Thursday, August 01, 2013

Cry Me a River

"Wahhhhh! They don't have same sex marriages in my state."


Last night I read a column in the local gay rag where the columnist complained that "I have become obsessed with the unfair truth that 30 percent of gay/lesbian Americans now are able to enjoy the full-fledged federal marital rights while the rest of us cannot."

This columnist goes on to bitch because he lives in the oppressive state of Florida that he and his partner will not likely enjoy the key marital benefits now afforded to those who live in the less oppressive states that recognize marriage equality.

He said friends of his have suggested that he rent a moving truck and MOVE to a state that recognizes marriage equality instead of continuing to live in the SOUTH or one of those other states that are slow to recognize that the right to marry applies to EVERYONE.  

Now I know and recognize that some of my blogger friends who live in THOSE STATES will strongly disagree with what I'm about to say but here is my message to those crybabies: (yeah, I said it)


MOVE!!!!!

Here's one thing that really gets my gall.  Some of my gay brethren, specifically those who used to live in Delaware decided a some time ago that they had to move to warmer climes.  They just had to move to Ft. Lauderdale, Sarosota or wherever in Florida because they were just soooooo much better than their less affluent gay brothers (and sisters).  They are BET TAH than us, they live in Florida.  Know what folks, I know quite a few gay guys who moved to Florida from Delaware because Florida doesn't tax their grossly generous retirement incomes from the Federal government (for which we taxpayers PAID FOR) or local public employees and teachers' retirement (for which we taxpayers PAID FOR).  Yes Virginia, these folks have Florida as their legal address to SAVE money whilst they continue to spend time in the marriage equality state of Delaware.  But oh, Florida is their LEGAL residence. 

Now these same flush retirees from the public sector want MORE BENEFITS, specifically the now available federal benefits accorded to married couples.  In other words they want it BOTH WAYS.  Know what I have to say to those folks?


CRY ME A RIVER

Oh sure, I know there are many of my gay brothers and sisters who PREFER to live in those states that still legalize discrimination against same sex couples.  I have a message for them too.  You have two choices:

1) Go to a state that recognizes marriage equality and get married.  Then go back to the state where you live and challenge them. In other words, DO THE WORK LIKE WE DID HERE IN DELAWARE.  Don't expect marriage equality to be handed to you on bended knee on a silver platter (studded with rhinestones of course!).  

You other choice is to MOVE to a state that recognizes marriage equality.  Hey, I lived in my home state of Pennsylvania for most of my life.  I hated to move but they were taxing me out of existence.  What did I do?  I MOVED!  I didn't bitch and crybaby about it.  I MOVED!

And don't give me this lame excuse "But I have a job and I can't move."  Hey folks, it all depends on how important marriage equality is to you.  Either stay in your backward, discriminatory state and live under their hateful laws or MOVE.

2) Of course your second choice is to MOVE.  It's not the end of the world you know.  MOVE.  

Why anyone would want to continue to live in one of those southern states (or western "Dick Cheney" sates), is beyond my comprehension.  Sure, those state have beautiful scenery, friends, relatives, cultural events but the state DISCRIMINATES AGAINST SAME SEX COUPLES.  What is so hard to understand about that?

I've always believed people are in the situation they have created for themselves.  Sure, you may temporarily be in a bad situation but you can change it.  YOU CAN.  

Believe me, if I did it anyone can. So guys (and gals), put on your Big Girl Panties and make your decision.....and stop crying. It's not butch...or ladylike.


MOVE!!!!!!!!!

16 comments:

  1. Move?
    That kinda smacks of 'America, love it or leave it.'
    Not everyone can just up and move.
    I view the ire of the writer as saying those gay folks living in anti-equality states need to work hard to make their states change.
    And those people living in equality states and receiving full marriage rights need to help.

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    1. Oh my buddy Bob. I knew I would hear from you on this one, especially with the "not everyone can just up and move." Yes then can. Yes then can. You wouldn't believe what I went through to move but I got the hell out of a state that wasn't working for me anymore. Quit my job, sold my house (at a great loss), almost lost my partner to suicide and we are still recovering but we made the move which was best for us.

