Friday, January 10, 2014

Do Bisexuals Exist?

Gay, straight or bisexual?

The short answer, "No."  Oh I've heard all the arguments about the "shades" of sexuality but in my experience you're either gay or you're not.  

Now how can I make this definitive statement?  What are my qualifications?  Have I done a study?  Well….yes.  I'm basing my opinion on my own experience as a 100% gay man.  

While I like women and have my share of women friends, I have absolutely no sexual attraction to a woman.  Nada.  None.  Zilch.  Zip.  



Now, are there those gay men who have sex with women?  Sure.  Absolutely.  

I myself have done a very unscientific and casual survey of gay men who have married, and have had children and have had sex with women.  I've asked them "Did you enjoy it?"  The answer invariably was "It was all right."  "It."  Never, once did I receive an answer "It was fabulous!"  Or "I'm giving up men for women!"  Nope.  Never happened.  

Now of course I know I'm probably going to trigger a fair number of responses from those who say "You don't know what you're talking about."  or "How do you know?"  Folks, I know.  There are few things in this world that I'm sure of but this is one of them.  

I remember one time I cornered a friend of mine who was married and had five kids.  His name was Phil and the time was New Year's Day 1978, in the  crowded basement of the 247 gay bar in center city Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  I asked him "Phil, are you gay or bisexual?"  He said (note that he was somewhat inebriated so he had to be telling the truth) "I'm a homosexual Ron."  I asked him "Do you mind me asking how you had kids?"  He said "What do you mean?"  I asked him "How did you get 'it' in her?"  He said "Ron,  I went into the bathroom with a magazine and masturbated until I got hard right to the point of climax and put my d-ck in her."  

I apologize for being so blunt folks but I am trying to accurately represent our conversation.  Now I know this isn't every "bisexual's" experience but it was enough for me.  His answers confirmed my already made conclusions.  

Now I await the for comments telling me how wrong I am.  But folks, you know I'm right.

50 comments:

  1. Sorry Ron, couldn't help remembering Andy Kaufman's Latka line on "Taxi"--
    Alex:What do you do with bisexuals in your country?
    Latka: We chain theem to racks at night so they weel not be stolen!

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    1. That's a good one Geo. I still say, you're either queer or you're not. No in-between. :)

      Ron

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  2. Ron,

    Interesting theory and I believe it is spot on. Years back if someone asked me if I was bisexual I would have replied yes. I had a long term relationship with a man and also a long term relationship with a woman. Looking back on the relationship with the woman, the love we had for each other was as strong as the love my male lover and I shared. The difference was with the man I was always looking at other men I found attractive. With the woman I was always looking at men I found attractive. In other words gay during each relationship.I feel fortunate to have had both relationships although the male relationship was abusive he was my first love. The female relationship was more spiritual and less physical but then again I was a bit older with that one.

    Jack

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    1. Jack,
      I understand completely. There was a time when I thought my sexual attraction to men was a phase. I thought I would eventually get married and have a family. That's how our culture brainwashes us. But then came the time when this married man (with three children) seduced me and I found my true calling. That "first time", as spastic as it was (and it was) convinced be beyond doubt where my true feelings lay (no pun intended)…..with men.

      All my life I've always looked at men "that way", even from the time before I went to elementary school. Of course at four years old I didn't have a sexual awareness but I did know that looking at men made me feel good which was a feeling I never ever got looking at women. It was only a matter of time before I figured out why I liked men. To me it is just not logical that one can be equally sexually attracted to both sexes. Can one perform with both sexes? Sure but equally attracted? I think not. Just doesn't make sense. To me it's like looking at the blue sky and saying there are clouds in the sky just because having clouds in the sky keeps me from confronting the really that I really am gay. And I do believe some people truly convince themselves that there are clouds in the sky? But don't tell me that. The first time I read the story "The Emperor Has No Clothes", I knew I was that little boy. And I have been ever since much to the consternation of many of those who know me, friend and foe. As Jack Nicholson said in "A Few Good Men" "You can't handle the truth!" Well said Jack (both you and Mr. Nicholson).
      Ron

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  3. "I have absolutely no sexual attraction to a woman. Nada. None. Zilch. Zip." - neither do I; I've always liked guys. I was born this way hey (to quote lady gaga)!

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    1. Anne Marie,
      I feel exactly the same way as you do towards women. I've always liked guys. Some sexual some as friends. With women always as friends. There are a lot of cool women in this world and I don't want to miss any of them. But I don't want to go to bed with any of them either, just as you wouldn't want to either. It's all good Anne Marie. As Lady Gaga said "I was born this way!"
      Ron

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  4. OK, Ron, be a little more open-minded and go to Jack Scott's blog: http://jackscottsbisexualbuddies.blogspot.com/

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    1. David,
      Thank you for your comment and I'll check this link but I doubt if it will change my mind towards recognizing there is such a condition as bisexuality. I think one can have a emotional or spiritual relationship with a member of one or opposite sex but an equal sexual attraction? No, doesn't happen no matter how many would like to think that it does for whatever reason. I know some delude themselves into feeling that they do just as some delude themselves that there is a God in Heaven or the Easter Bunny. I don't.
      But if one is comfortable and feels safer and doesn't want to face the truth, I do not condemn or judge. I'm just stating the facts as I know them. I will continue to believe this was (it is my blog and my opinions after all no matter how many raw nerves I touch) until proven otherwise and in my 72 years that hasn't happened yet. But it's always good to ruffle the feathers every now and then isn't it David? Keeps us interested in what's going on around us.


