I just got up from my afternoon nap. I woke up earlier than usual. I woke up because I was having a nightmare.
You know how when you dream, after you wake up you can't remember what you were dreaming about? That's usually because you wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night to take a wicked pee and by the time you get back to bed the gritty details of your dream are gone in the mists of memory loss.
Not so this afternoon. I woke up in a cold sweat from my dream because I was sinking in the quicksand like mud of my neighbors's lawn. The more I walk the more I sank. And anyone who knows me knows what a Felix Unger like character I am. I'm the one who requires my guests to take off their shoes before they enter my castle. So here I am in my dream walking and sinking in my neighbor's lawn. Think back to the old "Ramar in the Jungle" movies with the baddie (and sometimes goodies) getting caught in the quicksand and slowly sinking. That was me, the "goodie" (or "baddie") trapped in the quicksand.
(Note: I couldn't find a "quicksand" video of Ramar of the Jungle so this will have to do. I'm telling you, those quicksand scenes really made an impression on my 10 year old mind when I watched the "Ramar in the Jungle" TV series in the Fifties. Sort of like an early version of the "Psycho" shower scene.)
(2nd Note: If you want to watch the video turn the music of this blog off by pressing the button to the left)
What was I doing on my neighbor's lawn? I don't exactly remember other than I was doing my absentee neighbor a favor by either collecting his mail or going to his front entrance to take a picture of my beautiful domicile. Whatever it was, I was created a problem that wasn't there before.
So now to interpret this dream. What happened that would cause these thoughts to go through my mind? I did a little quick self-evaluation of my eclectic life in the previous hours before I took my Daily Nap.
- I was to meet a real estate friend for lunch today.
- Lunch was my suggestion (and on me).
- I wanted to introduce my friend to the Surfing Crab, which is just down the road from me.
- I also wanted to have lunch at the Surfing Crab because I like it but haven't been there for 2 years.
- After lunch I was going to bring back to my development and introduce him to my neighbor who is selling his house. This way I was doing two people favors; my friend who is new to real estate and my neighbor (and his wife) who are very nice and always pleasant to me (not everybody is).
- After driving down the nightmare (or is it "daymare") that is Route 1 south in the summertime, I arrive at the parking lot of the Surfing Crab. I see a young man sitting on the stoop with a surfboard. As I turn my car off, he approaches my car. I roll down the window and am met for a ridiculously young, handsome face which no one should have. I felt like slapping him because he was so good-looking.
- With a smile he tells me "I'm sorry sir, but the Surfing Crab doesn't open until 4 this afternoon."He gives me a Smile of Pity and turns and walks away, with his surfboard tucked securely under his arm. I note that he also has a body (from the rear) that most gay men dream about. I really wanted to slap him now. So young, so gorgeous. Somehow it's just not right.
- So there I am, sitting in my red Subaru Forester, wondering if I should wait for my real estate friend to arrive or just call him and tell him to meet me at my house, which is up the road.
- Our meeting time of 12:15 arrives, no friend. 12:20 arrives, still no friend. I wait another 10 minutes and still no friend.
- I call his cell phone to tell him to meet me at my house. No answer. Ringy Dingy many times and I finally get his voice mail. I leave a message to meet me at my house (up the road).
- I decide to wait a little longer, JUST IN CASE. I didn't want to be pulling out of the parking lot as he was pulling in.
- By the way, the heat today is brutal. BRUTAL. I'm out in this Heat That Kills Old People Quickly doing all this business. Can you believe it?
- Also, to get to the Surfing Crab from my location on Rt. 1 I have to make a left turn and cross over, after waiting for a break in the Route 1 north traffic. I pull my car into the cross over island and am joined by another car from the housing development who also wants to make a U-turn but obviously can't wait. I turn and look at the driver of that car and am met with a "See there, I can't wait Stupid Ass Smile". While all this is going on another car is waiting to enter the cross over island form the other direction. We all end up in the island together. NOT SAFE.
- I turn on my car air conditioner and call my friend's home phone. I get some kind of garble and a message that the phone number is no longer in use. I call his cell phone again and...after many Ringy Dingys get his voice mail again, I leave a message.
- I go home, on the way wondering where I'm going to take him for lunch on this typical Dog Days of Summer in Delaware. The Broadkill Boathouse in Milton? Nah, they're probably closed too. Po Boys in Milton? Nah, they're big on shrimp, crawfish and all that seafood that looks like garbage that is left on the beach after the tide goes out. I'm not a Seafood Person.
- I walk in the door now to be questioned by Bill (The Spouse) - "Why are you back so early?"
- When you live with someone as I do, you have to explain Everything. When you go, how long you're going and when you come back. EVERYTHING. There is no just going out whenever the mood hits you and returning unexpectedly. You have to have an EXPLANATION.
- I tell him that my real estate friend didn't show up. My Need to Know spouse asks "Didn't he call you?" I said "No."
- As I was answering I casually checked my e-mail on my iPhone. Since I got my iPhone a few months ago, checking my e-mail is almost a reflexive action, probably much to the annoyance of those who interact with me in my daily life.
- Ah ha! I see an e-mail from my real estate friend. He says "Something else came up and I won't be able to make lunch. Sometime next week?" The time on the e-mail was 25 minutes before I left to meet him. Uh huh. So I Missed the Message.
- I call my neighbor and tell him that I'm not bringing over my friend the real estate agent today. I tell him "Something else came up."
- My neighbor acknowledges this change of plans and is probably glad he doesn't have to travel from his new dream home on the canal next to Rehoboth Bay at the end of Old Landing Road to our lovely little development out here just off Route 1 with his view of a dry retention pond (the reason he moved - to get a "water view").
- I decided to have lunch then take my Afternoon Nap.
Now, can you figure out the reason for my Nap Nighmare (or is it "Daymare?) I tried to do something nice for two people today and it ALL WENT WRONG. As my always
know it all knowledgeable Spouse said "Why did you even go out today?" And, as always I am reluctant to admit that he might have been right this time. What was I thinking? To go out on a brutally hot and humid day like this that just saps the energy out of you? Just what was I thinking?
I know what I was thinking. I'm like a lot of other people. I like people to like me and I thought by doing this little activity today I would be helping two people who I like. Didn't work that way. The more I did the more I sunk in the muddy quicksand.
I was so glad when I woke up and realized that I wasn't muddy up to my chest. Also, I think where some of this "muddy" came from was the result of our afternoon Downpour yesterday. We had enough rain to fall in half an hour to take us through the end of the month. Before I left today I was walking on my neighbors' grass (he's not here, he's a physician who lives and works out of Philadelphia, and yes...his house is ALSO FOR SALE). Bill and I collect his mail and I occasionally go over to his front doorway to take a picture of my house. Today while I was walking on his grass I was getting the "SOG.SOG.SOG".)
Add these elements up and I you have the makings of my daytime nightmare (or is it "daymare?")
Thus, another long winded episode in the Life of Ron. I warned you folks, I write what I think.