Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Colonoscopy Day

Well folks, the DAY has finally arrived.  This morning I get my innards check out for colon cancer.  Yes, it is COLONOSCOPY DAY.  

Last night....where do I begin?  After taking my second helping of the bowel preparation or 'Suprep Bowel Prep' which is a mixture of sodium sulfate, potassium sulfate and magnesium sulfate or "lemon-lime hell" as my blogger friend Nathan ("Broke Bitch") accurately calls it, the blowout began.

Usually around 6 pm at night I take my daily walk in the development behind me.  After doing Round Two on the Lemon and Lime Hell, I briefly thought of doing a quick walk but then decided against it for fear of the bowel cleansing solution kicking in.  Oh man was that ever a good decision!

Fifteen minutes after I took the 16 ounces of Lemon and Lime Hell, my stomach started to cramp up.  The instructions said to take another 32 ounces of clear water within an hour of the swallowing of the Lemon and Lime Hell.  I thought "Why not just get this over with?" and I drank all 32 ounces of water within a half an hour.

Shortly after I bloated myself with all this liquid in my stomach I felt like Humpty Dumpty ready to burst.  And burst I did!  Off to the bathroom and the PorcelainThrone.  That is where I spent most of the night.  Yes folks, I....let's see, what is the word I can use?  Oh hell, I shit my brains out until my ass was raw!  

I didn't want to miss "Dancing With the Stars" so I made good use of my Pause button on my DVR while watching Kirstie and Maks and all the rest of the DWTS dance to their "Guilty Pleasures" last night.  And yes, I will post my review of last night's show after I return from my colonoscopy today.

Now I get ready for my procedure which takes place in about three hours.  

See you all later today (hopefully)!


  1. Not the best post to be reading while eating my oatmeal.

    Good luck today.

  2. It sounds like you had a shitty evening.
    Your Friend, m.

  3. You're gonna be fine, Ron! See ya!

  4. Sean,

    Oh, I am sorry. My apologies. Just telling it like it is. At least I didn't say my ass felt like it was on fire (which it did). ;)

  5. Mark,

    I shit so much that my ass (hole) was on fire. I could say something like "My ass felt like a whore's......" but this is a 'family blog' (sometimes) and women read it so I'll let my analogies pass this time. You get the idea though. Thank God it's over and I'm free for another five years!

  6. Tai,

    You were right! I am fine! Other than being full of gas right now.

  7. Colon cancer is cancer of the large intestine (colon), the lower part of your digestive system. Rectal cancer is cancer of the last 8 to 10 inches of the colon. Together, they are often referred to as colorectal cancers , and they make up the second-leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the United States. Only lung cancer claims more lives.


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