Friday, January 31, 2014

Do You Fart?

Do you?  Of course you do.  Who hasn't farted?  If you said you didn't, you know you're lying.  Hey folks, even Queen Elizabeth farts. Oh yes she does.



I come from a long line of farters.  Not that I fart, Heaven forfend……I am after all a proper gay man and as such I.DO.NOT.FART.  Oh okay, I occasionally let out a gaseous build up (after ingesting several generous helpings of my famous homemade black bean soup) but my FARTS.DO.NOT.STINK. Just a wee release of gases that built up in my lower intestinal tract.



Black bean soup - natural gas producer
My dad and his brothers were major league farters in the Tipton family.  "Pop" liked nothing better than to walk by me and my brothers and lift up his right leg and "let one go."  That was one of the few times we would see a genuine smile on his face.  After his special delivery, and as he would walk away he would chuckle and say "that one was especially for you." Neither I nor my brothers were happy to be stink bombed just as we were about to eat out dinner but that was Pop, always thinking of us.  God forbid that he would do something like take us to a ballgame or fishing, but fart in our face?  Oh he loved it!  It was even worse when some of his ten brothers would visit.  Each one would try to outdo the other in noise and stink.  Uncle Henry was the best though.  He had the comfortable confidence of a star farter, as he would slowly lift his leg and shoot one in our direction.

Uncle Henry, Primo Farter
However, there was one time Uncle Henry's talent "backfired" on him.  He was just getting ready to leave our house after a visit, and as he was climbing into his pickup truck he did the old Tipton Leg Lift and let one off.  But this time Uncle Henry's gas pushed out a "bit" more than he intended.  Yep, he pooped his pants.  God did we all laugh at that one.  Of course my father and the other Tipton brothers never let him forget Uncle Henry's "wet deposit."  


So folks, just remember, sometimes overconfidence will cause you to poop your pants. 


23 comments:

  1. I have a 10 year old son and there's nothing funnier than a fart joke. I'm definitely going to show him the Farting Old Man Returns video. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MAC,
      I too love fart jokes and videos but I am totally embarrassed if I'm the one farting. Must be my proper gay gene. Bill also loves the farting videos. They never get old.
      Ron

      Delete
  2. Your father sounds so much like mine that they could have been brothers. As for me, I never fart unless absolutely necessary, because - of course - I'm absolutely perfect.I always practice proper etiquette. I won't even exhange farts in a friendly passing gastrointestinal greeting.

    If I was ever able to dine with the Queen, I'd see to it that she was served an enormous amount of black bean soup. Then I'd sit back and watch the gaseous results.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jon,
      You're funny. Like you, I never fart either unless absolutely necessary. I'm still embarrassed is one slips out. I'm lucky that when I do fart they don't stink unless I'm immune to the stink. I think the smell all depends on you're diet. Even with the black bean soup, which does cause me gas, my gaseous emissions don't clear rooms.
      Ron

      Delete
  3. Anonymous3:27 PM

    Thanks for the big laugh, Ron! It brought back some old memories of the farters in my family...lol. My neice said once that she had never passed gas. She's in her 40's & barely weighs 100 lbs. I almost believed her but after having 4 kids I just don't buy it. Anyone who has eaten beans in their lifetime can't deny they give you gas. Maybe they pass SBD's (silent but deadly) ones & think they don't count.
    I hope you have a great day!

    Fran

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fran,

      Good to hear from you! Haven't heard from you in a while. By the way, you're invited to our Bloggerpalooza on March 15th. Bloggers and blog readers are all invited.
      Actually, I do pass gas (occasionally) but, fortunately, they don't smell. Really. But they do make a small noise. I think it depends on what is in your diet as to the smell. My Aunt Mabel used to fart all the time but there never was a smell. She was used to it and the family was so used to it that we never said anything. Her farting was just part of her persona. And yes, I know the "silent but deadly". Mom would occasionally pass one of those.
      Again, good to hear from you again Fran. Have a great day!
      Ron

      Delete
  4. girls don't fart. I told that to dr. spo yesterday.

    ;-b

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anne Marie,

      Yeah, right. And I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

      Ron

      Delete
    2. bwhahahahaha! what's the price?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5:02 PM

      Here's a video that explains why girls don't fart. Enjoy!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxxsP7VWVN8

      Delete
    4. Anonymous,
      Thanks!
      Ron

      Delete
    5. Anne Marie,
      50 cents!
      Ron

      Delete
  5. Ron,

    Thanks for the video, I really needed a good laugh. I fart when I'm alone and for some reason if I have to fart in public I can seem to hold it forever until I can have my own private moment. Silent but deadly in an elevator should be against the law with horrific penalties meted out to the offender if you can figure out just who said offender would be.
    Just to let you know, we had 10 inches of snow on Tuesday and I've been in the house since Monday night. Will venture out tomorrow, temps will be in the fifties and should melt the rest of the snow that's on my car.
    Stay safe and warm, winter is not over yet.
    Jack

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jack,
      Some winter this year we're having. The elevator farts are worst.
      Ron

      Delete
  6. Ron, It looks like I found myself a hobby when I retire. I'll be like fart man, going around in public and pass gas in front of strangers. lol. Also remind me this March, I've got a funny elevator fart joke you may or may not have heard. Counting down the days. Randy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Randy,
      Go for it! Maybe you can get up in front of the group at the Bloggerpalooza and give us a demo.
      Ron

      Delete
  7. Have you seen the picture of the Royals at the Queen's 80th birthday when Prince Phillip farts? Look at Prince Harry right behind him and look at the Queen's face. Hilarious: Prince Phillip farts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. David,
      Yes! I did see that. Funny! Flatulence humor knows no bounds. Everyone understands it. That's what prompted me to post Queen Elizabeth's photo on this blog. I did not mean any disrespect to Her Majesty, just showing that she "gets it" too.
      Ron

      Delete
  8. Ron. I think I found a hobby for when I retire! I'll just go up to strangers and let one rip and walk off. You'll have to reminded me this next month when I'm out that way, to tell you a joke about passing gas in an elevator. You may or may not have heard it. lol. I better get a move on, less than six weeks until Bloggerpalooza! I didn't even make my airline reservations yet! Much to do little time to get it done. Randy

    ReplyDelete
  9. Have you ever been sitting on a chair that had a cloth covered foam cushion and farted into the cushion, hoping to keep it quiet and at the same time, hoping that the foam contained the odor? It seems to work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. David,
      Nope, never did that but I did leave some silent ones in the elevator.
      Ron

      Delete
  10. I know AM farts; you caught her on video last christmas time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dr. Spo,
      Exactly! I got AM zipping one out. I'll be on the look this year too
      Ron

      Delete