|Me at the Seaside Endoscopy Pavilion this morning prior to my appointment|
I passed! No polyps! No cancer! The doctor said I'm good for another five years. HOORAY!
This morning Bill (my Designated Drive) and I left early for my 10 a.m. appointment at the Seaside Gastroenterology Consultants unit in Lewes. I walked myself to the front desk and announced my arrival. They were expecting me. I'm woozy from not eating (except for some clear chicken broth and lime Jello) since 8:30 am (breakfast) yesterday. I'm weak from the 'cleansing" (a nice word for 'the shits'). My ass is raw. In fact it is burning. That 'lemon-lime hell' concoction that I had to drink did that.
The woman at the window hands me the form to fill out. Asks to see my insurance cards and driver's license. I took a seat and filled out the forms. Then I waited.
At 5 minutes to ten a bubbly man comes out and announces my name. IT"S TIME!
He tells me his name is "Bobby" and he is a nurse that will 'get me ready'. Okay. I've been here before.
|Most of my clothes in a clear plastic bag - I would soon be necked except for that blue smock with the open back|
Bobby was very personable as he confirmed my name and asked me to confirm why I was there (to get my ass(hole) checked actually). I filled out some more forms then he gave me a plastic back to put ALL MY CLOTHES IN except my socks. Uh huh, usually when I take off ALL MY CLOTHES the socks go off too but this is a different scenario if you know what I mean. He handed me a one of those blue-green smocks with the open back to replace my clothes. I immediately thought of Steve Martin in "Father of the Bride Part II" when he got his colonoscopy. Hilarious. And here I was, tying a bow (lot of good that was going to do to keep the back close) at the back of my smock on the neck.
While we're waiting my turn Bobby and I were chatting and I found out that he and his partner Larry have been together for 31 years. I asked him if he knew about our Friday Night Dine Out Group. He did not so I extended an invitation which he readily accepted. Also while we were talking I made sure that Bobby knew I wanted to be 'knocked out' during the procedure. The last time I had a colonoscopy at the VA in Wilmington I wasn't completely knocked out. I was groggy and slipping in and out of consciousness. Even though I was in no pain I didn't like the muffled sounds and all the pushing and shoving. Not a good experience. Bobby assured me they 'would 'take care of me.'
Then it was TIME. I was wheeled in to meet my doctor (for the first time) who was going to perform the procedure. Two other woman appeared and they said they were going to assist the doctor. All were friendly and welcoming. I wasn't cold. I was comfortable. Again, I wanted to make sure I was 'knocked out' during the procedure and they assured me 'that would be taken care of.'
Then I heard some rustling and the doctor appeared. A friendly face who introduced himself to me. As the saying goes "Don't you think we should go on a date before we proceed with this procedure?" But then I'm thinking of Steve Martin again.
One of the ladies asked me to turn over on my left side. Oh here we go. The back of my smock falls open exposing my 69 year old saggy ass cheeks. I leave it open. What's to hide? I feel the cool breeze on my backside. Then someone (one of the ladies) pulls my smock closed. That was nice of her, affording me some protection of my dignity. I must admit after having a sphincterotomy some years ago, I have no embarrassment left as far as exposing my rear nether regions. The time I had to go back and bend over to show my doctor and his Miss Universe quality Vietnamese student doctor how well my new sphincter muscle healed did away with any embarrassment I have in that area.
So there I am talking to everyone and the next thing I remember I'm waking up! Hey, this is what I love about getting a colonoscopy.
One of woman asks if I would like something to drink. I told her I would because the last time I had a drink of liquid was last night. She gave me some ginger ale which tasted wonderful. She asked if I would like to see my driver, which would be Bill. She went off to get him.
|Don't I look a mess now?|
She came back with Bill. I asked Bill to take some pictures of me with his iPhone so I could post them to this blog. After some grumbling (Bill hates to use a camera) he agreed and took some shaky, fuzzy pictures. You'll see a picture of me looking very groggy. That's the way I look folks when I come out of a deep sleep. Not pretty. Now you know why I sleep alone.
|"Bobby", my nurse - could not have been better!|
The doctor came in with the good news: "No polyps and no cancer. See you in five years!" That my friends is the BEST NEWS I've heard in a long time. Tell you a secret, I thought I had 'something." I'm glad it was just my imagination. After seeing my uncle and cousin die from colon cancer and a good friend narrowly miss death from colon cancer, I am very aware of how important it is to catch this cancer early.
|My doctor with the GOOD NEWS!|
Bill and I left and immediately went to the Rehoboth Diner. Bill hates to go to restaurants but agreed to take me to the Rehoboh Diner which has the absolute BEST Eggplant Parmesan around. Today was no exception. I ordered a strawberry milkshake and French Fries for Bill and we had a DELIGHTFUL LUNCH.
|Bill's lunch - strawberry milkshake and French Fries|
I came home, updated my blog with my "Dancing With the Stars" review, took my nap and here I am...ready to get back on a regular routine again. Life is good.