      Ron

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    2. In my own personal case, I agree with you. See this blog entry about going from straight to gay: http://uncutplus.blogspot.com/search/label/Who%20Your%20Blogger%20Is%20.%20.%20.
      However, I do believe there is a continuum from fully straight to fully gay, and that someone can fall in the middle and be bisexual. See this blog post: http://uncutplus.blogspot.com/2009/08/straight-or-gay.html.

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    3. Thanks for sending the links David. I do believe as you do that sometimes there is a progression from straight to gay. I think I followed that progression myself. I hope my blog entry didn't give the wrong impression that I was hostile or denigrating the so called bisexuals, I was only posing the question. I wrote about my life experience with so called "bisexuals" and without exception, the "bisexuals" were always gays. I never knew of one man who went from gay to straight exclusively. They either went totally gay or had some kind of "arrangement" but those gay feelings were always there, perhaps sometimes suppressed.
      Thanks again.

      Ron

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  5. I'm always perplexed with the %age 'problem'. Up to the 1970s at least it was always stated that about 10% of the population is homosexual, a figure which I instinctively feel is probably about right. But that figure kept on reducing since then whenever the subject came up. When we were having the arguments about our Thatcher government making it a criminal offence for teachers to 'promote' homosexuality, one of the strongest advocates of this despicable measure was one Baroness Young who kept coming out with a figure of TWO%, which was never challenged - she even going so far as to claim "Why should we worry about something which affects so few people?" (The fact that she was herself a Jew, constituting something like ONE HALF of one percent of our population did not seem to occur to her as ironic). Nowadays the usually accepted figure is around 6%, which strikes me as a bit low. But as you imply above, it does all depend on how one defines 'homosexual'. Of course the crucial section of the population where there is a question mark are those gays who have married (to the other sex). Will they ever really state on a census form that even though they are so married they are really gay. I somehow doubt it, even if they are assured that their answer will never be identified as coming from them. I think there's still a lot of denial and mental compartmentalising going on, such as "I'm married so I CAN'T be gay - even though I prefer sex with men!)

    So all in all, Ron, I think what you say above is basically valid. (Sorry it took so long to get round to my saying it.)

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    1. Ray,
      The "percentage" question is one that has fascinated me too. The other one is that if homosexuality is recognized and considered "acceptable" then somehow, the rest of the straight population will become "infected" and turn gay. The failure to recognize the fallacy of that argument of homophobes and well meaning straights has always fascinated me too. That we gays would have such power. Reminds me of the witches. If they witches had such power how comes they let themselves be burned at the stake by religious fanatics? The hypocrisy is what grabs my attention and I love poking holes into their rationales for homophobia.
      I always appreciate your well thought out and informative comments. Thanks!
      Ron

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    2. Incidentally, Ron, your mentioning witches reminds me that I'm constantly surprised at how many gays (and others) aren't aware of one possible and likely origin of the term ' faggot' (that word far more heard in your country than here, though the shortened form of 'fag' is occasionally used in the U.K. - the most 'popular' demeaning word of choice here being 'queer')
      'Faggot' (it is said) goes back to the time in Europe when homosexuals were burned at the stake, often without trial - and, not only that, it was said that when witches were burnt, bound homosexuals, kept captive especially for the purpose, were included in the twigs, brushwood etc to form the bonfire around the base of the stake to which the witch was tied. Apparently, so the story goes, it was thought that the burning of these 'evil', disposable homosexuals was appropriately conducive to building up the the fires in which to consume the witch. That is one theory of the origin of the word and it does strike me as having an element of plausibility - though some dispute it. Meantime, as far as I'm concerned, it's as good as any theory.

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    3. Thanks Ray. I knew that fact and I believe it. What I have always found fascinating is that if witches had so much power, why couldn't they prevent themselves from being burned at the stake? Why couldn't they cast a spell on those religious ignoramuses who so self-righteously were killing them? I'm sure you know of the "witch test" the Salem Puritans used to have? Dunk the bound witch in water. If she didn't drown, then she was a witch and thus executed. If she did drown, then she wasn't a witch. Just another example of having it both ways. Either way the woman undergoing the "witch test" was dead. Ah yes, our good old religious zealots, remnants of which remain even today in this country. The Muslim extremists aren't the only religion to have its fair share of hypocrites.
      Ron

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  6. Now I understand. Anyone who does not fit your mold, has to be lying. It sounds like a lot of the myths about gay men that propagated in the last few decades.
    So, I guess, anyone who claims to be bisexual needs to go to a camp to be forced to be either gay or straight. No in-between. Right, Ron?

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    1. Okay Buckeyein Richmond, you're way off base. No one, including me says so called bisexual (men) are lying. I do believe that most of those men who identify themselves as bisexual truly believe they are bisexual and that's fine with me. I've always said that whatever works for you to get you through life is fine with me, not that anyone is asking my permission how to live their life. But what I do like to do is sometimes puncture hypocrisy and pomposity. If someone one wants to delude themselves into believing they are equally attracted to both sexes, that's wonderful…..for them. When an Elton John, when questioned some hears ago if he was gay and he responds "Oh, I'm bisexual"….my immediate response is "Give me a break. You're gay. Get over it." Now that the playing field is safe for out gays Elton freely admits he is gay. Bully for him.
      Now you make the argument "anyone who claims to be bisexual needs to go to a campy to be forced to be either gay or straight." Really Buckeyein Richmond, that's the best you can do? Put your words into my mouth? That isn't what I said. All I said was there is no thing as a bisexual. If those who claim to be bisexual prefer to life their life that way, I think that's good for them. If that gets them through life, even though I think they are deluding themselves, go for it. But from my experience, I've never heard of ONE gay man who had to repress his feelings for the opposite sex. But I have heard and known of gay men who get married, have a family, and try to repress their basic emotional and physical attraction to members of their own sex.
      You're making an argument based on beliefs. I'm making an argument based on facts. I'm a cultural realist, looking at factual evidence and reexamining it and coming to conclusion. I'm going with fact, you're going with hope.
      No one is proposing putting bisexuals in reeducation camps, only puncturing the ballon of hypocrisy.
      Ron

