My Friend

2010

My friend, who shall remain nameless to protect his privacy will be moving into an assisted care facility next week.  Actually, he needs total care but his partner is with him and will help him.

This picture was taken in the summer of 2010, the last time my friend visited me and Bill at our home.  He almost backed into the house.  Backing out of the driveway, he almost knocked over our neighbor's mailbox.  After those near misses we decided that was the last time we could have him drive his own car over to our house.  Actually, we were more afraid that he would injure himself or someone else on Route 1, which he has to cross to get to our house.

I won't go into all the details of my friend's decline only to say it is a combination of Parkinson's and dementia.  The last time I saw him was last week.  He was very confused and paranoid.  I'm not sure if he even knew who I was.

 I'm kneeling in on the left, my friend standing behind me- Ft. Devens, Mass - 1960

I met him when I was in the Army in 1960.  We both went to school together at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts.  Best friends, we never knew each other was gay.  No, we didn't have secret crushes on each other, we're not each other's "types."  However, we did remain good friends over the years.

Surprise birthday party for my friend - Philadelphia 1982

We both worked in center city Philadelphia for many years.  Then came a time when my friend grew tired of the rat race and left his job for the anonymity of rural southern Delaware.  His income took a major hit but he was happy.  He was free.  No more  daily commuting to Philadelphia from his home in Norwood, PA.  No more jumping through hoops for his bosses.  No more stepping over the homeless on his way to and from work.  Freedom!

One of the many lunches we used to have when we both worked in Philadelphia

After he moved to Delaware I often visited him at his single wide trailer on twenty-acres of wooded land which he called "The Ranch."  It was a getaway for me, him and many of his other friends.  We all just happened to be gay but no orgies.  Well, maybe a few if we got lucky at the bars but that's another blog entry.

Weekend at "The Ranch" 1980

When it came time for me to retire of course my first choice was southern Delaware where my friend lived.  I loved the relaxed way of life.  I loved the low taxes.  I loved the growing gay community where I felt more comfortable to be who I am.  Freedom!

About ten years ago I started to notice certain signs that things with my friend weren't quite right.  I pushed them out of my mind.  However, over the years these "signs" began accumulating until I no longer felt I was imagining things.

Gradually, my nightly phone calls to my friend to exchange the latest gossip, complaints,  jokes and endless repeating of war stories from our Army days drifted off to a few a week, then a few a month and now I don't call at all because no one is at the end of the line.

The last time I visited him was last week.  I don't think he knew who I was.  This morning Bill went down to visit him and his partner, they were there but didn't answer the door.

Next week I understand they are moving into an assisted living facility.

Many of my friends from my Army days have died.  Many of my classmates have died.  I still have two good friends left from high school, one of which I talk to almost everyday on FaceTime.  I make every day count.  I take nothing for granted.  Time is slipping away.

Probably never to be repeated again - one of our many dinners out at local cafes in Delaware