Friday, March 21, 2014

Blog Goes Public Again



Well folks, I gave it a try and failed miserably.  All I did was confuse a lot of folks and offend some of my more sensitive followers.  What was my transgression?  I attempted to make my blog private.

And what may tell prompted me to take such a drastic action?  Very simple, the past few weeks have been very stressful for me.  Organizing and pulling off the 2014 Bloggerpalooza was enough to keep my rapt attention.  But on top of that I had a call from one of my brothers who oh so helpfully told me "You know that Barbara reads your blog."
Barbara is our mutual sister-in-law (the wife of my other Southern Baptist pastor brother) who is all too often easily offended by some of the things I write about in my blog.  Apparently I've committed several more offenses in past blog postings. I think my main offense is that I practice the gay lifestyle. As my brother said "Ronnie, you're always saying your GAY!"  Well, actually I don't but my family likes to practice "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" in civilian life.



It goes like this, "we know you're gay Ronnie but don't make any reference to your gayness because it makes us feel uncomfortable."  So I guess I should start substituting pronouns again when referring to things I do in my "lifestyle" (they LOVE calling me living my life as a LIFESTYLE).  Well, I got into a to do with my brother over the phone.  Sometimes I just have enough of the homophobia, even if the perpetrators don't even realize they're doing it.  Like my other long time friend who casually remarked to me after Bill and I got married "What's next?  Marrying your pet?" And of course he didn't realize how offensive his remark was or how he just trivialized my 50 year relationship with Bill.  He actually still doesn't get it even though he sent me a so called "apology."  Something about what his church pastor said. The old "Love the sinner but hate the sin."  Save your apologies if that's the way they're going to be.




So I have the herding the cats aspect of the Bloggerpalooza last week and dealing with a complainer (which brought me down I have to admit), and my brother putting pressure on me to censor my blog then I get the Anonymous troll comment "We get the Pat Thing, what's Bill think of your relationship with Pat?"  

My nonjudgmental friend Pat who likes me just the way I am


Of course this comment was signed "Anonymous" as all unkind comments are signed.  I have two answers on that question.  First it is nobody's damn business about any relationship I have and secondly Pat is my friend, end of discussion.  If that upsets anyone who has a different definition of relationships, that's their problem.  Don't put your rules on me just like I don't want anyone putting rules on what I write in my blog.  As I told my brother "Tell her not to read my blog if she doesn't like what I write." I am fortunate that I have a very happy life with Bill and I have friends.  If that upsets some people, that's their problem, not mine.  I remember years ago when I used to go the gay bar every Saturday night.  When this one guy (Joe M., don't worry, he's long dead) would see me he would say "What are you doing here?!  You have a lover!  You shouldn't be here!"

Old Joe, I used to upset him so whenever he saw me out

Yep, Joe would always get quite upset when he saw out for a Saturday night at the neighborhood gay bar in Philly.  Probably didn't like the competition.  Old Joe, he went to his grave worried about Ron not playing by HIS rules on relationships.

I don't want these people reading my blog.  I also don't want my co-workers at the hotel reading my blog (yep, they're probably reading this right now).  All too often they find something to titter about that I wrote when I arrive at work.  Don't need it folks.  I like my co-workers but I don't like to be greeted with titters when I arrive at work.  I often think "What did I write now?" I also have neighbors who read my blog. I love my neighbors to death but I would prefer then not reading my blog entries and passing judgment on my activities.    You're not going to find satisfaction in my personal blog entries.  It's my life folks.  It's not like your life.  No offense but stop reading my blog.  It really isn't of any interest to you. Thanks!

Seems like a lot of people these days think they know better how I should lead my life than me.  Hey, I've done pretty good so far.  I come from nothing (literally).  I have taken care of myself both physically, financially and mentally through hard work, determination and a bit of luck.  I am very lucky in that I love and am loved in my life by a few really fine folk.  But sometimes when the slings and arrows are coming at me and hit me when I'm in a down mode, I just want to change access to my personal life.




So I perhaps, unwisely decided to make my blog private.  I probably should have thought this out but I didn't.  Big mistake.  