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  7. Sorry Ron, I gotta disagree with you. I do think bisexuality is a real thing, though I do think some folks labels themselves that before they fully come out.
    I think for you to make an arbitrary judgement that there is no such thing is akin to hateful straight folks saying gay is a choice, because, well, in your definition these gay folks are choosing a straight life, therefore it's a choice.
    If you cannot CHOOSE to be gay, then why is so hard to believe people cannot CHOOSE to be bisexual.
    Signed Bob, Totally Gay and I know it

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    1. Bob,
      You make a valid point and I agree with you. I could have expressed myself more clearly so as not to sound so judgmental. Some gay men I've known all my life are married and happily so. They would never change their situation because they love that life of being accepted in their straight, suburban neighborhood and all the conveniences and safety that goes with that "lifestyle" but these same men I've known are and have always been sexually attracted to men. In my life experience I have never known one gay man who were sexually attracted to women, not one.
      The first man who I had sexual relations with seduced me. He was married with three children. Before he met me he had two children out of wedlock. After we parted ways (I didn't want to be his mistress), I heard many years later, as a result of one of my blog postings about "The First Time" and one of his sons and daughter contacted me through my blog posting asking "Was my dad gay?" I told both of them "He was when he was with me and seduced me". I heard that he had married again and had two more children. His first wife wrote a book which I have several copies that said the breakup of their marriage had to do with his "running around." His daughter told me when he died he was living with a younger man who they thought was his "good friend." His name was Bob also (coincidence). I never talked to him about his sexual attraction to woman but he was pretty intense with me and all his life, from what I read in his wife's book and his situation when he died, it seems he preferred men. He's just one person. There are many other stories. When I used to go to the baths, almost all of the men there were married or with women. Answering ads, the same thing. Truck stop, same thing. About half the guys I met in gay bars, same thing. I never heard once of a gay guy being drawn to a straight bar looking for sex with a women. I have heard of gay guys having sex with a woman and bragging about it like they ran a pole vault as some kind of "accomplishment" rather than not being able to suppress a basic sexual desire.

      I don't say anyone chooses to be straight, gay, bisexual or even transgender. But I do say that there truly is no such thing as a man who is equally sexually attracted to men and women. To me, it is like a straight man who can have sex with a gay men (and I know many do) but that doesn't mean they're gay. Same the opposite way around.
      There, I don't know if I made myself any clearer but I did want to make clear that I don't believe anyone "chooses" their sexuality. I do believe that some delude themselves, whether for purposes of self protection or because they have a self-hate for being gay, that they say they're bisexual. A convenient (for them) but empty lie for them. But that is their choice and I don't disparage that choice. Whatever works for you I say. But don't tell me you're bisexual because there is no such thing as a bisexual man. You're either one way of the other.

      Ron

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  8. Anonymous11:05 AM

    When I was a teen, I thought I MIGHT be bi. I had a girlfriend but I could tell I was attracted to all those cute boys on the homecoming court!! The main thing I liked about girls was the make up, hair, clothes, etc.. And I loved talking to girls about this and that. When I got to college, I realized I might be gay. I remember a construction worker holding a door open for me and my college girlfriend. I thought he was sooo hot. Tall, muscles, suntan, dirty. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, my girlfriend noticed and joked "why don't you ask him out?" I started to question myself after that.
    A little while later a couple is my friends ( girls) wanted me to go to a gay bar with them. As soon as I walked in the door, it was like a light bulb coming on!!! I loved it and went back as often as could. I loved the attention the older guys were giving me. And when I finally had my first sexual encounter with another man, there was no doubt in my mind!! I wasn't bi, but gay all the way!! I couldn't go back with a woman if I tried. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE women as friends, but not romantically.
    That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!
    Your friend,
    James

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    1. Anonymous,
      Your experience in coming to the realization is mine almost exactly. I had a girlfriend in high school who I liked a lot. Really, a LOT. Of course no sex but I figured that would come in time, I felt I had to respect her. When I went into the Army was the first time I realized I wasn't the only male in the world with feelings towards guys. I thought I was before I went in. I knew there were "homosexuals" but I thought they were dirty old men who hung around public restrooms waiting to get a peek at the men at the urinals. I knew that wasn't me. I didn't know what I was but I knew I wasn't THAT kind of person. Even though I had gay friends in the Army (no sex, not even close) I still didn't know if I was really "gay." That came later after I got out of the Army. I continued to like girls,especially when I danced with them. They smelled so good, soft and all that. Then came the time I went into my first gay bar. There were all men. They were dancing (slow). A Clark Kent type came up and asked me to danced. I was hesitant but I did dance. WOW! The first thing I thought "So this is why so many people like to dance!" It was great. Then when I felt his "ruler" rubbing against my leg, I thought I would die. Later I found out he was the police chief of the small township bar where I was dancing. I was confused. He was married, had kids, what was he doing dancing with me? Six months later, after trying to find myself when I went to bars, I met another man. I was attracted but was afraid of sex. I thought only nice gay guys kissed and hugged. Up until this time almost everyone I met wanted to "do the dirty" and I was afraid of doing "that." But I liked this guy. He would come to my small furnished apartment on Saturday mornings. The reason he did it then was because he was married with three small children and this was the only time he could get out. For several weeks we hugged and kissed. Then came a time he wanted to go "further." I was resistant but he was persuasive. He finally convinced me to "try it." We got undressed and into bed and he showed me the way. I couldn't believe how natural everything felt. It was great! I knew I was "home." I'm like you now, I love women and even find some of them very attractive but I could never have the feelings for them that I would have for one hot guy in a pickup truck who winked at me. Never.

