Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Good For Another Five Years!

Me at the Seaside Endoscopy Pavilion this morning prior to my appointment

I passed!  No polyps!  No cancer!  The doctor said I'm good for another five years.  HOORAY!

This morning Bill (my Designated Drive) and I left early for my 10 a.m. appointment at the Seaside Gastroenterology Consultants  unit in Lewes.  I walked myself to the front desk and announced my arrival. They were expecting me.  I'm woozy from not eating (except for some clear chicken broth and lime Jello) since 8:30 am (breakfast) yesterday.  I'm weak from the 'cleansing" (a nice word for 'the shits').  My ass is raw.  In fact it is burning.  That 'lemon-lime hell' concoction that I had to drink did that.

The woman at the window hands me the form to fill out.  Asks to see my insurance cards and driver's license.  I took a seat and filled out the forms.  Then I waited.  

At 5 minutes to ten a bubbly man comes out and announces my name.  IT"S TIME!

He tells me his name is "Bobby" and he is a nurse that will 'get me ready'.  Okay. I've been here before.  

Most of my clothes in a clear plastic bag - I would soon be necked except for that blue smock with the open back

Bobby was very personable as he confirmed my name and asked me to confirm why I was there (to get my ass(hole) checked actually).  I filled out some more forms then he gave me a plastic back to put ALL MY CLOTHES IN except my socks.  Uh huh, usually when I take off ALL MY CLOTHES the socks go off too but this is a different scenario if you know what I mean.  He handed me a one of those blue-green smocks with the open back to replace my clothes. I immediately thought of Steve Martin in "Father of the Bride Part II" when he got his colonoscopy.  Hilarious.  And here I was, tying a bow (lot of good that was going to do to keep the back close) at the back of my smock on the neck.

While we're waiting my turn Bobby and I were chatting and I found out that he and his partner Larry have been together for 31 years.  I asked him if he knew about our Friday Night Dine Out Group.  He did not so I extended an invitation which he readily accepted.  Also while we were talking I made sure that Bobby knew I wanted to be 'knocked out' during the procedure.  The last time I had a colonoscopy at the VA in Wilmington I wasn't completely knocked out.  I was groggy and slipping in and out of consciousness.  Even though I was in no pain I didn't like the muffled sounds and all the pushing and shoving.  Not a good experience.  Bobby assured me they 'would 'take care of me.'

Then it was TIME.  I was wheeled in to meet my doctor (for the first time) who was going to perform the procedure.  Two other woman appeared and they said they were going to assist the doctor.  All were friendly and welcoming.  I wasn't cold.  I was comfortable. Again, I wanted to make sure I was 'knocked out' during the procedure and they assured me 'that would be taken care of.'

Then I heard some rustling and the doctor appeared.  A friendly face who introduced himself to me.  As the saying goes "Don't you think we should go on a date before we proceed with this procedure?"  But then I'm thinking of Steve Martin again.

One of the ladies asked me to turn over on my left side.  Oh here we go.  The back of my smock falls open exposing my 69 year old saggy ass cheeks.  I leave it open.  What's to hide?  I feel the cool breeze on my backside.  Then someone (one of the ladies) pulls my smock closed.  That was nice of her, affording me some protection of my dignity.  I must admit after having a sphincterotomy some years ago, I have no embarrassment left as far as exposing my rear nether regions.  The time I had to go back and bend over to show my doctor and his Miss Universe quality Vietnamese student doctor how well my new sphincter muscle healed did away with any embarrassment I have in that area.  

So there I am talking to everyone and the next thing I remember I'm waking up!  Hey, this is what I love about getting a colonoscopy.  

One of woman asks if I would like something to drink.  I told her I would because the last time I had a drink of liquid was last night. She gave me some ginger ale which tasted wonderful.  She asked if I would like to see my driver, which would be Bill.  She went off to get him.  

Don't I look a mess now?

She came back with Bill.  I asked Bill to take some pictures of me with his iPhone so I could post them to this blog.  After some grumbling (Bill hates to use a camera) he agreed and took some shaky, fuzzy pictures.  You'll see a picture of me looking very groggy.  That's the way I look folks when I come out of a deep sleep. Not pretty.  Now you know why I sleep alone.  

"Bobby", my nurse - could not have been better!

The doctor came in with the good news:  "No polyps and no cancer.  See you in five years!"   That my friends is the BEST NEWS I've heard in a long time.  Tell you a secret, I thought I had 'something."  I'm glad it was just my imagination.  After seeing my uncle and cousin die from colon cancer and a good friend narrowly miss death from colon cancer, I am very aware of how important it is to catch this cancer early.

My doctor with the GOOD NEWS!  

