|Is Bill wondering why he puts up with me?|
Monday, April 30, 2012
Raison d'être Redux
Here I am back addressing the meaning of my life...again. My last post explored raison d'être or the meaning of life.
After I published that post I realized I left out the main reason for my existence. How could I? Only one of my blog followers caught my error. Thanks Scott of "Bigger Than My Heart".
Of course my reason for existence is to provide security, peace and happiness for the love of my life, Bill Kelly.
Too often I take this wonderful man for granted. Too often I assume that my life of having the total love of a man such as Bill as normal state of affairs. Then I look around and see other gay men I know who are either in dysfunctional relationships or alone.
In my hubris I assume a lot of these guys are alone because they are douches, not very nice people. Actually most of them aren't. They are selfish, grasping, opportunistic and self-serving. I look at them and think "You deserve to be alone because you're just not very nice."
But then I take a good look at myself and see many of the same characteristics that I deride in so many of the gay men I know. Notice that I don't call them my friends because they are not my friends, just men I know who happen to be gay. I don't have any gay men who I can call true friends (bloggers are in a different category).
Now this is how fortunate I am. I have Bill. Bill loves me in spite of all my faults, of which I have many that I am not ashamed to admit. God knows no one else would put up with me the way Bill has for the past forty-seven years. Hey, I wouldn't put up with me!
So to correct my last post which addressed my reason for living: Bill Kelly.
I've been told many times over the years that I don't deserve Bill. I have always attributed these remarks to jealousy on the part of the person making that statement.
Perhaps I don't deserve Bill. But I'll tell one and all this one fact, I have and always will provide for Bill and happy, secure and peaceful life. Bill is my raison d'être.