      Thanks for your comment!

      Ron

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  9. Ron, you are sharing your experience, but this attitude causes a lot of the suffering of men and women who legitimately identify as bisexual. The gay community at large is shitty to bisexuals--they feel invisible, and the science has shown that we all are on a "scale" of sexual orientation, not so much on one end or the other. I know that for myself, I have been with a woman or two, and every once in a while I "get it" about women--finding myself attracted. But I have been gay for so long that I have a mental and emotional block toward acting on it--and since I am happy with men I figure it is one issue that can be left unresolved. But it is there. There are a million things that go into attraction--I always ask the question: "If you are gay, how come you are not attracted to ALL men?" You seem to pride yourself on your strong opinions, and that is great, but in this case you are promoting a hurtful mindset, and that is why I needed to comment. Just because you don't understand something does not mean it can't exist.

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    1. Tony,
      Yes I am sharing my experience. As I said, I'm not a scientist nor to I claim to have the definitive answer unlike so many men who positively identify themselves as "bisexual." To me that's always been a cop out term for someone who is either confused or just playing it safe. Again, my opinion.
      I too have been attracted to women but never in a sexual way. I can imagine that I could fool myself if I had enough self hate about being gay or I was afraid of being socially ostracized because I was gay. However, since I'm not a movie star concerned about my career I can safely come out. However, I have known men in my career (banking) who were and are gay who claim they are bisexual. One in particular who rose to the title of vice president (I never did although I had the responsibility of the same job) because he always claimed he was "bisexual". He made a good career move, I didn't by coming out as I did.
      I disagree that I'm "promoting a hurtful mindset" by posing the question "do bisexuals exist?" From my experience they don't but I think the question is worth raising.
      Thanks as always for your comments Tony. Always appreciated!

      Ron

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  10. Tony,
    I truly don't want to contribute to any suffering of men and women who believe they are bisexual but I just can't wrap my mind around that concept. I don't judge those who identify themselves as bisexual and I do believe that many of them truly believe they are bisexual but from my experience I cannot accept as fact that anyone is truly bisexual. I think those who do consider themselves to be bisexual are going on their belief versus knowledge. I'm going with facts and not hope. I am a cultural realist, looking at evidence, reexamining it and coming to a conclusion.

    I know there are those who identify themselves as bisexual and are loath to identify themselves as 100% homosexual because of their own concerns for their safety, career path and or self hatred of the gay part of themselves.

    Your statement "If you are gay, how come you are not attracted to ALL men" is one of my favorite statement from straight people when they know I'm gay. I turn the question around and say "Since you're straight aren't you attracted to all women (or men depending on who I'm talking to).
    Yes, I do pride myself on my strong opinions however I think a more accurate description of my posting was that I pride myself on stating the obvious truth. Interestingly this post was prompted by the current imbroglio of New Jersey governor Chris Christie's statement that he is "no bully" Of course he is but he's convinced himself that he's not, he's only playing hardball politics and politics "isn't beanbag." I think anyone can convince themselves of just about anything, witness all the millions of people who buy into the fairy tales of organized man made religion. I don't fault them for their beliefs, if that's what makes them happy and gets them through life, all the better for not only them and the rest of us but don't try to sell me their beliefs. It's not so much that I pride myself on my strong opinions Tony, it is that I prefer to live my life in truth and not self delusions. Sometimes the obvious is right before us and we need to recognize it, even if it does cause disruption in our comfortably constructed lives. Of course as with all truth tellers, I am subject to the "shoot the messenger" syndrome which is all too often the knee jerk defense mechanism to protect a carefully contracted fallacy.
    Ron

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    1. Ron, I would be interested in the "facts" that you refer to as supporting your experience. As a psychotherapist, I am jumping to the conclusion that I read a lot more psychology journals and studies than you do. Am I wrong? Again, I say that there is a difference between proudly stating one's own experience and devaluing another's. Saying that bisexuals do not exist is a far leap from saying that you have no attraction toward women. I stand my ground that you are holding a hurtful mindset.

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    2. Tony,
      My "facts" are my own life experience (72 years). I prefaced my blog posting with this statement "in my life experience." I also said I am not a scientist but I do have extensive experience with so called "bisexuals". In my experience every "bisexual" I met was a latent homosexual who was either hiding his homosexuality because of fear of losing income earning potential, concerns about the feelings of his family, fear of social ostracization, and self-hate because of his homosexuality. To say that I am causing harm to them by stating my opinion is far fetched to say the least. They do harm to themselves by refusing to face reality that they are gay and thus lead a life of deceit. They also do harm to gay men like myself by saying that because they are bisexual they "aren't as bad as a TOTAL homosexual." They're just a "little tainted" but they're working on it. There was a time that I thought bisexuals really did exist but that ended when Elton John claimed he was bisexual. That's when the clouds of confusion parted and the light shone through and I saw once and for all the totally fallacy of "bisexuality." You either are or you aren't Tony. You're a heterosexual or you're a homosexual. Anything else you're just deluding yourself. And I stand my ground that if anyone has a hurtful mindset, it is those who claim they are "bisexual" thus insinuating they aren't quite as bad as homosexuals. Again, my views come from my personal life experience. Not once Tony, not once have I ever met a true bisexual who had an equal attraction towards women as they have towards men. Not once. And besides, why do they have to use the term "bisexual" anyway if not to protect themselves from disapproval of their gay sexual activities?