      Of course not everyone WANTS to move because of the work and risk involved, I understand that. That's THEIR choice but don't go crying about it. DO SOMETHING. Go to the local county seat (or whatever they call it in your state) and apply for a marriage license like some brave LBGT folks are doing right now. Don't whine about it, DO SOMETHING. Contact your legislator (like I did and many others) and ask them for their support. Attend town hall meetings (like I did and many other LGBT members) and let them know your views. STAND UP. SO SOMETHING. Don't just sit back, collecting your fat pension checks that aren't taxed in the state you CHOOSE TO LIVE IN (I'm talking about retired older gay men and women now) and wait for marriage equality to come to you. DO SOMETHING!

      Your statement "that kinda smacks of "America, love it or leave it" is totally off base here. That statement says you have NO CHOICE. But gay men and women DO have a choice. Either MOVE or DO SOMETHING. Don't cry about it.

      There are always those people, gay and straight, who let others do the work for which they benefit and then they cry about it because it's not perfect. They're the first to complain but the last to do anything about changing their situation unless it SUITS them.

      And yes, everyone can get up and move. Just do it.

      Of course, all due respect Bob. Smiles and hugs!

      Ron

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    2. I completely disagree about people just being able to move; there are so many factors involved in people's lives that make moving impossible, financial, emotional, social. It's not an easy thing to do.
      Plus, I'd rather live where i wanna live and make it better than jump ship and move somewhere else.
      Plus, I don't think anyone thinks equality will just be handed to them, I think we fight for it, for all of us.
      I'm not moving, yet, because I choose not to, but I will do, and have done, whatever I can to make equality the same everywheer.

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    3. Bob,

      "moving impossible?" Not so. Maybe inconvenient, expensive, disruptive but not "impossible." This reminds me of a book I'm reading now about a Holocaust survivor. Their family was urged to move from their home in Poland before the Nazi's invaded. They were ready to move but grandma didn't want to move because she said "all my things are here and I want to be near my family." Grandma and most of the rest of her family died in the Holocaust because it was "impossible" for her to move.

      I saw the way things were going for me in Pennsylvania, and as heart wrenching as it was for me to move (an expensive - about $160,000 lost) I MOVED. Now of course I understand that others prefer not to move, all fine an well. What triggered my blog entry was reading a column for a retired gay man who now lives in the warm climes of Florida enjoying his tax free pension form the government. He was crying about that he didn't think marriage equality will come to Florida in his lifetime, which it probably won't as long as the majority of the Florida electorate is conservative and they're able to suppress the minority Democratic vote. Of course he could get off of his ass and to a state where marriage equality is recognized, get married and then go back to his warm, comfy home in Ft. Lauderdale. But maybe that's too much of a inconvenience for him so he would rather whine about not having marriage equality in his preferred home state than do anything about it himself.
      When I retired I considered living in Tennessee, North Carolina or South Carolina. But when I thought it through, would I want to live in a state where I am viewed and treated as "less than"? No way. I don't have that many years left and having lived most of my life being discounted as a human being and an American citizen, I chose a state that recognizes and treats me as an equal human being and citizen. If others chose to live in states that don't treat them equally, if they have rationalized to themselves that they can live with that for whatever reason, that's fine with me. Just don't bitch about it then when they aren't not treated equally. They made their choice or as my mother used to say "You made your bed, now sleep in it."

      As for me, I'll visit South Carolina occasionally and try to keep my sexual orientation under wraps especially when traveling the highways and biways of the Palmetto state but I will always feel relieved when I leave "enemy territory" just as I felt when I left North Carolina this past spring after being threatened because I "lived the gay lifestyle." My "lifestyle" is that I came out of the closet in 1963 and I certainly never intended to go back into the closet just to make other people feel comfortable and not threatened with me living openly as a gay man with my husband.

      Ron

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  2. The majority of Americans are pro-equality. I agree with Bob (and you Ron), it will be up to that majority and gay people to do the work. No need to move
    except if after all what could be done, those states still refuse the rights to same sex marriage. Of course, it is easier to be a crybaby than actually get off your comfort zone to get results but it is what it is.

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    1. Nadege,

      I understand it is very difficult for some people to move. Moving from Pennsylvania was perhaps the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Almost killed me but I knew I had to do it for several reasons, taxes and equality being the main reasons.