Bill and I left and immediately went to the Rehoboth Diner.  Bill hates to go to restaurants but agreed to take me to the Rehoboh Diner which has the absolute BEST Eggplant Parmesan around. Today was no exception.  I ordered a strawberry milkshake and French Fries for Bill and we had a DELIGHTFUL LUNCH.  

Bill's lunch - strawberry milkshake and French Fries 

I came home, updated my blog with my "Dancing With the Stars" review, took my nap and here I am...ready to get back on a regular routine again.  Life is good.


  1. Ron,

    Man, that is a lot of french fries! I would love the milk shake. Haven't had one for a while. Glad everything checked out clean...and I know you are really clean at the moment. Don't you just love those air conditioned smocks they give you? Just the thing for warm days. Nothing like a little back breeze.

    Nice to read something to cheer me up what with a cat dying this morning.


  2. Lar,

    I'm so sorry to hear that one of your cats died this morning. Who died? It never is easy is it?

    Yes, the 'air conditioned smocks'. Very breezy for sure.

    Did you notice that that milkshake was in an old fashioned container just like the Fifties? Bill said it was the best milk shake he's had in years. The next time you and Lois are down for a visit we'll have to dine at the Rehoboth Diner. I know you'll like it. It brings back memories of the old Dick Thomas's of Exton. They don't have restaurants like that anymore.

    Oh yes, I'm 'clean." I'm working on filling up my intestines now.

    Again, I'm sorry about your loss. Give my best to Lois and your family. Always sad to lose a friend.

  3. Your doctor is cute!

  4. Yes Nathan, I thought so too!

  5. Really WONDERFUL news, Ron. (Phew!) Get those bells ringing!
    So, barring the unexpected, that's it for another 5 years? Mighty relief all round. Now let's get back to more fun subjects - though your story about Bobby etc above lightened things up a bit. Very best wishes for the next five...and beyond.

    (Btw; although I'm not familiar with Larry above, I certainly do feel for the loss of his little furry one. Something we all dread coming around. So sad.)

  6. Ron,

    It was Ridge. I had put some pictures of him and that he had died on Facebook last evening.


  7. Glad everything turned out okay. And that eggplant parm looks delicious!

  8. Glad to hear you got the all clear!

  9. Ray,

    Thanks! I am so relieved the whole procedure is over with. My friend "Lar" is from my grade school days. He and his family care for cats in their home that no one else wants to adopt from the shelter. Most of their cats are older cats. Every loss hurts. I feel bad for him and his family.

  10. Thanks Rick! That Eggplant Parm that I had at the Rehoboth Diner is way better than mine (which is good, don't get me wrong). Theirs is so good because they fry the breaded eggplant slices just right. I don't fry anything in my house because I have an open floor plan and I don't want to 'grease up' the house. My eggplant is good but nothing beats a fried Eggplant Parmesan. If you're ever down this way (with your honey) I'll treat you to a Rehoboth Diner Eggplant Parmesan!

  11. Ron, that post was so funny! I cringed and laughed at all of the details. I'm still laughing now. Good to know that you are healthy and will stay in Blogerville for awhile.
    And, your doctor is yummy!
    Your Friend, m.

  12. Anonymous8:35 AM

    Glad to hear everything turned out alright and they let you out on the streets again with a 'OK'-stamp on your behind. You never know :D


  13. Awesome news! Congrats, Ron!

  14. Glad to hear that your colonoscopy had a happy ending (sorry, couldn't resist that bad pun).

  15. Thank you Will! I have a hard time resisting puns too. ;)

  16. Thank you Kim. That's a load off of my mind!

  17. Thanks Mark! Yes, my doctor was nice. First time I met him. I wasn't displeased.

  18. Ron I'm so glad to hear you got the all clear, what a relief it must have been after worrying that there was something.

  19. Yes "Betty", that is a load off of my mind. I was worried that I had something mainly because I know too many people who have had colon cancer. I'm not ready to go yet. I got a pass this time. Something will get me eventually but it won't be colon cancer this time anyway!

  20. Congrats to you Ron. I'm glad everything turned out well for you. During this time I was in the ER getting someone to look at my foot which sure enough turned out to be gout. They should call it GOUCH! as it hurts like hell. The older I get the aliments keep mounting.

  21. Stan,

    Sorry to hear that you have gout. A good friend of mine has the same condition. He also said it is very painful. He likes to take long walks in the woods and this condition is affecting him. My ailment is an aching back. It's just something I manage the best I can. However, after standing for hours at work (behind the front desk at the hotel), my back is aching big time. Getting old.


Comments are always welcome except from SPAM bloggers. I answer all comments. Have a great day!