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    3. "To say that I am causing harm to them by stating my opinion is far fetched to say the least."
      You are absolutely right, Ron. Because if you weren't, you would have to place open-mindedness above your joy in having strong opinions that stir people up. Congratulations on placing other people's existence below your own need to shake things up.
      "Now I await the for comments telling me how wrong I am. But folks, you know I'm right."
      There are many who say that homosexuals don't really exist--they are just acting that way because they have domineering mothers and absent fathers. But not you, right, Ron? You are REALLY attracted to men, so they are wrong, of course! You know what? I like your writing and usually brush off your misguided opinions as just ego, and I will continue to read your blog since it is not necessary for me to agree with everyone (that would be impossible), but since you love to use this verbiage in regards to overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I will say to you: You are wrong about this. It is hoped that after 72 years of life that included suffering from unjust cruelty and discrimination that you would have more compassion than ego, but everyone is still a work in progress, including me. After a lifetime of being told I was wrong about my life, I gained great satisfaction when I finally gained the ability and courage to tell others they are wrong. The problem is that it didn't make my life any happier, just angrier. We all have to make our own choices--and live with them.

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    4. Tony,
      I find it interesting that not one so called bisexual man has commented on my blog posting. I think that is telling.
      Ron

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  11. Reading some of the responses above, Ron, there's little doubt that you've stirred up a bit of a hornet's nest on this one. But there you are - no one is forced to agree or disagree.

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    1. Ray,
      I knew when I wrote this post and published it I would "stir up a hornet's nest." In fact that was the term I used when I told Bill that I was posting it. He said "Don't post it, you'll upset some people and your friends." I told him "I'm just posting my opinion from my experience." You're right in that I am not proselytizing or trying to get anyone to agree with me, only stating my opinion from my life experience and encounters with many (no numbers lest you think I was a slut) with many so called "bisexual" men. From my experience these men don't or can't leave their married life and do not want to come out as gay because of where they live and or work. I can understand that. What prompted me posting my opinion was the all to often refrain of an obviously exclusively gay man (usually an actor), when confronted with his gayness responds with "Oh, I'm not gay! I'm bisexual!" He knows that's bull as well as everyone else but all too often people are content to say the king has clothes when in fact, he is naked. I'm like the little boy who says "The king has no clothes." And of course I am probably going to incur the anger and wrath of those who have been comfortably ensconced in their belief that the naked king is fully clothes when in fact he is naked as a jaybird. Shoot the messenger Ray, it's as old as time itself.
      Ron

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  12. I'm not a scientific expert and I can only speak from experience (of which I've had a HELLUVA lot).
    I tend to strongly agree with your observations. I have found that the term "bisexual" is a safe and polite coverup for being gay. It's also a complete copout. Claiming to be bisexual is especially prevalent in the entertainment industry, where men are very often afraid to admit they're gay.
    When I was very young - a fledgling Hollywood street hustler - I always said I was bisexual. It was a safe diversion from reality. I'm not into all the psychiatric babble. You're either one way or the other. Some will say that my theory is too simplified, but it's my opinion.
    And, yes, I've had some long-ago sexual encounters with women...............I'm gay!

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    1. Jon,
      We agree 100%! Finally! :) Like you, I don't claim to be a scientific expert but what I am "expert" on is my own life experience. And in my lifetime, without exception, so called "bisexuals" were always gay. Always. I even have one friend, an evangelical Christian, who doesn't even accept the term "bisexual". He says "he is a man who is attracted to men's bodies but is straight." Excuse me? I said to him "You're joking….right?" He said "No, there are websites for men like me. Hey, if it's on the Internet it must be the truth, right?
      Straight men attracted to men's bodies." And this is a man who has been after me for some years to "get with it." I did once with him and he could have fooled me. He seemed liked he was into the sex to me. All the years I've known him I have never known him to salivate over a hot woman. Sure, he's married and has two kids (both adopted, gee what a surprise). But he claims he's "not gay" and definitely not "bisexual." You know that just wouldn't go over in his oh so perfect neighborhood. Now he has made a nice life for himself in his "perfect" neighborhood. Good for him. He is the same age as I am - I've known him since first grade. We all have freedom of choice and I don't take that away from anyone. But like you I have found that "bisexual" is a safe and polite coverup for being gay. It's really not complicated. I do find it interesting though that whenever I bring up this subject it does seem to touch a raw nerve with some people, especially those who are in that safe cocoon called "bisexuality" or "having it both ways." They're not kidding anybody, only themselves.
      Thanks for your supportive comment Jon, I was beginning to get buried under the avalanche because I dared to say "The king has no clothes."
      Ron

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    2. Ron, I appreciate the fact that you took so much time to answer each comment individually and at great length. I think we've both had enough life experience to voice valid opinions on the subject. And my opinion will always remain that "bisexiality" is bullshit. A sanitized coverup for being gay. Thanks for not caving on your beliefs.

      On one of my very recent blog posts I was extremely sarcastic about the subject of global warming. I received all extremely polite comments from my fellow bloggers. BUT some of my personal friends - whom I've known for a very long time - completely freaked out. I got several extremely hateful emails today from someone I've known since grade school. She is nearly hysterical because I dared to make fun of global warming. I'll never understand why some people are so sensitive.
      This doesn't have anything to do with you "bisexual" post, but I thought I'd mention it anyway because I'm in a pissed off mood.

