Monday, April 14, 2014

Pooh Bear

"Whoops! Leakage!"

When I woke up this morning from a very restful night of sleep, I felt wet all on my backside.  I went out to Bill and showed him how much I "sweated."  He took one look and said "That's not sweat, you pooped (he used a different word - four letter word that begins with "s" and ends with "t") yourself.  Shocked (and embarrassed) I rushed into my bathroom and saw a huge light brown stain on my underwear and bottom of my T-shirt.  Yes folks, I had "poohed" myself while sleeping.  Now folks, that's how sick I was.

At first I couldn't remember the last time I did that but then later on this morning I did remember.  It was when I was in the Army in 1960.  It was summertime (hot) and a Friday.  I was to participate in a battalion parade (we soldiers all marching past the colonel of the battalion presenting our colors). I was feeling very nauseous.  I knew I had eaten lunch on a metal tray that had some dried soap suds on it.  Don't ask me why I did that, one just didn't turn in a metal tray at the Army mess hall and ask for a clean one. 

Anyway, while marching I was feeling more and more nauseous until I couldn't put one foot in front of another.  Plus, I was afraid of throwing up all over the back of the soldier marching in front of me. I fell out of formation and collapsed under a nearby tree.  I was convinced that the Army MP's were going to arrest me and put me in the stockade.  Of course nothing of the sort happen and once I got my bearings somewhat, I struggled back to the barracks to collapse on my bunk.

Ft. Devens, Mass. - the old German prison or war barracks that was where I lived for four month in 1964

I was exhausted.  I awoke a few hours later and saw that I had "poohed" myself (a dark brown liquid, no "Tootsie Rolls") all over my pants and the mattress underneath me.  Oh crap (although that wasn't the word I used, see previous reference).  Well, that weekend I spent recovering from what food poisoning or soapy metal tray my body was rebelling against.  I hid that poohed stained mattress on an empty bunk, hoping no one would notice.  A few weeks later though, while we were kept in the barracks one of my Army buddies pulled down that mattress and saw the stain and said "Who "poohed"(used that four letter word again begins with "s" and ends with "t") on this f__cking mattress!" Of course I would never tell but never one to hide a poker face, I quickly exited the barracks.

Me (on the left) - my buddies Bill A. and Dick E. never knew it was ME who "poohed" on that mattress - I can just imagine the ribbing I would have gotten if they did know

So now here we are forty-four years later and I had another accident. Man oh man.  Thankfully the only thing I "ate" yesterday was two small bottles of Canada Dry ginger ale.  I don't think I had any "substance" left in me after that diarrhea festival I had yesterday.  

Breakfast this morning - I haven't thrown this up……yet

This morning I went out with Bill and had my first solid food.  We had breakfast at Nectar in Lewes.  My usual, a vegetarian omelet with sweet potato fries, and toast with a "Detox" juice.  I could finish the whole thing but it was good to get something solid down my throat after my involuntary fast yesterday.  Oh, by the way, I did lose six pounds.  What a way to lose weight, eh?

"There! Much better!"


Jack said...

I'm glad to see you're on the mend. I think your six pound loss might have been fluids which you really need to replenish, de-hydration is not good for the body. Also you don't need to lose six pounds. Funny about leakage. I've had problems in the past year or so where I need to periodically need to take a laxative. They work but for at least a day or more a little bit of stuff leaks out. I have actually thought about using depends type of "pad" when this happens but that would be the last nail in my coffin of getting older. I'm not ready to drive that one in yet. Fortunately in the past couple of months I haven't needed the laxative so problem is pretty much on the back burner for now.
Spring forward,

Roger said...

you don't need to lose 6 pounds on that slim and trim body. Sounds like you need a couple old fashion milkshakes. :-)

anne marie in philly said...

at least you could eat something today. stay far far away from whatever/wherever you ate yesterday.

Ron said...

Anne Marie,
I threw it out today. I'm still recovering. This is the worst in about forty years.

pat888 said...

Well, Ron, good to hear that the food is staying down - going thru the digestive system. The reference to Pooh Bear is hilarious!


Ron said...

I am so relieved that I can keep food down but I still have to be careful what I'm eating. My stomach is still a little nervous.

Ron said...

Thank you Roger. However, I could lose a few pounds around my waist. My six pack has done went and gone.

Ron said...

That's what I figured, the weight loss was mostly water although I didn't eat anything at all except for ginger all for one whole day. I can't remember the last time I went a whole day without anything to eat. Usually if I miss a meal, although I don't eat that much at a meal, I'm really hungry. The "back burner" has occasionally presented a problem for me since I had my seed implants (prostate cancer) last May. Occasionally I get a mucous like discharge from the back end. Inconvenient. But so far no Depends and I hear that discharge will lessen as the seeds become inactive. My doctor tells me it's because all the nerves are located in the same area around the prostate gland. That's why there are so many awful side effects to having your prostate gland removed. He was most afraid of my urinary incontinence but thankfully, I've never had that problem (Thank God!)

Raybeard said...

All very graphic, Ron, though I'm grateful that you didn't show us photos.Hope you'll be back to a more 'regular' self now.

Travel said...

Take it easy and take care,

Ron said...

You know me with the photos. I thought about taking a photo of the stained bedsheets and underwear…..for about a half second….and then decided "Let's not go there on this one." I had a good night's sleep and awoke with an actual appetite this morning but I do feel weaker now. Time for another restful nap. Thanks for your concern.

Ron said...

Thank you David.