Saturday, August 13, 2011

There Is Not a Day That Goes By....

Nancy (my niece), John (my brother) and Betty Tipton (my Mom)


that I don't think of her and miss her.

My Mother died last September 16th, after a long illness.  Towards the end she wasn't herself but she was still my Mom.

In October of 2009 my brother John and his wife came up from their home in South Carolina and to my Mom's home outside of Downingtown Pennsylvania.  My Mom had lived in that home since 1958.  My father died in August of 2000.  My other brother Isaac has lived with our Mom since then taking care of her.  However, last year she needed more care, so against her wishes but to keep her out of a nursing home, we moved her to my brother's home in Greenville, South Carolina.  There she was well taken care of, but very homesick.

In June of 2010 Bill and I took a trip south to visit her in Greenville and to visit Bill's hometown in Toccoa Georgia.  I had suspected that it was probably the last time I would see her and I was right.  She died three months later.

Two days ago I had an indication of my own mortality.  All kinds of thoughts went racing through my head, most of them not comforting.  But I did have one undeniably comforting thought.  If I should depart from this earth, the one thing that gives me a great deal of comfort is that someday I may see my Mom again.  If not, and if death is the Great Sleep, then this pain of missing her everyday will finally go away.

For you see, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her.  I had her for 68 years but that wasn't enough.  She was part of me and now that she is gone I am not whole.  When thoughts of her threatened to overwhelm me, I think of something else because I just can't deal with the pain of never talking to her ever.  I knew when she died last year that I would never be the same.  And I am not.

But I keep busy with my day to day activities.  I keep thoughts of her far in the distance.  I don't want to deal with it.

But this afternoon, while going through my many backed up e-mail messages I got this one from my great niece Lauren that contained some pictures of my Mother towards the end that I had never seen before.  These weren't the kind of pictures my brother John was sending to me.  The pictures where everyone was posing for the cameras.  Instead these were candid shots that captured The Moment.  The one of my brother with his arm around his mom and my niece Nancy is especially touching.

John had moved from Pennsylvania to South Carolina about thirty years ago.  He didn't see as much of his mom as Isaac and I did.  I'm glad he had this time with our Mom.  Maybe someday I will again see her.  If not then I know when I am gone the pain of her loss will finally end.

Mom, John and Lauren Payne (John's granddaughter)



6 comments:

  1. I just finished reading the last 3 posts as I was working.
    I am so sorry Ron. My ex father in law had prostate cancer 16 years ago. He is 90 now and doing well.
    I like to think spirits of loved ones are still around. You can talk to them and just know that even if you can't hear them, they only wish you the best and love you.
    As they say, life is too short, but it can also be very long when you are not having fun. That is why we just have to cherish every day and tomorrow "is another day".
    You have such a great outlook on life, I know you will do just fine and expect you to keep on posting for many more years.

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  2. Nadege,

    I just had three depressing posts didn't I? I try to avoid the "down" posts but I have to post what happens. Actually, I am doing pretty good now. This new "event" is just another speed bump in my life adventure. You are right, I have a basically great outlook on life. I have ever since I was a little kid and didn't know anything (as if I did now. :)
    I fully expect to be around many more years. If not, then I've had a good run. No complaints from this quarter.
    Thank you again for your always welcomed comments. You have a great outlook on life too!

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  3. anne marie in philly2:33 AM

    my grandmom is always present, even though I cannot physically see her.

    and you probably carry the teachings your mom gave you; pass those to someone else and she lives on!

    and I second nadege - you still have more ass to kick, so you WILL be here on earth for a while.

    wheeeeeee, what a ride!

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  4. John is still more handsome than you ;)

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  5. I agree with you 100% Tai!

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  6. Anne Marie,

    Half of me is my Mother and the other half my father. What a mix! I go the best from my mother. My father's part I have to live with.

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