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    3. Jon,
      I could not have said it better, "bisexuality is bullshit. A sanitized coverup for being gay." Yes, you're right that we both have enough life experience to voice a valid opinion, and that is what I was doing….an opinion, on the subject of bisexuality. I find it interesting that whenever I voice this opinion on bisexuality I hit a raw nerve with some people. What surprised me with a few comments was that I was "doing harm" by my views. Hardly true. That's the old "shoot the messenger" response.
      In reference to some of your personal friends response to your views on global warming, I am surprised that you would get hateful comments on your views on global warming. I know we differ on some views, but I respect and understand your views. Many of them I used to share with you at one time until George W. Bush and Karl Rove and company tried to screw me and fellow veterans by taking away our VA coverage (I was unemployed at the time and had NO INSURANCE) just to give tax cuts to the rich. That and a completely unnecessary war in Iraq that cost thousands of lives and almost a trillion dollars wasted and both of them using gays as a wedge issue to get into power. That's when I lost it with today's version of the Republican party. Believe me, I'm no great fan of the Democrats either but at least they're not trying to screw me (at least not now) like the Republicans did. But here I go off on this tangent for which I apologize but this one hits a raw nerve with me just like the Chris Christy abuse of power by closing all those lane closings on the George Washington bridge, thus putting thousands of people in harms way just to settle a political score. I don't know the answer on global warming. We could be the cause of it and then the weather patterns could be a natural progression. But like you, I don't understand why some of your close personal friends should freak out because you offered your views. But I understand why you're pissed off Jon. I would be too. :)

      Ron

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  13. A rather small sample, I'd say, Ron. Couple of folks. You know you're gay. You say you are going on facts, but a sample size of one or two isn't very much to base that on. I think the folks who gather mass data on this sort of thing are probably right that there are people who fall into the bisexual category, and feel more or less equally attracted to either sex. In the youth group I work with, we don't ask orientation, but I've certainly seen the same youth "buddied up" with a guy one week, and a girl a few weeks later.

    I think you're wrong. I don't think you have anything but your own anecdotal evidence to base this on, and while you are certainly entitled to your opinion, I will stick by my guns that it is just an opinion. I think to say that others CANNOT BE bisexual (AND THIS IS A FACT AND WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS) is to trivialize their feelings, and marginalize bisexuals as people. It's as wrong as people discriminating against those who are exclusively gay or straight for that reason alone.

    I also wonder why it matters. You know who you are attracted to exclusively, I know who I am attracted to, exclusively. Others may be attracted to both genders, and quite frankly, that's OK, too. We're all part of this crazy sexual world we try to get along in. Why do you feel so strongly that somehow those people who identify themselves as bisexual are somehow wrong about themselves? If you listen to many people in the world, they'll tell you it's a fact that we gays are "misguided" or "disordered" or "ill" or that we "made a choice" and can "change". You know they are wrong, too.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    1. Jay,
      Actually Jay, I have more than "one of two" to base my conclusions on. I have a lifetime of experience with so called "bisexuals". Please don't confuse the ability of men to have sex with both sexes, that is something entirely different. Many gay men can and do have sex with the opposite sex and even emotional closeness with the opposite sex but to say that a man has EQUAL attraction to both sexes just is not true. However, I'm okay with those who claim to be bisexual. But I'm like the boy who said the king had no clothes. It didn't matter to him that the king had no clothes but he was puzzled why others were bowing and scrapping to the king who was parading around naked when it was obvious the king had no clothes. My saying this I'm not "trivializing" that the king has no clothes, it is a fact. In my opinion and based on my lifetime of experience with so called bisexuals, they identify themselves as bisexuals out of convenience , confusion or ignorance. I remember one time an employee of mine came to me and said "I may have to take some time off because I think I'm a little pregnant." I said to her "A little pregnant? Either you are or you aren't." She said "Well, I'm not sure and it's not fair of you to accuse me of not being pregnant but I might be pregnant." Again, Shoot the Messenger. I raised the obvious question, either you are or you aren't. No convenient middle ground. She was just trying to have her condition both ways. The same with bisexuals. either you are or you aren't. You can't have it both ways. Maybe movie stars, who are concerned about their careers and social acceptance (and money) but cannot hide their obvious attraction and sexual activity with members of their same sex, can claim to be bisexual. I think it's about time that the so-called "bisexuals" come out for who they really are, gay. The shame, self hate, and social ostracization of publicly identifying yourself as gay is slowly but surely receding each year. The day when all gay men and women come out fully and not these safe and convenient half measure will be one day closer when homophobia ends and there will be social equality for all, no matter what their sexual orientation. To, saying you're bisexual is just an attempt to have your cake and eat it too or, in other words, having it both ways….literally.
      Ron

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    2. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.
      Jay

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    3. Jay,
      Yes, we will agree to disagree. :)
      Ron

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  14. Anonymous8:13 PM

    I think you're not completely right. I think the true bisexuals are probably busy living the lives they've chosen so they are largely invisible to sexually active gay guys. I also believe that desire, especially sexual desire is far more nuanced than sexual orientation. I think it's informed throughout our lives and is much more a product of nurture than nature. I further believe that the people at either extremes of the kinsey scale ARE indeed "born that way" but there are whole swaths of humanity that fall at all points farther towards the middle of the scale. I also think it's different for bisexual men as opposed to bisexual women.