I went into settings and made my blog private.  Then I sent out invitations to those other bloggers who have been following my blog to enter my private blog.  It didn't take too long until a fellow blogger told me that I had actually sent out "Author" invitations.  That mean anyone who I sent the invitations too could change my blog.  For chrissakes.  Then I go in and try to correct.  Now it's getting complicated and my head is hurting.  

So friends, I've just made my blog public again and will try to dodge, ignore, and delete the attempts at censorship and unkind remarks and suggestions.  Fact of life. 

My, my.  Life does get complicated at time doesn't it? Sorry for the rant folks but this is something I had to get off my chest.

Alright anonymous trolls, bring on the comments.



38 comments:

  1. I believe that every person deserves to live the life they were born to, and everyone else should accept that. I would like to think everybody else would believe that too. It's very sad to me that Ron would consider making his blog private due to small minded individuals. My thought on this matter is don't read "Retired in Delaware" if it offends you. It offends me that people like this would cause Ron to stop blogging and I would miss hearing about his thoughts and life. I look forward to hearing from him. Just incase you are wondering I happen to be a straight female who believes in Ron and his rights.

    Cindy from Sonoma

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cindy,
      I see where you can comment now! Great! "Postcard Cindy", how cool!

      I almost gave in Cindy but I'm back. My problem is that I want everyone to like me (like most of us) but that just isn't going to happen. So here I am again, out in the public sphere, letting everything (or almost everything) hang out. One thing about my blog, it is totally honest. What you read, that's me. No phoniness here.
      Ron

      Delete
  2. Anonymous9:08 PM

    I am so glad you went back to the public forum. I have been reading your blog (lurking) for some time
    and was really sad when I could not read about your dinner with Pat at the Mexican restaurant. I LOVE to
    follow you. THANKS for letting me in again.
    a lurker in wisconsin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lurker in Wisconsin,
      I'm glad I'm back again. I feel much more comfortable this way even though I'm exposing myself all over the blogasphere. You can go in and watch the video of Pat and I at La Quetzalteca, our very favorite restaurant!
      Ron

      Delete
  3. I think a lot of bloggers get tired of the anonymous crap, the trolling neighbors and co-workers, and take the blogs down. I am glad yours is going to remain. Maybe one of these days people will GET OVER JUDGING others, READING THINGS INTO THINGS they have no first hand knowledge of, and READING THINGS THEY DON'T LIKE! Your sister-in-law sounds like one of those people who rails against pornography, yet buys the new porn magazine before it's settled on the shelf. Hypocrite. "I don't like your blog, but I shall read it so I can pass judgement on you". Yeesh. As for the co-workers, isn't it a shame that they find your quite normal life titillating? The neighbors? I'm sure they're all going "what do you think is going on over there with those two old men? And one of them goes out with other men once in a while! Scandalous!" But I get where you are coming from. Perhaps if you decide to take it private, let us know in advance. That way, the sensitive types will not be hurt if they know they just need to email you. I'm just glad I caught the "Contribute" mistake before someone posted their own version of Bloggerpalooza" here! Whew! It is confusing, I know!

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    Replies
    1. Jay,
      Actually my sister-in-law is a goodhearted person who has done a lot for our family. She was my Mother's caregiver for the last year of my Mother's life. She means well but is so indoctrinated by her church that she views me as flawed or "less than", an attitude that I don't accept from anyone be they family, friends, co-workers, neighbors or strangers. It always amazes me at how many of these people are so put out when I refuse to apologize for being gay and accept my fate as "less than" but instead consider myself their equal. I even had one very religious man (a friend of Bill's much like Pat is my friend) tell me that I was "the devil" because I would not renounce my gayness. He thought my "I'm alright attitude" about being gay was evil. That I must accept that I am a sinner and abstain from a relationship with members of my own sex. I think what one or two of my co-workers find titillating about my blog is that I am open and honest and public, something which they are very fearful of. I have nothing to hide and I think that frightens them. I respect their privacy which is their right and I expect them to respect me. Sometimes I wonder. I hope I'm wrong.
      I won't be taking my blog private. I'll just keep it public and deal with the downsides as they crop up. I enjoy my blog too much to give in to those who don't like me. You just can't please everybody, I know that. And thank you for letting me know that I was giving everyone an "Authorship" to my blog. I misunderstood the "Author" option. I thought it was only those who authored a blog could read my blog. Thanks Jay, I just avoided a big problem!
      Ron

