|Wheel me in!|
"Preparation Eve" refers to the fact that tomorrow I begin preparation for my colonoscopy that is to take place 10 a.m., Tuesday, April 26th.
Even this is my FOURTH time around, I am dreading it. The "it" isn't the colonoscopy itself, that's a breeze. The "it" I'm talking about is the PREPARATION the day before. Anyone who has ever gone through this 'clean out' procedure knows whereof I speak. I HATE IT.
Here is the list of why I hate the Prep:
- I starve for a day - no food after 10 am of the day before the procedure. Oh, I can 'eat' clear chicken broth (ever "eat" chicken broth) and drink clear liquids like clear grape juice. "Clear"is the operative word here. Of course everything I drink is colored purple (grape juice) or brown (iced tea). As a special 'treat' I can have Jello. Big whoop! I hate Jello. Jello reminds of hospitals. Even so, I made up a batch of lime Jello. Can't wait until I have that for 'dinner' tomorrow washed down with white grape juice. Yum.
- I have to drink this awful liquid - this liquid is different from what I had to drink before but somehow I doubt if it is any better tasting. All I know is that by the time I'm halfway through my allotted drinking, I feel like a blow fish and I have liquid coming out both ends. Towards the end (no pun intended) I can hardly make it to the bathroom after I down the glass of that vile concoction.
- I have to dress in a smock with an open back - this actually isn't too bad because I'm knocked out before I really have a chance to be embarrassed by exposing my ass cheeks to one and all at the clinic who prepare me for the
- I have a family history of colon cancer - my uncle Sam and cousin Jeffery waited until it was too late because they "didn't want anybody sticking a tube up their ass" (quoting my uncle Sam). They are not here now.
- Chances of decking colon cancer early are good. My good friend (and former boss) regularly gets a colonoscopy. Five years ago during a routine colonoscopy cancer was discovered. He had an operation that saved his life. His doctor told him if he had waited until the symptoms showed he would probably be dead now.
- I have a predisposition to developing polyps. During my last colonoscopy they discovered two polyps. I was lucky, they were not malignant. If I had waited I could have had a different, deadly outcome.
- You get a legal 'high'. Getting knocked out is actually fun. You're talking one second and the next second they're telling you to fart out the air in your stomach. WHAT? You're done already? So this is what it's like to get high? Not that I would know.
- I get to live longer. If cancer is discovered an operation can be performed to remove the cancer and my chances of living a long and productive (and blogging) life are greatly increased.
To read about someone else's colonoscopy 'adventure', read the Dallas Maverick's owner Mark Cuban's experience which he posted on his blog. Click here.
|"Be gentle Doc"|