    It's been my lifelong experience that people can have an attraction or curiosity towards the same sex. But for a lot of reasons don't believe it's possible or desirable to explore the "curiosity". But it's there, just denied. What happens when we want something, even slightly, but believe we "can't" have it? Have you ever been on a diet? Most people I know as SOON as they go on a diet almost immediately want the foods they "can't" have. I've traveled in parts of the world where it's unwise to eat raw vegetables. Now I'm not much of a vegetarian but I'll be damned if as soon as I "can't" have that salad...a salad I wouldn't give a second thought to when home, I find I CRAVE and LUST for raw vegetables likely teeming with bacteria that might rational mind knows I shouldn't eat.

    I think the same thing happens with these guys who have a "desire" but they suppress it. It becomes forbidden fruit and all the more alluring because of it. If you look at when and how these men finally "come out" it's often during a period when a normal hetero marriage would be feeling some strain normally. The kids are a little older. They are less consuming and the couple's relationship may have suffered during the intervening years while the focus has been on careers and family. All of a sudden there is time, the internet and curiosity and the exploration begins.

    And few people who are sufficiently motivated to begin an exploration most often find the newness and the headiness of finally giving vent to something they've kept under wraps for a lifetime...well that thing assumes a power that, under normal circumstance, had the desire been allowed to come to fruition naturally, might not be quite the be all end all most 30 and 40 somethings believe it is. It is also absolutely true, that unlike for bisexual women who can live openly partnered to a woman and later settle down with a man, the reverse seldom happens. It would be much, much harder given the fears that exist for an out "bisexual" man to go back to women once his interest in men is commonly known.Not too long ago a gay friend told me about a friend of his who fell in love with a woman. He was skeptical at best and I know the guy's circle of friends was accepting but stumped. I can only imagine how the woman's family and friends reacted. No one was hateful but eyebrows were raised a clear sense of disapproval was palpable.

    All that to say that people don't fit into neat little boxes. They want and need things and can be amazingly creative when seeking that which feels right to them. If it works, I couldn't be happier for them.

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    1. Anonymous,
      I believe I prefaced my opinion on the non existence of bisexuality on my experience which is long and extensive. Never once in my 72 years have I ever met or known a gay man who went from gay to totally straight. However, I have met and known so-called bisexuals who went from women to gay men exclusively. Just last night I was having this discussion with a longtime friend (since 3rd grade) who is straight. He is totally straight, no desire for men at all. His experience is different than mine but what experience (men he has known), he too has never ONCE known or met a man who went over the the "other side" (gay) and said "This isn't for me, I'm going back to women." Just didn't happen. I believe that someone who claims they are bisexual is either attempting to have it both ways or really have convinced themselves that they are this mythical condition of bisexuality because they are either trying to protect themselves, their family, their income earning potential of they have so much fear and self hate of their latent homosexuality. You're either straight or you're gay. And as I said before, just because a gay man dabbles (no pun intended) in straight sex doesn't mean he is bisexual or the other way around. By the way, it is always the gay man who calls himself bisexual. However, I do agree with you on one point, if a so-called "bisexual" finds that his life is easier by convincing himself that he's not 'totally" gay, I couldn't be happier for him. But I just don't believe it. I think they live very unhappy and unfulfilled lives by deceiving themselves that they are this mythical "bisexual." And of course I know someone is going to pick up on my term "unhappy and unfulfilled lives" as a term often used against homosexual and now I'm using it against "bisexuals." Hey, I'm very happy with my life but I can name a number of so called "bi-sexuals" in my personal sphere who are not happy. Again, all my opinions and conclusions are drawn from my own life experience.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous8:25 PM

    " Many gay men can and do have sex with the opposite sex and even emotional closeness with the opposite sex but to say that a man has EQUAL attraction to both sexes just is not true. "

    Forgive me, but I simply had to comment on this statement. It may be absolutely true but that does not argue against bisexuality. Even within a sexual orientation the same could be said about 2 men or 2 women or a man and a woman. We can be WILDLY hot for a person but chose the person as a partner who doesn't excite the same level of sexual desire. If we are mature people we select our partner, the people we hitch our lives to based on LOTS of factors, sexual chemistry being only one. Is the guy stable, has he got a job, are his values similar to mine? If having a family is extremely important to you a little less sexual chemistry (which wanes in the best long term relationships) might be a reasonable trade-off for a man or woman who values and wants a family too and you see as someone who would make a wonderful co-parent. Might not be all that sexy but that's how relationships that stand the test of time work. And that goes for people that are 1000% hetero too. Often the best partner isn't the one who drives you wildest in bed

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    1. Anonymous,
      So true, often the best partner isn't the one who is best in bed but isn't it wonderful when you do find that unique individual who is fantastic in bed and a wonderful human being that is also your soulmate?
      Ron

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  16. Anonymous10:04 AM

    I am tired of people telling me that I do not exist. In my experience, it has always been gay men who doubt that bisexuals exist, even when they are shown studies that reveal the truth that bisexuality is real. Yes, some gay men say that they are bisexual to conceal their sexuality or they are bisexual while in the process of coming out. I have been in relationships with men and women. I lived for five years with Jim. During that time I enjoyed the feel of his muscular body and his penis. I am married to a woman now. Last night we had sex and I enjoyed the feel of her vagina and the smoothness of her breasts. When I was with Jim I longed for the emotional connection that I felt sexually with women, the tenderness and gentleness that men can so rarely reveal, even gay men. In my relationship with my wife I miss the intensity of sex with men. I have come to realize that the person is more important to me than the arrangement of his or her genitalia. I have had meaningful, sexual relationships with persons of both genders. I am bisexual. I really do exist.