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  4. Ron,
    Most of the things you point out in your post are some things that make me hesitate to start a blog. Not that I couldn't take the crap because I can give it back as well as take it. I prefer not to as you say have people, especially family members tell me how to live my life. That is how I managed to have alienated most of my immediate (shrinking rapidly in numbers) family to a point that we now communicate yearly. Not that I am happy about that (who will care for me in my advanced age?) but it keeps them at bay. Apparently they don't care very much about me either as they don't bother to call, write, email to see if I'm alive, dead, sick, poor or comfortable. None of them live close, the closest about 1200 miles away. So here I sit in Chesapeake with my friends that have become my family. I said in an earlier comment that I was going to try to spend every last penny I have before I die, anything left over will go to the no kill animal shelter. Sorry for my rant, you got my dander stirred up.
    Jack

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    Replies
    1. Jack,
      If you're a private person and feel most comfortable that way, I would not recommend starting a blog. And just to make myself clear, there's nothing wrong with being a private person. Some of my "best friends are" (including Pat). I respect that but what puzzles me sometimes is those very same people don't respect my right to write what I want. This brings to my mind one particular former friend who was constantly trying to control what I wrote in my blog. He thought he knew better. What he didn't get was that he didn't control my life. That's probably why he never had a long lasting relationship with that kind of attitude. Bill isn't pleased that I write a blog but at least he doesn't try to tell me what to do and control what I write. That's just one of the many reasons I'm still with Bill, fifty yeas this July.

      I understand your situation with your family. I'm in a similar situation. While I'm sure my family loves me and cares about me they still view me as damaged goods. Sort of like the crazy uncle with a "condition." What drives them nuts is that I refuse to accept that label for apologize for being gay. They just are not comfortable with me being gay, preferring that I practice the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" in my private life which I wouldn't do if Hell froze over. I too thought at one time about leaving everything to a no kill animal shelter. We had one down here that was no kill. I don't know what happen but they were so mismanaged they went out of business but not before killing the remaining 24 dogs that they had on premises. Just another example of there is no good way to leave your money. Enjoy your life now Jack, leave some in savings for a rainy day but enjoy life now. All too zoo it's over and we only get one go round. I don't remember who said it but but someone said "Life isn't a dress rehearsal."
      Thanks for your supportive comments Jack.
      Ron

      Delete
  5. Much relief from this quarter too. I thought at first that I'd not qualified to be one of your 'select' circle, especially when my attempt to post a comment (something about you trying to put Pat in a headlock) told me that I needed to be 'invited' before such could be accepted. Now it's all clear and, while understanding what you were trying to do in the light of your fulsome explanation above, am glad that the reins are off again, though I do hope that you won't be troubled so much by negative 'anons' as you had been before.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ray,
      I just had a little blip there. Everything is back to normal. The "reins" are off. Hey, that did look like I was putting Pat in a headlock didn't it? I tend to do that with Pat. He is one patient man. He tolerates my silliness.
      Ron

      Delete
  6. Hi Ron! the best way to rid yourself from all those who YOU don't want to read your blog, and ultimately keep them away from your life, is to open another blog within your account and link it to those who enjoy your blog (email link on request, so you have a record of all readers etc), and Vawallaa, GONE! Irritation and mental anguish dissipate. But remember, don't even talk about the new blog to neighbours and family. Don't keep it private, but limited. Something to think about anyhoo! I love the blog and always look forward to it, even though I don't subscribe. But I certainly will if asked.
    Brian (Ireland).

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    Replies
    1. Brian,
      My neighbors are all right, non are homophobic as far as I can tell. But I'm not comfortable with them reading my blog but I guess that's the price of going public. It's ironic but I really don't go into the real private stuff in my life on my blog, I save that for my journal. But I do like to be myself on my blog.
      Thank you for your supportive comments Brian. Very appreciated.
      Ron

      Delete
  7. It is good to be back. It is hard to not let the haters get to us, but when we do, they have won.

    The best estimates is that the lurkers, outnumber those who comment by 10 to 1. I have not looked at commenters to followers (I don't think I have added the follower widget to my blog.)

