Thursday, January 24, 2013

"Liar, Liar Pants On Fire!" Answer




Hey folks, remember the "Liar, liar pants on fire" meme that I posted a few days ago?  Here are the four statements, one of which is a BIG FAT LIE.  

I asked one and all to identify the statement that wasn't true.


  1. I have sex once a week.
  2. I was a stutterer until my first grade teacher slapped me upside my head.
  3. I was 27 years old the first time I "pleasured" myself. 
  4. I am addicted to Doritos Blazing Buffalo and Ranch Chips.
  5. I lost over $200,000 in the great stock market meltdown of 2000

And the answer is (drum roll please!)

NUMBER 1

That's right folks, number 1 is an absolute lie because I am celibate.  Yes folks, hard as it is to believe I am celibate and have been since February 2005.  

Do I miss "it"?  Not as much as I probably would have if I was 21 years old.  Truth be told I've never really been a sexual person, although I do get turned on by men.  I'm more of a romantic.  Oh sure, I've been known to "indulge" but more of a passive nature when I was younger. 

WARNING!  Do not go any further is you get all icky by TMI from a 71 year old gay male.  

Okay?  Here goes:

First sexual experience 21 years old.  Spastic but enjoyable.

Passive sexual experiences up until I was 27 years old, somewhat enjoyable but I always had the feeling "is that all there is?"  

For the next ten years I had what would probably be considered the "standard" sexual experiences of any 27 to 37 year old gay male.  Now I know that you're thinking "That could include a LOT of stuff!"  Well, yes it could and I would be lying to you if I told you that I didn't dabble my big toe in that "stuff."  Again, I always had the feeling "Is that all there is?"  

My most enjoyable and happy experiences had less to do with the gymnastics of physical sex (which quite frankly I never got the hang of) and more of just "being" with somebody.  The closeness of somebody that I loved and respected and who, in turn respected me.  THAT is what really turns me on, not the "gymnastics" of "running up the numbers" (no pun intended).  Of course I've encountered difficulties with this attitude, even so far as to be accused of "not being gay."  Hey folks, I'm 100% homo, of that there is no question.

Now I'm not bragging or complaining, just stating facts.  I'm not passing judgement on my friends, gay and straight, who are "horn dogs."  Hey, if you like having sex and your sexual partner is up for it one, two three times a day or week; go for it.  That's just not the way I roll.

Of course I've encountered problems with my pedantic attitude towards sex with other men that I have befriended with over the years.  Either they thought I was coming on to them (which I wasn't) or they were coming on to me and expecting more (which I wasn't going to give them); either way the friendships became strained and eventually ended.  As one former friend (and now acquaintance) said in exasperation to me when he planted an uninvited kiss on me a few years ago after we returned from a dinner, "I can't figure you out."  Precisely, "can't we JUST be friends?"  

Yes folks, I'm celibate and that is just fine with me. 
That's me in the back to the right with the tilted mophead just as my hormones were beginning to kick in 5th grade 1953





27 comments:

  1. Well, you had me stumped. My guess was #5.
    One reason I enjoy your blog so much is because you are completely honest and not afraid to reveal personal things. That's very rare in Blogland.

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    Replies
    1. You got that right Jon! I am completely honest and it has gotten me into trouble more than once. I've lost friends and Bill won't read my blog anymore. However, I don't put everything in my blog, as I'm pretty sure you know. But everything I put in my blog is the truth. In real life there is no need to embellish or exaggerate as I am sure you also know. :)

      Ron

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  2. I thought #1 was the answer but because you had more, not less. I always inferred from your writing you were much more sexually active.

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    1. Sean,

      Oh my gosh no. When I was younger, yes, not now though. My goodness, that's what I'm inferring from my writing. I'm embarrassed. I do like men, don't get me wrong. But I've always been more turned on to just being with a good-looking, sexy man than the actual act itself. I've always had that "Is that all there is?" feeling almost every time I've done the sex act. I always had the feeling "There must be more." However, all is not lost. The last several years I have discovered the pleasure of "entertaining myself" with some favorite videos. I don't count masturbation as "having sex." In my posting I meant having sex with another person.

      Ron

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  3. I GOT IT RIGHT! what do I win?

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    1. Anne Marie,

      Well, not sex that's for sure! I'll give you a big hug when you're here for the Spo-A-Thon!.

      Ron

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    2. dammit! the hug will just HAVE to do! ;-)

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    3. I owe you a hug Anne Marie!

      Ron

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  4. So I guessed right! I few of these I could eliminate because you had mentioned them in previous posts. This was still a minefield.

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    1. Yes you did Sean. Just being honest. We all have "minefields" in our life. Not many want to make them public which I understand.

      Ron

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  5. Impressed by two-faced photo even tho I don't think of you as duplicitous. I had guessed #3 and hoped for #5, because I have lost a fortune or two and found it a very expensive recreation that I wouldn't wish on anybody.

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    1. Geo,

      I get a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I think about how much I lost in the stock market. I wasn't a day trader and didn't invest in the junk dot.com stocks, all my investments were solid albeit all in equities. I'm actually embarrassed that I let myself get suckered in. I am now convinced that the stock market is permanently fixed for the few in Wall Street. The average chump like me can never win in the stock market which in actuality is a giant gambling casino. The house always wins.