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    1. Anonymous,
      Why is it that bisexuals are always "Anonymous"?
      Ron

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    2. Oh my god, Ron! How rude! There are myriad reasons why someone, gay, straight, bi, or otherwise could want to remain anonymous online, and you should know this. Why can't you simply admit that at least this time, perhaps the only time in your 72 years of "experience", you are _wrong_!
      Peace <3
      Jay

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    3. Jay, you are wrong. Anyone who leaves a comment on my blog signed "Anonymous" is being rude. Of course I don't expect anyone to leave their full name and address but at least make up a name. What's so hard about that or are they that terrified of being outed? What was also rude was your attempt to trivialize me by referring to my 72 years of "experience", your quotation marks.Remember that I prefaced my posting that this was from my experience which is long and varied. You cannot even begin to judge me because you don't know my life and what I've lived through. What is rude is gay men and women who continue to live their lives in the closet for their own safety and convenience while so many others have sacrificed their lives and well being for the advances that have been made for gay men and women. Gay men and women who continue to live in the closet give power to the ignorant and homophobes to continue to oppress and discriminate against gay men and women. Gay men and women who live in the closet also contribute to the self hatred and, all too often the suicides of young gay men. No Jay, it is not I who am being rude by telling the truth, it is those who enable the haters to continue the oppression. Your reaction is nothing more than "shoot the messenger." I've been wrong many times in my life and have freely admitted so without shame. But one thing I do know, I am not wrong about calling out people who still hide and live a lie. No Jay, I am not wrong on this subject. It is you who are wrong.
      Ron

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    4. Ron, I respect your opinion based on your observations. However I don't think you've observed enough. I happen to be a bisexual man. I know many others. I started having sex with other guys at a very young age. It was a great part of my life. But a weird thing happened when I was about 13. I became interested in girls. I was so interested in girls that I marred one at age 19. Now, almost 48 years later we are still happily married. We've been blessed with the greatest sexual relationship a couple could have. I love making love to her. When I got married I thought the desire for sex with guys would go away. I was wrong. It didn't. This was in the 60's, long before the internet. I lived in a small town in Texas and there simply was not much information available about male sexuality. In fact, I had never heard the word "bisexual." At that time one was either straight or queer. There was no in-between.

      This caused me great anguish because I was in-between. I came to think of myself as the only guy in the world that was happily married yet thought about guys, in other words a monster. As time passed the internet came into being and I began to see, for the first time, I was not alone. There were other guys just like me. Guys who loved their wives and had a good sexual relationship with here, but still like guys as well. I wanted to talk with the other guys candidly so I started a Yahoo Group called BisexualBuddies, https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/BisexualBuddies/info, After a few years I began to write a blog summarizing what I had learned about Bisexuality. The Blog is "Jack Scott's Bisexual Buddies Blog, http://jackscottsbisexualbuddies.blogspot.com. The blog draws about 10,000 readers a month. If there are no Bisexuals, then there are sure a lot of guys out there that are fooling themselves.

      Is there sometimes a progression from straight to bisexual to gay? You bet there is, but that is most often a process of a guy coming out to himself. There are other types of progressions too.

      Along the way, over the past 20 years I've been able to help hundreds of guys find themselves. A few have found they were just bi curious. Most have found they are really gay men. Some have found themselves to be true Bisexuals.

      Your supposition that bi men are gay men who have not come out is shared by many gay men. Even my friend whom I just told you about believes that. He aways tells me I'm gay, because that is HIS experience. The only problem is, it is not my experience, and it never will be.

      I'm finding that with the opening up of tolerance in this country, young men have no problem figuring themselves out. From a young age they know for sure whether they are straight, bisexual or gay. I think that is great.

      Thanks for the opportunity to present another side to your supposition. I hope you will consider it with an open mind.

      Delete
    5. Ron, I like your description of yourself at the top of your blog very much. Change gay to bi and 72 to 66 and it could apply to me. I have terminal cancer, but I consider myself to be the most blessed man in the world. My wife and I have had a grand life. We raised two great kids and have four grandkids. We've been successful beyond our dreams when we started out at 19.

      I was able to take an early retirement before I knew I had cancer. My wife and I have traveled in 20 of the worlds 24 time zones. Now we are checking off my bucket list. When I die I'll die knowing I've lived life to its fullest. I've made every day count. I have no regrets.

      Jack Scott

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    6. Jack,
      You may be correct in that I haven't observed enough. That is one of the reasons I began this discussion. I just have a hard time understanding how anyone can be equally attracted to both sexes. I am glad you have found your path in life and now have found happiness. I'm glad for anyone who finds peace and contentment whatever their sexual orientation.
      Thank you for your respectful and non condemning response to my blog posting on this subject where I only asked "Do bisexuals Exist." And Jack, I am truly sorry that you are at the end of your life. I wish that when my time comes I can have the same positive attitude that you have now. My best to you and your wife Jack.
      Ron

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  17. Anonymous7:25 PM

    Ron, this whole debate taking place at your blog is the direct result of using labels such as straight, gay or bi to categorize the sexual acts men engage in. Kinsey was the first to properly evaluate male sexuality. And his scale, the Kinsey Scale, opened the door to understanding male sexuality. The fact that men who have SSA, as well as OSA, haven't beat a path to your door shouldn't come as a surprise. What is surprising is from you own experiences, it's clear there are men out there who experience both SSA and OSA. Otherwise you wouldn't have enjoyed the hookups with all those married men with children. To carry on a sexual life with a woman requires some degree of sexual attraction. By your definition, if a man engages in a sexual act with another man....he is automatically "gay". If a gay man engages in sex with a woman, does that mean he is heterosexual? Which brings us back to the lunacy of labels.

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  18. Anonymous10:36 PM

    I would be thrilled to see Tyrion and Jon stealing two dragons for themselves
    and take them away from Dany :P LOL.

    Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 6 Online

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