    David

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    Replies
    1. David,

      Thank for your support. This is a battle we'll have all our lives. The haters and the ignorant will never change. I've given up on trying to change their minds years ago. They'll never change. It's that religion thing. They're convinced they're right and they'll go to their grave believing that. I don't care what they believe, just don't put their beliefs on me.
      Ron

      Delete
  8. I remember a couple of years back my Dad read my blog and saw an interesting link to another blog and clicked. He read that other bloggers post and then scrolled down and discovered that the other blogger liked to post nude pictures of men on his blog as well.
    My dad suggested I delete that blog from my blog roll. I told him No, because I liked what the other guy posted and I am not offended by nude men. And if My Dad didn't want to see that then just scroll by.

    I've had people leave hateful replies to things I've posted, but I usually leave them up unless they are vicious or violent. i can take stupid and ignorant.

    Like i said, if your sister-in-law doesn't like what you post, Do.Not.Read.It.

    If your co-workers want to laugh at it. Do.Not.Read.It.

    It's like TV, if you don't like what you're seeing, turn it off or change the channel.

    And DO NOT get me started on that GAY LIFESTYLE bull shiz.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bob,
      Your blog is one of the best written and most interesting I've seen on the blogasphere. I had no doubt that some of your posts have pissed of more than a few people and stirred up the trolls.
      I did make one change in my blog so as not to offend relatives, I took off any links to other blogs that had nude men. I debated that for quite a while and finally gave in. All too often a photo of a man's jock strapped crotch would appear on my blog roll. I had to give in a little bit and try and make my blog "family." A tip of my hat to you though blog for keeping all of your links.

      And that GAY LIFSTYLE myth again, when my brother said that I said "Oh wait, let me get my GAY AGENDA." Oops! I misplaced it again. I'll have to get the latest updated copy, the one where it gives step by step instructions how to turn straights into gays. He didn't get it. The cynicism that is. Bob, the only way that kind of ignorance is going to go away is when those who have been brainwashed all their lives die. They're beyond hope for understanding.

      Thanks for your supportive comments Bob.

      Ron

      Delete
  9. Ron, I write semi-personal essays for this reason. The internet is not a kind place. Still, someone can kiss my ass if they want me to censor what I write. I am sorry your family is so tight-assed. I am fortunate to have a very accepting family, even though they are all Catholic and Mormon. They love me, end of story! I wish all people could be this way. I once was trolled by an anonymous commenter who really tried to engage me about a post. I never published his comment. He then insulted me and called me a coward for not publishing. I ignored it. He went away. I will NOT engage with these people, who, as you say, are true cowards, hiding behind anonymity. Remember what Bette Midler always used to say, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!" Blog on, my friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tony,
      What is really interesting is that I don't even begin to touch on the really personal aspect of my life in my blog. If I did…..well, it would cause a lot of problems. I save the "good stuff" for my daily journal entries, which should make good reading when I'm long gone and pushing daisies.
      Hey, I like Bette Midler's response! Funny!

      Ron

      Delete
  10. I am glad you are 'public' again!
    Not only for selfish reasons ( I like to comment here; and I couldn't figure out how to do so in the recent set up) but for philosophical reasons. You are out and proud and that means 'no shame'. One of the conditions of writing on the internet is it is open to everyone; I think those who think otherwise are fooling themselves. "on the internet everyone can hear your scream!" is the parody from Alien.
    So write and post and have no vanity or regret. Trolls are trolls - they don't like the "Light" your cynosure compositions convey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dr. Spo,
      It just got too confusing me me to take my blog private plus I felt I was giving in. I remember a sign that Robert F. Kennedy had in his office. It was in Latin and translated it said "Don't let the bastards get you down." They almost got me there for awhile. I'm just too sensitive. Man up Ron!
      Ron

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  11. If people are offended by what they read on your blog they should stop reading it. You should feel free to express yourself. After all, it’s your blog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. rjjs8878,
      Oh how often I've said "If you don't like my blog, don't read it." IT.IS.MY.BLOG. NOT YOURS. But some people just can't help themselves. They have to control. I will not be controlled. And that just drives them nuts.
      Ron

