Monday, April 25, 2011

The Colonoscopy Diet

Lunch - six ounces clear chicken broth (Swanson)


Hey folks.  Want a sure fire diet?  Try the Colonoscopy Diet.  Guaranteed to drop 2 to 3 pounds of of body weight in ONE DAY!  I've been trying (without much success) to drop another 2 to 3 pounds (to 160) for two months now.  I lost two pounds already!  So if you want to lose weight (but don't want a life) try this diet:


I just had my lunch of 6 ounces of clear chicken broth.  Oh man was that delicious!  Then, guess what I had for dessert?  A lime Jello.  WOW!  I am stuffed.


Dessert - four ounces lime Jello (fat free) YUM!




At two o'clock (a little less than an hour from now) I mix my first bottle of vile foul tasting "Suprep Bowel Prep Kit liquid with 8 ounces of water and SWALLOW IT.  Then within the next hour I have to take two more 8 ounces of water to dilute the vile foul tasting liquid.  Of course this is right at my nap time of 2 o'clock but that is of minor consideration today.


I repeat this whole process at 6 pm tonight.  I figure by the time I'm watching "Dancing With the Stars"tonight I'll be doing my own 'dancing' to the loo. 


Tomorrow at 10 a.m.  That is when I my rear nether regions get violated examined with a long, rubber, flexible instrument by a doctor in Lewes.  This procedure is called a colonoscopy.  This procedure may save my life.  The inconvenience and humiliation is well worth it.  Still, I'll be glad when this is all over with and I can go back to normal or what passes for 'normal' around these parts.  


Half an hour to go until I drink the Suprep Bowel Prep Kit.  Oh I can't wait!




Appetizing


6 comments:

  1. Um, no thanks. I'll stick with that Eggplant Parmesan that you promised to make for me this Summer.
    m.

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  2. Oh, the pleasures of getting older! I'll probably be having my first one in about a year; thanks for filling me in as to what it will be like.

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  3. Mark,

    I just took it. It was worse than I thought. See my video.

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  4. Buddy Bear,

    It is NOT something to look forward to. I'll be so glad when this day is over. Only once every five years thank God.

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  5. Ron,

    Just do it right so that they can get a good reading and don't make you repeat it!

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  6. Great advice Will! I don't want to have to go through this again for at least another five years!

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