexiest woman alive it's no wonder I'm gay. She and Miss Piggy definitely go to the same hairstylist. I don't know where you come up with these photos but they're hilarious. The so-called "stars" of today seem to come from a cookie cutter assembly line. There's too much sameness - individuality is a thing of the past.

    I'll give Cruise and Pitt a big disenchanted YAWN.......if they're the sexiest men around, there's hope for me........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jon,
      You are so right, individuality is a thing of the past. I'm glad I grew up when I did. Back then I could sit in the Roosevelt movie theater (15 cents to get in) and enjoy the magic of the movies. Most of that magic seems to be gone these days. But then maybe it's me.
      Who are these people who name the sexiest man (and woman) alive? I see sexier men (and women) when in my everyday life at work, super market and yes, even Walmart. But the self important media types decide for us who the sexiest men and women are. They're so lame they even vote Scarlett twice. What's up with that? Not enough people in this world?
      My whole point with the "Scarlett Thing" is,with so many actors and actresses (and yes, there are two separate categories for male and female - I don't go for calling female's "actors"), why give all the work to just a handful of them? And man oh man, isn't Brad Pitt's expiration date way past?
      Ron

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  3. Ron

    Love your wit. I don't think I'll ever personally witness someone saying to me "Do you know who I am?" - but I'll try to remember "No, have you forgotten?"

    btw - tho critics didn't like it I was thoroughly entertained by "Lucy". Sure, a little hokey, - but I think I could watch this a second time much easier, than say, the academy award winner much acclaimed - The Last Emperor. But then again my tastes in the hierarchy of art may fall on the bottom rungs.

    Pat

    ReplyDelete