      For those who live in states who will probably never pass marriage equality laws in their lifetime, their other option to to go to a state that has marriage equality and get married in that state and then go home to their state of choice. Just because they didn't get married in their home state doesn't mean they're not married. A very recent court ruling in Ohio proved that when a male couple, one of which is dying from Lou Gehrig's disease, flew a plane to Maryland to get married and then returned their home in Ohio. The judge ruled that Ohio has to recognize their marriage. That's what other gay couples can do who can't or won't move from their home state. Of course it takes a bit of courage and inconvenience but hey, anything worth fighting for is worth a little inconvenience. My problem is with those who don't even want to life a finger but want everything handed to them then cry about it when they don't get it. DO SOMETHING!

      Ron

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  3. To you, Ron, a lover and a fighter - in every best way.

    Pat

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    1. Thank you Pat! I've never been know to be a shrinking flower. Something I inherited from my Mother.

      Ron

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  4. First of all - - next to Texas, Florida is the very last place I'd ever want to live (Over the years I've offended a lot of Texans and Floridians with my rants againt those states. TOUGH SHIT).

    Secondly - - I agree with you wholeheartedly. If you don't like where you are - for whatever reasons - MOVE! Moving sure as hell isn't easy but it's also not the end of the world. If your state discriminates against same-sex marriage, migrate to one that doesn't.

    Since I NEVER plan to get married - - not to a man a woman or an inbetween - - I don't give a damn where I live. As long as it's not Texas or Florida, of course.......

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    1. Jon,

      Never get married? Not even to an "in-between?" You make me smile Jon.

      How's that house sale going? Do I hear the Ozarks calling? I'm looking forward to see a bunch of beautiful photos when you move to your new home in those beautiful mountains of Arkansas.

      Ron

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  5. BUT, I don't WANT to move! Marriage equality is not enough reason for me to move. No state income tax is not enough reason to move. (I lived in Florida for 22 years with no state income tax.) I live here because I LOVE NORTH CAROLINA! Yes, we have those awful Repubs in power in Raleigh for the time being, but they won't make me move away. In fact, many of us try to downplay our state, and get upset when one of our cities is rated the best. Why, because we want to keep it a secret, and keep it for ourselves. Unfortunately, the word is out. Once someone is a tourist in NC, they want to live here. Moving for financial or political reasons to me is wrong. You won't find me moving anywhere!

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    1. David,

      I came SO CLOSE to moving to North Carolina. Of course my favorite part of the state is where I am hated the most for being a gay man. I have no doubt I would be dead within a year if I lived openly as a gay man in those hills of western North Carolina. Of course I could live/hide in the city like Johnson City of Asheville, but that's going back sixty years when I first came out in Pennsylvania after I got out of the service. The only way I could live openly as a gay man was to move to center city Philadelphia or Pittsburgh with the anonymity those cities provided for gay men and women in those pre-Stonewall days. At this time of my life I prefer not to go back into the closet just to make my fellow citizens feel "safe" and comfortable. I have no problem or complaint with my gay friends who prefer to live under that yoke of oppression but for me , it's not an option.

      It is a shame that North Carolina is so far behind the times as far as recognizing ALL of its citizens as equal because North Carolina is indeed a beautiful state in spite of the unbridled homophobia that resides in that state and much of the south.

      Ron

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  6. Ron, You write as though a gay couple were hermetically sealed off from the rest of the world: "You and me against the world, babe." (Spot the song.) People may have all sorts of ties and responsibilities that they cannot (in any reasonable sense of "cannot") turn their back on.

    Paul

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    1. Paul,

      I understand that not all gay couples can just pull up stakes and move. However, if they really want to get married they can make a trip to a state (there are thirteen of them now) and get married and go back to their home state. In the eyes of the Federal government they are married. Someone can correct me but I don't see what state "benefits" there are they the now legally married couple is missing. The purpose of my blog posting was those gay folks who complain (cry) that they "can't" get married. They can. Just do it.

      Ron

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  7. Dear me; what a hornet nest you rattled here Ron!
    I suppose it is just a matter of time when people do marry one place and challenge it other places. A slow erosion, to the better?

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    1. Dr. Spo,

      These crybabies really annoy me. They want everyone else to do the work while they sit back and enjoy all the financial gain. All they have to do is get off their butts and go to a state that recognizes marriage equality then go back to their regressive home state and shove it in their face.

      Ron

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