Monday, May 05, 2008

Amitié, Partie Deux



After a good night’s sleep, I have reviewed what occurred last night during our weekly get together at the Purple Parrot. I admit that I probably overreacted to the condescending and dismissive remarks my friend made to me when I was served 25 minutes after everyone else at our table had already eaten. Granted, the restaurant was busy and the waiter was new. There were so many prime rib specials ordered from our table (four) that my modest “Wimpy” order (a half pound hamburger) got lost in the shuffle of green order slips in the kitchen. When my friend made his totally unnecessary and thoughtless comments to me, excusing the waiter from his mistake, I responded by saying “That’s bullshit, he made a mistake.” My friend did not approve my response and put it back on me again by saying “Get over it Ron”, thus throwing more gasoline on the fire of my anger which was fueled by two martinis. After I repeated my “Bullshit!” response, my friend gives me a look like one would give a school child or dog and said very slowly “Ron.”, which only had the effect of making me even angrier. Under normal circumstances, which means without the alcohol, I would have let his haughty demeanor towards me pass as I have often done in the past. Last night was not that night. This morning I received an e-mail from another friend who was also at our table. This is a friend who I have the utmost respect. I will take his advice. It was:

“letting him know u disagree is ok....dragging it out was a bit much...we all say and/or do things that annoy other people....the secret of maintaining the group is to make ur position known and then drop it...”

This is excellent advice that I will take and use. He was right, sometimes friends do disagree and we all say and/or do things to annoy other people. Where I am guilty is that I did not let it go. Unfortunately, it was a situation where each of us was determined to have the last word. My friend who made the ill timed remarks that set off my anger is used to not being confronted with his cutting remarks. It was a shame that the rest of the group had to be brought down at the end of a very enjoyable evening. The next time it happens, and it will, I’ll make my position known and move on. I value my friendship with the other members of the group more than I do confronting someone who has a habit of making condescending and dismissive remarks to his friends.

1 comment:

  1. Hi there! Well I read 'it all' - to me, I think friends should give a hand; in your case, 'chimed in' and asked that your burger be 'found'.

    As to the friend who tells you to let it go or 'get over it', if it had been HIS meal that was belated; lost, or 'tardy', I'm guessing he wouldn't have sat back quietly.

    What my 'ears hear' is this: "Hey, Ron - geez it's just a damned burger; they can slap on the grill in nothing flat so no big deal!"

    What I hear is a loud, noisy place and the potential to not hear your order.

    What I hear and read: You say this is a regular thing; is this a regular waiter? If he knows you, he knows what you order.

    Where we go every Saturday, each and every waiter or waitress says: "Hi there - the regular?"

    When we answer 'yes' 90% of the time, it's brought at super speed - noisy or not.

    When we're with a group of people, we never start eating until everyone is served; we make sure 'all are ready and happy' with their orders, before we 'chow down'.

    I think friendship goes with decorum; I'm favoring your situation, and I think the fact you felt a bit hurt by this, is warranted.

    Possibly you're too kind too often; I'm not that 'kind' - I speak my mind, and more often than not, most people are aware of my expectations when I eat out.

    My own son told me this a week ago: "Hey, mom - you know the older I get, the more I get like you when I eat out." "I want service; good food - the prices are high, and if I'm going to give them a decent trip, I want to be treated right."

    Yes, and my dentist and I discussed this - he expects the same. I told him about having business-sized cards made up years back when I traveled extensively and ate out frequently. Here's what they read:

    I TIP AS GOOD AS YOU SERVE!

    This was left with either no amount of money; or 100% of the bill if the service and food was outstanding.

    Since your AOL service has gone AWOL, I hope this reaches you.

    My regards, Diane

    ReplyDelete