Sunday, April 26, 2009
Just as I had feared, the cold winds and rain of our long delayed spring has morphed right into the August like heat and humidity. I sit at my computer now, drenched in sweat lightheaded from my short excursion a bit of yard work this afternoon. I cannot work outside in this heat and humidity. Perhaps the temperature will be more hospitable early this evening.
This morning I made another attempt to find the Odd Fellows' Cemetery in Milford to full fill a Find a Grave.com photo request. This is the first cemetery I have visited that is not identified by a sign or some kind of marker. Bill and I asked several people who live in the area and they didn't know the name of the cemetery either. The cemetery is located at the intersection of several busy roads and next to a low income housing project. This is another "first." No quiet, tranquil country setting searching for peaceful souls in repose this hot Sunday morning.
I pulled into the unmarked cemetery and parked my car. Bill got out the umbrella to shade himself from the early morning oppressive heat. He went in one direction and I went in another direction, looking for the graves of John Marlarkey, Sr. and Jr. and Grace Patterson. It soon became evident to me that I was on a Fool's Mission. All of a sudden memories of looking for house numbers while address canvassing for my short lived Census job started to overwhelm me. Only this time I wouldn't be bothering live people watering their lawns or building handrails on their back decks.
This cemetery must have at least 10,000 graves, if that. Thousands and thousands of headstones. I made a quick run through (about an hours) eyeballing as many headstones as I could, think maybe I would get lucky. It didn't happen.
While I was in the cemetery I received a phone call from a friend of mine that I was supposed to meet for dinner tonight in Rehoboth Beach. The past year or so, a few of us have started an informal tradition of meeting for a burger at the Purple Parrot. I decided not to attend tonight's dinner and had sent him an e-mail informing him of the same. He wanted to know if everything was "alright" with me. Well, it's as "alright" as I can every be with the mounting frustrations I've had over the past few weeks. Some friends who I am interested in breaking bread with would not be attending dinner tonight. The one person who would be attending dominates the conversation and has little if no interest in anything I have to contribute to the conversation. As I stated in a previous blog, I have decided to move away from these relationships, be they down here in Delaware or my former home in Pennsylvania. I am tired of constantly defending myself for being myself. I am so tired of the constant criticism and unsolicited advice on how I should live my life. I am tired of it all.
Bill and I left the cemetery. I told him I would call the company who runs the cemetery and ask where these people are buried. I like trolling through cemeteries but not in the heat and humidity looking through literally thousands of graves. Those folks aren't' going anywhere. I'll be back.
We stopped at the Super Wal-Mart in Milford. The summertime crowd was there. Lot of heft folk pushing grocery carts. I went in and got my corn chex and romaine hearts of lettuce. I can buy these items for about half the price that is charged in any of the supermarkets in Rehoboth, Lewes and Milton. The trip to Wal-Mart is always cost effective.
After we returned home and were unloading our groceries, our neighbor stopped over to return a container that I have given him earlier full of home made chocolate cake. He and his wife are leaving this afternoon for Las Vegas. They will be gone a week. Tomorrow is his birthday. We wished him a happy birthday and a safe trip. Bill and I are very lucky to have them for neighbors. They're respectful and not demanding. I think they had second thoughts when they moved in here two weeks after we moved in and discovered they had two gay guys for neighbors. However, one they discovered that we mow our grass just like they mow their grass and we shop at the store just like they do, all is well. My neighbor's wife does have a tendency to tell me what plants to plant and is critical of some of my plantings but she has gotten better with her unsolicited advice. She means well and I think she realizes that I'm not her gardener but have my own property and may have different tastes than she does. Some people can't help themselves. That's always been a wonder to me why some people feel compelled to give me direction. Maybe it's me. It's not a habit of mine to give direction to other people unless they're working for me. Why other people feel compelled to try and run my life, I have never understood.
I'm off this week. I may have to go into work Wednesday for a few hours to fill in for the manager while he's at a food trade show. I'm sure this week's news will again be dominated by the torture question. It's all so depressing especially since nothing will be done about it. Thank God President Obama stopped government sanctioned torture.
By the way, just a short note to reiterate what I've said before about my blog. This is a personal blog. This is my blog. I write what I think. I'm not trying to pass a test of seek approval of anyone reading my blog. If a reader thinks I talk too much about myself or exhibit other characteristics the he or she finds objectionable then I would suggest they don't read my blog. It is not for them. I don't need the "drive by shooting comments." I know there are those "Anonymous" readers out there in the Internet community who take it upon themselves to criticize and pass judgement on those of whom they don't approve. To those people I say, I'm not an elected official. I'm not a paid columnist. I don't owe you anything. If you don't like my blog, then move on. I am tired. I no longer have the patience to be diplomatic with this type of person who has nothing positive to offer other than caustic and dismissive comments.
I am tired of people telling me what to do. Leave your comments if you must. I'll probably read them but they won't be published. Negative and toxic comments only prove one thing to me, that there are people who have nothing positive to offer the world. I would rather deal with people who are positive and life affirming. I have made friends with some readers of my blog who are like this and I appreciate them. They enrich my life and, hopefully, I can contribute something to their life my sharing my life's experiences as a retired 67 year old gay man in southern Delaware.
I enjoy writing my blog. It is a form of therapy to me. I'm not the type to pay someone to listen to me. That doesn't work for me. I've always preferred writing. From my early teenage days with over sixty pen pals, to writing letters to the editor, to keeping hand written personal journals. I can't exactly explain the lure for me of writing a personal journal such as this blog in the Internet where I don't know who will ready it. Perhaps I'm thinking there is someone else Out There like me who is experiencing the same life rhythms that I am experiencing. Maybe I can learn something from them. Maybe they can learn something from me. I am but one small grain of sand on the ocean front of this planet. I may be insignificant but I am of importance to a few people in this world. It is those people with whom I will continue to share my life. To the others, who criticize and try to control me, who wish me ill, who are jealous of me; I will move out of their orbit. It is my life and I am moving on.