Sunday, June 12, 2011

Another Friend Gone

Click on the music above as I pay a tribute to our friend "Jay."

We haven't heard from our friend "Jay", AKA Calvin T. Avery for sometime.  Every summer for the past half dozen years he has visited Rehoboth Beach with his friend Ed.  "Jay" would almost always stop by and stay for a little visit.

"Jay" and me during one of his many visits to our home in Delaware

Two years ago, while on a family vacation in North Carolina Jay had an emergency hospital visit which resulted in him undergoing a colostomy operation.  The next time we saw Jay he was wearing a colostomy bag and he was undergoing chemotherapy treatments for colon cancer.

Jay still stopped by for visits and was always in the same good humor that he was before his operation.  One night he even stayed overnight, the only house guest we've had to stay in my "Mom's Room", a distinction still unmated by anybody else (we don't have many house guests).

Sometime this past Fall Jay stopped communicating with Bill by phone or e-mail. We both assumed that he dropped the friendship because both Bill and I had dropped our friendship with his friend Ed (which is another whole story I won't get into here).

Yesterday Bill decided to take a search in the Social Security Death Index just to make sure that Jay hadn't died.  Well, much to our sadness, Jay did die.  He died this past November 27th, the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Now we know why he didn't call.

I hope wherever Jay is now he is at peace.

Every time someone from my life leaves this world, I feel as if the Musical Chairs of Life are diminishing.  While I don't fear death (which I don't - I only fear how I'm going to die), I am concerned with what a lonely world this is going to be when most of my friends and relatives are gone before me.  I remember something my grandfather said when he reached the grand old age of 87years old:

"Ronnie, life isn't the same when all my friends are gone.  There is no one now."  

I just can't imagine.  I don't even want think about it.

Goodbye Jay.

Calvin T. "Jay" Avery
April 11, 1944 - November 27, 2010


  1. Anonymous11:19 PM

    Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.

  2. Sad story, Ron. I'm sure Jay would have been flattered and touched by your eloquent tribute and fine, moving choice of video. Whenever someone we've known leaves us, one cannot help but feel diminished oneself.

  3. Ron,

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. It is always sad to me to see someone, even if I don't know them, die so young and yes 66 is too young.

    My father said a similar thing to me earlier this year when I visited, "The only bad thing about getting old is all your buddies are gone."

    Its a strange age we've reached, isn't it, where we check the obituaries daily to see if any names we know have passed and too often find one.


  4. 3rdnlong,
    Thank you for your lovely and thoughtful comment.

  5. Ray,
    You are so right. Whenever a friend leaves us we do feel diminished. We only knew Jay for about five years but his presence brought many smiles to our lives. He was a gentle soul. I'm finding one of the really bad things about getting old is how many friends like this I am losing and I do feel less when they are gone. I can never replace them.

  6. Lar,

    Who would have ever thought we would have survived this long? Frankly, I am surprised. I was sure that I would have an early death. All my life I always wanted to be first. This is one time I'm glad I'm not.

  7. Ron, I'm so very sorry. I've only lost a few friends over the years and that was years ago(AIDS). But it will be odd when no one around me remembers the "good old days".
    Take care. Mark

  8. Mark,

    My friends are slowly dropping off. I can see it now. I'll be the only one left standing.

  9. So sorry for the passing of your friend. Consider yourself fortunate to have had a friend worth missing.


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