      Delete
  12. Hi, Ron, I am so happy that you have made your blog available for me to read, I so enjoy it. Please try to ignore the insulting comments from uneducated people, you can't possibly please everyone and there are plenty of us who do appreciate your writings. I was so upset when I couldn't read Mark's Simple Life blog, I so enjoyed reading about his kids and family life.
    So keep up the interesting tales and Happy Springtime!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marie,
      Thank you for your supportive comments. I am heartened by all of the positive comments I've received. I will ignore the hurtful comments (and not publish them). You're right, I can't please everyone and won't even try. I also was upset when Mark's Simple Life blog went by the way. Mark and Fred are wonderful people. I've met so many wonderful bloggers. I've also met his two twins, delightful young lads who Mark and Fred are providing a wonderful life. You couldn't meet two more selfless individuals than Mark and Fred.
      So my tales will continue. I always have something to write about. Thanks again for your support. Means a lot.
      Ron

      Delete
  13. Glad you went public again Ron. Just be yourself and be happy doing it. Don't let detracting family members get you down. Homophobia is their mental challenge to overcome. Maybe suggest they seek counseling for their misplaced anger and hatred and wish them the best on their road to recovery. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kyle,
      Your suggestion that those who are uncomfortable with me being gay should be the ones to seek mental treatment, not me. I've often said to those who question me "I don't have the problem, YOU DO." Because they are ignorant and don't understand and are fearful that my gayness will spread, they try to put me in at "damaged goods" box. They're always surprised and sometimes offended when I tell them I am perfectly normal. That's something they just can't comprehend, being indoctrinated by the organized church their whole lives. It always amazes me at how many of these folks are so upset that I have happiness with someone of my same sex. I doubt if they'll ever change their opinion of me or gay people. In a way I feel sorry for them because the world is changing and they're clinging to their old beliefs.
      Ron

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  14. Ron your blog helps me get thru the day with your stories and pictures and the ironic thing is there is nothing offense in it or even remotely "racy" . The qoute that cones to mind with your luckers ..........
    Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roger,
      Thanks! I don't think my blog is "racy" either but still, some don't approve especially members of my family. I hate to keep beating this dead horse and won't anymore. And the lurkers, I'll just have to take that as part of the territory of being public. You're right, never waste time explaining to some people who you are and why you are. Thanks again for your supportive comment.
      Ron

      Delete
  15. I even joined Google when you disappeared to try and find your blog! lmao

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Roger, that's a good thing…..right? :)

      Ron

      Delete
  16. I joined Google too (lol). Ron certainly has many fans. Too bad about the uneducated idiots!

    ReplyDelete
  17. NOW I figured out what happened!

    screw the h8ers!

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    Replies
    1. Anne Marie,
      They keep on coming. I'm ignoring them. Don't have the time or energy to deal with them now.
      Ron

      Delete
  18. I have learned, the best way to deal with people who get off on attempting to harass and harm you by leaving hateful or negative comments on your blog, anonymous or otherwise, is to simply delete their comments, refuse to acknowledge them in any way, and refuse to allow them to silence or intimidate you. I have a frequent anonymous commenter who loves to berate me, insult me, mock everything I post and try to upset me, all anonymously of course. I just delete them and forget about it. You have come way too far in life and been way too brave and strong for anyone to shake you up or quiet you now. Live your life as you wish, with no apology or shame, and share what you want. Anyone who has a problem with that can "stick it where the sun don't shine." Thanks for being here and saying what you say, the way you say it. You're an inspiration and a breath of fresh air and I am a better person (and blogger) for having met and gotten to know you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sean,
      The hardest part is dealing with my brothers and other members of the family plus my one long time friend. They are all convinced that I am damaged goods which must be loved but "helped." I'm tired of it, just so tired of that attitude. They don't even realize what they're doing but they want me to live the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" just to make THEM feel comfortable. When I refuse to do so, they go into their rescue mode. They can't help themselves. I'm just not dealing with them now.
      Thanks for your comment.
      Ron

      Delete
  19. Ron - I am sorry that you felt you needed to go private. Life is too short to worry about others. I love you read everything you write, you usually make me think. If you change your mind and do go private again remember you will be missed by many of us who have no judgement other than you are a great person.

    Your friend

    Melissa

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    Replies
    1. Melissa,
      I decided to go back to public. Just too complicated going private plus I would lose many of my real friends like you.
      Thanks for your support and confidence in me.
      Have a great day!
      Ron

      Delete