      Ron

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  6. Do you mind if I ask what made you decide to be celibate? Did something happen in 2005? (Ron, if you'd rather not answer, just delete this. I won't be offended.)

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    1. Sean,

      No, I don't mind you answering. Yes, something did happen in 2005. The man I had sex with (safe) in 2005 informed me he was HIV positive AFTER we had sex. I told him "You should have told me." He said "No, you should have asked." When I met this man (playing pool at a local gay bar), he kept pushing me to have unsafe sex (you know what kind). I don't like sex that way and didn't. Thus I had to get my third HIV test (which came out negative) and vowed from there on never to have sex with a human being again in my lifetime. When I die it will be of something other than AIDS. I've lost too many of my friends to AIDS. It's not a pretty death. I have a choice not to get AIDS and I won't. I was never that much into the sexual act anyway. As I said, get more pleasure being with someone that I like and respect. I don't need to get physical, never did.

      Ron

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  7. Nothing wrong with that. For 30+ years for me it's been Ronald Palmer and his 5 brothers...not much different I'm afraid. And like all other things, I refuse to judge based on things that don't affect me. So you're still cool in my book!

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    1. Jay,

      Maybe now some of my new friends will stop hitting on me and realize that two gay men can be just friends without sex getting in between us.

      Ron

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  8. Hi Ron, I found your honesty about your sexual encounters or lack of in recent times quite intriguing and refreshing. I have 2 gay brothers who both now live with woman but claim still to be gay. I believe they are physically active with their partners and indeed one is married with 2 girls. It is a funny old world. We are all different in our sexual drives and I feel it is great if you are at peace with your slant on sex and lack of importance to you. Indeed for some it can be quite an issue and it is hard to get it right at times between any couples. To misquote a line from When Harry Met Sally "it is impossible for a man and woman to be friends as the sex thing always gets in the way" I'm sure it applies to any relationships.

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    1. Paul,

      Thank you for your comment. I don't understand gay men who live with women and have sex with women. That fact will always puzzle me but as you say, we're all different in our sex drives. I feel sorry for my on friend who I have known since high school (same age as me) who is still trolling for sex every chance he gets. That's sexual addiction, just as bad as drug or alcohol addiction in my book.

      Ron

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  9. So very revealing, Ron - and totally understandable.
    In the light of your little 'meme', and anticipating (correctly) your answer, I was considering blogging a similar one. But my own 'revelatory' answer would give rise to either amazement or too much cloying sympathy, and I'm not in the mood - and anyway, I'm more chicken than you!
    But your posting here tells me that you and I are even more similar than I'd thought up to now.

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    1. Ray,

      I was hesitant to reveal too much and was careful because I didn't want to offend my female blog followers with TMI about my sex life. But I thought some of my gay followers would like to know my path, which I don't think is all that unusual as you confirmed.

      One of my biggest problems when I was in the full bloom of youth was making friends with another gay guy without the sex. In fact, I still have that problem. Most of the gay men I know think sex has to be part of the relationship. Not me. Especially today with the high risk of STD's and just dangerous persons. Besides, I just don't have the energy to go trolling for sex, nor the desire. I feel sorry for some of my friends, who are the same age as me, still horn dogging for the next dick.

      Ron

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    2. not offended, honey...post anything you damn well please!

      Delete
  10. Hi Ron, I found your honesty about your sexual encounters or lack of in recent times quite intriguing and refreshing. I have 2 gay brothers who both now live with woman but claim still to be gay. I believe they are physically active with their partners and indeed one is married with 2 girls. It is a funny old world. We are all different in our sexual drives and I feel it is great if you are at peace with your slant on sex and lack of importance to you. Indeed for some it can be quite an issue and it is hard to get it right at times between any couples. To misquote a line from When Harry Met Sally "it is impossible for a man and woman to be friends as the sex thing always gets in the way" I'm sure it applies to any relationships.

    2:51 AM

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    1. Paul,

      Thank you for your comment. You bring up a point that has always puzzled me. The first man I had sexual relations with (he seduced me), was married with three small children. That was many years ago (1965). Last year I wrote a blog posting about "My First Time." One of his grown children contacted me and asked "Was my father really gay?" I assured him that his father was gay, at least when he seduced me. Much to my surprise I found out that this man had married again and had two more children. Plus, he also had two children out of wedlock before he met me. At the end of his life he was living with a much younger man. Who knows what drives people but when he "seduced me" (and I was a willing if inexperienced participate), he sure seemed to know what he was doing.

      Ron

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  11. Ron,
    Ah, I got it right. Od course, you have given me a lot of TMI over the years.
    Interesting post.

    Lar

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    1. Lar,

      We all have an "interesting" history. The only difference is that some of us don't tell and some like me put it all out there. Well, just about all of it. I do keep some to myself that will disappear when I disappear.

      Ron

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  12. Either I knew the answer or my intuitition got it right - #1
    I have to watch myself with patients who are not sexually active for I see an active sex life as an integral part of human health and happiness (well, at least mine) and not to impose this on others. Not everyone has The Touch of Tiberius as it were. WHen people are flabbergasted with Catholic men and women taking vows of celibacy "Oh how can the DO that?" - I know this is not as hard as the vow of obedience for example.

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    1. Dr. Spo,

      When I say "celibate" I mean having sex with another person. That is just not feasible either at my age (too old to be catting around or attract anybody of interest to me) of this age of STD's. I do have sex with myself. You understand.

      Ron

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